The Student Room Group

Pregnant at 17

I’m not pregnant but I’ve always thought about it and I don’t know why but I just love the idea of getting pregnant and having a kid at a young age. I know it’s really stupid and I’m not going to do it but I just always think about what it’d feel like. There’s a guy I talk to sometimes and we always talk about it and he wants to too. Like I said I wouldn’t do it and I’m going to wait until I’m older but does anyone else feel the same? I think because I’m seen as quite a sensible and ‘clever’ person it makes me want to even more just to do the opposite of what people would expect. I know it might seem crazy but I’d just love to have my own kid and have that sort of a connection to someone and I feel like it would just feel so special. Is it weird and crazy or do other people feel like this too?
Sometimes

I’d be rushed off my feet 🦶!!!
Im only 16 but YES SAME. i would love to have a child when im 20 or younger but i will still be uni so its just not feasible. More likely to have my first at 25/26 tbh. I think its good waiting till your older because your more financially stable and more mature but i would honesty love one young.
Reply 3
Original post by future_11
Im only 16 but YES SAME. i would love to have a child when im 20 or younger but i will still be uni so its just not feasible. More likely to have my first at 25/26 tbh. I think its good waiting till your older because your more financially stable and more mature but i would honesty love one young.

ahaha yay so I’m not insane. I want one at like 24 but I’d love younger but it’s the same with like uni and things
Original post by Anonymous
I’m not pregnant but I’ve always thought about it and I don’t know why but I just love the idea of getting pregnant and having a kid at a young age. I know it’s really stupid and I’m not going to do it but I just always think about what it’d feel like. There’s a guy I talk to sometimes and we always talk about it and he wants to too. Like I said I wouldn’t do it and I’m going to wait until I’m older but does anyone else feel the same? I think because I’m seen as quite a sensible and ‘clever’ person it makes me want to even more just to do the opposite of what people would expect. I know it might seem crazy but I’d just love to have my own kid and have that sort of a connection to someone and I feel like it would just feel so special. Is it weird and crazy or do other people feel like this too?

I'm 25 and pregnant, and it's still seen as young by some people, we own our house, have a car and have been together for over 6 years so know we're ready to be parents. I don't think there is a perfect age but pregnancy is difficult at times (and mines been quite easy symptom wise so far apart from having the extra stress of being pregnant during covid) so I would consider waiting until you have an income that will guarantee maternity pay (baby things can be pricey even when you get second hand bits) and have a home where you can raise a baby comfortably.
Reply 5
Original post by Anonymous
I’m not pregnant but I’ve always thought about it and I don’t know why but I just love the idea of getting pregnant and having a kid at a young age. I know it’s really stupid and I’m not going to do it but I just always think about what it’d feel like. There’s a guy I talk to sometimes and we always talk about it and he wants to too. Like I said I wouldn’t do it and I’m going to wait until I’m older but does anyone else feel the same? I think because I’m seen as quite a sensible and ‘clever’ person it makes me want to even more just to do the opposite of what people would expect. I know it might seem crazy but I’d just love to have my own kid and have that sort of a connection to someone and I feel like it would just feel so special. Is it weird and crazy or do other people feel like this too?

Hi, from the age of 16-18 I desperately wanted to have a baby! I was convinced I would have one super young and planned to have one as soon as I was in a serious relationship, however I'm now 26 and I'm so glad I haven't had a child yet! There is still so much I want to do and I just couldn't have provided a good enough life for a baby if I had gone ahead and had one early!

I think it's quite a normal feeling!
Original post by claireestelle
I'm 25 and pregnant, and it's still seen as young by some people, we own our house, have a car and have been together for over 6 years so know we're ready to be parents. I don't think there is a perfect age but pregnancy is difficult at times (and mines been quite easy symptom wise so far apart from having the extra stress of being pregnant during covid) so I would consider waiting until you have an income that will guarantee maternity pay (baby things can be pricey even when you get second hand bits) and have a home where you can raise a baby comfortably.

