I’m pregnant and my family can’t know.

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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 1 month ago
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Firstly I would like to say a huge fact which whoever decides to help me has to remember : I AM ASIAN. INDIAN to be exact.

I’m with my boyfriend who is from another ethnicity for almost two years. I have unexpectedly became pregnant. I can’t do an abortion, it’s not an option and would destroy me. This whole situation is driving me into depression. Everyone I speak to says tell your parents they will understand inc my partner but no one understands at all! Telling my parents isn’t just telling my parents. It’s telling my two older sisters, their husbands( who have al done everything the ‘proper’ way) and ofcourse the whole of the flipping Asian community.
I’m 4 months pregnant and absolutely going under mentally. I am so extremely tempted to tell my family that I have moved to Scotland or something and actually move Ofcourse and just say I’ve got work I’m too busy. Raise the child and see what the future holds BECAUSE telling them is something which would absolutly break their hearts. I’m filled with anger too that i don’t have the environment to go to them and be honest. Their even freaking out that I’ve moved out ( unknown to them it was because of morning sickness) sounds crazy I know. People say I’m being selfish when I say I don’t want to tell them. I see it more as saving them. They will be absolutly utrerlt crushed. Coming to another country to work and give their kids a good life and here I am which in their books is the worst thing I could ever do. Not to mention him being a whole other ethnicity.


I’m 22. Just finished uni. What do you all think 😩
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Anonymous #2
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What age r u?
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mgi
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Firstly I would like to say a huge fact which whoever decides to help me has to remember : I AM ASIAN. INDIAN to be exact.

I’m with my boyfriend who is from another ethnicity for almost two years. I have unexpectedly became pregnant. I can’t do an abortion, it’s not an option and would destroy me. This whole situation is driving me into depression. Everyone I speak to says tell your parents they will understand inc my partner but no one understands at all! Telling my parents isn’t just telling my parents. It’s telling my two older sisters, their husbands( who have al done everything the ‘proper’ way) and ofcourse the whole of the flipping Asian community.
I’m 4 months pregnant and absolutely going under mentally. I am so extremely tempted to tell my family that I have moved to Scotland or something and actually move Ofcourse and just say I’ve got work I’m too busy. Raise the child and see what the future holds BECAUSE telling them is something which would absolutly break their hearts. I’m filled with anger too that i don’t have the environment to go to them and be honest. Their even freaking out that I’ve moved out ( unknown to them it was because of morning sickness) sounds crazy I know. People say I’m being selfish when I say I don’t want to tell them. I see it more as saving them. They will be absolutly utrerlt crushed. Coming to another country to work and give their kids a good life and here I am which in their books is the worst thing I could ever do. Not to mention him being a whole other ethnicity.


I’m 22. Just finished uni. What do you all think 😩
I feel for you. This "cultural " bs unfortunately has the capacity to destroy lives.
But, i think you are goung to firstly have to stop comparing yourself with any member of your family and community! That is difficult but it is where you will start to be much happier.
If your family object to someone based on their ethnicity then that is racism and you should feel free to call them out on it!
Drastic as it seems you could decide to temporarily disown them. It is none of their business that you had sex. Who appointed them as judges? Would your married sisters judge you as well?
Call the Samiritans for emotional support. There are also mental health charities that can help you.
I know that this is a big cultural problem but "culture" can be really stupid sometimes!
Don't let it's stupidity and utter hypocrisy destroy you!
Last edited by mgi; 1 month ago
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15977emily
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(Original post by Anonymous)
What age r u?
She's 22.
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Sam.C.Mat
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They're going to find out at some point in the next 9 months. That's pretty unavoidable.
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Moonbow
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Do what you feel best. Try giving the child up for adoption? This could work, but it really depends what you think
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Anonymous #3
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Actions have consequences
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Anonymous #4
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Hey as you know everything happens for a reason. This may be hard but maybe try telling a family member that you feel the most closest to first then with them tell your sisters/parents. You would probably have to explain that your boyfriend is a different ethnicity but just imagine in a few years time, no-one will care and this will be the past. Make sure you surround yourself with support!

