I don't know how to deal with my parents. I feel trapped and like I can't escape.

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Anonymous #1
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I'm an adult now and throughout my whole childhood they gave me no independence they controlled every single thing I did and now I have been an adult for a few years and there is still nothing in my life I have decided for myself because they refuse to let me. My degree programme, where I live, they also refuse to give me my social security number or my own credit card with my student loan and treat me like I'm 12. They have put restrictions on the internet banning social media, I feel so trapped there is nowhere to turn in my life, their overprotectiveness drove me to depression as a child which they dismissed and even drove my lifelong friends away to ditch me without a word due to their jealousy of me being so affectionate to my friends and less so to them. And it is impossible to talk to them and I mean it. I am not trying to exaggerate as I physically cannot reason with them as they either ignore or think they know better and refuse to listen and I can't just pack up and leave because I have NOTHING and I am losing the will to live. I literally can't live like this any longer, how the hell can I turn 20 in this state. I feel sick to death. Please help with any advice.
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guacamolee
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I’m really sorry you’re experiencing this.
It sounds like it can be crippling at times.

It sounds like you might need to seek legal advice honestly, this is a big step obviously but if your parents are keeping things like your social security number from you when you’re an adult that is incredibly wrong.
I’m sure this behaviour comes from a place of worry and overprotective-ness but you’re not a child anymore and they need to learn to let go. Perhaps suggest family counselling? I’m sure they’d probably say no judging by what you’ve said. It’s a shame they’re not willing to see reason.

Do you have any family members you could stay with?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by guacamolee)
I’m really sorry you’re experiencing this.
It sounds like it can be crippling at times.

It sounds like you might need to seek legal advice honestly, this is a big step obviously but if your parents are keeping things like your social security number from you when you’re an adult that is incredibly wrong.
I’m sure this behaviour comes from a place of worry and overprotective-ness but you’re not a child anymore and they need to learn to let go. Perhaps suggest family counselling? I’m sure they’d probably say no judging by what you’ve said. It’s a shame they’re not willing to see reason.

Do you have any family members you could stay with?
Thank you for your response, it really means a lot.

We actually previously had family counselling when I was younger yet they manipulated the situation at the time making it seem like I was the only one in the wrong and that I just had a bunch of mental issues whenever I tried to talk about the stuff they have done like WHAT THE HECK THEY JUST REFUSE TO REALISE THEY ARE NOT DOING SOMETHING RIGHT.. and the counsellor said I was definitely mentally stable and was just a kid who wasn't listening to their parents 🤡 I think it still makes me sad to think about because nothing has changed at all since then They really act like my life isn't my own to lead and it is really infuriating. I unfortunately don't have any family members to live with as they all live too far away or abroad and I'm not really sure about how to go about legal advice either for this situation. I also think this might be due to the fact that I am the oldest sibling and a girl whereas my younger siblings are all boys and not adults yet have never gone through the same experiences at all.
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guacamolee
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you for your response, it really means a lot.

We actually previously had family counselling when I was younger yet they manipulated the situation at the time making it seem like I was the only one in the wrong and that I just had a bunch of mental issues whenever I tried to talk about the stuff they have done like WHAT THE HECK THEY JUST REFUSE TO REALISE THEY ARE NOT DOING SOMETHING RIGHT.. and the counsellor said I was definitely mentally stable and was just a kid who wasn't listening to their parents 🤡 I think it still makes me sad to think about because nothing has changed at all since then They really act like my life isn't my own to lead and it is really infuriating. I unfortunately don't have any family members to live with as they all live too far away or abroad and I'm not really sure about how to go about legal advice either for this situation. I also think this might be due to the fact that I am the oldest sibling and a girl whereas my younger siblings are all boys and not adults yet have never gone through the same experiences at all.
No worries!
I’m really sorry this sounds like an impossibly complicated situation. As you are legally an adult, do you know what plans your parents have in terms of you eventually moving out? I assume that will happen at some point even if it’s not for a few years.
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DiddyDec
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Set up your own bank account and contact student loans to update them of your new account details.

I would imagine there is a way to request your social security number from the relevant authorities in cases that you have forgotten or lost it. Alternatively you could dig through their private files when they aren't around.
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Anonymous #2
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I hear you. I’m basically in the same position. I’m trapped in an environment that makes me depressed but I don’t have any other family to stay with as we lost contact with everyone and it’s been 15 years now. So I literally have no where else to go. I don’t have any money of my own so I can’t leave home, and I’m trying to find a job and have been looking for the past 3 years and have got rejected from everywhere, I’m just giving up hope. I’m 18 and I will turn 19 soon. I just want to live my life without the suffocation of my parents but I’m trapped- I don’t have anywhere to go and I can’t get a job. I hope it works out for you since you have student loans, you could just update them about new bank details and then that might work. I hope everything works out
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Kerzen
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https://www.gov.uk/lost-national-insurance-number
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Anonymous #2
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OP said social security which leads me to believe they are American
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Kerzen
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Does the University at which you are studying offer accommodation, Anon?

Can I just check that you have access to your Student Loan money? If it is being diverted into an account to which you do not have access, that would be a very serious issue indeed.
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mgi
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm an adult now and throughout my whole childhood they gave me no independence they controlled every single thing I did and now I have been an adult for a few years and there is still nothing in my life I have decided for myself because they refuse to let me. My degree programme, where I live, they also refuse to give me my social security number or my own credit card with my student loan and treat me like I'm 12. They have put restrictions on the internet banning social media, I feel so trapped there is nowhere to turn in my life, their overprotectiveness drove me to depression as a child which they dismissed and even drove my lifelong friends away to ditch me without a word due to their jealousy of me being so affectionate to my friends and less so to them. And it is impossible to talk to them and I mean it. I am not trying to exaggerate as I physically cannot reason with them as they either ignore or think they know better and refuse to listen and I can't just pack up and leave because I have NOTHING and I am losing the will to live. I literally can't live like this any longer, how the hell can I turn 20 in this state. I feel sick to death. Please help with any advice.
Arrange to leave home permanently as soon as possible!
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Asetheticmoo
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm an adult now and throughout my whole childhood they gave me no independence they controlled every single thing I did and now I have been an adult for a few years and there is still nothing in my life I have decided for myself because they refuse to let me. My degree programme, where I live, they also refuse to give me my social security number or my own credit card with my student loan and treat me like I'm 12. They have put restrictions on the internet banning social media, I feel so trapped there is nowhere to turn in my life, their overprotectiveness drove me to depression as a child which they dismissed and even drove my lifelong friends away to ditch me without a word due to their jealousy of me being so affectionate to my friends and less so to them. And it is impossible to talk to them and I mean it. I am not trying to exaggerate as I physically cannot reason with them as they either ignore or think they know better and refuse to listen and I can't just pack up and leave because I have NOTHING and I am losing the will to live. I literally can't live like this any longer, how the hell can I turn 20 in this state. I feel sick to death. Please help with any advice.
My advice for you is just to ignore them but do hear them out if they have something really important to say.If you ignore them they will eventually but slowly give up another thing is that because you are an adult you can get some legal help.
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