lulumillie02
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Hello everyone,
I just want your opinion on something, I know this is in the wrong place but I this thread was meant for something else...
Anyway, basically long story short. I had two best friends in Year 7-9, but then something happened, one of my best friends felt quite upset and quite insecure around our other Best Friend because of her attitude becoming more arrogant and acting weird around her. So she stopped hanging out with us and then the 'arrogant' best friend and I have been hanging out together with other people leaving the best friend on her own. Now, my best friend, has texted me saying I hope you are not angry with me, can we maybe hang out and talk more in September?
So the hard thing is that the 'arrogant' best friend, is quite controlling and she doesn't like me hanging out with other people and it's like she wants to always know what I am doing. She doesn't even let me speak to one of other friends without her close by. The thing is I really want to talk to my best friend who I haven't really properly spoken to for a year but I am worried that my best friend that I currently hang out with will be angry for me doing that.
What do you think I should do?
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5hyl33n
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What happened?
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fattyguen
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mhm i understand nothing 😇
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5hyl33n
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(Original post by lulumillie02)
Hello everyone,
I just want your opinion on something, I know this is in the wrong place but I this thread was meant for something else...
Anyway, basically long story short. I had two best friends in Year 7-9, but then something happened, one of my best friends felt quite upset and quite insecure around our other Best Friend because of her attitude becoming more arrogant and acting weird around her. So she stopped hanging out with us and then the 'arrogant' best friend and I have been hanging out together with other people leaving the best friend on her own. Now, my best friend, has texted me saying I hope you are not angry with me, can we maybe hang out and talk more in September?
So the hard thing is that the 'arrogant' best friend, is quite controlling and she doesn't like me hanging out with other people and it's like she wants to always know what I am doing. She doesn't even let me speak to one of other friends without her close by
What’s the problem? You obviously don’t like this ‘arrogant’ best friend so cut her off.
She seems very toxic anyway. There’s not much she can do if you cut her off.
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lulumillie02
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(Original post by 5hyl33n)
What’s the problem? You obviously don’t like this ‘arrogant’ best friend so cut her off.
She seems very toxic anyway. There’s not much she can do if you cut her off.
Yeah, but the problem is I am friends with her friends so I don't want to break that friendship because she manipulates people.
She does get really angry when anything doesn't go her way, I just don't really want to cause any stress or drama for my last year of school as I just want to concentrate on getting good grades, but I feel like my best friend stops me from doing that, I don't really have the freedom I used to.
Like in PE I always partner up with my other friend and she gets jealous. Things are less problematic without her around...
Thank you anyway, I have understood what I have to do and I just have to cut her off slowly bit by bit, all she has done since I met her has caused arguments and it is really stressful. I mean that is the last thing I need especially in the most important year of secondary
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5hyl33n
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(Original post by lulumillie02)
Yeah, but the problem is I am friends with her friends so I don't want to break that friendship because she manipulates people.
She does get really angry when anything doesn't go her way, I just don't really want to cause any stress or drama for my last year of school as I just want to concentrate on getting good grades, but I feel like my best friend stops me from doing that, I don't really have the freedom I used to.
Like in PE I always partner up with my other friend and she gets jealous. Things are less problematic without her around...
Thank you anyway, I have understood what I have to do and I just have to cut her off slowly bit by bit, all she has done since I met her has caused arguments and it is really stressful. I mean that is the last thing I need especially in the most important year of secondary
Many of the students will be doing the same thing as you - focusing on getting those grades x

Your 'friend' sounds very toxic and cutting her off sounds like the best idea. Good luck!
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lulumillie02
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(Original post by 5hyl33n)
Many of the students will be doing the same thing as you - focusing on getting those grades x

