Is my mum right in saying this

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Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
She’s constantly telling me to lose weight and says how I look horrible but I feel like what she says make me less motivated.
I just feeling like cutting my stomach off so she leaves me alone. I know I need to lose weight but in this house I can’t do it. Then she says why do u hate yourself so much but she’s caused me to feel so low. I really need to make a change but I just can’t.
Last edited by Interrobang; 1 month ago
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CalypsoXenoo
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Maybe it will help you to feel better if you understand why she’s so mean. I think she is projecting her own insecurities onto you. I know when my brother sat on his phone all day and did nothing else not even washing his face 2x a day, staying awake all night till 7am then going sleep and waking up at like 6pm (mind you he only 10 yrs old) it made me angry because I was the exact same a while before (minus the not washing face 2x a day) and I hated the way I was because I was just wasting day after day and I wanted my brother to not be the same. I’d get angry at his and shout at him and I’d hate seeing him like that, because he’s my brother and I care about him but also because I saw one thing I hated about myself in him.

Just sitting down your parents / parent and talking to them about your feelings is what people always suggest but it doesn’t always work especially when your parent doesn’t want to change. I suggest understanding why she is the way she is. Perhaps she feels the same about herself ( that she’s fat and looks horrible ) and projects that onto you without even realising. Is she going through any trouble / worry / stress? That could be making things worse. We are all human at the end of the day no matter what our age age. Maturity doesn’t always come with age but experience. Nevertheless she shouldn’t be saying that stuff to you that’s wrong of her just know that. Even if you are fat then okay ( though it’s not that nice !) but whether you are fat or not I don’t think she should be telling you that you look horrible.

Maybe you should ask HER how she feels regularly ? Ik it’s the other way around but I dont think you will be able to change the way she’s acting so instead maybe try and understand her? Her feelings? Why she is being rude. If she always says stuff like this to you she must be in a bad mood a lot so something(s) in her life are not going well, causing her to be this way. If you actually are fat you need to lose enough weight to be a normal weight for your health. But I know you said it’s not really possible in your home.

