boyfriend hurt me emotionally - is it worth fighting for

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
context: i am a worrisome person that needs reassurance and he has somewhat of a temper and avoids problems sometimes.

my boyfriend and i have been together 1.5 years. lockdown was really hard and our communication was terrible, we made it out, spoke about it and when we were able to meet again it was great. Generally we are long distance and meet for the weekend once every 2 weeks... we have minimal problems together but always have 1 or 2 hiccups the days we are apart.

A few days ago we got into an argument because he thought i shouted on the phone and hung up on me so then that annoyed me and blah blah blah basic miscommunication! So yesterday, i was tired and didn’t really respond to his comments on his work stress. I apologised for not caring and i asked him for some extra love because i felt that he was cold... he then went on an angry rant about how entitled it is that i ask for love, and mentioned that i don’t care about his life and a bunch of other things i’ve done wrong. He also shouted at me through the phone which is a big boundary for me and made me sob. I know it’s minor to some people but shouting/swearing is something he’s done in anger before and it hurts me a lot so he’s apologised and worked on it.... this was the first time he did it again during lockdown.

I apologised for what he was upset about but said i need some time as the way he spoke to me has made me see him so differently. He is normally so loving and kind, this was irrational and mean. I then rang him back and said i don’t think we should be together because of his shouting, and he said sorry but said he didn’t just do it for no reason he did it out of hurt ... i just said i need space.

Later that evening he then sent me this text:

I really am just so sorry for everything today, I am so ashamed at myself for the way I spoke to you , I honestly understand everything you was saying. I’m so so sorry , I know I can’t change what happened but I just want you to know how truly sorry I am. I let my **** life get in the way of the good we had . I’ve let work break me down , it’s not an excuse . I’ve wronged you and I just wish I could take it back. I hate myself for how I make you feel .

I then replied in the morning and we had a phone call. He explained he let his work frustration out of me (he kinda did that before) but he’s not going to do that, and we agreed that he wouldn’t talk about work with me. He said he can’t promise he won’t get angry again as that’s a deep rooted issue but he is trying his best, and he said he would rather i just give him ‘love’ if i would like to receive some in the future and it doesn’t come accross demanding (i still find it odd that he doesn’t like me to openly tell him that i need love/reassurance etc... he’d rather i let him know another way...)

My issue is, i’m still very upset with the person i spoke to yesterday. he made me feel terrible. some of his points were valid like how i didn’t really reply or care about his work stress/weekend but he communicated terribly and kept all this bottled in. He said he wouldn’t but i said i can’t truly get over this until i see change. i’m a VERY worrisome person and have anxiety, this situation has made me question if we are right for eachother, if we will eventually get married and get divorced or even if we are normal couple.

We get along in person but seperate we ‘forgot’ eachother. it worries me. It’s made my anxiety spike and i’m still annoyed at him over what he did. How do i get over it
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Anonymous #2
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I’m going to say that your partner has at least done the right thing. To me it sounds like he means what he says when he apologises. You’ve told him before that his shouting hurts you and he worked on it right? He broke under the pressure of lockdown and took it on you, which isn’t fair, and he realised that and apologised to you. If you’re still hurt, I can understand. What the tow of you need to do is try and work on things together and learn to trust him again. You can tell him you’re still hurt but will give him a chance, and that you’ll need toile to heal but will try. You can’t ignore that you’re still hurt and try and ‘get over it’, you have to work through it with him. It will take time I’m guessing but he should earn your trust again.
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Ackhnologia
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Hi there
I am awfully sorry about that.
Yeah relationship can be really tricky at times.
Before any advice, are you an emotional person?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Ackhnologia)
Hi there
I am awfully sorry about that.
Yeah relationship can be really tricky at times.
Before any advice, are you an emotional person?
yup very sensitive
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 1 month ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m going to say that your partner has at least done the right thing. To me it sounds like he means what he says when he apologises. You’ve told him before that his shouting hurts you and he worked on it right? He broke under the pressure of lockdown and took it on you, which isn’t fair, and he realised that and apologised to you. If you’re still hurt, I can understand. What the tow of you need to do is try and work on things together and learn to trust him again. You can tell him you’re still hurt but will give him a chance, and that you’ll need toile to heal but will try. You can’t ignore that you’re still hurt and try and ‘get over it’, you have to work through it with him. It will take time I’m guessing but he should earn your trust again.
ok thank you. it’s reassuring to know he apologised well.
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kekedoyouloveme?
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(Original post by Anonymous)
context: i am a worrisome person that needs reassurance and he has somewhat of a temper and avoids problems sometimes.

my boyfriend and i have been together 1.5 years. lockdown was really hard and our communication was terrible, we made it out, spoke about it and when we were able to meet again it was great. Generally we are long distance and meet for the weekend once every 2 weeks... we have minimal problems together but always have 1 or 2 hiccups the days we are apart.

