Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#1
Hiii I just wanted to know if this poem is actually any good and if anyone can understand what I’m trying to say. I’ll put an explanation of why the structure is so inconsistent at the end if anyone wants to know.

CLUELESS

Not quite as glamorous as the movie;
everything I’ve ever known I question.
My view of the world, every part of me.
Happy enough to live a standard life
All are a product of society.
Birthschoolworkmarriagekidsretir edeath.
Life spent waiting for the night, for the week
end. Waiting for the end. A casual life.
A dull life. Yet they still think they’ve achieved.

I assumed I’d be able to do it.
grin and bear they say but I will not.
forced down our throats from childhood
I can no longer live a life where everyday is the same.
mundane.
the shame of knowing you’ve allowed them to use you to serve their purposes.
you
who won’t break free from the chain of society.

Basically line 10 signifies the Volta where there’s a structural change in the poem which is meant to represent the change in my mindset. After this point the rhyme scheme breaks down and the number of syllables in each line becomes insignificant. This emphasises my new desire to be free of society’s rules and restrictions.
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username5361528
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hiii I just wanted to know if this poem is actually any good and if anyone can understand what I’m trying to say. I’ll put an explanation of why the structure is so inconsistent at the end if anyone wants to know.

CLUELESS

Not quite as glamorous as the movie;
everything I’ve ever known I question.
My view of the world, every part of me.
Happy enough to live a standard life
All are a product of society.
Birthschoolworkmarriagekidsretiredeath.
Life spent waiting for the night, for the week
end. Waiting for the end. A casual life.
A dull life. Yet they still think they’ve achieved.

I assumed I’d be able to do it.
grin and bear they say but I will not.
forced down our throats from childhood
I can no longer live a life where everyday is the same.
mundane.
the shame of knowing you’ve allowed them to use you to serve their purposes.
you
who won’t break free from the chain of society.

Basically line 10 signifies the Volta where there’s a structural change in the poem which is meant to represent the change in my mindset. After this point the rhyme scheme breaks down and the number of syllables in each line becomes insignificant. This emphasises my new desire to be free of society’s rules and restrictions.
Since I'm doing poetic analysis in class now I guess I'm somewhat qualified to offer an opinion -

The poem's message is clear enough, conveyed both in its structure and the words! The poem really resonated with me. The language you have used to write your poem is simple and clear, which is good because it makes the poem very understandable and hard-hitting.

I loved your idea of using volta, it really hits hard in the written form!

Would you like any thoughts/opinions/constructive crit on a specific part, or a specific line?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by greyshoesunite)
Since I'm doing poetic analysis in class now I guess I'm somewhat qualified to offer an opinion -

The poem's message is clear enough, conveyed both in its structure and the words! The poem really resonated with me. The language you have used to write your poem is simple and clear, which is good because it makes the poem very understandable and hard-hitting.

I loved your idea of using volta, it really hits hard in the written form!

Would you like any thoughts/opinions/constructive crit on a specific part, or a specific line?
Thank you so much for taking the time to read it and comment what do you think I could improve?
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username5361528
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you so much for taking the time to read it and comment what do you think I could improve?
I'm not going to pretend I'm a great poet and offer advice beyond my abilities, but as a reader I think you could try to make the first paragraph sound more monotonous to really hammer in the volta in the second part.
Despite the syllables and the rhyming, there is something distinctly dynamic about the way it sounds when I read it out...
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by greyshoesunite)
I'm not going to pretend I'm a great poet and offer advice beyond my abilities, but as a reader I think you could try to make the first paragraph sound more monotonous to really hammer in the volta in the second part.
Despite the syllables and the rhyming, there is something distinctly dynamic about the way it sounds when I read it out...
Thank you, I’ll bare that in mind
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username5361528
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you, I’ll bare that in mind
You're welcome! 😃 I really enjoyed going through your poem!
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