Aspergers Withdrawls

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PetitePanda
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My boyfriend has Aspergers and he hasn't talked to me, due to a recent event that obviously freaked him out. At first, I was upset over him not talking to him in a long period of time because I thought the worst (since I am an overthinker) and I never experienced this. However, I researched more about Aspergers (I do this to understand his perspective I guess - I don't like judging people on their actions without context + researching makes me less stressed over things that may not be the case). Anyways, I found out they tend to have withdrawals when they have sensory overload. Does anyone know how long these last? Or does anyone have any experiences with having these withdrawals?

I want to reach out to him but I dont want to put more stress on him like I have already because I wanted to talk about our relationship but I realised this could be stressful for him so I redacted my previous message and told him I wanted a talk still but when he is ready so I was willing to wait. I'm not sure what else to do tbh after this as well.

Any help would be great, even your experiences (although I know people with aspergers are different) is appreciated.
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TheStarboy
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(Original post by PetitePanda)
My boyfriend has Aspergers and he hasn't talked to me, due to a recent event that obviously freaked him out. At first, I was upset over him not talking to him in a long period of time because I thought the worst (since I am an overthinker) and I never experienced this. However, I researched more about Aspergers (I do this to understand his perspective I guess - I don't like judging people on their actions without context + researching makes me less stressed over things that may not be the case). Anyways, I found out they tend to have withdrawals when they have sensory overload. Does anyone know how long these last? Or does anyone have any experiences with having these withdrawals?

I want to reach out to him but I dont want to put more stress on him like I have already because I wanted to talk about our relationship but I realised this could be stressful for him so I redacted my previous message and told him I wanted a talk still but when he is ready so I was willing to wait. I'm not sure what else to do tbh after this as well.

Any help would be great, even your experiences (although I know people with aspergers are different) is appreciated.
I guess this is just part of the experience. I haven't got Asperger's so I wouldn't know but it might be better to wait for him to reach out to you first.

Texting is probably difficult so be direct and make your messages as clear as you can. You also need to be patient with him.

https://www.reddit.com/r/aspergers_d...tm_name=iossmf

This link talks about it in more detail.
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Anonymous #1
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I have aspergers so I guess I can give you some insight. If I have a "sensory overload" I usually need a fair amount of time on my own not speaking to anyone- even texting is too much. It all depends on what happened that will determine how much time he needs to calm down his senses, as its v overwhelming. I personally would give him a text like you originally did, and I'm sure when hes ready he will respond. How long has it been?
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Darth Caedus
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(Original post by PetitePanda)
My boyfriend has Aspergers and he hasn't talked to me, due to a recent event that obviously freaked him out. At first, I was upset over him not talking to him in a long period of time because I thought the worst (since I am an overthinker) and I never experienced this. However, I researched more about Aspergers (I do this to understand his perspective I guess - I don't like judging people on their actions without context + researching makes me less stressed over things that may not be the case). Anyways, I found out they tend to have withdrawals when they have sensory overload. Does anyone know how long these last? Or does anyone have any experiences with having these withdrawals?

I want to reach out to him but I dont want to put more stress on him like I have already because I wanted to talk about our relationship but I realised this could be stressful for him so I redacted my previous message and told him I wanted a talk still but when he is ready so I was willing to wait. I'm not sure what else to do tbh after this as well.

Any help would be great, even your experiences (although I know people with aspergers are different) is appreciated.
Unfortunately, that’s not an easy question to answer! I have Asperger’s, but as you know it varies hugely from person to person, so my experiences are just an example. For me, sensory overloads have grown rarer over the last few years, and much more manageable when they do come, but when I have them, they tend to vary significantly. Sometimes I would recover within a few minutes, particularly if it was only a short period of overload - other times, it could be hours or even days before I felt ready to see and talk to people again. It’s definitely the right approach to read about Asperger’s - one of the things many Asper-people feel is that other people don’t understand them, so reading about and displaying understanding of the characteristics is helpful for you and for him

I think it’s definitely the right approach not to put pressure on him, and just to let him know you’re there for him - texting him that, as clearly as possible, occasionally is probably the best approach. I know it’s difficult to just wait when someone you care about is in difficulty, but patience is really the best approach here.

