Can anyone else relate? People I surrounded myself with has destroyed my self esteem

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 2 months ago
#1
Or prevent my self esteem from improving.

My housemates at uni were literally top 1%, in things that I am the bottom 1% in. They have their own friend group (which I was excluded in), they also have a massive friend network in uni and outside of uni from their school friends back home.

I don’t...

I also wasn’t as compatible with them. Their mutual friends would treat me as if I was invisible so it wasn’t as if I could meet people through them.

Ive never been in a relationship or experienced intimacy. But they would always talk about dates, and sex, and each one was doing something casual.

I was spending hours in the gym, they drink daily and smoke often. Yet they look 100x better than me body wise.

When I went clubbing with them a few times. Girls would literally hover towards them, while I’ve never had any interest in a club.

I wish I hung out more with people who were more like me, and I am going into my 3rd year. I will be going back to halls, and I have a new amazing hobby which I can try the society for. (The 2 societies I was in so far have been ****).
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Anonymous #1
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Anonymous #2
#3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Or prevent my self esteem from improving.

My housemates at uni were literally top 1%, in things that I am the bottom 1% in. They have their own friend group (which I was excluded in), they also have a massive friend network in uni and outside of uni from their school friends back home.

I don’t...

I also wasn’t as compatible with them. Their mutual friends would treat me as if I was invisible so it wasn’t as if I could meet people through them.

Ive never been in a relationship or experienced intimacy. But they would always talk about dates, and sex, and each one was doing something casual.

I was spending hours in the gym, they drink daily and smoke often. Yet they look 100x better than me body wise.

When I went clubbing with them a few times. Girls would literally hover towards them, while I’ve never had any interest in a club.

I wish I hung out more with people who were more like me, and I am going into my 3rd year. I will be going back to halls, and I have a new amazing hobby which I can try the society for. (The 2 societies I was in so far have been ****).
Totally can relate
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LovelyMrFox
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#4
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#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
Or prevent my self esteem from improving.

My housemates at uni were literally top 1%, in things that I am the bottom 1% in. They have their own friend group (which I was excluded in), they also have a massive friend network in uni and outside of uni from their school friends back home.

I don’t...

I also wasn’t as compatible with them. Their mutual friends would treat me as if I was invisible so it wasn’t as if I could meet people through them.

Ive never been in a relationship or experienced intimacy. But they would always talk about dates, and sex, and each one was doing something casual.

I was spending hours in the gym, they drink daily and smoke often. Yet they look 100x better than me body wise.

When I went clubbing with them a few times. Girls would literally hover towards them, while I’ve never had any interest in a club.

I wish I hung out more with people who were more like me, and I am going into my 3rd year. I will be going back to halls, and I have a new amazing hobby which I can try the society for. (The 2 societies I was in so far have been ****).
Well firstly you shouldnt be comparing yourself to your friends. So what if they look better than you body wise? There will always be someone better looking than you.
If you have nothing in common, get new friends. Thats all you really can do. Joining a group for a hobby like you mentioned is a good idea as it will let you meet people with similar interests.
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Oxford Mum
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#5
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Or prevent my self esteem from improving.

My housemates at uni were literally top 1%, in things that I am the bottom 1% in. They have their own friend group (which I was excluded in), they also have a massive friend network in uni and outside of uni from their school friends back home.

I don’t...

I also wasn’t as compatible with them. Their mutual friends would treat me as if I was invisible so it wasn’t as if I could meet people through them.

Ive never been in a relationship or experienced intimacy. But they would always talk about dates, and sex, and each one was doing something casual.

I was spending hours in the gym, they drink daily and smoke often. Yet they look 100x better than me body wise.

When I went clubbing with them a few times. Girls would literally hover towards them, while I’ve never had any interest in a club.

I wish I hung out more with people who were more like me, and I am going into my 3rd year. I will be going back to halls, and I have a new amazing hobby which I can try the society for. (The 2 societies I was in so far have been ****).
I am very sorry you have had this experience. I bet there are a lot of people who are more like you than like them. They sound pretty superficial.

If they are cutting you out, it's best to go back to halls and meet some genuine friends who will not exclude you (in fact, they don't seem much like real friends to me).

Try out that new amazing hobby you have too. New hall, new life!!
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Oxford Mum
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#6
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(Original post by LovelyMrFox)
Well firstly you shouldnt be comparing yourself to your friends. So what if they look better than you body wise? There will always be someone better looking than you.
If you have nothing in common, get new friends. Thats all you really can do. Joining a group for a hobby like you mentioned is a good idea as it will let you meet people with similar interests.
Top post. We can't change the way we look, but we can make the best of what we have got.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by LovelyMrFox)
Well firstly you shouldnt be comparing yourself to your friends. So what if they look better than you body wise? There will always be someone better looking than you.
If you have nothing in common, get new friends. Thats all you really can do. Joining a group for a hobby like you mentioned is a good idea as it will let you meet people with similar interests.
I spend a lot of time in the gym and improving myself. How comes people who chug beers and so drugs look better than me? That sucks. Is there something wrong with me?
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Oxford Mum
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There is nothing wrong with you. A real friend would not look down on you.

