I hate my job but can't get out of it

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Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
I have a merit at master's level and work a job that pays approx £20,000 a year after taxes. It's 9-5 monday-friday and I loathe it. It's not hard, but it's boring and I'm basically a secretary. At 32 I was expecting to be doing something relating to my masters or something I enjoy not this soul-sucking pit of boredom.

My partner however tells me I can't quit because being around people is "good for [my] mental health". But I hate the people, I hate the job, I hate the wages, I probably sound like a little kid throwing his toys out the pram but I basically cry myself to sleep every night and feel depression and dread when my alarm goes off. I'm feeling more depressed by the day - it's been 3 years now this was only meant to be temporary.

How can I convince my partner to let me quit?
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Anonymous #1
#2
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Sorry, that should be £15,000 a year - I converted the wrong way.

Any advice? :puppyeyes:
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MedicWil
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#3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I have a merit at master's level and work a job that pays approx £20,000 a year after taxes. It's 9-5 monday-friday and I loathe it. It's not hard, but it's boring and I'm basically a secretary. At 32 I was expecting to be doing something relating to my masters or something I enjoy not this soul-sucking pit of boredom.

My partner however tells me I can't quit because being around people is "good for [my] mental health". But I hate the people, I hate the job, I hate the wages, I probably sound like a little kid throwing his toys out the pram but I basically cry myself to sleep every night and feel depression and dread when my alarm goes off. I'm feeling more depressed by the day - it's been 3 years now this was only meant to be temporary.

How can I convince my partner to let me quit?
Tell him you are quitting and if he tries to tell you what to do then inform him that you don't need his permission to do anything.
You are an adult capable of making your own decisions after all
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by MedicWil)
Tell him you are quitting and if he tries to tell you what to do then inform him that you don't need his permission to do anything.
You are an adult capable of making your own decisions after all
Then I get the crap of my "mental health" and difficulty in finding a different job. Funnily enough, my partner has a phd and a job they love so I feel particularly aggrieved that they expect me to work this one.
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MedicWil
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#5
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#5
(Original post by Anonymous)
Then I get the crap of my "mental health" and difficulty in finding a different job. Funnily enough, my partner has a phd and a job they love so I feel particularly aggrieved that they expect me to work this one.
Turn it back on them, explain that the job is actually making your mental health worse and causing you to have severe anxiety and depression. They may not have thought of it that way and could change their mind
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LegalTom
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#6
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#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
I have a merit at master's level and work a job that pays approx £20,000 a year after taxes. It's 9-5 monday-friday and I loathe it. It's not hard, but it's boring and I'm basically a secretary. At 32 I was expecting to be doing something relating to my masters or something I enjoy not this soul-sucking pit of boredom.

My partner however tells me I can't quit because being around people is "good for [my] mental health". But I hate the people, I hate the job, I hate the wages, I probably sound like a little kid throwing his toys out the pram but I basically cry myself to sleep every night and feel depression and dread when my alarm goes off. I'm feeling more depressed by the day - it's been 3 years now this was only meant to be temporary.

How can I convince my partner to let me quit?
If you can afford to quit, just do it.

I think if after you’ve outlined your genuine reasons for wanting to quit your job and your partner still doesn’t deem it fit for you to quit then I’d suggest you quit anyway and your job isn’t the only thing that’ll need quitting in that regard.

I suspect he’s worried about the financial consequences of quitting your job and the prospect of you becoming a burden if you’re unable to successfully transition yourself into another job.

I deffo would quit my job if it so much drains vitality from me and look for a better conducive and refreshing work environment.

Talk to your partner about your daily ordeals if he doesn’t think that’s enough reason to quit then ask him why he thinks so and that his “mental health reason” 🙄 isn’t compelling enough - well, because you’ll always have people around in your next employment.
Last edited by LegalTom; 1 year ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by LegalTom)
If you can afford to quit, just do it.

I think if after you’ve outlined your genuine reasons for wanting to quit your job and your partner still doesn’t deem it fit for you to quit then I’d suggest you quit anyway and your job isn’t the only thing that’ll need quitting in that regard.

