ivitoo95
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#1
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Hello all! My name is Iva I am 25 years old and I am from Bulgaria. I have an really big issue and I dont know what to do. I know that you people cant help me, but I want to talk to someone, because I feel really sad, confused.. I had a boyfriend, we have been together for 3 years. At the begining of our relationship he told me, that before he have been fantasing about men and sex with them. We talked, I was glad that he told me this and we get to the conclusion that this was a phase for him, because he love me now and he wants to be with me. Everything was great, he was really caring, romantic, loving.. He propose to me, I said yes.. And after a few months I came from work early and I found him wearing my thong.. I know how this is sounds, like a movie, but I swear that its true.. So he told me that he love me, he wants to spend all his life with me, but these desires are part of him and he cant overcome them. I was feeling like ****, betrayed, so I decided that I dont want to be with him anymore and I left him. Since then it has been a year. At first he tried to have me back, maded a couple of romantic suprises for me, but I was stone cold.. And then he stopped trying to get me back. Right now I have a new boyfriend, but my ex searched for me again 2 weeks ago. He said, that these desires for men came back, he said that he wears girls thongs daily now and sometimes when he is at home alone, even dress, leggings, bra and etc.. And he said that he even make a blowjob to some guy and thats happened before we meet, so actually he lied to me back then, I mean he didnt tell the whole truth. He wanted/want my help. He doesnt know what he is and what to do... I think he is gay for real, but I am not sure and I dont want him to be... I imagine my life with that man, to have build a family and have kids and now... I want to help him, but I dont know how.. I know you people cant hep me, but I just wanted to say it somewhere..
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Moonbow
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(Original post by ivitoo95)
Hello all! My name is Iva I am 25 years old and I am from Bulgaria. I have an really big issue and I dont know what to do. I know that you people cant help me, but I want to talk to someone, because I feel really sad, confused.. I had a boyfriend, we have been together for 3 years. At the begining of our relationship he told me, that before he have been fantasing about men and sex with them. We talked, I was glad that he told me this and we get to the conclusion that this was a phase for him, because he love me now and he wants to be with me. Everything was great, he was really caring, romantic, loving.. He propose to me, I said yes.. And after a few months I came from work early and I found him wearing my thong.. I know how this is sounds, like a movie, but I swear that its true.. So he told me that he love me, he wants to spend all his life with me, but these desires are part of him and he cant overcome them. I was feeling like ****, betrayed, so I decided that I dont want to be with him anymore and I left him. Since then it has been a year. At first he tried to have me back, maded a couple of romantic suprises for me, but I was stone cold.. And then he stopped trying to get me back. Right now I have a new boyfriend, but my ex searched for me again 2 weeks ago. He said, that these desires for men came back, he said that he wears girls thongs daily now and sometimes when he is at home alone, even dress, leggings, bra and etc.. And he said that he even make a blowjob to some guy and thats happened before we meet, so actually he lied to me back then, I mean he didnt tell the whole truth. He wanted/want my help. He doesnt know what he is and what to do... I think he is gay for real, but I am not sure and I dont want him to be... I imagine my life with that man, to have build a family and have kids and now... I want to help him, but I dont know how.. I know you people cant hep me, but I just wanted to say it somewhere..
I’m slightly confused. It sounds like he may identify as transgender, and there’s nothing wrong with that
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Feastful
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#3
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(Original post by ivitoo95)
Hello all! My name is Iva I am 25 years old and I am from Bulgaria. I have an really big issue and I dont know what to do. I know that you people cant help me, but I want to talk to someone, because I feel really sad, confused.. I had a boyfriend, we have been together for 3 years. At the begining of our relationship he told me, that before he have been fantasing about men and sex with them. We talked, I was glad that he told me this and we get to the conclusion that this was a phase for him, because he love me now and he wants to be with me. Everything was great, he was really caring, romantic, loving.. He propose to me, I said yes.. And after a few months I came from work early and I found him wearing my thong.. I know how this is sounds, like a movie, but I swear that its true.. So he told me that he love me, he wants to spend all his life with me, but these desires are part of him and he cant overcome them. I was feeling like ****, betrayed, so I decided that I dont want to be with him anymore and I left him. Since then it has been a year. At first he tried to have me back, maded a couple of romantic suprises for me, but I was stone cold.. And then he stopped trying to get me back. Right now I have a new boyfriend, but my ex searched for me again 2 weeks ago. He said, that these desires for men came back, he said that he wears girls thongs daily now and sometimes when he is at home alone, even dress, leggings, bra and etc.. And he said that he even make a blowjob to some guy and thats happened before we meet, so actually he lied to me back then, I mean he didnt tell the whole truth. He wanted/want my help. He doesnt know what he is and what to do... I think he is gay for real, but I am not sure and I dont want him to be... I imagine my life with that man, to have build a family and have kids and now... I want to help him, but I dont know how.. I know you people cant hep me, but I just wanted to say it somewhere..
"At the begining of our relationship he told me, that before he have been fantasing about men and sex with them"
"We talked, I was glad that he told me this and we get to the conclusion that this was a phase for him, because he love me now and he wants to be with me"
"And he said that he even make a blowjob to some guy and thats happened before we meet, so actually he lied to me back then, I mean he didnt tell the whole truth"

