My dad died his brother died, now we’ve fallen out

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Anonymous #1
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I’ve been talking to this guy for a month however known him a year but didn’t give him the opportunity to get to know me until my dad passed away and his brother passed away the same time. Which kinda brought us together.

Everything has been great however yesterday we got into a falling out. we went out and I went back to his ( I have before) this time I told him I wasn’t staying over and he begged me to because he lives in London alone and he doesn’t wanna be alone with his thoughts atm whereas I live with my mum. He didn’t explain this to me but I think it’s because of that , anyways an hour later he said again if I could stay or he’ll drop me home and go stay at his friends. I said I’m not staying but I didn’t want to go now.
I never once said I’m going to stay however when I got up to leave and book my cab he got upset and said ‘are you actually going’ and he said I was inconsiderate and selfish as he could of gone to his friends ( but I never once said I’m staying). Anyways I left his house and then I called him when I got home and told him I was home and he said ok then I said are you still upset ( bla bla) then he just hung up the phone on me (around 3:30am ). I messaged him and said that was really disrespectful.

Next day I message him asking to meet and speak and called however he didn’t answer.

We’re both going through stuff so I know emotions are high however we both agreed to date ( not official yet) and be there for eachother as we don’t live far from eachother either and we’ve been doing a good job at that.

Am I in the wrong ? Should I cut him off as idk if it’s too early to be having these issues?
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Ghostlady
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Sorry to hear you lost your dad


Grief is expressed in all types of forms. It sounds like your starting to re-piece your life together after the heartache you have had. You stuck to your guns and left despite his protests. By the sounds of things, his grief is on a different level to yours. Tbh he sounds more needy of your affection because he didn't want you to go, and threw a wobbler when you did, (even if you didn't promise to stay). He didn't want to be alone with his thoughts and threw a tantrum because you left.. He cant base a dating relationship on you being a 'stop gap plug' for him whilst he gets over his brother, so you come at his beck and call when he needs that emotional gap to be filled. You cant base a relationship on grief, so you need to stop dating for now, but just be friends. If you still want each other when your in a better frame of mind, then good
Last edited by Ghostlady; 4 days ago
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Abzzz57
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’ve been talking to this guy for a month however known him a year but didn’t give him the opportunity to get to know me until my dad passed away and his brother passed away the same time. Which kinda brought us together.

Everything has been great however yesterday we got into a falling out. we went out and I went back to his ( I have before) this time I told him I wasn’t staying over and he begged me to because he lives in London alone and he doesn’t wanna be alone with his thoughts atm whereas I live with my mum. He didn’t explain this to me but I think it’s because of that , anyways an hour later he said again if I could stay or he’ll drop me home and go stay at his friends. I said I’m not staying but I didn’t want to go now.
I never once said I’m going to stay however when I got up to leave and book my cab he got upset and said ‘are you actually going’ and he said I was inconsiderate and selfish as he could of gone to his friends ( but I never once said I’m staying). Anyways I left his house and then I called him when I got home and told him I was home and he said ok then I said are you still upset ( bla bla) then he just hung up the phone on me (around 3:30am ). I messaged him and said that was really disrespectful.

Next day I message him asking to meet and speak and called however he didn’t answer.

We’re both going through stuff so I know emotions are high however we both agreed to date ( not official yet) and be there for eachother as we don’t live far from eachother either and we’ve been doing a good job at that.

Am I in the wrong ? Should I cut him off as idk if it’s too early to be having these issues?
Hi, I'm sorry you lost your dad and have been going through such a hard time. As this guy has lost his brother he may have some abandonment issues or feelings and even though it was only something small with you not staying over he may have added it up in his head to be something more..

I think give this guy some time, let him work it out for himself and just message him to say that you didn't mean to give him the impression that you were saying and you are sorry if you didn't give him enough time to make other plans.. as this is the first time something like this has happened I wouldn't say it's a reason to break up or a red flag.. keep an eye on these things and communicate with him that you are going through a hard time as well and you don't appreciate being treated that way.. I hope it works out for both of you!
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Dunnig Kruger
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The death of a loved one often brings out the real person.

Some people respond by treating those left alive worse.
Some people respond by treating those left alive better.

I know which philosophy I prefer.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Abzzz57)
Hi, I'm sorry you lost your dad and have been going through such a hard time. As this guy has lost his brother he may have some abandonment issues or feelings and even though it was only something small with you not staying over he may have added it up in his head to be something more..

I think give this guy some time, let him work it out for himself and just message him to say that you didn't mean to give him the impression that you were saying and you are sorry if you didn't give him enough time to make other plans.. as this is the first time something like this has happened I wouldn't say it's a reason to break up or a red flag.. keep an eye on these things and communicate with him that you are going through a hard time as well and you don't appreciate being treated that way.. I hope it works out for both of you!
Hi thank you, I think it was miscommunication he doesn’t like to speak much about his feelings when it comes to his grieving he would rather act like his brother didn’t pass away. I have my mum to look after so I can’t stay over his whereas as he lives in London alone it’s different. We aren’t in a relationship so it’s hard to say certain things. I’ve tried to message to say for me to come over to speak however have heard nothing and it’s been a day. He didn’t pick up my phone call either. This really puts me off speaking to him anymore. He’s saying I’m inconsiderate but I think he is being inconsiderate. As I wasn’t going to even meet him for the day however he said please try see him so I left my family on Eid and went to meet him.
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Abzzz57
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi thank you, I think it was miscommunication he doesn’t like to speak much about his feelings when it comes to his grieving he would rather act like his brother didn’t pass away. I have my mum to look after so I can’t stay over his whereas as he lives in London alone it’s different. We aren’t in a relationship so it’s hard to say certain things. I’ve tried to message to say for me to come over to speak however have heard nothing and it’s been a day. He didn’t pick up my phone call either. This really puts me off speaking to him anymore. He’s saying I’m inconsiderate but I think he is being inconsiderate. As I wasn’t going to even meet him for the day however he said please try see him so I left my family on Eid and went to meet him.
Hi, yes it sounds like it for sure, if he's ignoring you then yeah leave it for now, he does sound like he's taking it to far and shouldn't have got so upset about it especially as you went out your way to go see him when it was a family day!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Abzzz57)
Hi, yes it sounds like it for sure, if he's ignoring you then yeah leave it for now, he does sound like he's taking it to far and shouldn't have got so upset about it especially as you went out your way to go see him when it was a family day!
I called him and messaged him to meet & speak and he’s ignored me. This is really stressing me out as I have no control in what to do.

Do I cut him off now?
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Abzzz57
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I called him and messaged him to meet & speak and he’s ignored me. This is really stressing me out as I have no control in what to do.

Do I cut him off now?
Hi, yes I would leave it and let him message or call you if he wants to but you've done everything possible to get in contact and he's just being rude. Focus on yourself for now!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Abzzz57)
Hi, yes I would leave it and let him message or call you if he wants to but you've done everything possible to get in contact and he's just being rude. Focus on yourself for now!
Ok thank you.
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