I had a friend like them at uni. I no longer speak to her, as she is just too toxic. I have never missed her, not even for one day.
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LovelyMrFox
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#9
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I spend a lot of time in the gym and improving myself. How comes people who chug beers and so drugs look better than me? That sucks. Is there something wrong with me?
Thats good, keep it up But you should be doing those for yourself, not just to get dates.

Genetics, luck, etc- whatever it is doesnt matter. Life isnt fair sometimes, you just have to make the best with what your given.
Nothing is wrong with you.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by LovelyMrFox)
Thats good, keep it up But you should be doing those for yourself, not just to get dates.

Genetics, luck, etc- whatever it is doesnt matter. Life isnt fair sometimes, you just have to make the best with what your given.
Nothing is wrong with you.
It's a tad disappointing, but thank you.

How can I care less about how I look? I have developed a few mental health issues during my time at uni. Why? Because my brain connects my social life to how I look. Hell even this morning I genuinely thought to myself "I am the ugliest guy at my uni". And deep down I know these thoughts are irrational, I have just been a bit unlucky with my social circle and societies.

I understand how important therapy/counseling is now (2 years too late :/). But I have no privacy at home to do therapy over Microsoft Teams. I don't know how I can get through the summer.

Oxford Mum
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LovelyMrFox
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It's a tad disappointing, but thank you.

How can I care less about how I look? I have developed a few mental health issues during my time at uni. Why? Because my brain connects my social life to how I look. Hell even this morning I genuinely thought to myself "I am the ugliest guy at my uni". And deep down I know these thoughts are irrational, I have just been a bit unlucky with my social circle and societies.

I understand how important therapy/counseling is now (2 years too late :/). But I have no privacy at home to do therapy over Microsoft Teams. I don't know how I can get through the summer.

Oxford Mum
How so?

I bet you look fine. Instead of picking yourself apart for the features on yourself that you dont like, look at the things you do like as well. Every time you look in the mirror, make yourself name 3 things that you think are attractive about yourself.
Theres nothing that can say to automatically make you start loving yourself- everyone's journey to self love is different. I think for me it was really understanding that if someone is going to judge me based off how I look, thats their own issue, not mine. Me worrying about it isnt going to change how those people view anyways, its only hurting myself for no good reason. I also got a haircut and started dressing in clothes that I liked better. That helped me a lot

Im glad to hear your talking to someone about it. The whole Covid mess does suck though, Im sorry that you havent been able to speak to them. I know its obviously not the same, but feel free to shoot me a pm if you need someone to listen :console:
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Anonymous #1
#12
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(Original post by LovelyMrFox)
How so?

I bet you look fine. Instead of picking yourself apart for the features on yourself that you dont like, look at the things you do like as well. Every time you look in the mirror, make yourself name 3 things that you think are attractive about yourself.
Theres nothing that can say to automatically make you start loving yourself- everyone's journey to self love is different. I think for me it was really understanding that if someone is going to judge me based off how I look, thats their own issue, not mine. Me worrying about it isnt going to change how those people view anyways, its only hurting myself for no good reason. I also got a haircut and started dressing in clothes that I liked better. That helped me a lot

Im glad to hear your talking to someone about it. The whole Covid mess does suck though, Im sorry that you havent been able to speak to them. I know its obviously not the same, but feel free to shoot me a pm if you need someone to listen :console:
I feel like my whole track record in life has been failure after failure after failure. Especially in how I look, social life and relationships. So I look atrocious. I hate looking at the front facing camera now. I feel like I have moon craters on my face. I look like I have never stepped foot in a gym despite being consistent for the last few years, and seeing improvements in my strength and even cardio
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LovelyMrFox
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I feel like my whole track record in life has been failure after failure after failure. Especially in how I look, social life and relationships. So I look atrocious. I hate looking at the front facing camera now. I feel like I have moon craters on my face. I look like I have never stepped foot in a gym despite being consistent for the last few years, and seeing improvements in my strength and even cardio
Have you talked to your therapist that's how you feel? :console:
I hate looking at myself in a camera as well tbh. The lighting usually makes you look much worse than you do versus looking in a mirror.
If your seeing improvements, that means your doing something right. Even if you dont look super muscular, your healthier ( which should be your main focus going to the gym )
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Or prevent my self esteem from improving.

My housemates at uni were literally top 1%, in things that I am the bottom 1% in. They have their own friend group (which I was excluded in), they also have a massive friend network in uni and outside of uni from their school friends back home.

I don’t...

I also wasn’t as compatible with them. Their mutual friends would treat me as if I was invisible so it wasn’t as if I could meet people through them.

