Drama over how I dress

Watch
Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
So yeah you probably will guess that i’m Asian Muslim. Today my neighbour opened the door as she was at my house and started drama w my mother over how it’s not good that I show my legs and that should have worn a pair of leggings with my dress. A few weeks my brother started drama over the fact that I was wearing cropped boxy top; I wasn’t even showing much belly probably an inch at most. Being a Muslim is so restrictive, repressive and authoritarian. Everyone just goes along and does things they don’t like to do just because they’re afraid of what people think. Do you think I should just suck it up and that it’s not worth starting drama over or should I take ownership of my life and stand up for myself? I really don’t like the way my parents and family expect me to dress and the way most religious south Asian Muslims family do; so many layers and long sleeve tops and leggings with dresses.. I find it so trampy. Life’s too short to not be happy and not do what you really want to do right? What do you think I should move out to a different home and cut contact with family how should I stand up for myself? I don’t even know how to explain sexism to my Asian mum. There’s soo little personal freedom in my culture and nobody seems to possess the capacity to mind their own business.
2
reply
SportScience98
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
So yeah you probably will guess that i’m Asian Muslim. Today my neighbour opened the door as she was at my house and started drama w my mother over how it’s not good that I show my legs and that should have worn a pair of leggings with my dress. A few weeks my brother started drama over the fact that I was wearing cropped boxy top; I wasn’t even showing much belly probably an inch at most. Being a Muslim is so restrictive, repressive and authoritarian. Everyone just goes along and does things they don’t like to do just because they’re afraid of what people think. Do you think I should just suck it up and that it’s not worth starting drama over or should I take ownership of my life and stand up for myself? I really don’t like the way my parents and family expect me to dress and the way most religious south Asian Muslims family do; so many layers and long sleeve tops and leggings with dresses.. I find it so trampy. Life’s too short to not be happy and not do what you really want to do right? What do you think I should move out to a different home and cut contact with family how should I stand up for myself? I don’t even know how to explain sexism to my Asian mum. There’s soo little personal freedom in my culture and nobody seems to possess the capacity to mind their own business.
If you live in the UK (and not a backwards tinpot dictatorship) you can wear what the hell you like!
6
reply
Anonymous #2
#3
Report 1 month ago
#3
(Original post by Anonymous)
So yeah you probably will guess that i’m Asian Muslim. Today my neighbour opened the door as she was at my house and started drama w my mother over how it’s not good that I show my legs and that should have worn a pair of leggings with my dress. A few weeks my brother started drama over the fact that I was wearing cropped boxy top; I wasn’t even showing much belly probably an inch at most. Being a Muslim is so restrictive, repressive and authoritarian. Everyone just goes along and does things they don’t like to do just because they’re afraid of what people think. Do you think I should just suck it up and that it’s not worth starting drama over or should I take ownership of my life and stand up for myself? I really don’t like the way my parents and family expect me to dress and the way most religious south Asian Muslims family do; so many layers and long sleeve tops and leggings with dresses.. I find it so trampy. Life’s too short to not be happy and not do what you really want to do right? What do you think I should move out to a different home and cut contact with family how should I stand up for myself? I don’t even know how to explain sexism to my Asian mum. There’s soo little personal freedom in my culture and nobody seems to possess the capacity to mind their own business.
This is really good that you are happy to talk and be open about these things. I am British/Canadian, so I don't know exactly how you feel, but I am an ex-pat and I spent my teenage years living abroad in Bangladesh and Indonesia. Those countries are extreme Muslim practicers, so I had to deal with all of that when I was living there. What I learned and I still practice today even though I live back in the UK, is that it is good to respect whatever culture you are a part of, but it is more important to respect yourself. I want to wear things that I am comfortable with and that makes me happy, but when I was living in Bangladesh and Indonesia, I wore my clothes in a way that didn't offend other people. But the underlying message is that, if being more conservative in the way you dress is not who you are, then you need to stick to yourself and your own beliefs!
0
reply
Abzzz57
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#4
Report 1 month ago
#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