Hopefully he’ll feel ready to talk again soon 👍
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Moonbow
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(Original post by PetitePanda)
My boyfriend has Aspergers and he hasn't talked to me, due to a recent event that obviously freaked him out. At first, I was upset over him not talking to him in a long period of time because I thought the worst (since I am an overthinker) and I never experienced this. However, I researched more about Aspergers (I do this to understand his perspective I guess - I don't like judging people on their actions without context + researching makes me less stressed over things that may not be the case). Anyways, I found out they tend to have withdrawals when they have sensory overload. Does anyone know how long these last? Or does anyone have any experiences with having these withdrawals?

I want to reach out to him but I dont want to put more stress on him like I have already because I wanted to talk about our relationship but I realised this could be stressful for him so I redacted my previous message and told him I wanted a talk still but when he is ready so I was willing to wait. I'm not sure what else to do tbh after this as well.

Any help would be great, even your experiences (although I know people with aspergers are different) is appreciated.
My best friend has autism, and when these happen she usually needs around 2 hours, but I wouldn’t know if it was something really big that happened. Usually it’s best to leave them alone in a quiet area and they’ll have preferred coping mechanisms. It can be hard, and I’ve been upset as she’s lashed out at me before. You have to remember this is not deliberate and it’s mainly because they are so overwhelmed. Don’t take it to heart :console:
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PetitePanda
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(Original post by TheStarboy)
I guess this is just part of the experience. I haven't got Asperger's so I wouldn't know but it might be better to wait for him to reach out to you first.

Texting is probably difficult so be direct and make your messages as clear as you can. You also need to be patient with him.

https://www.reddit.com/r/aspergers_d...tm_name=iossmf

This link talks about it in more detail.
I guess so. At least, this will prepare me for the next time he does this. I am planning to wait for him to reach out but he was never the person to open up to anyone unless he was drunk or really overwhelmed to the point he didn't want to lose me so I'm worried he might not reach out to me in months, which I shouldn't think about because that's like too much.

Omg my messages are so clear and direct - I'm an expressive person so I talk more than I need to say. I do definitely need to be patient with him - it's something I need to fix.

Thank you for your insight and the link :heart:
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PetitePanda
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I have aspergers so I guess I can give you some insight. If I have a "sensory overload" I usually need a fair amount of time on my own not speaking to anyone- even texting is too much. It all depends on what happened that will determine how much time he needs to calm down his senses, as its v overwhelming. I personally would give him a text like you originally did, and I'm sure when hes ready he will respond. How long has it been?
Thank you so much for the insight :heart:

It's been 2 weeks and a few days since he started not to respond to me texts; it's been a week and a bit where I broke down and told him to tell me what's happening and he said "I just need a break". It's been 2 days since I told him we needed to talk and a day where I told him I wanted to talk but later since I didnt want to put any more stress on him and that I am willing to wait for when it happens.
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PetitePanda
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(Original post by Darth Caedus)
Unfortunately, that’s not an easy question to answer! I have Asperger’s, but as you know it varies hugely from person to person, so my experiences are just an example. For me, sensory overloads have grown rarer over the last few years, and much more manageable when they do come, but when I have them, they tend to vary significantly. Sometimes I would recover within a few minutes, particularly if it was only a short period of overload - other times, it could be hours or even days before I felt ready to see and talk to people again. It’s definitely the right approach to read about Asperger’s - one of the things many Asper-people feel is that other people don’t understand them, so reading about and displaying understanding of the characteristics is helpful for you and for him

I think it’s definitely the right approach not to put pressure on him, and just to let him know you’re there for him - texting him that, as clearly as possible, occasionally is probably the best approach. I know it’s difficult to just wait when someone you care about is in difficulty, but patience is really the best approach here.

