Pakistani parents found out i'm gay...
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uh oh you better run bfore your parents disown you
Original post by Anonymous
I did feel that was reassuring.... also no 
not in this country
not in this countryIslam has created this hardship in the first place. Conversion therapy doesn’t work and I think it’s very cruel. Have you tried the links other people have posted?
hey man. i know what your going through. they can’t force you go anywhere. you should defiantly go to uni, enjoy your life, you can’t change who you are, embrace who you are. i understand that your parents have very old fashioned, traditional morals and they’ve always had the idea of you marrying a woman ever since you were born. they aren’t ready to let go of that just yet. you are their child. they love you. they’ll come around. it gets better.
Original post by Anonymous
Are you religious? (I'm not judging either way here)
yes i am sort of religious, which makes me being cursed with this sexuality even worse... I just want to be like other people...
Original post by moso2203
pakistani here too
sorry to hear about your situation
your parents can't technically do anything to you since you're now an adult. they can't control you, force you to go to pakistan (and probably marry your cousin bushra) or undergo conversion therapy which is close to being banned in the country anyway.
it might be wise to prepare yourself in the event you get kicked out (but i pray that doesn't happen) - so read up on local services for young, homeless people.
is your uni local or far? if it's far, then that's a good opportunity to get away and become independent imo.
the above comment is also true, whether or not you're practicing!
the response of your parents is not surprising. pakistani parents are very traditional and conservative, and in pretty much cases, put a massive emphasis on marriage & kids, which isn't fair on people who simply don't want to get married / are asexual, or can't have kids, or who aren't straight etc. so yes it takes a lot of time to process. asian parents are also constantly worrying "what will family/neighbours/relatives" think.
i'd love to talk further via pm, i know you're on anonymous so you don't have to. i can relate to parts of your dilemma as well so hopefully we can talk more about that if you want! also, if you are a practicing muslim, i can point you to some resources too
sorry to hear about your situation
your parents can't technically do anything to you since you're now an adult. they can't control you, force you to go to pakistan (and probably marry your cousin bushra) or undergo conversion therapy which is close to being banned in the country anyway.
it might be wise to prepare yourself in the event you get kicked out (but i pray that doesn't happen) - so read up on local services for young, homeless people.
is your uni local or far? if it's far, then that's a good opportunity to get away and become independent imo.
the above comment is also true, whether or not you're practicing!
the response of your parents is not surprising. pakistani parents are very traditional and conservative, and in pretty much cases, put a massive emphasis on marriage & kids, which isn't fair on people who simply don't want to get married / are asexual, or can't have kids, or who aren't straight etc. so yes it takes a lot of time to process. asian parents are also constantly worrying "what will family/neighbours/relatives" think.
i'd love to talk further via pm, i know you're on anonymous so you don't have to. i can relate to parts of your dilemma as well so hopefully we can talk more about that if you want! also, if you are a practicing muslim, i can point you to some resources too
Thanks a lot, man
The uni I applied to is far, so I don't know how I'll even get there with all my stuff on my own. Also, if I get kicked out idk how ill support myself since I don't have a job and there aren't many jobs being given out anyway...
I'll message you later
Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd
Really really sorry to hear this, it sounds really painful and difficult for you In case the worst happens, please make a note of this charity who might be able to offer advice/help with escaping: https://www.akt.org.uk/
In case the worst happens, please make a note of this charity who might be able to offer advice/help with escaping: https://www.akt.org.uk/Thanks! Ive noted them down
You are not cursed.
If you have *any* concerns whatsoever regarding your safety, please confide in a trusted adult - perhaps someone from your 6thform or college? If you believe there is a chance you will be forcibly sent back to Pakistan, please consider ringing the Forced Marriage Unit (it's not just for victims of forced marriage, they can issue blocks on your passport), your local childrens services (adult services if you're 18, though try childrens services first) or the police.
I appreciate the cultural differences etc but it really is NOT ok for your parents to insist/force on conversion therapy, make attending university difficult or insisting upon your return to Pakistan.
If you have *any* concerns whatsoever regarding your safety, please confide in a trusted adult - perhaps someone from your 6thform or college? If you believe there is a chance you will be forcibly sent back to Pakistan, please consider ringing the Forced Marriage Unit (it's not just for victims of forced marriage, they can issue blocks on your passport), your local childrens services (adult services if you're 18, though try childrens services first) or the police.
I appreciate the cultural differences etc but it really is NOT ok for your parents to insist/force on conversion therapy, make attending university difficult or insisting upon your return to Pakistan.
Original post by Anonymous
yes i am sort of religious, which makes me being cursed with this sexuality even worse... I just want to be like other people...
You are like other people; never think otherwise.
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks a lot, man
The uni I applied to is far, so I don't know how I'll even get there with all my stuff on my own. Also, if I get kicked out idk how ill support myself since I don't have a job and there aren't many jobs being given out anyway...
I'll message you later
The uni I applied to is far, so I don't know how I'll even get there with all my stuff on my own. Also, if I get kicked out idk how ill support myself since I don't have a job and there aren't many jobs being given out anyway...