Your 'friend' sounds very toxic and cutting her off sounds like the best idea. Good luck!
Thank you. I will try my best, thanks for the advice, it is really helpful.
Next year, I just want to avoid all the drama and just concentrate what needs to be concentrated on.
Again, Thank you for this you have been a big help
Fingers crossed the job will be done quickly and smoothly, she has always been controlling since I have known her and I think now I have realised how much effect it actually has on me. I have plenty of other friends that are really nice so I will hang out and be with them. Especially with the year group 'bubbles' and one of my other friends being in my registration so we can hopefully hang out.
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5hyl33n
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(Original post by lulumillie02)
Thank you. I will try my best, thanks for the advice, it is really helpful.
Next year, I just want to avoid all the drama and just concentrate what needs to be concentrated on.
Again, Thank you for this you have been a big help
Fingers crossed the job will be done quickly and smoothly, she has always been controlling since I have known her and I think now I have realised how much effect it actually has on me. I have plenty of other friends that are really nice so I will hang out and be with them. Especially with the year group 'bubbles' and one of my other friends being in my registration so we can hopefully hang out.
No problem! That’s great you have other friends that wish nothing but the best for you.
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tansrr
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(Original post by lulumillie02)
Hello everyone,
I just want your opinion on something, I know this is in the wrong place but I this thread was meant for something else...
Anyway, basically long story short. I had two best friends in Year 7-9, but then something happened, one of my best friends felt quite upset and quite insecure around our other Best Friend because of her attitude becoming more arrogant and acting weird around her. So she stopped hanging out with us and then the 'arrogant' best friend and I have been hanging out together with other people leaving the best friend on her own. Now, my best friend, has texted me saying I hope you are not angry with me, can we maybe hang out and talk more in September?
So the hard thing is that the 'arrogant' best friend, is quite controlling and she doesn't like me hanging out with other people and it's like she wants to always know what I am doing. She doesn't even let me speak to one of other friends without her close by. The thing is I really want to talk to my best friend who I haven't really properly spoken to for a year but I am worried that my best friend that I currently hang out with will be angry for me doing that.
What do you think I should do?
Ask yourself why you're friends with someone that YOU have described as "controlling", "doesn't let you speak" and "always wants to know what you're doing", as well as you're clearly scared of her being angry at you.

Sounds like an overbearing parent, more than a friend.

Also, ask yourself if you're a good friend. You decided to hang out with someone who is controlling, always wants to know what you're up to, and that you're scared of making angry instead of the friend that was clearly upset. You knew she was upset and you left her completely alone and continued hanging out with the person that made her sad?

Sounds like you need to fix your priorities, as well as drop your controlling friend.
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lulumillie02
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(Original post by tansrr)
Ask yourself why you're friends with someone that YOU have described as "controlling", "doesn't let you speak" and "always wants to know what you're doing", as well as you're clearly scared of her being angry at you.

Sounds like an overbearing parent, more than a friend.

Also, ask yourself if you're a good friend. You decided to hang out with someone who is controlling, always wants to know what you're up to, and that you're scared of making angry instead of the friend that was clearly upset. You knew she was upset and you left her completely alone and continued hanging out with the person that made her sad?

Sounds like you need to fix your priorities, as well as drop your controlling friend.
I realise that I have been silly in the past and have made bad decisions but the thing is since I have been hanging out with the 'controlling' friend, I have become friends with her friend group and I don't want to drop them, I mean I know I have to drop one of them completely, but the problem is the upset friend isn't in my classes, the 'controlling' one is and I am worried that she will take the friends that are our class away from me.
Thank you for the advice, I mean I will have a good think about it over the summer and in September I will do what's right.
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MusicalMe101
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(Original post by lulumillie02)
I realise that I have been silly in the past and have made bad decisions but the thing is since I have been hanging out with the 'controlling' friend, I have become friends with her friend group and I don't want to drop them, I mean I know I have to drop one of them completely, but the problem is the upset friend isn't in my classes, the 'controlling' one is and I am worried that she will take the friends that are our class away from me.
Thank you for the advice, I mean I will have a good think about it over the summer and in September I will do what's right.
I may be a bit late to this discussion but I can share some advice that I learned from my own experience. In years 7 and 8 I was friends with a girl that became overly controlling at one point (I expect it was to do with hormonal changes and her just trying to set her priorities straight). This girl was also the star student in every class and getting straight As in every subject. I got tired of her being controlling and her rubbing her grades in my face (even though I was getting the same grades as her, maybe a mark or so less though) and I cut her off bit by bit. Eventually I got it down to us being friends and then acquaintances. We could still talk every now and then or laugh at a joke, but I wouldn't let it go into very deep conversations where she could make remarks or brag.
Eventually we went our separate ways (she moved away) and now several years have gone by and I would say that she has matured (we speak every now and then believe it or not).