I suspect he’s worried about the financial consequences of quitting your job and the prospect of you becoming a burden if you’re unable to successfully transition yourself into another job.

I deffo would quit my job if it so much drains vitality from me and look for a better conducive and refreshing work environment.

Talk to your partner about your daily ordeals if he doesn’t think that’s enough reason to quit then ask him why he thinks so and that his “mental health reason” 🙄 isn’t compelling enough - well, because you’ll always have people around in your next employment.
We have plenty of money, my partner earns around £70,000 so I really do earn pittance in comparison so I can afford to quit. But with covid atm it's hard to come across other jobs - but, like I said, I really hate it.

I admit I do have mental health issues so his reason does have some merit but my waking up and crying in the shower is probably more indicative of my mental state. It's saturday so I don't have to go in until monday and already my weekend is ruined just thinking about monday.
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Anonymous #2
#8
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#8
Hey,

I’m really sorry you’re not doing great mentally but I can assure you it’ll get better soon. Have you visited the GP so they can perhaps see what you struggle with and offer help? If you cant quit at the moment, that’s okay but maybe you can give them a heads up that you’ll be leaving soon?
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Anonymous #2
#9
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#9
I think your wife will be very understanding of your situation. If you can’t find a job right now, it’s okay. You need a break from everything. You need to focus on your health and not the money. What is it you’re afraid of?
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Ne en mia nomo
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#10
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I have a merit at master's level and work a job that pays approx £20,000 a year after taxes. It's 9-5 monday-friday and I loathe it. It's not hard, but it's boring and I'm basically a secretary. At 32 I was expecting to be doing something relating to my masters or something I enjoy not this soul-sucking pit of boredom.

My partner however tells me I can't quit because being around people is "good for [my] mental health". But I hate the people, I hate the job, I hate the wages, I probably sound like a little kid throwing his toys out the pram but I basically cry myself to sleep every night and feel depression and dread when my alarm goes off. I'm feeling more depressed by the day - it's been 3 years now this was only meant to be temporary.

How can I convince my partner to let me quit?
What do you mean by 'let me quit'? You're a grown ass person you can do whatever you want.
That said, it's probably not sensible to just quit your job now, when unemployment is constantly rising due to covid and many people don't know if they'll have a job tomorrow or not. Maybe your partner is worried about the security of their own job?
You can certainly start updating your CV and start to look for new opportunities, even enrolling a course to gain new skills (and divert your attention from your job). Use your hate towards your current job as a motivation to find something better.
You shouldn't expect your partner to keep you, what if something happens to them, how would you survive? And staying at home without a job is only fun for a month or so, after that you'll start to feel worthless and become even more depressed.
And you're right, being around other people is not necessarily good for your mental health, especially if you hate them. But you don't have to be friends with your workmates, just do your job and ignore them.
Last edited by Ne en mia nomo; 1 year ago
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LegalTom
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#11
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#11
(Original post by Anonymous)
We have plenty of money, my partner earns around £70,000 so I really do earn pittance in comparison so I can afford to quit. But with covid atm it's hard to come across other jobs - but, like I said, I really hate it.

I admit I do have mental health issues so his reason does have some merit but my waking up and crying in the shower is probably more indicative of my mental state. It's saturday so I don't have to go in until monday and already my weekend is ruined just thinking about monday.
Do you hate your job or the people around? What exactly makes you unsettled and miserable?
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Dunnig Kruger
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#12
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What are you doing to search for and get a new job? Or to start your own business?

Have you actually been applying for a lot of other jobs?
And by lots I mean hundreds?

Have you gotten a professional to look over your CV, with a view to making it look and read better and sell you better?

When you start getting interviews for other jobs, you can be quite honest with your current employers and tell them that you need a bit of time off at short notice to attend a job interview. And you can tell your current employers that you are seeking other work because your current job isn't challenging enough for you and isn't paying enough. Also tell them that in some ways you will be sad to leave because of all the great people you've been working with and how you would miss working with them.