Ive never been in a relationship or experienced intimacy. But they would always talk about dates, and sex, and each one was doing something casual.

I was spending hours in the gym, they drink daily and smoke often. Yet they look 100x better than me body wise.

When I went clubbing with them a few times. Girls would literally hover towards them, while I’ve never had any interest in a club.

I wish I hung out more with people who were more like me, and I am going into my 3rd year. I will be going back to halls, and I have a new amazing hobby which I can try the society for. (The 2 societies I was in so far have been ****).
I know this is kind of a stereotype but everyone does mature differently. I've been through some similar stuff and I can tell you honestly that if you start seeing your differences and eccentricities as strengths, pretty soon you'll be good at stuff that wouldn't even occur to them. Don't be afraid to be honest with yourself about who you actually feel you are rather than taking on what you think you should think of yourself from your friends example. I guarantee any meaning you think you see in their lives would fade very quickly, you'll have a uniqueness that will always be completely other to them. I know it's difficult now but things do get better if you stick with what's meaningful to you
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Oxford Mum
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#15
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It's a tad disappointing, but thank you.

How can I care less about how I look? I have developed a few mental health issues during my time at uni. Why? Because my brain connects my social life to how I look. Hell even this morning I genuinely thought to myself "I am the ugliest guy at my uni". And deep down I know these thoughts are irrational, I have just been a bit unlucky with my social circle and societies.

I understand how important therapy/counseling is now (2 years too late :/). But I have no privacy at home to do therapy over Microsoft Teams. I don't know how I can get through the summer.

Oxford Mum
It wouldn't matter if you were the most gorgeous guy in the world, it's the vain, big headed guys that are a pain in the backside. Genuine, classy ladies take one look at their arrogance and brashness and give them a wide berth.

Over the years I have dated some of the best looking men I have ever seen. One looked like Jason Donovan, another like Sting, another like Marty Pellow etc. All were boring womanisers. Whenever they looked in the mirror I can see who they were REALLY in love with.

Often they had friends who were not great looking but would have made excellent boyfriends. Unfortunately they held back and let the confident cads zoom in and get to me first. Only later did my caddish boyfriends brag about how their friends secretly fancied me.

Get away from this toxic crowd, discover the real you and get to know some nice girls who are more like you.
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Oxford Mum
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I know this is kind of a stereotype but everyone does mature differently. I've been through some similar stuff and I can tell you honestly that if you start seeing your differences and eccentricities as strengths, pretty soon you'll be good at stuff that wouldn't even occur to them. Don't be afraid to be honest with yourself about who you actually feel you are rather than taking on what you think you should think of yourself from your friends example. I guarantee any meaning you think you see in their lives would fade very quickly, you'll have a uniqueness that will always be completely other to them. I know it's difficult now but things do get better if you stick with what's meaningful to you
Perfect.
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Anonymous #1
#17
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(Original post by Oxford Mum)
It wouldn't matter if you were the most gorgeous guy in the world, it's the vain, big headed guys that are a pain in the backside. Genuine, classy ladies take one look at their arrogance and brashness and give them a wide berth.

Over the years I have dated some of the best looking men I have ever seen. One looked like Jason Donovan, another like Sting, another like Marty Pellow etc. All were boring womanisers. Whenever they looked in the mirror I can see who they were REALLY in love with.

Often they had friends who were not great looking but would have made excellent boyfriends. Unfortunately they held back and let the confident cads zoom in and get to me first. Only later did my caddish boyfriends brag about how their friends secretly fancied me.

Get away from this toxic crowd, discover the real you and get to know some nice girls who are more like you.
I feel pretty worthless because of how I look, and its starting to have an effect on myself and my studies. Tbh I think I finally know how to show interest in a women (while not being like the guys you mentioned). But I can't do anything until I go back to uni, because I have no privacy at home, and also no friends back home
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Anonymous #1
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I feel pathetic, and like a loser. Because of my past, and how I look despite the amount of time I have invested in exercise, self improvement and my sport (which I am also considering quitting).
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Oxford Mum
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#19
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I feel pretty worthless because of how I look, and its starting to have an effect on myself and my studies. Tbh I think I finally know how to show interest in a women (while not being like the guys you mentioned). But I can't do anything until I go back to uni, because I have no privacy at home, and also no friends back home
But you always have uni to look forward to. It's not forever. Join in the social life and find a nice, down to earth girl who you can be friends with as well as fancying them. Let that friendship grow, and see where it takes you. you may be surprised.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Oxford Mum)
But you always have uni to look forward to. It's not forever. Join in the social life and find a nice, down to earth girl who you can be friends with as well as fancying them. Let that friendship grow, and see where it takes you. you may be surprised.
Thanks. Only 1 year left . I royally screwed up the first year. I tried as many new things as I can, and tried to meet a wide range of people and I still failed ah
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