Its really hard coming out as gay, especially if you come from a more conservative culture or country. Even in societies which are more liberal, being gay is hardly easy because there is still a lot of homophobia around (homophobic attacks are actually on the increase in many areas) and many people fear rejection from their friends & families. So many people try to fight their desires because they don't feel that they can accept the way they are.

But you are who you are (and you can't change your sexuality). It is possible for a gay man to fall in love with a woman (and vice versa) but falling in love with a woman will never detract from his fundamental sexuality. And it does sound like you did love each other. But it is pretty obvious that he got with you in an attempt to "cure" himself of his sexuality (and that you too tried to convince yourself that he was just going through a "phase" because you loved him and wanted to be with him). But such a relationship is obviously never going to be sustainable in the long-term.

"At first he tried to have me back, maded a couple of romantic suprises for me, but I was stone cold.. And then he stopped trying to get me back"
"I think he is gay for real, but I am not sure and I dont want him to be"
"He wanted/want my help. He doesnt know what he is and what to do..."

This is quite sad because it would strongly suggest that he still hasn't accepted his sexuality. Really, the best thing you can do to help him, is to be the first one in his life to support and embrace him; not just the parts of him that you loved, but all of him (including his sexuality). I know it will be hard, but you could save his life as he will be suffering a lot right now (LBGT suicide rates are much higher than the average).

You need to let him know that you care about him, that you want the best for him, and that if he wants to come out about his sexuality, you are going to stand by him and support him (and if you really care about him, you will do this).

I would also recommend trying to encourage him to contact pro-LBGT groups and for you to create a discussion on the matter between you two. You need to talk about your relationship, what happened, and how you support each other from here on out. You also need to make it clear that while you are happy to help him, you can't be together as a couple.

It is important that you educate yourself as best you can about what he is going through. What is education like in Bulgaria about sexuality? Do you know anyone else who is gay? This is a good time to begin reading up on things so that you can better emphasize with and understand what your ex is going through.

(Original post by Moonbow)
I’m slightly confused. It sounds like he may identify as transgender, and there’s nothing wrong with that
Cross-dressing is not the same thing as being transgender (nor is necessarily having a desire to sleep with men). You can cross-dress but still be perfectly straight or cisgender (being transgender is not about your sexuality or how you like to dresss, but about what gender you fundamentally identify with). Being a transvestite, transgender, gay or bi are all different things.
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Moonbow
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#4
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(Original post by Feastful)
"At the begining of our relationship he told me, that before he have been fantasing about men and sex with them"
"We talked, I was glad that he told me this and we get to the conclusion that this was a phase for him, because he love me now and he wants to be with me"
"And he said that he even make a blowjob to some guy and thats happened before we meet, so actually he lied to me back then, I mean he didnt tell the whole truth"

Its really hard coming out as gay, especially if you come from a more conservative culture or country. Even in societies which are more liberal, being gay is hardly easy because there is still a lot of homophobia around (homophobic attacks are actually on the increase in many areas) and many people fear rejection from their friends & families. So many people try to fight their desires because they don't feel that they can accept the way they are.

But you are who you are (and you can't change your sexuality). It is possible for a gay man to fall in love with a woman (and vice versa) but falling in love with a woman will never detract from his fundamental sexuality. And it does sound like you did love each other. But it is pretty obvious that he got with you in an attempt to "cure" himself of his sexuality (and that you too tried to convince yourself that he was just going through a "phase" because you loved him and wanted to be with him). But such a relationship is obviously never going to be sustainable in the long-term.

"At first he tried to have me back, maded a couple of romantic suprises for me, but I was stone cold.. And then he stopped trying to get me back"
"I think he is gay for real, but I am not sure and I dont want him to be"
"He wanted/want my help. He doesnt know what he is and what to do..."

