University not being a positive experience

I have been doing my degree for two years now, half way through my course, and my experience so far has not been living up to "the best years of my life".

I hear so many stories from my friends in other courses living their best lives. Going to bars with best friends from their course, joining loads of societies with said friends in their course. The close knit friendships that they have built through their years in university. However, my course isn't like that at all.

My course experience so far has been miserable, my course is very clique-y and judgemental. Friendships are very difficult to make as the majority of people spend their time criticising other people in our course for the most pedantic of things; what they are wearing, how they speak, even what laptop background they have. I have moved from two or three groups in the off chance that it would be different and I haven't found "my group" just yet, but each just seems to be the same.

As you could imagine, I have had my own share of being on the receiving end of these targets and it has totally knocked my confidence. Im permanently paranoid when I go into university about how i'm perceived by others, I even beat myself up after talking to people because I feel so uncomfortable and nervous due to these outcomes.

I do have people that I hang about with, but I don't feel particularly close or comfortable with them like I am with my school friends. I really stress myself hanging or meeting up with them before or between lectures, I don't know whether its down to not having many interests in common or i'm overthinking with this new anxiety i'm experiencing. I have all these new paranoid thoughts about myself that I have never (ever) had until I joined university, worrying that i'm a boring, uninteresting person and thats why I don't find it easy chatting to people.

It is now really taking a toll on my confidence and quality of life, living in this perpetual worry about going to university. I just try to spend as little time as possible there, which you parallel with my friends from other courses and its day and night of a difference.

Im not currently part of any societies, I did used to be involved in so many things in school, particularly with music. This was probably a subconscious outlet for me to relax and enjoy myself, building up my confidence to not use any time in worrying about what people think about me. Right now, I don't feel comfortable joining a society on my own to potentially experience the same reception my course has.

All I'd like to know is if anyone else has/had the same experience as myself, and what you have done to combat it or turn it around.

Thank you for reading this very long post haha

Note: I really do love studying my course, thats the only reason I continue with it, I wouldn't change it for anything else. Just my experience puts it down.

I can relate to this a lot - I was hospitalised with glandular fever for the whole of freshers, and after that I never managed to break into the course clique and I struggled to make many friends. Second year was ok, I had a handful of friends, but I had the worst time in my third year - I'm much happier now I've graduated despite working a terrible job.

Joining a society is definitely worthwhile, I'd strongly recommend going to the icebreaker social of 2-3 societies you think you'd be interested in. Most people there will be in the same boat, and it's very easy to speak to people because everyone is desperate to latch on and have someone to talk to. They'll be starting again in September, it's a really good idea to go along.

At the end of the day you probably won't keep in touch with many people from university anyway, and I've found it's much easier to make friends and build a social life in the workplace

I have been doing my degree for two years now, half way through my course, and my experience so far has not been living up to "the best years of my life".

I hear so many stories from my friends in other courses living their best lives. Going to bars with best friends from their course, joining loads of societies with said friends in their course. The close knit friendships that they have built through their years in university. However, my course isn't like that at all.

My course experience so far has been miserable, my course is very clique-y and judgemental. Friendships are very difficult to make as the majority of people spend their time criticising other people in our course for the most pedantic of things; what they are wearing, how they speak, even what laptop background they have. I have moved from two or three groups in the off chance that it would be different and I haven't found "my group" just yet, but each just seems to be the same.

As you could imagine, I have had my own share of being on the receiving end of these targets and it has totally knocked my confidence. Im permanently paranoid when I go into university about how i'm perceived by others, I even beat myself up after talking to people because I feel so uncomfortable and nervous due to these outcomes.

I do have people that I hang about with, but I don't feel particularly close or comfortable with them like I am with my school friends. I really stress myself hanging or meeting up with them before or between lectures, I don't know whether its down to not having many interests in common or i'm overthinking with this new anxiety i'm experiencing. I have all these new paranoid thoughts about myself that I have never (ever) had until I joined university, worrying that i'm a boring, uninteresting person and thats why I don't find it easy chatting to people.

It is now really taking a toll on my confidence and quality of life, living in this perpetual worry about going to university. I just try to spend as little time as possible there, which you parallel with my friends from other courses and its day and night of a difference.

Im not currently part of any societies, I did used to be involved in so many things in school, particularly with music. This was probably a subconscious outlet for me to relax and enjoy myself, building up my confidence to not use any time in worrying about what people think about me. Right now, I don't feel comfortable joining a society on my own to potentially experience the same reception my course has.

All I'd like to know is if anyone else has/had the same experience as myself, and what you have done to combat it or turn it around.

Thank you for reading this very long post haha

Note: I really do love studying my course, thats the only reason I continue with it, I wouldn't change it for anything else. Just my experience puts it down.

You have to make a conscious decision to move away from the people on your course; they are toxic and not good for your mental health. I saw it first hand with three girls on my course. Two of them kept picking on and making fun of the third. By the end of year 2, this person had had a mental breakdown and had to drop out for a year to fully recover. Her moving to a different year was the best thing for her; she made new friends and moved on with her life.

I worry about your mental health. I urge you to join some social clubs that will take you away from your classmates. You say you liked music. I don't know which uni you are studying at but why not join a band if you play an instrument or join a music appreciation society? In my first two years, I only mixed with people of my course and was not having a great time. For my final year I made a real effort to break ties with my so-called 'friends' - one of whom tried to sleep with my girlfriend! It was the best thing I did. I moved into a flat with 7 strangers and really hit it off with a few of them and had a great final year at uni. I also took on a role in the course social committee and widened my links with other years on the course so that I did not have to mix with the same - *****y - people.

You can turn this around with a bit of extra effort and self-belief. Dont let some idiots rob you of what remains of your uni life.

I can relate to this a lot - I was hospitalised with glandular fever for the whole of freshers, and after that I never managed to break into the course clique and I struggled to make many friends. Second year was ok, I had a handful of friends, but I had the worst time in my third year - I'm much happier now I've graduated despite working a terrible job.

Joining a society is definitely worthwhile, I'd strongly recommend going to the icebreaker social of 2-3 societies you think you'd be interested in. Most people there will be in the same boat, and it's very easy to speak to people because everyone is desperate to latch on and have someone to talk to. They'll be starting again in September, it's a really good idea to go along.

At the end of the day you probably won't keep in touch with many people from university anyway, and I've found it's much easier to make friends and build a social life in the workplace