Hopefully he’ll feel ready to talk again soon 👍
Thank you so much for your experience with withdrawal :heart: it really helps me understand his process a bit better. Yeah I should've researched more about Aspergers tbh (I did before but it wasnt enough now that I think about it as there's so much to know tbh and because my behaviour was appalling at times).

I'm so relieved I did the right approach - I always worry if I did the wrong things and he'll hate me. Thank you so much I hope so too
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by PetitePanda)
Thank you so much for the insight :heart:

It's been 2 weeks and a few days since he started not to respond to me texts; it's been a week and a bit where I broke down and told him to tell me what's happening and he said "I just need a break". It's been 2 days since I told him we needed to talk and a day where I told him I wanted to talk but later since I didnt want to put any more stress on him and that I am willing to wait for when it happens.
He seems to be under a lot of stress rn, if hes said "I just need a break" then you need to listen to that as hes clearly still feeling v overwhelmed and just needs some alone time. I understand how hard this much be on you as hes your bf, you want to talk w him but, given his aspergers he will find it rlly hard to talk if hes not ready. I for one know this as when I'm having a sensory overload, and even after it I cant speak and I just need some time to recuperate. I think it's good that you've said you're willing to talk later, as putting stress on him to talk to you will make him even more stressed out, I think showing him that you're trying to understand his aspergers will make him feel more comfortable definitely
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PetitePanda
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(Original post by Moonbow)
My best friend has autism, and when these happen she usually needs around 2 hours, but I wouldn’t know if it was something really big that happened. Usually it’s best to leave them alone in a quiet area and they’ll have preferred coping mechanisms. It can be hard, and I’ve been upset as she’s lashed out at me before. You have to remember this is not deliberate and it’s mainly because they are so overwhelmed. Don’t take it to heart :console:
Aww you are so understanding with your friend - honestly such a lovely person :heart: I know I shouldn't take it to heart but he's someone I depend on so when big sad things happened to me recently, it made me really upset that I can't even reach out to him - it's just really hard :cry2: Thank you so much you are right. I miss him a lot
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PetitePanda
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(Original post by Anonymous)
He seems to be under a lot of stress rn, if hes said "I just need a break" then you need to listen to that as hes clearly still feeling v overwhelmed and just needs some alone time. I understand how hard this much be on you as hes your bf, you want to talk w him but, given his aspergers he will find it rlly hard to talk if hes not ready. I for one know this as when I'm having a sensory overload, and even after it I cant speak and I just need some time to recuperate. I think it's good that you've said you're willing to talk later, as putting stress on him to talk to you will make him even more stressed out, I think showing him that you're trying to understand his aspergers will make him feel more comfortable definitely
I think he's always been stressed with exams and family but I think what happened between us made him have a sensory overload. I will listen to that because I was so ignorant before without understanding what he was going through but I know now. Yeah I was a bad state at the time but that state is becoming better so I realised I shouldn't be like this to him. I'm just worried he'll hate me after this because I was so ignorant and needy :cry2: I dont know how I can show I am trying to understand his Aspergers tbh
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(Original post by PetitePanda)
I think he's always been stressed with exams and family but I think what happened between us made him have a sensory overload. I will listen to that because I was so ignorant before without understanding what he was going through but I know now. Yeah I was a bad state at the time but that state is becoming better so I realised I shouldn't be like this to him. I'm just worried he'll hate me after this because I was so ignorant and needy :cry2: I dont know how I can show I am trying to understand his Aspergers tbh
Awww dw he wont hate you! I think just acknowledging the fact that you need to learn more about it to support and understand him more will rlly help, and maybe when hes ready to talk discuss it w him, and ask how you can support him and what things you've learnt that could help him. It's normal to feel like this as like I said before, hes your bf so you want to be close and talking to him all the time, and what hes going through rn is not easy on you, however you just have to be patient as he will come around I promise
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Darth Caedus
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(Original post by PetitePanda)
Thank you so much for your experience with withdrawal :heart: it really helps me understand his process a bit better. Yeah I should've researched more about Aspergers tbh (I did before but it wasnt enough now that I think about it as there's so much to know tbh and because my behaviour was appalling at times).

