Serious post! Male friend gave me a vibrator. I dont understand him

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HatterofUni
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So i met this separated married man 20 years my senior. I soon started to like him. Went on 2 dates and kissed. He told me that he doesnt wanna lead me on so he said we should never date again but offered friendship. We text only and i get really naughty sometimes showing him nudes. He said he likes me naked but not interested in female drama so he doesnt want a relationship. Last month, i told him im lonely need a man and want him. So he bought me a vibrator and said i should use it to feel better. However though he wants to remain just friends he gives hints that he wants a video of me using it. Im confused. After 1 year he wont have sex with me but likes nudes and wants videos and buys a vibe. I need someones input. Why would a man do this?

He claims he doesnt want sex because he wants to stay single. I have never heard of a man refusing sex with a woman into him.

Is it that he is with someone else and just bsing me? At first he told me he had never been married and never had a kid. Then i googled and google showed he has a kid with a woman using his last name.

I confronted him. And admitted he was married but separated. He said it was too painful to disclose.

Im just confused
Last edited by HatterofUni; 1 month ago
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DiddyDec
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Something to bash the bishop to.
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LovelyMrFox
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Well this is an interesting one...
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HatterofUni
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Its so complicated
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GabiAbi84
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(Original post by HatterofUni)
Its so complicated
Not really tbh...
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HatterofUni
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(Original post by GabiAbi84)
Not really tbh...
Explain to me? I dont understand men
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UnwantedKid
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Probs insinuating the vibe will give you better sex than him. My bullet is still the only person/thing that's ever made me orgasm.
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Oxford Mum
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(Original post by HatterofUni)
So i met this separated married man 20 years my senior. I soon started to like him. Went on 2 dates and kissed. He told me that he doesnt wanna lead me on so he said we should never date again but offered friendship. We text only and i get really naughty sometimes showing him nudes. He said he likes me naked but not interested in female drama so he doesnt want a relationship. Last month, i told him im lonely need a man and want him. So he bought me a vibrator and said i should use it to feel better. However though he wants to remain just friends he gives hints that he wants a video of me using it. Im confused. After 1 year he wont have sex with me but likes nudes and wants videos and buys a vibe. I need someones input. Why would a man do this?

He claims he doesnt want sex because he wants to stay single. I have never heard of a man refusing sex with a woman into him.

Is it that he is with someone else and just bsing me? At first he told me he had never been married and never had a kid. Then i googled and google showed he has a kid with a woman using his last name.

I confronted him. And admitted he was married but separated. He said it was too painful to disclose.

Im just confused
He's probably still married, but pretends he is separated and just wants some naughty pics of you.

Dirty old man. I would get someone your own age. You don't want to be going to see him a nursing home when you get to middle age.
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HatterofUni
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(Original post by Oxford Mum)
He's probably still married, but pretends he is separated and just wants some naughty pics of you.