(Original post by Anonymous)
Firstly I would like to say a huge fact which whoever decides to help me has to remember : I AM ASIAN. INDIAN to be exact.

I’m with my boyfriend who is from another ethnicity for almost two years. I have unexpectedly became pregnant. I can’t do an abortion, it’s not an option and would destroy me. This whole situation is driving me into depression. Everyone I speak to says tell your parents they will understand inc my partner but no one understands at all! Telling my parents isn’t just telling my parents. It’s telling my two older sisters, their husbands( who have al done everything the ‘proper’ way) and ofcourse the whole of the flipping Asian community.
I’m 4 months pregnant and absolutely going under mentally. I am so extremely tempted to tell my family that I have moved to Scotland or something and actually move Ofcourse and just say I’ve got work I’m too busy. Raise the child and see what the future holds BECAUSE telling them is something which would absolutly break their hearts. I’m filled with anger too that i don’t have the environment to go to them and be honest. Their even freaking out that I’ve moved out ( unknown to them it was because of morning sickness) sounds crazy I know. People say I’m being selfish when I say I don’t want to tell them. I see it more as saving them. They will be absolutly utrerlt crushed. Coming to another country to work and give their kids a good life and here I am which in their books is the worst thing I could ever do. Not to mention him being a whole other ethnicity.


I’m 22. Just finished uni. What do you all think 😩
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Anonymous #5
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It might be best to move and raise her your pregnancy is your business not anybody else’s
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kingaharuna
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I'm Indian too and understand what you mean. But you will have to tell your parents eventually- it will just get even more complicated if u tell them later "hey I've had a child, your grandchild, for a few years now". It is good that you have finished University and u are not in School; that would be a lot worse due to A levels and it would be hard to secure a uni place whilst raising a child. But atleast if you tell them, there may be an initial period of "OMG whattt" but atleast they could perhaps help take care of the child whilst u find a place and settle down? (Pretty much what my parents did with me) At the end of the day, the baby is your child and they will love him/her unconditionally. You could consider adoption too, depending on how u feel about that choice...
Last edited by kingaharuna; 1 month ago
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Oshmit
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Firstly I would like to say a huge fact which whoever decides to help me has to remember : I AM ASIAN. INDIAN to be exact.

I’m with my boyfriend who is from another ethnicity for almost two years. I have unexpectedly became pregnant. I can’t do an abortion, it’s not an option and would destroy me. This whole situation is driving me into depression. Everyone I speak to says tell your parents they will understand inc my partner but no one understands at all! Telling my parents isn’t just telling my parents. It’s telling my two older sisters, their husbands( who have al done everything the ‘proper’ way) and ofcourse the whole of the flipping Asian community.
I’m 4 months pregnant and absolutely going under mentally. I am so extremely tempted to tell my family that I have moved to Scotland or something and actually move Ofcourse and just say I’ve got work I’m too busy. Raise the child and see what the future holds BECAUSE telling them is something which would absolutly break their hearts. I’m filled with anger too that i don’t have the environment to go to them and be honest. Their even freaking out that I’ve moved out ( unknown to them it was because of morning sickness) sounds crazy I know. People say I’m being selfish when I say I don’t want to tell them. I see it more as saving them. They will be absolutly utrerlt crushed. Coming to another country to work and give their kids a good life and here I am which in their books is the worst thing I could ever do. Not to mention him being a whole other ethnicity.


