Getting over my ex

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Anonymous #1
#1
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So, I was in year 11 and I was dating someone in year 13 so they went to uni last year and we originally split up but then decided to give long distance a shot. It was awful I had never been so miserable in my life and I discovered that he had been cheating on me the whole time but our relationship was a secret so he had to" keep up the act" of being single. I ended things in January, but I still think about him and feel like I need closure but I have blocked him on everything. I have had things with other guys since then but I just feel like I'm filling a hole. I really want to be my own person for a while but I just feel like I suck at love. So any tips of how I can move on and be my own person?
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JDINCINERATOR
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So, I was in year 11 and I was dating someone in year 13 so they went to uni last year and we originally split up but then decided to give long distance a shot. It was awful I had never been so miserable in my life and I discovered that he had been cheating on me the whole time but our relationship was a secret so he had to" keep up the act" of being single. I ended things in January, but I still think about him and feel like I need closure but I have blocked him on everything. I have had things with other guys since then but I just feel like I'm filling a hole. I really want to be my own person for a while but I just feel like I suck at love. So any tips of how I can move on and be my own person?
You're already taking steps towards moving on and being your own person. All you have to do is fill your time with the people and activities that are important in your life now. You don't suck at love you just have your own preferences and expectations. Make sure you don't fall for someone who'll deceive you-presumably you're old enough now to take to learn from these experiences and put things right for yourself in the future.
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Anonymous #2
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We all make mistakes when we are young and it's part of growing up. Everything happens for a reason.
You can get over your ex by spending your time with the people you enjoy being around with and doing activities to take your mind off your ex.
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NancarrowSunset
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Everything you have done are good steps towards moving on and being your own person. Maybe try to occupy yourself, by spending time with friends and family, or doing some activities that you haven't yet tried? It is very difficult at the moment due to the pandemic, but there are still some things that you can do. Maybe as you said, take a break from dating and try to be your own person. You're doing great so far, and that person was an idiot for cheating on you. Keep going!
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Feastful
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So, I was in year 11 and I was dating someone in year 13 so they went to uni last year and we originally split up but then decided to give long distance a shot. It was awful I had never been so miserable in my life and I discovered that he had been cheating on me the whole time but our relationship was a secret so he had to" keep up the act" of being single. I ended things in January, but I still think about him and feel like I need closure but I have blocked him on everything. I have had things with other guys since then but I just feel like I'm filling a hole. I really want to be my own person for a while but I just feel like I suck at love. So any tips of how I can move on and be my own person?
I have had things with other guys since then but I just feel like I'm filling a hole

That is because you can't fill the hole he created with what you're trying to fill it with.

I really want to be my own person for a while but I just feel like I suck at love

Honestly it is really important that you do just be your own person for a while. Thrusting yourself into relationships while you're in this stage will do nothing good for you. You need to take as long as you need to get over things (and if you try to rush the process you'll only end up taking longer to heal). You don't suck at relationships- he just sucked at being a human being. You haven't done anything wrong in this (and its important that you stop being so hard on yourself).

The best way to move on would be to actually give yourself a ban from dating anyone and focus instead on things in life which can bring you a more palpable self of welbeing and allow you to build your confidence on, such as doing things that give you a sense of achievment. What is your lifestyle like right now, work and social life with friends?
These are the sorts of things that you should focusing on.
Now has never been a better time to take up new things in life (fitness classes, a new diet, volunteer work, a trainer course, spring clean etc)!

You won't ever forget what happened but with the right mindset and attitudes, you can rebuild over the damage that has been done to develop a new, stronger, wise and much happier you. Leave that guy in the dust along with your memories of him and don't let him keep on defining your decision making!
The best way to move on is to give yourself time, practice mindfulness and focus on your life and where you want to take it from now (and only when you're in a much better place, should you contemplate dating again).
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Feastful)
I have had things with other guys since then but I just feel like I'm filling a hole

That is because you can't fill the hole he created with what you're trying to fill it with.

I really want to be my own person for a while but I just feel like I suck at love

Honestly it is really important that you do just be your own person for a while. Thrusting yourself into relationships while you're in this stage will do nothing good for you. You need to take as long as you need to get over things (and if you try to rush the process you'll only end up taking longer to heal). You don't suck at relationships- he just sucked at being a human being. You haven't done anything wrong in this (and its important that you stop being so hard on yourself).

The best way to move on would be to actually give yourself a ban from dating anyone and focus instead on things in life which can bring you a more palpable self of welbeing and allow you to build your confidence on, such as doing things that give you a sense of achievment. What is your lifestyle like right now, work and social life with friends?
These are the sorts of things that you should focusing on.
Now has never been a better time to take up new things in life (fitness classes, a new diet, volunteer work, a trainer course, spring clean etc)!

You won't ever forget what happened but with the right mindset and attitudes, you can rebuild over the damage that has been done to develop a new, stronger, wise and much happier you. Leave that guy in the dust along with your memories of him and don't let him keep on defining your decision making!
The best way to move on is to give yourself time, practice mindfulness and focus on your life and where you want to take it from now (and only when you're in a much better place, should you contemplate dating again).
Because we dated in secret when we were back together while he was at uni, none of my friends could really be there for me but over lockdown I opened up to all of them about it and they have been so considerate and helpful. My social life has improved drastically since being with him and I have really been trying to focus on my a-levels and boost my grades.

Honestly thank you so much for this response you literally said everything that I needed to hear
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