I cannot stress how important it is to get rid of toxic people from our lives, (or at least get them under control) as they have such a big impact on us and our mental health. If you have come to the conclusion that she is having a negative impact on you, then you need to do something about it, otherwise this could potentially damage your potential to do well in your exams. Let her know that it is not okay and you are not afraid to stand up for yourself, she has no right to tell you what to do and does not need to know everything you do. You can still be friends with her friend group even if you are not very close with her, maybe try to be just friends with her at first, and if you see that it's not working out then cut her off. Remember that you will still have your other friend who is clearly missing your friendship.
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username5279298
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She doesn't sound like a friend if she controls who you hang out with
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lulumillie02
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(Original post by MusicalMe101)
I may be a bit late to this discussion but I can share some advice that I learned from my own experience. In years 7 and 8 I was friends with a girl that became overly controlling at one point (I expect it was to do with hormonal changes and her just trying to set her priorities straight). This girl was also the star student in every class and getting straight As in every subject. I got tired of her being controlling and her rubbing her grades in my face (even though I was getting the same grades as her, maybe a mark or so less though) and I cut her off bit by bit. Eventually I got it down to us being friends and then acquaintances. We could still talk every now and then or laugh at a joke, but I wouldn't let it go into very deep conversations where she could make remarks or brag.
Eventually we went our separate ways (she moved away) and now several years have gone by and I would say that she has matured (we speak every now and then believe it or not).

I cannot stress how important it is to get rid of toxic people from our lives, (or at least get them under control) as they have such a big impact on us and our mental health. If you have come to the conclusion that she is having a negative impact on you, then you need to do something about it, otherwise this could potentially damage your potential to do well in your exams. Let her know that it is not okay and you are not afraid to stand up for yourself, she has no right to tell you what to do and does not need to know everything you do. You can still be friends with her friend group even if you are not very close with her, maybe try to be just friends with her at first, and if you see that it's not working out then cut her off. Remember that you will still have your other friend who is clearly missing your friendship.
Thank you so much for this. This was really helpful.
I don't want her to get in my way of doing well in my exams and stopping me from achieving.
I will make sure to do what's right as I don't really want any drama/anything bad happen since it is a really important year.
Same with your friend, since when she was younger she was really nice but now she has become 'controlling' and likes causing trouble/spreading rumours etc..
I think it's best if I get away before it's too late and will try my best to keep talking to her friend group without us being too close.
I mean everytime there is a friendship argument, I am always stuck in the middle and don't know what to do.
Again Thank you for this, I will make sure to spend time with friends that are really nice and want what's best for me instead of controlling and overall toxic.
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MusicalMe101
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(Original post by lulumillie02)
Thank you so much for this. This was really helpful.
I don't want her to get in my way of doing well in my exams and stopping me from achieving.
I will make sure to do what's right as I don't really want any drama/anything bad happen since it is a really important year.
Same with your friend, since when she was younger she was really nice but now she has become 'controlling' and likes causing trouble/spreading rumours etc..
I think it's best if I get away before it's too late and will try my best to keep talking to her friend group without us being too close.
I mean everytime there is a friendship argument, I am always stuck in the middle and don't know what to do.
Again Thank you for this, I will make sure to spend time with friends that are really nice and want what's best for me instead of controlling and overall toxic.
I’m glad I helped and that you have now decided what you’re going to do about the situation. Let me know how it goes, and if you need any help or advice I’ll be happy to answer any private messages.

Hope everything goes well for you :^_^:
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lulumillie02
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(Original post by MusicalMe101)
I’m glad I helped and that you have now decided what you’re going to do about the situation. Let me know how it goes, and if you need any help or advice I’ll be happy to answer any private messages.

Hope everything goes well for you :^_^:
Oh Thank you and I'll be sure to keep you updated on what happens. Hopefully things will go well. Thank you so much. 😀
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