I hate having scoliosis

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laurie_123
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I hate having scoliosis so much. I try to stay positive, but recently it’s really been getting me down. I hate not being able to wear nice dresses or cute tops, I always see people walking around wearing such nice clothes - I see their straight backs and I envy them. It makes me feel like I’m the only person in the world with scoliosis. I know that there are so many other people out there, but I just wish that I knew someone with it. None of my family has it and, to be honest, it makes me feel more isolated when they try to help. They always try their best, and they’re always there for me, but they just don’t really know what it’s actually like.

Often during days out I see my reflection on a reflective building/wall, and I look so hunched over where my back curves. Also, before I was diagnosed, my mum once told me at a family gathering that I look hunched over, and that I needed to push my shoulders back. Of course, she didn’t know back then, but I remember feeling really sad afterwards because I was trying my hardest to sit up straight.

I was diagnosed after about a year or two of me having it. I didn’t realise I had it for a very long time since my mum had a bad back and used to complain a lot about it, so I would think: “well, I guess this is just normal then.” I’m definitely not blaming my mum for my scoliosis though, she did not cause it and didn’t know about my back pain at all. I only realised I had it when I went out with my family in the summer of 2018, and they noticed my back sticking out. That day was horrible, I felt so scared and alone. Luckily later on I realised I wasn’t going to die, and that my problem is actually pretty common.

I might be having surgery sometime this year, but I don’t really know because coronavirus has delayed it. I’m anxious, but I’m also excited. I really look forward to wearing dresses, and I’m hoping I’ll feel more confident.

Thanks for reading.
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Anonymous #1
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Awk don't ever feel like that. I know it's hard and easier said than done since I don't know what it's like, and I'll never know what it's like. But you are strong. A bit of imperfection makes you you and it's alright. It's only physical and nothing to do with your personality. How old are you? It took me ages to realise looks are not everything.

If you want to wear a dress before surgery, wear it. Who cares? You're wearing because you want to feel good, people should be looking at you, looking how confident you are!!

I have anxiety and my parents and family don't understand and they never will because they don't understand. Mental health issues also carries a certain stigma so they judge me. Let me tell you, I felt, still do, so lonely sometimes. But I have good friends that understands and support, as well as my boyfriend so there are people that show kindness because they care about the person inside and not physical appearance!

Try to manage your thinking and think positively. it's good that you're excited about the surgery! xx
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2_versions
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oh wow that sounds really tough for you, I hope your confidence is going up with hopes of surgery - not liking what you see in the mirror is a horrible horrible feeling, and I assume it's so much worse when you're un-diagnosed with something... I also think that maintaining positive like you have is wonderful, and even if you don't like having scoliosis right now, you should know that you have amazing resilience. You've probably been called brave by everyone haha, but it's true and it's admirable

I'm sure that when you put that first dress on you'll look stunning
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laurie_123
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Awk don't ever feel like that. I know it's hard and easier said than done since I don't know what it's like, and I'll never know what it's like. But you are strong. A bit of imperfection makes you you and it's alright. It's only physical and nothing to do with your personality. How old are you? It took me ages to realise looks are not everything.

If you want to wear a dress before surgery, wear it. Who cares? You're wearing because you want to feel good, people should be looking at you, looking how confident you are!!

I have anxiety and my parents and family don't understand and they never will because they don't understand. Mental health issues also carries a certain stigma so they judge me. Let me tell you, I felt, still do, so lonely sometimes. But I have good friends that understands and support, as well as my boyfriend so there are people that show kindness because they care about the person inside and not physical appearance!

Try to manage your thinking and think positively. it's good that you're excited about the surgery! xx
Hi - thanks for the reply!

I’m 15. I try to stay positive, but some days it does get me down. Some days I feel more confident than others, and today was one of those less confident ones. Thanks for your advice, I think I am going to wear a dress before surgery, but one that covers most of my back! xx
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laurie_123
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(Original post by 2_versions)
oh wow that sounds really tough for you, I hope your confidence is going up with hopes of surgery - not liking what you see in the mirror is a horrible horrible feeling, and I assume it's so much worse when you're un-diagnosed with something... I also think that maintaining positive like you have is wonderful, and even if you don't like having scoliosis right now, you should know that you have amazing resilience. You've probably been called brave by everyone haha, but it's true and it's admirable

I'm sure that when you put that first dress on you'll look stunning
Aw, thank you so much To be honest, before I was diagnosed I was a lot less self conscious so I didn’t really look in the mirror or notice! I look forward to wearing a dress next summer Thanks for your reply xx
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(Original post by laurie_123)
Hi - thanks for the reply!

I’m 15. I try to stay positive, but some days it does get me down. Some days I feel more confident than others, and today was one of those less confident ones. Thanks for your advice, I think I am going to wear a dress before surgery, but one that covers most of my back! xx
You're so brave! I'm 22 and I need to learn from you, honestly. You're positivity is admirable.

Awk, just remember tomorrow is a new day. Get a good night sleep, do something you like and once you wake up, you'll feel great!
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Also, when you're feeling down, speak to someone and have something sweet chocolate, brownie anything. Find a good friend and talk about stuff, anything from makeup to deep stuff. Don't be alone and start all the negativity
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2_versions
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(Original post by laurie_123)
Aw, thank you so much To be honest, before I was diagnosed I was a lot less self conscious so I didn’t really look in the mirror or notice! I look forward to wearing a dress next summer Thanks for your reply xx
no problem! Feel free to @ me if you have any updates you want to share on here
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laurie_123
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Also, when you're feeling down, speak to someone and have something sweet chocolate, brownie anything. Find a good friend and talk about stuff, anything from makeup to deep stuff. Don't be alone and start all the negativity
Thank you so much for all your help! I will definitely take your advice on board. I’ll make sure to sleep well tonight and tomorrow will be better xx
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laurie_123
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(Original post by 2_versions)
no problem! Feel free to @ me if you have any updates you want to share on here
Ok! I will
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Pathway
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I have kyphoscoliosis, so you're not alone at all. It's actually really common, some people obviously have it to a much more severe degree though. I hope your surgery goes well.
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laurie_123
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(Original post by Pathway)
I have kyphoscoliosis, so you're not alone at all. It's actually really common, some people obviously have it to a much more severe degree though. I hope your surgery goes well.
Thank you! Yeah, I think it’s easy to forget that you’re not alone when it seems like no one else is experiencing what you’re going through. One of the great things about the internet is it’s easy to connect with people with scoliosis! Thanks for your reply xx
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Pathway
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(Original post by laurie_123)
Thank you! Yeah, I think it’s easy to forget that you’re not alone when it seems like no one else is experiencing what you’re going through. One of the great things about the internet is it’s easy to connect with people with scoliosis! Thanks for your reply xx
You're welcome to send me a message if you ever want to talk.
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