This is quite sad because it would strongly suggest that he still hasn't accepted his sexuality. Really, the best thing you can do to help him, is to be the first one in his life to support and embrace him; not just the parts of him that you loved, but all of him (including his sexuality). I know it will be hard, but you could save his life as he will be suffering a lot right now (LBGT suicide rates are much higher than the average).

You need to let him know that you care about him, that you want the best for him, and that if he wants to come out about his sexuality, you are going to stand by him and support him (and if you really care about him, you will do this).

I would also recommend trying to encourage him to contact pro-LBGT groups and for you to create a discussion on the matter between you two. You need to talk about your relationship, what happened, and how you support each other from here on out. You also need to make it clear that while you are happy to help him, you can't be together as a couple.

It is important that you educate yourself as best you can about what he is going through. What is education like in Bulgaria about sexuality? Do you know anyone else who is gay? This is a good time to begin reading up on things so that you can better emphasize with and understand what your ex is going through.



Cross-dressing is not the same thing as being transgender (nor is necessarily having a desire to sleep with men). You can cross-dress but still be perfectly straight or cisgender (being transgender is not about your sexuality or how you like to dresss, but about what gender you fundamentally identify with). Being a transvestite, transgender, gay or bi are all different things.
Of course! I know it is not always the case, which is why I said may :^_^: It’s really up to him what he chooses to identify as, he doesn’t necessarily have to feel the need for a label at all! I am no way an expert, but I apologise OP if this came across in a different way to how I intended.
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ivitoo95
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#5
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(Original post by Feastful)
"At the begining of our relationship he told me, that before he have been fantasing about men and sex with them"
"We talked, I was glad that he told me this and we get to the conclusion that this was a phase for him, because he love me now and he wants to be with me"
"And he said that he even make a blowjob to some guy and thats happened before we meet, so actually he lied to me back then, I mean he didnt tell the whole truth"

Its really hard coming out as gay, especially if you come from a more conservative culture or country. Even in societies which are more liberal, being gay is hardly easy because there is still a lot of homophobia around (homophobic attacks are actually on the increase in many areas) and many people fear rejection from their friends & families. So many people try to fight their desires because they don't feel that they can accept the way they are.

But you are who you are (and you can't change your sexuality). It is possible for a gay man to fall in love with a woman (and vice versa) but falling in love with a woman will never detract from his fundamental sexuality. And it does sound like you did love each other. But it is pretty obvious that he got with you in an attempt to "cure" himself of his sexuality (and that you too tried to convince yourself that he was just going through a "phase" because you loved him and wanted to be with him). But such a relationship is obviously never going to be sustainable in the long-term.

"At first he tried to have me back, maded a couple of romantic suprises for me, but I was stone cold.. And then he stopped trying to get me back"
"I think he is gay for real, but I am not sure and I dont want him to be"
"He wanted/want my help. He doesnt know what he is and what to do..."

This is quite sad because it would strongly suggest that he still hasn't accepted his sexuality. Really, the best thing you can do to help him, is to be the first one in his life to support and embrace him; not just the parts of him that you loved, but all of him (including his sexuality). I know it will be hard, but you could save his life as he will be suffering a lot right now (LBGT suicide rates are much higher than the average).

You need to let him know that you care about him, that you want the best for him, and that if he wants to come out about his sexuality, you are going to stand by him and support him (and if you really care about him, you will do this).

I would also recommend trying to encourage him to contact pro-LBGT groups and for you to create a discussion on the matter between you two. You need to talk about your relationship, what happened, and how you support each other from here on out. You also need to make it clear that while you are happy to help him, you can't be together as a couple.

It is important that you educate yourself as best you can about what he is going through. What is education like in Bulgaria about sexuality? Do you know anyone else who is gay? This is a good time to begin reading up on things so that you can better emphasize with and understand what your ex is going through.



Cross-dressing is not the same thing as being transgender (nor is necessarily having a desire to sleep with men). You can cross-dress but still be perfectly straight or cisgender (being transgender is not about your sexuality or how you like to dresss, but about what gender you fundamentally identify with). Being a transvestite, transgender, gay or bi are all different things.
Oh, hun. Thank you for your great answer! From your words, I get that you think he is gay for real, right? Even if he is really gay and feels that way, he dont admit it fully and accept it, maybe because of the way how he was raised, how is excpected to have a wife, kids and that he is manly man, he do a lot of guys stuff and I am pretty sure no one of his friends and family will suspect that he likes to wear thongs, bra, girls clothes and he likes men.. I want to help him of course, to stand by him. But yes, we cant be a couple anymore. Education in Bulgaria is pretty bad about everything including sexuality.
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