Am I a Lesbian?

Ever since quite a young age, I have generally had a slight attraction towards girls. When I was 16, I 'fooled around' with 2 guys I went to school with, but I wasn't turned on, nor did I enjoy it that much. When I was 19, I got my first girlfriend. We had fun at first, but we split up within a few months because we had a couple of problems and I wasn't sure if a girl-girl relationship was right for me personally. I've never gone all the way with a guy either (penetration) which makes me think if I was that keen on guys, I would have got that part over with by now. There was this girl at work I really fancied when I was 21 and I think she may have fancied me back. Unfortunately, I lost my job a week after we had this really deep conversation at a party and I have barely heard from her since. I think about her a lot and what could have been, had I not lost my job. On the odd occasion, I do see a guy where I think 'he's nice-looking.' But it doesn't happen too often and it's always hippie guys with long hair I tend to look twice at. It didn't occur to me until earlier that maybe every once in a while the reason I find hippie-ish guys with long hair good-looking is because they remind me of a girl in some way? Not trying to be rude to guys who do have long hair, I'm just talking about 'resemblances.' The real question is, am I a lesbian, or am I bisexual? I don't really have any guy-friends and I tend to fantasise about women more. I did have a couple of dates with this guy in the last year to test the waters a bit and I have to be honest, something didn't feel right. Although, that could have been because he just wasn't my type of guy if I was to date one? The thing is, I'm not sure I can picture myself in a long-term relationship with another woman. I don't know if my family/friends would accept it either and is that maybe why sometimes I don't accept myself?

Reply 1

horsetext

There isn't, to my mind, any arena in which it's necessary, or healthy, to obsess over the specifics of your attraction. All models of sexuality (orientation) are deficient. "Once you label me, you negate me," and all that. Might not be a helpful answer, but I'd never encourage people to prophesy about ("picture themselves" in) their relationships.

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