A few days ago we got into an argument because he thought i shouted on the phone and hung up on me so then that annoyed me and blah blah blah basic miscommunication! So yesterday, i was tired and didn’t really respond to his comments on his work stress. I apologised for not caring and i asked him for some extra love because i felt that he was cold... he then went on an angry rant about how entitled it is that i ask for love, and mentioned that i don’t care about his life and a bunch of other things i’ve done wrong. He also shouted at me through the phone which is a big boundary for me and made me sob. I know it’s minor to some people but shouting/swearing is something he’s done in anger before and it hurts me a lot so he’s apologised and worked on it.... this was the first time he did it again during lockdown.

I apologised for what he was upset about but said i need some time as the way he spoke to me has made me see him so differently. He is normally so loving and kind, this was irrational and mean. I then rang him back and said i don’t think we should be together because of his shouting, and he said sorry but said he didn’t just do it for no reason he did it out of hurt ... i just said i need space.

Later that evening he then sent me this text:

I really am just so sorry for everything today, I am so ashamed at myself for the way I spoke to you , I honestly understand everything you was saying. I’m so so sorry , I know I can’t change what happened but I just want you to know how truly sorry I am. I let my **** life get in the way of the good we had . I’ve let work break me down , it’s not an excuse . I’ve wronged you and I just wish I could take it back. I hate myself for how I make you feel .

I then replied in the morning and we had a phone call. He explained he let his work frustration out of me (he kinda did that before) but he’s not going to do that, and we agreed that he wouldn’t talk about work with me. He said he can’t promise he won’t get angry again as that’s a deep rooted issue but he is trying his best, and he said he would rather i just give him ‘love’ if i would like to receive some in the future and it doesn’t come accross demanding (i still find it odd that he doesn’t like me to openly tell him that i need love/reassurance etc... he’d rather i let him know another way...)

My issue is, i’m still very upset with the person i spoke to yesterday. he made me feel terrible. some of his points were valid like how i didn’t really reply or care about his work stress/weekend but he communicated terribly and kept all this bottled in. He said he wouldn’t but i said i can’t truly get over this until i see change. i’m a VERY worrisome person and have anxiety, this situation has made me question if we are right for eachother, if we will eventually get married and get divorced or even if we are normal couple.

We get along in person but seperate we ‘forgot’ eachother. it worries me. It’s made my anxiety spike and i’m still annoyed at him over what he did. How do i get over it
At least he apologised, however, you're perfectly reasonable being upset, with him if someone shouted at me (which they have) I'd break down in tears too, mostly because I'm so sensitive. Sometimes things can get out of hand, and if you think his anger is a problem, try seek out therapy for him, it may seem ridiculous but, if you think this is a red flag, then you're probably seeing a red flag if that makes sense. If you can't see yourself without him, and you care for him and your gut is telling you that he cares for you too, then anger management or even a therapist for him to rant over work about would be ideal. I'm only suggesting this, because what is the likelihood of his anger escalating in the nearby future.
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Ackhnologia
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(Original post by Anonymous)
yup very sensitive
Ok
I do not know how much you love him.
But sensitive persons should be treated really smoothly. And they also need a lot of affection and reassurance.
I think the fact he shouts at you most of the time is not great at all, mostly for you mental health.
But it seems that it is not its fault.
If you really think that you love him too much, that really see a future with him, then you two have to talk about your personalities.
He needs to understand that you do not like that he shouts at you even when angry. Tell him that if something upsets him, he can talk to you calmly and avoid tantrums.
Also you need to understand you have to accept the fact he cannot control his temper at times too. So you should help fix it.
Communication is the key I think, even more when you are an emotional person.
I do not know if my advice sounds messy, sorry if it is the case...
As not really experienced with this kind of things
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Pixelrainbow..
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To me it sounds like you’re quite mean to your boyfriend. The fact he tells you that you seem entitled and you don’t care about his feelings, and then you get angry at him for shouting instead of listening to what he says? He is right. Why in the world would you ask for extra love when he is being cold towards you because you’ve hurt his feelings? Listen do him, ask him questions about his day and take an interest in his life.
Honestly he shouted in frustration, I don’t think he meant do hurt you
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