So yeah you probably will guess that i’m Asian Muslim. Today my neighbour opened the door as she was at my house and started drama w my mother over how it’s not good that I show my legs and that should have worn a pair of leggings with my dress. A few weeks my brother started drama over the fact that I was wearing cropped boxy top; I wasn’t even showing much belly probably an inch at most. Being a Muslim is so restrictive, repressive and authoritarian. Everyone just goes along and does things they don’t like to do just because they’re afraid of what people think. Do you think I should just suck it up and that it’s not worth starting drama over or should I take ownership of my life and stand up for myself? I really don’t like the way my parents and family expect me to dress and the way most religious south Asian Muslims family do; so many layers and long sleeve tops and leggings with dresses.. I find it so trampy. Life’s too short to not be happy and not do what you really want to do right? What do you think I should move out to a different home and cut contact with family how should I stand up for myself? I don’t even know how to explain sexism to my Asian mum. There’s soo little personal freedom in my culture and nobody seems to possess the capacity to mind their own business.
Hi, I'm not Muslim so wouldn't have a clue about what you go through and if it is oppressive and hard being told what to wear everyday. How old are you? If your still young and not able to move out, maybe accept it for now and move out when you are financially stable and then enjoy a bit more freedom? Good luck
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#5
(Original post by Abzzz57)
Hi, I'm not Muslim so wouldn't have a clue about what you go through and if it is oppressive and hard being told what to wear everyday. How old are you? If your still young and not able to move out, maybe accept it for now and move out when you are financially stable and then enjoy a bit more freedom? Good luck
Hi, i’m 19 and living at home for uni. My mum was used to how I dress and fine with it before my neighbour made her comment.
0
reply
Anonymous #3
#6
Report 1 month ago
#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi, i’m 19 and living at home for uni. My mum was used to how I dress and fine with it before my neighbour made her comment.
tell them this is england
0
reply
Abzzz57
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#7
Report 1 month ago
#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi, i’m 19 and living at home for uni. My mum was used to how I dress and fine with it before my neighbour made her comment.
Ah okay, is she still fine with the way you dress around the house and has just said when you go out to wear something else? Hopefully you haven't got long left for uni and you will have more freedom when you move out. It sounds hard and frustrating but keep going with uni and just focus on getting to the end of it!
1
reply
Anonymous #4
#8
Report 1 month ago
#8
It sucks I know, I'm Indian, not Muslim but can somewhat relate. Though my parents stopped caring as much when I turned 18. I think you should wear what you want.
It seems like it doesn't bother your mum as much, but rather what bothers her is what other people are saying.
Honestly I wouldn't worry about what anyone says. You only have one life and one body, you should do what you want and dress however you like.
Forget about your brother. He has no say over your decisions. If he says anything to you just ignore him. It's none of his business.
1
reply
Anonymous #1
#9
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#9
(Original post by Anonymous)
It sucks I know, I'm Indian, not Muslim but can somewhat relate. Though my parents stopped caring as much when I turned 18. I think you should wear what you want.
It seems like it doesn't bother your mum as much, but rather what bothers her is what other people are saying.
Honestly I wouldn't worry about what anyone says. You only have one life and one body, you should do what you want and dress however you like.
Forget about your brother. He has no say over your decisions. If he says anything to you just ignore him. It's none of his business.
Same, I've decided my happiness is my priority and stuff and how I dress is my personal decision, and that it's their problem what they think. I do just feel like the backlash every time I wear something just spoils my day and ruins my excited mood to go out. I don't even know what to say... all summer my mum's been super cool about what I wear but when my neighbour answered the door now she feels the need to berate me. I feel soo icky and humiliated when people tell me how to dress. How did your parents come round; did they just get used to it or did you say something?
0
reply
Anonymous #4
#10
Report 1 month ago
#10
(Original post by Anonymous)
Same, I've decided my happiness is my priority and stuff and how I dress is my personal decision, and that it's their problem what they think. I do just feel like the backlash every time I wear something just spoils my day and ruins my excited mood to go out. I don't even know what to say... all summer my mum's been super cool about what I wear but when my neighbour answered the door now she feels the need to berate me. I feel soo icky and humiliated when people tell me how to dress. How did your parents come round; did they just get used to it or did you say something?
Good on you! You shouldnt ever care what people say about you, as long as you know youre not doing anything wrong. I know how you feel about the backlash. Sadly it wont go away easily. Hopefully they'll just get tired of saying things about you. I know its easier said than done, but ignore it as best you can.

