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English Language Help? Mark my answer?

Hi! I have always struggled with English language, rarely ever getting above grade 7's and overall feeling not confident with the quality of my work. At the moment, I am practising for Paper 1, and this is the question I have attempted:

Look box in detail at this extract, from lines 16 to 26 of the source:

It came on great oiled, resilient, striding legs. It towered thirty feet above half of the trees, a great evil god, folding its delicate watchmaker’s claws close to its oily reptilian chest. Each lower leg was a piston, a thousand pounds of white bone, sunk in thick ropes of muscle,
sheathed over in a gleam of pebbled skin like the armour of a terrible warrior. Each thigh was a ton of meat, ivory, and steel mesh. And from the great breathing cage of the upper body those two delicate arms dangled out front, arms with hands which might pick up and examine men like toys, while the snake neck coiled. And the head itself, a ton of sculptured stone, lifted easily upon the sky. Its mouth gaped, exposing a fence of teeth like daggers. Its eyes rolled, ostrich eggs, empty of all expression save hunger. It closed its mouth in a death grin. It ran, its pelvic bones crushing aside trees and bushes, its taloned feet clawing
damp earth, leaving prints six inches deep wherever it settled its weight.

How does the writer use language here to describe the Tyrannosaurus Rex?

MY ANSWER: (this took around 15 mins, which is too long regarding the rough 1 minute per mark rule)

Firstly, the writer describes the Tyrannosaurus Rex as powerful and efficient. This has been achieved through his use of mechanical imagery, using the rule of three to describe its legs as ‘oiled, resilient [and] striding’. ‘Oiled’ has connotations of fluid movement, which highlights the sheer, smooth speed of the Tyrannosaurus Rex as it ‘crushes aside trees and bushes’. The reader may feel terror, as a machine-like destruction so effortless is unknown for any creature in the modern world.

Furthermore, the writer also presents the Tyrannosaurus Rex as all-mighty, as he uses the metaphor, ‘a great evil god’. This religious imagery establishes its dominance, as a God is a leader, often having connotations of omnipotence. Coupled with the ‘delicate’ claws, which creates a contrast when juxtaposed with his towering, godly size, the reader will feel intimidated by the intensity of his great magnitude and power.

Moreover, the writer portrays the Tyrannosaurus Rex as the most dominant species through the metaphor which states his head is ‘a ton of sculptured stone’. As sculptures are often created to commemorate the lives of significant figures, the fact the Tyrannosaurus Rex’s head is described as a sculpture establishes it as an important creature in the prehistoric animal kingdom. Furthermore, sculptures take a large amount of time to carve intricate details, which emphasises how the Tyrannosaurus Rex is an efficiently constructed predator with a sole purpose to kill prey. Additionally, ‘stone’ has connotations of solidity and strength, as it is a robust material known to last for centuries, just like the legacy of the Tyrannosaurus Rex.

How many marks would this get awarded/what grade is my writing at? How could I improve? Are there any deeper meanings/interpretations that I missed out?

Thank you in advance! :smile:

Reply 1

sunsetpeony

hey! as i'm a student, i don't want to mark and grade you but i can definitely give a few pointers!

first of all, your writing's really good! your structure's good and the content is even better! you've got a good range of quotes, with ones that others may not choose (i.e. in the last paragraph) which is obviously good to set yourself apart! you've used a range of terminology, as well as mentioning the connotations and the effect on the reader. it's really really good - you should be pleased!

the only thing i'd say is perhaps pick out individual words from your quotations to define and then provide a connotation for - i always remember my teacher telling us to do this, so maybe that may push it a tiny bit further!

as for the time it took, 15 minutes is perfectly fine! i know it's technically a mark a minute, but the first question is definitely not going to take 5 minutes so you can claw back some time from that :smile:

Reply 2

ellioondra

Original post by sunsetpeony

thank you for taking the time to help me! I really appreciate your advice :smile:

Reply 3

scrawlx101

Very good answer , I would recommend picking apart 'resilient' and 'striding legs' by explaining what they mean e.g. resilent means nothing can stop its path , 'striding legs' suggest that the dinosaur is unrelenting , on the point about the dinosaur being an 'evil god' you could talk about how its 'delicate claws' create an oxymoronic effect - yes the dinosaur because it is a evil god however , the use of the word 'delicate' perhaps suggests the way in which the dinosaur is sowing destruction is akin to an art form thus making the savage act of destruction sound alot less aggressive in tone.Regardless , the use of the word 'claws' right after 'delicate' tells the reader to dispell any notion of peace and focus on the raw and gritty destruction of the now.

Also , like the other person in the thread said you can develop what you've written further by developing your points more - you mentioned the dinosaur being like a sculpture what does that imply? Power? A sense of royalty?

You could have also mentioned the similie in the paragraph where you were talking about the metaphor

Overall , very well done.Keep practising and I'm sure you'll ace it.