Congratulations!!! Your're such an inspiration .. exactly what i want to be like when im that age. I hope everything goes well for you , your partner and your new edition. I'm only 16 but i've got quite a big family who would help me out but im definitely waiting till I've finished uni and stuff and when i can actually cope.
Original post by future_11
Congratulations!!! Your're such an inspiration .. exactly what i want to be like when im that age. I hope everything goes well for you , your partner and your new edition. I'm only 16 but i've got quite a big family who would help me out but im definitely waiting till I've finished uni and stuff and when i can actually cope.

thank you, yes I'd definitely say to wait until your 20s :smile:
Reply 8
Being a mother is generally great and so rewarding, and the little (often crackers) offspring can give you endless amounts of joy and giggles and most of all, unconditional love. But IT. IS. HARD.

I'm in my late 30s and have 2 young kids. Being a mother is the toughest and most demanding job in the world. There is nothing that can prepare you for being a mother. I am ALWAYS busy. I have days where it gets to dinner time and I realise I have barely sat down all day. I always have other people to consider now (I can't even just nip to the shop without having to bundle them into the car too, unless my husband is around to look after them), it's stressful, you won't have a decent night's sleep for years, and it is expensive, especially when they're babies.

I went back to full time education last year and I didn't know my ass from my elbow for the 7 months I was going to college for and trying to juggle everything and get good grades. But I couldn't do it until now when the kids were finally able to go to school/nursery. Full time childcare is extortionate. I became a stay at home mum after having my kids and giving up my job as childcare costs were almost as much as my monthly wages.

At 17, you still have so much living to do and having children will certainly hinder that somewhat. Wait until you are in a stable and loving relationship with someone who is going to share the emotional, physical and financial burden of it all. And especially don't do it because you and someone you like think it sounds like a good idea. Go and live your life, make the most of it, and get some life experience behind you. You have years and years to have children. 😊
Original post by Free81
Being a mother is generally great and so rewarding, and the little (often crackers) offspring can give you endless amounts of joy and giggles and most of all, unconditional love. But IT. IS. HARD.

I'm in my late 30s and have 2 young kids. Being a mother is the toughest and most demanding job in the world. There is nothing that can prepare you for being a mother. I am ALWAYS busy. I have days where it gets to dinner time and I realise I have barely sat down all day. I always have other people to consider now (I can't even just nip to the shop without having to bundle them into the car too, unless my husband is around to look after them), it's stressful, you won't have a decent night's sleep for years, and it is expensive, especially when they're babies.

I went back to full time education last year and I didn't know my ass from my elbow for the 7 months I was going to college for and trying to juggle everything and get good grades. But I couldn't do it until now when the kids were finally able to go to school/nursery. Full time childcare is extortionate. I became a stay at home mum after having my kids and giving up my job as childcare costs were almost as much as my monthly wages.

At 17, you still have so much living to do and having children will certainly hinder that somewhat. Wait until you are in a stable and loving relationship with someone who is going to share the emotional, physical and financial burden of it all. And especially don't do it because you and someone you like think it sounds like a good idea. Go and live your life, make the most of it, and get some life experience behind you. You have years and years to have children. 😊

I'm pregnant with my first and am pausing my OU degree for a year before starting it again when they'll be one years old. A bit nervous but it's very easy to pause the degree again if needs be and my husband is very supportive . I had no clue how bad childcare would be until we decided to have a baby it's horrendous.
it's more about the thrill of being pregnant at a young age than when the reality kicks in.
as much as kids are fantastic to have, do you really want one to hold you back from exploring the world with your friends, or participating in a wild river rafting ride.
or do you want to watch your age group (+ & - a few years) doing those activities, seeing the world and you missing out because you have a little one to look after?
not that it's a bad thing, but i would focus on the young adult life whilst you still have it.
for research, consider watching TLC programmes on 'Pregnant at 16' and then decide if it's right for you.

Here is a helpful pro / con article on teen pregnancies. No idea if this will help, but it's useful all the same:
https://www.youniversitytv.com/parenting/the-pros-and-cons-of-teen-pregnancies/
Original post by Free81
Being a mother is generally great and so rewarding, and the little (often crackers) offspring can give you endless amounts of joy and giggles and most of all, unconditional love. But IT. IS. HARD.