I’m 22. Just finished uni. What do you all think 😩
When the alternative is an abortion, telling your family will probably be best I think. They would probably choose to save a child(even if conceived improperly) over killing it. And yes you will face stigma, but know that there will be indians who will feel for you, understand your predicament and support you...
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mgi
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Actions have consequences
Yes, obviously. And what is your point otherwise?
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mgi
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(Original post by Oshmit)
When the alternative is an abortion, telling your family will probably be best I think. They would probably choose to save a child(even if conceived improperly) over killing it. And yes you will face stigma, but know that there will be indians who will feel for you, understand your predicament and support you...
"Conceived improperly "?? what a phrase that is! Why does this utter cultural bs carry on for generations?
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5hyl33n
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Actions have consequences
(Original post by Anonymous)
What age r u?
(Original post by Anonymous)
It might be best to move and raise her your pregnancy is your business not anybody else’s
I see you guys have mastered the use of Anon.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by mgi)
I feel for you. This "cultural " bs unfortunately has the capacity to destroy lives.
But, i think you are goung to firstly have to stop comparing yourself with any member of your family and community! That is difficult but it is where you will start to be much happier.
If your family object to someone based on their ethnicity then that is racism and you should feel free to call them out on it!
Drastic as it seems you could decide to temporarily disown them. It is none of their business that you had sex. Who appointed them as judges? Would your married sisters judge you as well?
Call the Samiritans for emotional support. There are also mental health charities that can help you.
I know that this is a big cultural problem but "culture" can be really stupid sometimes!
Don't let it's stupidity and utter hypocrisy destroy you!
Hey thank you for taking the time out to respond to me. I so much appreciate it.

I’ll be honest here. They knew he was a certain culture, which they were not too happy about but knowing he’s not Indian made my mum ask the question ‘he’s not married or has kids does he’ lo and behold. 2 years ago from a one night stand which he regrets every day of his life - he has a son. Whom the woman doesn’t let him see even though he is fighting to be a part of his sons life. Ofcourse I’m no one to judge someone on their past. But my mum knowing that and with almost everyone in my family going with my mums emotions, there’s a odd iffyness.

Here’s the thing though, I don’t know if I’m denial or what but my family isn’t bad at al. They’ve never tried to control me, they’ve given me good freedom considered to Asian standards and they love me immensely so it’s like I keep just blaming myself because it was my stupid actions and decisions which got me here.

My married sisters would be worse. One of them likes the guy tho so 🤷🏽*♀️

Okay I’ll call them. Thank you so much again. X
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black tea
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Your parents will find out sooner or later, you can't really hide a child. Telling them might break their hearts and might make them not want to speak to you, but they may be more accepting than you think. By running away to another part of the country, you are essentially depriving yourself of their support; if you tell them, they might not want anything to do with the child (so the same outcome as if you moved away), or they might be extremely supportive. Just speak to them. You are an adult. The baby is not going away and running away from the situation is not the answer.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Sam.C.Mat)
They're going to find out at some point in the next 9 months. That's pretty unavoidable.
Sorry if I sound crazy but realy is it? I mean as horrific as it sounds, I know people who have moved away and had the child, no one even knew. They just carried on. 🤷🏽*♀️
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Moonbow)
Do what you feel best. Try giving the child up for adoption? This could work, but it really depends what you think
I mean, it’s a horrible thought for me. If I can carry this child, surely I can bring him or her up too. It’s so horrible because coronavirus everything has just gotten in the way. I’m honestly surprised I’m still alive that’s how heavy everything really is.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by black tea)
Your parents will find out sooner or later, you can't really hide a child. Telling them might break their hearts and might make them not want to speak to you, but they may be more accepting than you think. By running away to another part of the country, you are essentially depriving yourself of their support; if you tell them, they might not want anything to do with the child (so the same outcome as if you moved away), or they might be extremely supportive. Just speak to them. You are an adult. The baby is not going away and running away from the situation is not the answer.
I undertand what your saying but honestly fear cripples me so much that I just end up thinking maybe this is the punishment I deserve. Maybe I’m not supposed to get their support cuz of my own selfish actions. Ahhh
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by kingaharuna)
I'm Indian too and understand what you mean. But you will have to tell your parents eventually- it will just get even more complicated if u tell them later "hey I've had a child, your grandchild, for a few years now". It is good that you have finished University and u are not in School; that would be a lot worse due to A levels and it would be hard to secure a uni place whilst raising a child. But atleast if you tell them, there may be an initial period of "OMG whattt" but atleast they could perhaps help take care of the child whilst u find a place and settle down? (Pretty much what my parents did with me) At the end of the day, the baby is your child and they will love him/her unconditionally. You could consider adoption too, depending on how u feel about that choice...
Ahhhhh I can’t even express 💔💔💔 but thankful you for taking the time out to support.
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