I'll message you later
Which University are you hoping to go to and when will you know whether you have secured your place?
Where would you need to re-locate from?
Believe me, these things can be done. Although my main course was in the UK, I had to spend a year in Europe and did semesters in Heidelberg and Brussels. I had a little car at the time and so I booked a ferry ticket to Belgium, filled my car with petrol and set off. Every year, students are setting off for new adventures at University and you can too.
To be honest, you don't really need to take that much with you.
Have you got everything sorted now re your funding?
Original post by Anonymous
yes i am sort of religious, which makes me being cursed with this sexuality even worse... I just want to be like other people...
I know how you feel... I'm a fairly religious Catholic and homo and I was here like
... I used to have a lot of wishes and prayers that I was straight or even that I stopped being, especially when thinking about The Crush of about 6/7 years... I've accepted it now but it is still sometimes my greatest wish.. 
Haven't told my parents lmao decided I'd do that after uni when I am very stable with life and jobs etc.. My thoughts were made stronger when sometimes I act gay in front of them and they're like if my son is gay he cannot be in this house/he will get snip snipI hope your parents realise that this is who you are... deffo try and see if you can get to uni as soon as you can, contact the local council.. do you have friends you could crash with between now and start of uni? Good luck habibi
If things don’t work out, and they try something, know you can find help
http://www.galop.org.uk/
https://lgbt.foundation/helpline
https://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/sexuality/
http://www.galop.org.uk/
https://lgbt.foundation/helpline
https://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/sexuality/
(edited 3 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
I'm 18 years old and somehow my parents just found out I'm gay. Idk what happened but the other day out of the blue my dad came home angry and demanded my phone, unlocked. I gave it to him, and he searched through it, finding evidence of my sexuality and the people I've been talking to etc. Idk what's going to happen now but my dad has been silent for a few days. My mum is also heartbroken but she's more concerned and wants what's best for me... She says he is thinking of what to do... Idk what's gonna happen. He could kick me out of the house, or send me to Pakistan for uni. Which is horrible because I've already applied to uni for 2020 entry (Idk if I've got in yet tho)
But I really do not want to go to Pakistan. My mum said that conversion therapy is being considered for me. I didn't want to be this way and I just want to be normal. I don't want to be gay, I wish I were straight then my life wouldn't be such a mess....
Its crazy how just a week before I found out whether I got into uni or not somehow my parents found all this out.... Now my mum said to me to "completely forget about even going to uni"... what on earth should I do?????
But I really do not want to go to Pakistan. My mum said that conversion therapy is being considered for me. I didn't want to be this way and I just want to be normal. I don't want to be gay, I wish I were straight then my life wouldn't be such a mess....
Its crazy how just a week before I found out whether I got into uni or not somehow my parents found all this out.... Now my mum said to me to "completely forget about even going to uni"... what on earth should I do?????
As others have said - you're 18, they can't stop you from going to Uni, can't force you to go to Pakistan etc. Please contact the police if they are going to try and get you to go to conversation therapy (especially if it's physically/mentally abusive). But again, they can't force you to go to that. Even if they tried it would be against your will and therefore you'd need to report it to the police too. There's a lot of support out there. It's a confusing time but gradually you'll be able to love yourself for who you truly are - it took me a while too. There's no reason your life should be 'a mess' just because you're gay. Either your parents will learn to deal with it or lose you, that's their choice. Assuming that you're in the UK, you are protected for being gay by the Equality Act (2010), and your parents have to act in accordance to that too (e.g. any verbal/physical abuse is illegal, and even worse if it's aimed at you because you're gay). I really hope things work out for you, give it time
Original post by Anonymous
I'm 18 years old and somehow my parents just found out I'm gay. Idk what happened but the other day out of the blue my dad came home angry and demanded my phone, unlocked. I gave it to him, and he searched through it, finding evidence of my sexuality and the people I've been talking to etc. Idk what's going to happen now but my dad has been silent for a few days. My mum is also heartbroken but she's more concerned and wants what's best for me... She says he is thinking of what to do... Idk what's gonna happen. He could kick me out of the house, or send me to Pakistan for uni. Which is horrible because I've already applied to uni for 2020 entry (Idk if I've got in yet tho)
But I really do not want to go to Pakistan. My mum said that conversion therapy is being considered for me. I didn't want to be this way and I just want to be normal. I don't want to be gay, I wish I were straight then my life wouldn't be such a mess....
Its crazy how just a week before I found out whether I got into uni or not somehow my parents found all this out.... Now my mum said to me to "completely forget about even going to uni"... what on earth should I do?????
But I really do not want to go to Pakistan. My mum said that conversion therapy is being considered for me. I didn't want to be this way and I just want to be normal. I don't want to be gay, I wish I were straight then my life wouldn't be such a mess....
Its crazy how just a week before I found out whether I got into uni or not somehow my parents found all this out.... Now my mum said to me to "completely forget about even going to uni"... what on earth should I do?????
Firstly, you need to give things a little time to settle.
I'm sorry to say this but you will also have to stand up for yourself a bit more too.
