The guy i like isn't over his ex

The guy i like isn't over his ex and they were dating for 3 years before i met him. They lived together and he really loves her still. He said he was dependent on alcohol after their breakup. He told me that he was feeling depressed and that he wasn't living for himself. I need sone advice and I'm so so worried avout him. She cheated on him AND broke uo with hum. He feels absolutely horrible and i have no idea how to helo him and its hurting me. He said he relies on her for happiness and even says he feels like he can't even have a serious relationship due to the trust issues he is feeling.
Can someone please help me!

Reply 1

Foxehh

21

Is he still in contact with her?

Reply 2

username2393237

21

You can support him if you want, but you should find someone else for a romantic relationship. He should probably seek professional help if he hasn’t already.

Reply 3

Dunnig Kruger

16

You can't be responsible for the thoughts, feelings, actions of other adults. You can only be responsible for your own.

It sounds like he would not be a good boyfriend for you.
Because he doesn't handle stress or setbacks well. And he takes his life too seriously.

Treat him as a reminder of how NOT to live your life.
Fill your life with adventures. Don't fill it with angst and regret over things that have already happened.

Reply 4

Oxford Mum

21

Original post by Anonymous

The guy i like isn't over his ex and they were dating for 3 years before i met him. They lived together and he really loves her still. He said he was dependent on alcohol after their breakup. He told me that he was feeling depressed and that he wasn't living for himself. I need sone advice and I'm so so worried avout him. She cheated on him AND broke uo with hum. He feels absolutely horrible and i have no idea how to helo him and its hurting me. He said he relies on her for happiness and even says he feels like he can't even have a serious relationship due to the trust issues he is feeling.
Can someone please help me!

Give this guy a very wide berth indeed. If you get sucked into his life, he will just use you as an emotional crutch, when you should be having fun with someone else.

I knew someone like this. He knew I quite liked him and said he would go to the same meet up events so we could get to know each other better.

Yet all the time, he would talk about his ex, a woman he met through meet up (who can't stand him now) and women he met online, liked, they rejected him but he still hankers for them back, even though they treated him badly.

I felt insulted. Here I was, a reasonably attractive and available lady, whom he knew he could have a relationship with if he played his cards right and he was almost taking the mickey out of me.

In the end, I called him out on it. He said "maybe in six months' time I may be ready for a relationship". I replied that if he really was keen on me, he would be ready alright. He just liked the attention he was getting from me, and pretended to be worse than he was so I could worry about him and rush to his side when he was upset. (Sound familiar, eh, OP?) He laughed, looked me straight in the eye and said "I like you... as a friend". I said "you're no friend to me", and predicted that I would never come to his house again. Wild horses wouldn't drag me back, to be honest.

When Covid came, we joined the same chat group, and he phoned me almost straight away. He didn't say how much he missed me, or my company, but out came a litany of woes about how miserable he was feeling. I realised it would just be as easy to leave a cardboard cut out of myself up at his house, as he wasn't interested in me at all. He wants to go out with me for a drink, but why should I?

Don't feel sorry for him, OP. Do what I did and cut your losses. As a famous self help author once said "Don't waste the pretty". Find someone more stable, less complicated, and more fun.

The guy i like isn't over his ex

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