I'm so relieved I did the right approach - I always worry if I did the wrong things and he'll hate me. Thank you so much I hope so too
Don’t worry, happy to help! You don’t have to feel guilty at all about not having researched initially, it’s often difficult to get the balance right between showing you care and want to understand, and feeling like you’re being intrusive, and yes, there’s a lot to know! The fact that you’re worried about him now, and asking for others’ experiences, shows that you definitely care about understanding and helping him, and that’s all anyone could ask.

I don’t think you have to worry about him hating you at all - personally, due to the problems I have making new friends, if I choose to associate with, let alone date, someone, it’s because I have a huge amount of respect for them and enjoy their company!
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PetitePanda
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Awww dw he wont hate you! I think just acknowledging the fact that you need to learn more about it to support and understand him more will rlly help, and maybe when hes ready to talk discuss it w him, and ask how you can support him and what things you've learnt that could help him. It's normal to feel like this as like I said before, hes your bf so you want to be close and talking to him all the time, and what hes going through rn is not easy on you, however you just have to be patient as he will come around I promise
Awww thank you. I shouldnt think like this because I know he loves me very much but it's been a while since he talked to me so he might not have the same feelings. I'll definitely do that but I'm worried about the timing. Should I tell him this afterwards because I'm not sure he would appreciate the constant texting because I just remembered he hated the spam of notification sounds? I'm working on being patient and I think I can be patient for longer periods of time - it's just me overworrying that I worry will affect my patience
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kekedoyouloveme?
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(Original post by PetitePanda)
My boyfriend has Aspergers and he hasn't talked to me, due to a recent event that obviously freaked him out. At first, I was upset over him not talking to him in a long period of time because I thought the worst (since I am an overthinker) and I never experienced this. However, I researched more about Aspergers (I do this to understand his perspective I guess - I don't like judging people on their actions without context + researching makes me less stressed over things that may not be the case). Anyways, I found out they tend to have withdrawals when they have sensory overload. Does anyone know how long these last? Or does anyone have any experiences with having these withdrawals?

I want to reach out to him but I dont want to put more stress on him like I have already because I wanted to talk about our relationship but I realised this could be stressful for him so I redacted my previous message and told him I wanted a talk still but when he is ready so I was willing to wait. I'm not sure what else to do tbh after this as well.

Any help would be great, even your experiences (although I know people with aspergers are different) is appreciated.
Hi my boyfriend has Asperger's too,

In what way is he not talking to you if you don't mind me asking? was it an argument?

I think sometimes, when things upset them the best thing they need is space, to sort of sort themselves out, and get their head around things, my boyfriend really likes space when he feels overwhelmed and what not, especially if we had fought regularly prior to that. Maybe, he is just taking a small break to figure out how he feels, sometimes feelings can be new to them is well, or indescribable, and that can really overwhelm them too.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by PetitePanda)
Awww thank you. I shouldnt think like this because I know he loves me very much but it's been a while since he talked to me so he might not have the same feelings. I'll definitely do that but I'm worried about the timing. Should I tell him this afterwards because I'm not sure he would appreciate the constant texting because I just remembered he hated the spam of notification sounds? I'm working on being patient and I think I can be patient for longer periods of time - it's just me overworrying that I worry will affect my patience
I'm sure he does, he just needs some time. I think you should talk to him about it after hes texted you that hes ready to talk etc, especially if he hates spam as itll only stress him out more. Yeah I get that, I would probs overworry myself if I was in the same situation as you as I tend to overthink a lot myself too lmaoo. Maybe reach out to a one of his friends and ask if they know how hes doing?
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PetitePanda
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(Original post by Darth Caedus)
Don’t worry, happy to help! You don’t have to feel guilty at all about not having researched initially, it’s often difficult to get the balance right between showing you care and want to understand, and feeling like you’re being intrusive, and yes, there’s a lot to know! The fact that you’re worried about him now, and asking for others’ experiences, shows that you definitely care about understanding and helping him, and that’s all anyone could ask.

