How do you know he’s the one - is my bf not my ‘one’?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 2 months ago
#1
disclaimer: i have a very anxious and worrisome personality and i have been told i’m pessimistic at times. so i have a bad habit at picking in relationships and sometimes i come across harsh with my partner.

I do love him as he does try super hard for me and he is very adoring of me and caring. physically he’s perfect and i do see a life with him as our morals and ideas allign. he’s great, but i don’t know how some girls can be SO sure that their bfs are the ‘one’. i see them post how much they love their bf and are sure they are the one of them and i feel like .... is it only me who’s worried? He’s my first love so how do i know he’s THE love???? Idk???

As he is sensitive it can cause tension and we do argue at least once a week. This will involve getting annoyed and bickering for an hour then making up in the evening or the next day. he can be very childish and bicker or say things that are petty. we are also long distance so most of these arguments are due to communication. we have read all the articles and know exactly what to do to stop but it’s been 2 years and we still bicker. i love him the same and so does he, we are both still very crazy for eachother but over time i just wonder if we are compatible. i worry a lot, and about if our arguments aren’t normal and if we just aren’t working. Every now and then we’ll have a full on argument where he will get angry and shout and so will i and i’ll end up crying etc but we resolve it the night or the next day. Sometimes we do end up saying maybe we need to give this up and go are seperate ways because we keep arguing weekly. But we also make up shortly after lol

when we are together we rarely argue for longer than 30 mins and it’s easier for him to reassure me after because he is next to me.

Is it normal? Arguing around once a week... about trivial things like his tone, a comment i’ve made that he’s misunderstood, maybe i’ve been too anxious and he feels like i’m asking for too much reassurance, last week it was because i didn’t ask him about his weekend (i forgot).

Or are we toxic? Is our love doomed??? Help

a worrier
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SportScience98
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#2
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That sounds very toxic, especially the whole shouting at each other thing. It's not mature or normal human behaviour, and sounds like a unnecessary stress and a waste of time for both parties.

As for girls posting about how their bfs are 'the one' on social media, this is usually BS because social media is often used to create a fake positive image (sometimes even within a dysfunctional life). I would actually recommend leaving social media for this reason, as these comparisons to fake positive portrayals from others can cause insecurity. Its definitely not just you whos worried
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Abzzz57
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(Original post by Anonymous)
disclaimer: i have a very anxious and worrisome personality and i have been told i’m pessimistic at times. so i have a bad habit at picking in relationships and sometimes i come across harsh with my partner.

I do love him as he does try super hard for me and he is very adoring of me and caring. physically he’s perfect and i do see a life with him as our morals and ideas allign. he’s great, but i don’t know how some girls can be SO sure that their bfs are the ‘one’. i see them post how much they love their bf and are sure they are the one of them and i feel like .... is it only me who’s worried? He’s my first love so how do i know he’s THE love???? Idk???

As he is sensitive it can cause tension and we do argue at least once a week. This will involve getting annoyed and bickering for an hour then making up in the evening or the next day. he can be very childish and bicker or say things that are petty. we are also long distance so most of these arguments are due to communication. we have read all the articles and know exactly what to do to stop but it’s been 2 years and we still bicker. i love him the same and so does he, we are both still very crazy for eachother but over time i just wonder if we are compatible. i worry a lot, and about if our arguments aren’t normal and if we just aren’t working. Every now and then we’ll have a full on argument where he will get angry and shout and so will i and i’ll end up crying etc but we resolve it the night or the next day. Sometimes we do end up saying maybe we need to give this up and go are seperate ways because we keep arguing weekly. But we also make up shortly after lol

when we are together we rarely argue for longer than 30 mins and it’s easier for him to reassure me after because he is next to me.

Is it normal? Arguing around once a week... about trivial things like his tone, a comment i’ve made that he’s misunderstood, maybe i’ve been too anxious and he feels like i’m asking for too much reassurance, last week it was because i didn’t ask him about his weekend (i forgot).

Or are we toxic? Is our love doomed??? Help

a worrier
Hi, LDRs are so so hard, its so easy to misinterpret what the other person has said or worry more or assume your bf/gf is cheating because they don't text back straight away.. when you are together in person it's so much easier to read their emotions and ask for clarification!

Do you have plans to live together in the future? How far away are you guys?

I wouldn't worry to much about if he is the one or not, even if he isn't as long as you are still having a good time and you have a plan for the future then I think it's worth sticking it out for the hard times just so you can reach that good times.. it's completely up to you though and if you ever feel like the LDR is not worth it then definitely break up.. good luck!
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Anonymous #2
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Okay the fact that you’re questioning whether he’s the one kind of just tells u he’s not, I knew after a few months of being with my bf that I loved him and now everyday I feel so lucky to have him in my life, u will want a future with them and don’t want anyone else that’s how u will know that they’re the one. They treat u how u want to be treated. The first person your with you will always have a connection with them because they were your first for some memories so they will be special to u. Some couples bicker, but u just need to communicate when problems start happening and instead of blaming eachother just listen and try to find common ground. If u guys truly care about each other u won’t want to argue and will make changes to make each other happy. That’s a red flag for me that he shouts, my bf has never once shouted at me but again we are both very mature so it depends on how mature u guys are and he should never make u cry in a bad way that’s toxic in my eyes. It’s not normal to argue once a week, u can never ask for too much reassurance if that’s what u need then he should be there to support u and make sure you know that you’re important to him.
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sinfonietta
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If you are arguing this frequently then it sounds like you aren't a good match for each other.
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