I'm in my late 30s and have 2 young kids. Being a mother is the toughest and most demanding job in the world. There is nothing that can prepare you for being a mother. I am ALWAYS busy. I have days where it gets to dinner time and I realise I have barely sat down all day. I always have other people to consider now (I can't even just nip to the shop without having to bundle them into the car too, unless my husband is around to look after them), it's stressful, you won't have a decent night's sleep for years, and it is expensive, especially when they're babies.

I went back to full time education last year and I didn't know my ass from my elbow for the 7 months I was going to college for and trying to juggle everything and get good grades. But I couldn't do it until now when the kids were finally able to go to school/nursery. Full time childcare is extortionate. I became a stay at home mum after having my kids and giving up my job as childcare costs were almost as much as my monthly wages.

At 17, you still have so much living to do and having children will certainly hinder that somewhat. Wait until you are in a stable and loving relationship with someone who is going to share the emotional, physical and financial burden of it all. And especially don't do it because you and someone you like think it sounds like a good idea. Go and live your life, make the most of it, and get some life experience behind you. You have years and years to have children. 😊

This is an excellent post. I wasn't going to post anything myself because of this, but decided to follow this up in the end.

First, it is worth saying that having children is not for everyone. I know some parents who, if they were brutally honest, would have been happier not having children, but obviously you're never going to hear them say that and those people are very few and far between. For the vast majority having one or more children is a wonderful experience with far more positives than negatives. But it does have negatives. Parenthood is a set of compromises that will bring you great joy that you really can't get anywhere else, but it is also extremely difficult and will, at times, absolutely batter you into the ground. Being a parent, much like getting married, involves accepting a relationship that will have both very good and very bad times.

You cannot ever have a child at a time when those negatives won't matter. They always do. You can, however, have children at a time when you are better suited to handling the challenges of having a child, which will make things easier (relatively speaking) for both you and your child. Broadly, I think most people would be in the best position to have children somewhere between their mid twenties and early thirties, so say between 25 and 32 just to put it into numbers. That is an extremely general statement and there will be people out there who have children outside of that who get on just fine, so I am not saying that if you have a child younger or older than that you are in some way doomed to having a horrible time. You're not. I just think that is the broad range when most people will be at the right time in their lives to have children.

I'm going to ignore why I put an upper age on that for now because this thread is about having children when you're young, and specifically a teenager. I will say that I am sure there are teenagers out there who have made fantastic parents and raised wonderful children, but if you have a choice in the matter I would strongly advise against getting pregnant that young. In my view, waiting until you are older is much better. I say that for many, many reasons, but these come to mind:

1) Maturity and Experience. Even if you are a mature teenager, you will be more mature in your mid twenties. Maturity is important in parenting not just because you need to make a lot of decisions and exercise good judgment, but because you will be dealing with and reasoning with an actual living, breathing child that, before you know it, will be talking back. When you think about getting pregnant you will probably think about having a baby, but they do not stay babies for long. Simply put, if you get pregnant at 17 you will be dealing with a 4 year old melting down, trying to eat dishwasher tablets, refusing to wear suncream, insisting they want to leave the house naked etc at the age of 21. Believe me when I say that another 5-10 years of maturity and experience in life will put you in a much better place to deal with these things.

2) Personality. This is tied to maturity in a way and there is definite overlap, but it's a different point. Your child is absorbing huge amounts of information every day, and when they're young they develop at a rapid rate. They are constantly learning how to react to situations, how to behave, how to regulate their emotions etc from things around them. Unsurprisingly, they learn a lot of that stuff from you, their parent(s), and not just from what you tell them, from how you actually act (in fact, mostly from how you actually act). I know you're only 17 so you don't know what life is going to be like or who you are going to be when you are 25, but I am older than 25, and I certainly know that I would prefer my children to have learned from 25 year old me rather than 17 year old me, and I honestly challenge you to find a single person who would say differently.