I don’t think you have to worry about him hating you at all - personally, due to the problems I have making new friends, if I choose to associate with, let alone date, someone, it’s because I have a huge amount of respect for them and enjoy their company!
Aww you're so nice. I just am afraid to bring it up because I want to see him because he's him and I dont ever want to make it his defining feature if I constantly bring it up, if you get what I mean, because he's so much more than that - honestly, he's so amazing with coding it's so impressive. I'm so sorry if what I said is offensive btw but I dont know how you guys react to people bringing it up.

Thank you so much that is reassuring. I have a bit of trust issues in people loving me genuinely because of past relationships but I need to fix it because I realise it would get annoying someone questioning if you genuinely feel these feelings (and I think this is a problem for some aspies?). Honestly, I shouldn't question stuff about what he says about me because I dont think he would lie to make me feel better. Awww that's so wholesome that you do that.
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TheStarboy
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(Original post by PetitePanda)
I guess so. At least, this will prepare me for the next time he does this. I am planning to wait for him to reach out but he was never the person to open up to anyone unless he was drunk or really overwhelmed to the point he didn't want to lose me so I'm worried he might not reach out to me in months, which I shouldn't think about because that's like too much.

Omg my messages are so clear and direct - I'm an expressive person so I talk more than I need to say. I do definitely need to be patient with him - it's something I need to fix.

Thank you for your insight and the link :heart:
This is only my opinion but I don’t know whether this behaviour is healthy at all in a relationship.
I dated someone who had a personality disorder and like you, there was a time when she wouldn't talk to me and had a 2 month-long break. I too thought I could excuse her behaviour but it soon came up often and I began to doubt our relationship. While I understand that you need to be patient and respect him, breaking down and getting this upset isn’t fair on you at all. You should really address this situation with him.
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PetitePanda
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(Original post by kekedoyouloveme?)
Hi my boyfriend has Asperger's too,

In what way is he not talking to you if you don't mind me asking? was it an argument?

I think sometimes, when things upset them the best thing they need is space, to sort of sort themselves out, and get their head around things, my boyfriend really likes space when he feels overwhelmed and what not, especially if we had fought regularly prior to that. Maybe, he is just taking a small break to figure out how he feels, sometimes feelings can be new to them is well, or indescribable, and that can really overwhelm them too.
It wasn't an arguement. It was something that made him scared (I can't really discuss it I'm sorry) but we did have a call when I told him. He told me he needed a break and he didnt hate me for it and not to worry - I should have remembered this call before I went wacko but I guess I forgot because of my issues at home as well. Thank you for that insight :heart: and that would make sense
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mqb2766
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(Original post by PetitePanda)
My boyfriend has Aspergers and he hasn't talked to me, due to a recent event that obviously freaked him out. At first, I was upset over him not talking to him in a long period of time because I thought the worst (since I am an overthinker) and I never experienced this. However, I researched more about Aspergers (I do this to understand his perspective I guess - I don't like judging people on their actions without context + researching makes me less stressed over things that may not be the case). Anyways, I found out they tend to have withdrawals when they have sensory overload. Does anyone know how long these last? Or does anyone have any experiences with having these withdrawals?

I want to reach out to him but I dont want to put more stress on him like I have already because I wanted to talk about our relationship but I realised this could be stressful for him so I redacted my previous message and told him I wanted a talk still but when he is ready so I was willing to wait. I'm not sure what else to do tbh after this as well.

Any help would be great, even your experiences (although I know people with aspergers are different) is appreciated.
One of our kids is on the spectrum and believe me in that if you'd done something wrong, you'd know about it. He probably just needed a bit of time.
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