The issue is with your parents, not you. Until they realise that, your options are rather limited. However, you are 18. An adult. The worst thing that could happen is they kick you out of the house. Despite what your parents think, you can't be "sent back" to Pakistan or forced into conversion therapy. Stop worrying about all the things that your dad might be thinking.
I'm not sure where you are, regarding student finance, but obviously this should be a focus for you if its not already. If you can provide a rough location, users might be able to point you to support groups etc. There is only so much that online users can do for you, but i promise that there are people out there who can help you. You are not alone.
(edited 3 years ago)
Original post by firdouss
uh oh you better run bfore your parents disown you
What you said is literally a paradox. Also, learn to spell.
Original post by Kerzen
Which University are you hoping to go to and when will you know whether you have secured your place?
Where would you need to re-locate from?
Believe me, these things can be done. Although my main course was in the UK, I had to spend a year in Europe and did semesters in Heidelberg and Brussels. I had a little car at the time and so I booked a ferry ticket to Belgium, filled my car with petrol and set off. Every year, students are setting off for new adventures at University and you can too.
To be honest, you don't really need to take that much with you.
Have you got everything sorted now re your funding?
Where would you need to re-locate from?
Believe me, these things can be done. Although my main course was in the UK, I had to spend a year in Europe and did semesters in Heidelberg and Brussels. I had a little car at the time and so I booked a ferry ticket to Belgium, filled my car with petrol and set off. Every year, students are setting off for new adventures at University and you can too.
To be honest, you don't really need to take that much with you.
Have you got everything sorted now re your funding?
I'll be going to university in Sheffield hopefully... and I find out tomorrow!!
Also I've never like lived alone/ left home etc and I have tons of stuff including a heavy ass PC so ill need to sell that before leaving if I do
Original post by RV3112
Firstly, you need to give things a little time to settle.
I'm sorry to say this but you will also have to stand up for yourself a bit more too.
The issue is with your parents, not you. Until they realise that, your options are rather limited. However, you are 18. An adult. The worst thing that could happen is they kick you out of the house. Despite what your parents think, you can't be "sent back" to Pakistan or forced into conversion therapy. Stop worrying about all the things that your dad might be thinking.
I'm not sure where you are, regarding student finance, but obviously this should be a focus for you if its not already. If you can provide a rough location, users might be able to point you to support groups etc. There is only so much that online users can do for you, but i promise that there are people out there who can help you. You are not alone.
I'm sorry to say this but you will also have to stand up for yourself a bit more too.
The issue is with your parents, not you. Until they realise that, your options are rather limited. However, you are 18. An adult. The worst thing that could happen is they kick you out of the house. Despite what your parents think, you can't be "sent back" to Pakistan or forced into conversion therapy. Stop worrying about all the things that your dad might be thinking.
I'm not sure where you are, regarding student finance, but obviously this should be a focus for you if its not already. If you can provide a rough location, users might be able to point you to support groups etc. There is only so much that online users can do for you, but i promise that there are people out there who can help you. You are not alone.
And Ive already applied to student finance, and my application is complete... now I just need to see if I got into my chosen Uni. Also, I'm based in Luton so not exactly the nicest of places
Original post by martahgn
Do you have any relatives/friends in the Europe or US, etc?
I do.. but they all are pakistani and conservative Muslims who would certainly not be anymore welcoming
Original post by YaliaV
Islam has created this hardship in the first place. Conversion therapy doesn’t work and I think it’s very cruel. Have you tried the links other people have posted?
Islam forbids gay sexual acts, its okay to have gay thoughts. gay people get more reward in the afterlife too because it was harder for them
Original post by BurstingBubbles
As others have said - you're 18, they can't stop you from going to Uni, can't force you to go to Pakistan etc. Please contact the police if they are going to try and get you to go to conversation therapy (especially if it's physically/mentally abusive). But again, they can't force you to go to that. Even if they tried it would be against your will and therefore you'd need to report it to the police too. There's a lot of support out there. It's a confusing time but gradually you'll be able to love yourself for who you truly are - it took me a while too. There's no reason your life should be 'a mess' just because you're gay. Either your parents will learn to deal with it or lose you, that's their choice. Assuming that you're in the UK, you are protected for being gay by the Equality Act (2010), and your parents have to act in accordance to that too (e.g. any verbal/physical abuse is illegal, and even worse if it's aimed at you because you're gay). I really hope things work out for you, give it time
Thanks. I dont think my parents will force me but if I don't listen to them they will threaten to/ will kick me out and sever all contact with me. Ive been living at home under my parents my whole life I do not know how to survive in the real world
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks. I dont think my parents will force me but if I don't listen to them they will threaten to/ will kick me out and sever all contact with me. Ive been living at home under my parents my whole life I do not know how to survive in the real world
Yes, you do know how to, of course you do.
To be honest, to be taking the first steps while going to University is a real blessing. You will be in a relatively structured organisation with things like accommodation arranged for you. There will be support organisations like the Counselling Service.
Strike out on your own and really shine. In a year's time, you will look back at this moment and be amazed at how far you have come.
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