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he told me he doesn’t want to have sex with me???

been talking to this guy for 9 months and the furthest we’ve ever gone is “doing bits” obviously there is no time frame on when the right time to have sex is/i would never want to pressure him into it.

but, he said he’s slept with 2 girls before me (neither whom he was “official” with, just talking to, for a much shorter time than me) so this just kind of makes me feel a bit rubbish and like he isn’t sexually attracted to me?

we were together last night and during the ‘mood’ he told me “he doesn’t want to have sex until a few more times” - this is the first time he’s mentioned not wanting to, and i think it’s because i brought it up about it making me a bit upset recently - i COMPLETELY respect his decision of course but i just feel a bit upset with it because i’ve never experienced this before.

what should i do? what do you think it means? he doesn’t like me?

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Is it official between you two or just ‘talking’?
You kind of answered your own question. - there is no time frame-

Even if it's had experience before you don't really know what happened clearly it's something he's a little uncomfortable with doing and if you aren't willing to wait maybe you just have a different sex drive and aren't compatible sexually and in that case think of whether you should leave the relationship.
(edited 3 years ago)
I think he's doing it out of respect for you because you said before he's done with others who he wasn't serious with and now he's been with you for 9 months and hasn't done anything... yeah I find that amazing personally
Reply 4
Original post by Lopemeaning
Is it official between you two or just ‘talking’

technically just talking but i’m pretty sure we will be official soon (corona ect has made things difficult)
Original post by Anonymous
technically just talking but i’m pretty sure we will be official soon (corona ect has made things difficult)


If it’s been 9 months and you’re not official he’s either not interested or he’s waiting until you are official. To me it sounds like he’s stringing you along.
Reply 6
Original post by Lopemeaning
If it’s been 9 months and you’re not official he’s either not interested or he’s waiting until you are official. To me it sounds like he’s stringing you along.


No the thing is, i feel like he likes me a lot more than i like him. I’m not entirely bothered if we just called things off ngl, i was just genuinely curious as to why he would have sex with someone knowing them like 2 months but not me after so long? I presume he just doesn’t like me then
Reply 7
Original post by Anonymous
No the thing is, i feel like he likes me a lot more than i like him. I’m not entirely bothered if we just called things off ngl, i was just genuinely curious as to why he would have sex with someone knowing them like 2 months but not me after so long? I presume he just doesn’t like me then

Or the other way round, and he cares for you more and wants to make it meaningful?

'Talking' for 9 months; how much of that was in person and how much time have you actually spent together? You're probably still getting to know each other properly. And you have a stereotype that guys, and this one in particular, want to rush into sex and if they don't, they don't love you; he is as entitled to say no as you are. A lot of threads on here are girls asking when to have sex, but its the same advice to guys; when you are ready. You can't say you completely respect his decision, then complain about it. And if you aren't that bothered about him, then yes, break it off, so you aren't giving him hope this will lead somewhere and he can find a girl who appreciates his patience and respect for them.
Original post by Anonymous
been talking to this guy for 9 months and the furthest we’ve ever gone is “doing bits” obviously there is no time frame on when the right time to have sex is/i would never want to pressure him into it.

but, he said he’s slept with 2 girls before me (neither whom he was “official” with, just talking to, for a much shorter time than me) so this just kind of makes me feel a bit rubbish and like he isn’t sexually attracted to me?

we were together last night and during the ‘mood’ he told me “he doesn’t want to have sex until a few more times” - this is the first time he’s mentioned not wanting to, and i think it’s because i brought it up about it making me a bit upset recently - i COMPLETELY respect his decision of course but i just feel a bit upset with it because i’ve never experienced this before.

what should i do? what do you think it means? he doesn’t like me?

Well maybe he’s fed up of shagging someone after a minute and wants to have a genuine relationship with you? Either way you need to respect his decision.
Reply 9
Original post by Fermion.
Well maybe he’s fed up of shagging someone after a minute and wants to have a genuine relationship with you? Either way you need to respect his decision.

And she doesn't really fancy him anyway. It's just her ego talking! Why wouldn't every stereotypical guy not want to have sex with her?
maybe he isn’t ready
Maybe he has a small d*ick and is worried you will judge him and make fun of his pp?
Original post by Anonymous

what should i do? what do you think it means? he doesn’t like me?


F... him!

Take that either literally or metaphorically.

Probably best to take it literally and if that doesn't work move on to the metaphorical meaning of this phrase.

The next time you are on a date. Start escalating the physical and sexual side of things. In little steps. With you backing off a lot. 2 steps forward, 1 step back. Make it a big tease. Along the lines of you alternating between "you're a hot guy" and "we should take things slowly". Or "you're giving me that look" and "I'm not sure if you're adventurous enough for me" etc etc etc.

He likes you a lot. Otherwise he wouldn't go on dates with you.
He's a man. He loves sex.

So help him to have sex with you.
If for some crazy reason he doesn't go along with your escalation: F... him! Get someone else.
Reply 13
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
F... him!

Take that either literally or metaphorically.

Probably best to take it literally and if that doesn't work move on to the metaphorical meaning of this phrase.

The next time you are on a date. Start escalating the physical and sexual side of things. In little steps. With you backing off a lot. 2 steps forward, 1 step back. Make it a big tease. Along the lines of you alternating between "you're a hot guy" and "we should take things slowly". Or "you're giving me that look" and "I'm not sure if you're adventurous enough for me" etc etc etc.

He likes you a lot. Otherwise he wouldn't go on dates with you.
He's a man. He loves sex.

So help him to have sex with you.
If for some crazy reason he doesn't go along with your escalation: F... him! Get someone else.


Not every man loves sex, that's an awful stereotype.
Original post by Bio 7
Not every man loves sex, that's an awful stereotype.

Really?

Can you name any man that doesn't love sex?

I can't. Not out of the thousands that I've met and have known well enough to get an indication as to whether they love sex or not.
Reply 15
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
Really?

Can you name any man that doesn't love sex?

I can't. Not out of the thousands that I've met and have known well enough to get an indication as to whether they love sex or not.


Me.
Plenty of people online.

So maybe most love it but not all.
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
Really?

Can you name any man that doesn't love sex?

I can't. Not out of the thousands that I've met and have known well enough to get an indication as to whether they love sex or not.

Yes. Maybe the dude is depressed, or anxious, or something else. I also know that most guys wouldn't admit to having a low sex-drive even if they did have one.

There are a lot of reasons someone might not want to have sex - Including maybe just not wanting to have sex with the OP.
Original post by Bio 7
Me.
Plenty of people online.

So maybe most love it but not all.

So you've never masturbated?
Reply 18
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
So you've never masturbated?


That's not the same thing.
Original post by ThatOldGuy
Yes. Maybe the dude is depressed, or anxious, or something else. I also know that most guys wouldn't admit to having a low sex-drive even if they did have one.

There are a lot of reasons someone might not want to have sex - Including maybe just not wanting to have sex with the OP.

How many teens or twenty something year old men have a low sex drive?

Yes there are plenty of reasons why a particular man might not want to have sex. It's just that not loving sex is not one of them. Not in this case. Not for the subject of this thread. The man that that OP has gone on 2 dates with.

Original post by Bio 7
That's not the same thing.

I said "He's a man. He loves sex."

On the pretty safe assumption that you enjoy masturbation, you love sex. In your case you love sex with yourself.

The OP's good platonic friend has gone on 2 dates with her. He's had sex with 2 women previously.
He loves sex.

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