English Language GCSE - Descriptive writing - Mark please

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Teachmepls
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Bright lights glittered casting hope in the darkness restlessly waiting for the sun to come up to shine for another day. Blue lights streaked through the peaceful sky like shooting stars spreading joy. It was a soothing area where the only sound you could possibly hear was Mother Nature and the crunching of boots in the snow.
Everywhere you looked you saw tall trees, covered in white blankets, swaying and chattering in the cold winter breeze with the branches welcoming anybody and everybody. Swaying and swirling. Twirling and dancing. It was like a fictional wonder land designed by the hands of an impeccable artist.
The strong musky natural scent peacefully diffused around the heaven like area - covering every inch of the cold air in its powerful natural scent.
Benches were covered in snow as white as sheets of paper inviting anybody to sit and enjoy the moment.
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gee321
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(Original post by Teachmepls)
Bright lights glittered casting hope in the darkness restlessly waiting for the sun to come up to shine for another day. Blue lights streaked through the peaceful sky like shooting stars spreading joy. It was a soothing area where the only sound you could possibly hear was Mother Nature and the crunching of boots in the snow.
Everywhere you looked you saw tall trees, covered in white blankets, swaying and chattering in the cold winter breeze with the branches welcoming anybody and everybody. Swaying and swirling. Twirling and dancing. It was like a fictional wonder land designed by the hands of an impeccable artist.
The strong musky natural scent peacefully diffused around the heaven like area - covering every inch of the cold air in its powerful natural scent.
Benches were covered in snow as white as sheets of paper inviting anybody to sit and enjoy the moment.
hey that's really good well done. 👍👍ive just got a question tho. for paper 1 descriptive writing u get given a picture right? how many paragraphs are u supposed to write approx
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Teachmepls
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(Original post by gee321)
hey that's really good well done. 👍👍ive just got a question tho. for paper 1 descriptive writing u get given a picture right? how many paragraphs are u supposed to write approx
For the description because there's not much to write, I would write about 4-6 paragraphs because its more about the quality of your writing then how much you write!
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MusicalMe101
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(Original post by Teachmepls)
Bright lights glittered casting hope in the darkness restlessly waiting for the sun to come up to shine for another day. Blue lights streaked through the peaceful sky like shooting stars spreading joy. It was a soothing area where the only sound you could possibly hear was Mother Nature and the crunching of boots in the snow.
Everywhere you looked you saw tall trees, covered in white blankets, swaying and chattering in the cold winter breeze with the branches welcoming anybody and everybody. Swaying and swirling. Twirling and dancing. It was like a fictional wonder land designed by the hands of an impeccable artist.
The strong musky natural scent peacefully diffused around the heaven like area - covering every inch of the cold air in its powerful natural scent.
Benches were covered in snow as white as sheets of paper inviting anybody to sit and enjoy the moment.
Hi, this is a really good piece of writing.
I would recommend that you add some commas in the first paragraph (particularly in your first sentence) to slow down the pace at which it is read. Also the phrase "anybody and everybody" seems a bit off to me as it doesn’t seem to flow naturally, perhaps you could just use the word "everyone" instead? I understand that you’re trying to show your knowledge of complex sentences but it is important to remember that your writing has to flow. Also a comma is needed in "powerful, natural scent". I really like the use of the simile in your first paragraph and the short sentences in your second paragraph.

Overall try to add in some more literary devices whichever you find come more naturally to you be it similes, metaphors, alliteration, etc. and watch your use of commas throughout the piece.

I hope this helped and I’ll be happy to answer any questions you may have
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