I think your mum is just looking out for you. She's probably more upset at what your neighbour said rather than at the clothes youre wearing. If she was fine with it before, she should stop caring again soon imo. Maybe try to calmly explain to her that you want to dress however you like and that what other people think of you shouldnt matter. For me, I wouldnt wear extremely revealing clothes, but gradually I just started wearing clothes that were or stuff that fit me better, and my parents got used to it, so they'd make little comments like 'thats a bit tight' 'people are going to look at you' or whatever but I'd brush it off. Now they don't say anything and let me wear what I want, though I still dont wear really revealing clothes. If you have to, then compromise a little so your family can get accustomed to it.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#11
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#11
(Original post by Anonymous)
Good on you! You shouldnt ever care what people say about you, as long as you know youre not doing anything wrong. I know how you feel about the backlash. Sadly it wont go away easily. Hopefully they'll just get tired of saying things about you. I know its easier said than done, but ignore it as best you can.

I think your mum is just looking out for you. She's probably more upset at what your neighbour said rather than at the clothes youre wearing. If she was fine with it before, she should stop caring again soon imo. Maybe try to calmly explain to her that you want to dress however you like and that what other people think of you shouldnt matter. For me, I wouldnt wear extremely revealing clothes, but gradually I just started wearing clothes that were or stuff that fit me better, and my parents got used to it, so they'd make little comments like 'thats a bit tight' 'people are going to look at you' or whatever but I'd brush it off. Now they don't say anything and let me wear what I want, though I still dont wear really revealing clothes. If you have to, then compromise a little so your family can get accustomed to it.
Exactly the same I don't wear revealing clothes.. I show legs and a tiny tiny tiny bit of belly which seems to cause drama.
0
reply
Anonymous #4
#12
Report 1 month ago
#12
(Original post by Anonymous)
Exactly the same I don't wear revealing clothes.. I show legs and a tiny tiny tiny bit of belly which seems to cause drama.
You should be fine then, dw what people say and continue being yourself
1
reply
londonmyst
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#13
Report 1 month ago
#13
Don't worry.
My best friend works as a model in india, when she was a teen she used to be subjected to loads of insults from all sorts of toxic jerks who were jealous of her looks or envious of her amazing personality.

Ignore the spiteful neighbour and don't allow whatever malicious gossip she is spreading to upset you or cause arguments within your family.
Tell your mother how lucky you feel that she raised you to be a strong independent woman who stands up to vicious gossipers that have nothing to better to do with their lives than try to bully other women.
Hopefully your mother will remember a few of the nasty gossipers who tried making her life unpleasant when she was younger and decide to avoid echoing their nasty words or worst habits.
0
reply
Reality Check
Badges: 22
Rep:
?
#14
Report 1 month ago
#14
Don't be this:

https://media.giphy.com/media/3ohjV8...6qPK/giphy.gif
0
reply
StriderHort
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#15
Report 1 month ago
#15
Telling nosy neighbours to fk off in an old UK cultural tradition, your neighbour must respect it.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#16
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#16
(Original post by StriderHort)
Telling nosy neighbours to fk off in an old UK cultural tradition, your neighbour must respect it.
My neighbour is a close friend of my mother's so idk how to approach that. Plus, in our culture we have to respect elders and stuff but still yeah igu it's not her business
0
reply
Anonymous #3
#17
Report 1 month ago
#17
(Original post by Anonymous)
My neighbour is a close friend of my mother's so idk how to approach that. Plus, in our culture we have to respect elders and stuff but still yeah igu it's not her business
This is England, not bloody saudi arabia.
0
reply
Tayaa8
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#18
Report 1 month ago
#18
(Original post by Anonymous)
So yeah you probably will guess that i’m Asian Muslim. Today my neighbour opened the door as she was at my house and started drama w my mother over how it’s not good that I show my legs and that should have worn a pair of leggings with my dress. A few weeks my brother started drama over the fact that I was wearing cropped boxy top; I wasn’t even showing much belly probably an inch at most. Being a Muslim is so restrictive, repressive and authoritarian. Everyone just goes along and does things they don’t like to do just because they’re afraid of what people think. Do you think I should just suck it up and that it’s not worth starting drama over or should I take ownership of my life and stand up for myself? I really don’t like the way my parents and family expect me to dress and the way most religious south Asian Muslims family do; so many layers and long sleeve tops and leggings with dresses.. I find it so trampy. Life’s too short to not be happy and not do what you really want to do right? What do you think I should move out to a different home and cut contact with family how should I stand up for myself? I don’t even know how to explain sexism to my Asian mum. There’s soo little personal freedom in my culture and nobody seems to possess the capacity to mind their own business.
personally to me, only God's opinion of me matters. people tend to judge quite a bit, so I try not taking it into account. If you think you're dressing appropriately voice that to your mum, so she understands how you think and feel. We have a duty as children to listen to our parents and respect their wishes. God Bless truly
1
reply
StriderHort
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#19
Report 1 month ago
#19
(Original post by Anonymous)
My neighbour is a close friend of my mother's so idk how to approach that. Plus, in our culture we have to respect elders and stuff but still yeah igu it's not her business
I offer this as comparison, not direct advice, but if it was me?

"Mum, your friend is a disgrace, if she attempts to speak to me in our home like that ever again she will have a serious problem, I sincerely hope you know which side you're on here"
0
reply
Chocolatecakexx
  • Political Ambassador
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#20
Report 1 month ago
#20
I'm a muslim and I wear what I love.F*ck what people think,your mixing culture with religion.And,I don't want to be rude but South Asian wear for non-mosque or religios events are kinda trampy,if your here mighta s well integrete in this culture whilst still maintaining ur religion if u get what i mean
1
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

With no certainty that exams next year will take place, how does this make you feel?

More motivated (53)
25.36%
Less motivated (156)
74.64%

Watched Threads

View All
Latest
My Feed