Good luck
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ROTL94
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'Why do you hate yourself so much' She needs to take a look in the mirror and she will have her answer
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Anonymous #1
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Yh it’s so hard to in this environment but I’m worried about my health.
She hates herself. She complains about how she looks all the time and when she hears us complain she says how I’m ungrateful cuz I don’t look like her but then that doesn’t make sense when she tells me how horrible I look and how fat I am.
She’s always stressed due to financial problems and I just feel horrible.
She’s said how no one would ever want to marry me but she says she doesn’t remember saying that or how if I wasn’t fat she wouldn’t have so much trouble looking for clothes for me
I know she’s right but the things I once didn’t notice about my body, I now hate because of the amount of times she’s pointing them out.
If I told them how I feel she’d say how it’s the westernised culture giving me these ideas to say these things and she’d just dismiss it.
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Shenotalright
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Parents really don’t realise how much their words affect us🥴
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CalypsoXenoo
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yh it’s so hard to in this environment but I’m worried about my health.
She hates herself. She complains about how she looks all the time and when she hears us complain she says how I’m ungrateful cuz I don’t look like her but then that doesn’t make sense when she tells me how horrible I look and how fat I am.
She’s always stressed due to financial problems and I just feel horrible.
She’s said how no one would ever want to marry me but she says she doesn’t remember saying that or how if I wasn’t fat she wouldn’t have so much trouble looking for clothes for me
I know she’s right but the things I once didn’t notice about my body, I now hate because of the amount of times she’s pointing them out.
If I told them how I feel she’d say how it’s the westernised culture giving me these ideas to say these things and she’d just dismiss it.
Yea so it seems like she projecting her insecurities on you and her financial issues make her feel worse and talking to her is obviously not gonna help as it doesnt in many cases. I’m assuming u are young and can’t exactly move out so as hard as it is I’d suggest accepting the situation and doing some self love meditations ( so you don’t hate yourself) it’s hard but u will just have to accept the situation for now and just try to not let her words affect you.
Good luck
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Anonymous #1
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Yh I just want to get out of my house but I can’t and if i stay at home I’d be able to save a lot of money but I can’t stay here anymore. I feel like it’s damaged me both mentally and physically. I hate myself and when i look at myself I feel sick, I feel really down all the time and I’m tired of witnessing so many financial issues and being called all of these things. Sometimes I think if I moved out, I’d be able to sort my health out without feeling so worthless
I honestly can’t deal with it
Last edited by Interrobang; 1 month ago
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username2393237
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What sort of food does she make for you?
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Anonymous #1
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The thing that doesn’t make sense is the fact that my mums food isn’t unhealthy. It normally consists of lentils, vegetable curries, meat curries but I’m fat because of all the snacks and lack of exercise and possibly stress.
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CalypsoXenoo
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yh I just want to get out of my house but I can’t and if i stay at home I’d be able to save a lot of money but I can’t stay here anymore. I feel like it’s damaged me both mentally and physically. I hate myself and when i look at myself I feel sick, I feel really down all the time and I’m tired of witnessing so many financial issues and being called all of these things. Sometimes I think if I moved out, I’d be able to sort my health out without feeling so worthless
I honestly can’t deal with it
I can understand. I want to get away from a family member but obviously I can’t for many years. And I’m sure your not so ugly it’s your mum making you think you are but I doubt you are so ugly to feel sick (even if you do feel sick)
Really really I suggest you do meditations and journaling. Look it up on YouTube and do some journaling it helps. And do some guided meditations! And know that you WILL get out of this situation one day if you want to bad enough. Keep working hard at whatever you’re doing and MAKE YOURSELF be able to move out in a few years. I don’t know how old you are but I’m assuming you are in education ? If you are or even if you aren’t, whatever you’re doing keep working hard at it so one day u can get your own place. I really suggest the meditations !! If u need to talk msg me.
Last edited by Interrobang; 1 month ago
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CalypsoXenoo
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The thing that doesn’t make sense is the fact that my mums food isn’t unhealthy. It normally consists of lentils, vegetable curries, meat curries but I’m fat because of all the snacks and lack of exercise and possibly stress.
Maybe cut down the snacks ? I’m assuming shesnot forcing you to eat those?
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Gerrard88
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She’s trying to help, but maybe her delivery is wrong. Tell her that you know you need to lose weight, and her insulting you is making things worse
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CalypsoXenoo
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The thing that doesn’t make sense is the fact that my mums food isn’t unhealthy. It normally consists of lentils, vegetable curries, meat curries but I’m fat because of all the snacks and lack of exercise and possibly stress.
Also if you want you can try drinking green tea everyday. It tastes bad for me but you can make iced green tea and it will taste similar to water. Green tea helps in weight loss and just eliminate most of your snacks but treat yourself a bit or it will be hard
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Anonymous #1
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I’m in education at the moment
In my culture, it’s not right for a girl to move out on her own and leave her parents unless married but I can’t deal with the problems it’s really messed with my head
I really want to do well at school but everything is so hard in this environment
Sometimes I think maybe it’s me but I’m so much more productive and happier outside of the house
Yh she wants me to lose weight so she Wouldn’t
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Anonymous #1
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I want to have a diary because I feel like I have no one to talk to but I know for sure someone in my house would find and read it since there’s no privacy in my house
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CalypsoXenoo
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m in education at the moment
In my culture, it’s not right for a girl to move out on her own and leave her parents unless married but I can’t deal with the problems it’s really messed with my head
I really want to do well at school but everything is so hard in this environment
Sometimes I think maybe it’s me but I’m so much more productive and happier outside of the house
Yh she wants me to lose weight so she Wouldn’t
Yea same in my culture too. We might have the same culture. If you are allowed maybe get revision done in the library or stay extra hours at school once school starts again. Being away from the negative environment definitely helps it’s probably not just you . Just try and keep it simple : start drinking 2-4 cups green tea everyday , reduce the snacks as much as possible (ik it’s hard they taste so good loll) and if you are allowed spend time away from home.. like I said stay back after school for like an hour some days join a club or something or just go for a walk, it clears your head and MEDITATIONS. GREEN TEA AND MEDITATIONS. It’s good
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CalypsoXenoo
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I want to have a diary because I feel like I have no one to talk to but I know for sure someone in my house would find and read it since there’s no privacy in my house
Make your own secret language up. Make a key. And learn it if you can be committed lol
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CalypsoXenoo
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I want to have a diary because I feel like I have no one to talk to but I know for sure someone in my house would find and read it since there’s no privacy in my house
Or you can start a diary online.. maybe on wattpadd start a new story but use it as a diary obviously and put it on private . Or you can use a notes app on your phone if you have one
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Kogomogo
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This sounds like emotional abuse, no parent should be bullying their kid like that. Try and keep in mind that this isn't any fault of your own and you're perfect no matter what weight, you have so much more worth as a person than just your looks. Your mum is projecting her shallowness and insecurities onto you, and that aint right. If you feel you want to lose weight for whatever reason it should be because YOU want to, not because someone else thinks you should. If your current home life is just making you miserable to do it then i'd honestly say you'd be better off to stop trying as you're only punishing your self esteem when it inevitably fails. Work on yourself and getting a healthy mindset, then you'll have more success in whatever you want to do when you can get out of that toxic environment at home. If you're close to / at uni age i recommend moving out to go study, make good friends there, and get a part time job so you never have to go back.

This does sound above the expertise / advice of TSR users though. I would suggest seeing if you can get some therapy if possible, to help deal with these very unhealthy and distressing thoughts. If you're in uni most offer counselling services, if you're in college or high school speak to a trusted teacher or student support staff, they should help signpost you towards some help. Your gp should be able to refer you to local services too, if you are able to speak to them without your mum and get to the appointments.

Please seek professional help, it does sound like you're in a bad place both mentally and at home and there's no shame in seeking help for it.
Last edited by Interrobang; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #1
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It’s not the same writing it online, I think I’ll make up a key
I might do that but because of lockdown it’s been really tricky
I felt like I couldn’t escape and I’d avoid talking to my mum when i had a lot to study because her complaining would ruin my mood and motivation but that didn’t work
Because I was so tired of life, I’d just eat so much junk because I thought it wasn’t worth living
I know I need to lose weight but her words really make me feel like giving up on life
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