Dirty old man. I would get someone your own age. You don't want to be going to see him a nursing home when you get to middle age.
I agree about the lying part. But true our agegap is unforfunately wide. But he persistently says hesnot lying. I ask about his wife. He says everytime separated.
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mgi
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(Original post by HatterofUni)
I agree about the lying part. But true our agegap is unforfunately wide. But he persistently says hesnot lying. I ask about his wife. He says everytime separated.
But why are you bothrring with a man who just messes around with you and lies?
You said: "He claims he doesnt want sex because he wants to stay single. I have never heard of a man refusing sex with a woman into him." That's because you believe the stereotypes; men will always want and accept sex if a woman offers it- not true.
So let's understand men shall we? Not every man wants penetrative sex!The guy you are talking about may have fetishes to do with watching you do things.
He is not ready to fully commit to another relationship, for whatever reason. But you are. Therefore, he is not the one. And he lies. So, time to move on.
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HatterofUni
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(Original post by mgi)
But why are you bothrring with a man who just messes around with you and lies?
You said: "He claims he doesnt want sex because he wants to stay single. I have never heard of a man refusing sex with a woman into him." That's because you believe the stereotypes; men will always want and accept sex if a woman offers it- not true.
So let's understand men shall we? Not every man wants penetrative sex!The guy you are talking about may have fetishes to do with watching you do things.
He is not ready to fully commit to another relationship, for whatever reason. But you are. Therefore, he is not the one. And he lies. So, time to move on.
I dont think i can move on. Im in it too deep. Hes my best friend😂😂😂 . Plus i care about him i dont wanna leave him alone. I made this post because i wanted to know what people thought. Wether he has feelings for me or not. I sometimes think he loves me after all this time...but thanks for the reply. I have deep feelings for him and so does he for me. But we can never be together because of the trauma of his old relationships and probably his job
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mgi
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(Original post by HatterofUni)
I dont think i can move on. Im in it too deep. Hes my best friend😂😂😂 . Plus i care about him i dont wanna leave him alone. I made this post because i wanted to know what people thought. Wether he has feelings for me or not. I sometimes think he loves me after all this time...but thanks for the reply. I have deep feelings for him and so does he for me. But we can never be together because of the trauma of his old relationships and probably his job
Ok. But that's up to him. If he wants to fight for you by leaving his old relationships where they belong- in the past, and gradually find a new job- then yes you might have a chance?
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HatterofUni
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(Original post by mgi)
Ok. But that's up to him. If he wants to fight for you by leaving his old relationships where they belong- in the past, and gradually find a new job- then yes you might have a chance?
True. Its up to him. I think he prefers me to be with a young man. He said he will always be my friend. Might be for the best? I have genuine feelings for him. I guess his friends or the society at large will never accept us. A 45 year old man with a 25 year old woman will be frowned upon.😭. I guess he sees things more objectively. Our relationship will never go beyond texting , nudes, videos. Thats it. All online. Never in real life. Replying to you helped me realise the answer to my thread
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Oxford Mum
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I knew someone like that. He wanted me to send him pics but I didn’t. Later on I found out he had met a woman online and was just stringing me along.

To an outsider like me, this guy seems like too much hard work, at the time of your life when you should be enjoying the company of someone your age with much less baggage. He obviously agrees with me, otherwise he wouldn’t have sent you that rather questionable gift.
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CoolCavy
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Maybe he just be vibin' with you :danceboy:
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HatterofUni
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(Original post by CoolCavy)
Maybe he just be vibin' with you :danceboy:
Lol😂😂
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HatterofUni
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(Original post by Oxford Mum)
I knew someone like that. He wanted me to send him pics but I didn’t. Later on I found out he had met a woman online and was just stringing me along.

To an outsider like me, this guy seems like too much hard work, at the time of your life when you should be enjoying the company of someone your age with much less baggage. He obviously agrees with me, otherwise he wouldn’t have sent you that rather questionable gift.
He doesnt even ask for pics. I send it sometimes just to mess with him. He seems to like it. I just feel like the fact that he gifted me a vib has some significance. Or maybe hes wants me to be happy and satisfy myself without needing him. Who knows. All i know is he has never tried to take advantage of me or trick me. He has always been honest and he seems to care. I just get confused. He likes me naked . Gifts me a vib. But wont want anything intimate. He tells me all the time hes just a friend
Last edited by HatterofUni; 1 month ago
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barnetlad
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I doubt if he is separated.

Please have some self-respect and end all contact with him.
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Oxford Mum
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(Original post by HatterofUni)
He doesnt even ask for pics. I send it sometimes just to mess with him. He seems to like it. I just feel like the fact that he gifted me a vib has some significance. Or maybe hes wants me to be happy and satisfy myself without needing him. Who knows. All i know is he has never tried to take advantage of me or trick me. He has always been honest and he seems to care. I just get confused. He likes me naked . Gifts me a vib. But wont want anything intimate. He tells me all the time hes just a friend
I definitely wouldn’t want him as a friend or anything else. Why not walk away from all this pointless complexity?
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pepsimaxcherry
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He’s clearly shown he’s not ready for a relationship and the whole thing seems extremely sketchy. You shouldn’t be sending him pictures just to “mess with him”, that’s extremely selfish if he’s expressed he isn’t ready for a relationship.

He probably bought you it to help you. He knows your lonely and he doesn’t want to help you himself so he bought you an alternative.

Just be his friend. He clearly needs company in that sense but doesn’t want a relationship. Stop sending him pics to mess with him, that’s not ok.

Just be his friend.
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