3) Relationship. Yes, there are successful single parents, but for the majority you will be raising a child or children within a relationship. That will be a great benefit to you, your partner and your children but, and I cannot stress this enough, your relationship has to be so strong to take the strain that will be placed on it from having children. And that is not just in terms of dealing with things like both of you being tired, of not being able to do things you want to do, and of disagreeing about how to approach certain situations. You won't have as much time to be together as a couple after you have children, and there can be other tensions such as the lack of sex life after giving birth (why so many guys don't realise that they will not be having sex with their partner any time soon after giving birth is beyond me, but nevertheless, plenty don't realise it). You can never know definitively if your relationship is strong enough to survive having children, but you can't even make a reasoned judgment on that as a teenager when neither of you have taken any of the significant steps to build your own life together as well as lives separately. It is a massive risk, and it's not just a risk you take for yourself, because broken homes can very often negatively affect children too.

4) Physical. Hopefully I don't even need to say this, but pregnancy, labour and giving birth take a significant physical (and mental) toll on you and your body. It doesn't end at the point where you give birth, either (maternity pads are a thing for a reason). Over time many women are able to get their pre pregnancy figure back, but many don't, particularly after more than one pregnancy. The extent to which this matters to you is obviously personal, but the physical side of things is most certainly one of the major compromises you make to have a child. From a self esteem perspective as well as others, it makes so much sense to not make yourself go through that until you're older.

5) Money. Children are expensive. And that isn't just day to day, but long term if you have ambitions to help them in future with things like university fees, weddings, house deposits etc. This isn't a minor detail. Having money issues puts a massive strain on everything. Waiting until you are financially stable, own your own home etc makes a lot of sense not just for your own stability and the stability of your relationship, but in terms of supporting your child going forwards. It is overwhelmingly likely that you are not even close to financially stable at 17. In fact, it's overwhelming likely that you're still financially dependent on other people, and that's a massive red flag for the prospect of raising a child.

6) Career. The interplay between having children and having a career can be difficult at the best of times, but it is certainly easier to maintain a career after having a child if you have an established career before having a child. Having a child so young can make it so difficult to start yourself on a path to establishing a career, because you're not only working your job around having a child (which all parents have to do), but you're also working your educational and training around having a child, which is just a difficulty that you don't need to make yourself deal with.

7) Personal life. You have so much time when you're young. Even when you're at university, or when you've just started a career, you have so much time. You can tell me that you have no ambition to travel, no desire to see new things and have new experiences, no hobbies or interests you want to pursue, and that you wouldn't mind seeing your friends getting on with their lives while you're at home with a baby, but I won't believe you. You don't need to tick every box and do everything, but actually taking a few years (or longer) to live your life before having a child brings with it so many benefits. In the couple of years before having a child my wife and I both chose a couple of things that we wanted to do before we would have significant time restrictions because of having a child. We had already been to Australia, but ended going to Rome, and to several cities in the US including New York. All holidays we couldn't have done with a child (and still wouldn't do with our children now; walking around Rome in baking temperatures is not a child friendly holiday). Having children can wait, it really can. Live your own life first.

8) Sleep. You're a teenager. You have an actual biological need to sleep more than adults. Even over the age of about 21 when you don't have that need, you'll still be able to enjoy a good night's sleep night after night. I don't know when the last time was that I slept 6 hours straight, let alone 7 or more. I plead with you, enjoy being able to sleep well and whenever you want for longer before you have children, because once you've had kids you will not be well rested for a long time.

I could write some much more on this, but that's probably enough. And I will say, I don't just love my children, I love having children, and I love my family life. The negatives, such as the lack of sleep, the physical demands and the times when parenting is just so infuriating, are well outweighed by the many, many positives. There are so many things I can't do as much or at all anymore now that I have children. I played a couple of sports at a decent level, spent very regular time with certain groups of friends, and had other hobbies. I don't have time to do any of that as much anymore, and in some cases can't do certain things at all anymore. But that's ok, because I've done those things and I'm at a different point in my life. I would advise you, and anyone else, to do the same thing. Live your life, find out who you are, and build yourself a solid foundation (in every way) before you have children. That will be better for you, your partner and your children.

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