It was a really stupid thing of your partner to say, about your current job being good for your mental health.

The best way for you to quit your current job would be if you had an offer in writing of a better job. Or even better, if you needed the time to spend on your budding and initially successful business that you started.
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Justvisited
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#13
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#13
Three quotes are all you need to know about this OP:

(Original post by Anonymous)
I have a job that pays approx £20,000 a year after taxes.
(Original post by Anonymous)
Sorry, that should be £15,000 a year
(Original post by Anonymous)
We have plenty of money, my partner earns around £70,000 so I really do earn pittance in comparison so I can afford to quit.
You mean you can't afford to quit because your partner will dump you.

(Again, is that 70k pre or post tax? Massive difference)
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Oxford Mum
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#14
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#14
(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
What are you doing to search for and get a new job? Or to start your own business?

Have you actually been applying for a lot of other jobs?
And by lots I mean hundreds?

Have you gotten a professional to look over your CV, with a view to making it look and read better and sell you better?

When you start getting interviews for other jobs, you can be quite honest with your current employers and tell them that you need a bit of time off at short notice to attend a job interview. And you can tell your current employers that you are seeking other work because your current job isn't challenging enough for you and isn't paying enough. Also tell them that in some ways you will be sad to leave because of all the great people you've been working with and how you would miss working with them.

It was a really stupid thing of your partner to say, about your current job being good for your mental health.

The best way for you to quit your current job would be if you had an offer in writing of a better job. Or even better, if you needed the time to spend on your budding and initially successful business that you started.
You are correct. In this climate it is hard to find another job, so really search every day for new vacancies. My son would love a job, but he has lost his position twice in the last couple of months, through external forces that have nothing to do with him. But still he persists and keeps looking.
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Kerzen
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#15
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#15
(Original post by Anonymous)
Sorry, that should be £15,000 a year - I converted the wrong way.

Any advice? :puppyeyes:
I see that you said that you converted the wrong way - are you working abroad?
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Dunnig Kruger
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#16
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(Original post by Kerzen)
I see that you said that you converted the wrong way - are you working abroad?
She's being paid in peanuts.
It's easy to get the peanut to pound sterling conversion rate wrong.
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MedicWil
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#17
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#17
(Original post by Justvisited)
Three quotes are all you need to know about this OP:


You mean you can't afford to quit because your partner will dump you.

(Again, is that 70k pre or post tax? Massive difference)
Your selective quotes do not "tell you all you need to know about this OP". By picking and choosing them, as you have, you create a false image of the OP as a selfish money grabber whereas that is no true at all. You should leave your preconceived notions and prejudice offline instead of taking it out on someone else.

One quote that is really important that you missed and that shows the OP in a more genuine light is as follows:
(Original post by Anonymous)
I hate the people, I hate the job, I hate the wages, I probably sound like a little kid throwing his toys out the pram but I basically cry myself to sleep every night and feel depression and dread when my alarm goes off. I'm feeling more depressed by the day - it's been 3 years now this was only meant to be temporary.
With this post, it is blatantly clear that the job they currently have is having a massive negative impact on their mental health and is only getting worse which is their main reason for quitting.
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Muserock
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#18
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#18
I’ve been there too. Stuck in a toxic work environment does nothing for your mental health.

Do you have any savings if you do quit?
Are you currently looking for another job?
What is employment like in the field you did your Masters in?
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Justvisited
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#19
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(Original post by MedicWil)
Your selective quotes do not "tell you all you need to know about this OP". By picking and choosing them, as you have, you create a false image of the OP as a selfish money grabber whereas that is no true at all. You should leave your preconceived notions and prejudice offline instead of taking it out on someone else.

One quote that is really important that you missed and that shows the OP in a more genuine light is as follows:

With this post, it is blatantly clear that the job they currently have is having a massive negative impact on their mental health and is only getting worse which is their main reason for quitting.
Ever heard the advice, "follow the money"?


If the partner had a modest income themselves, I doubt they'd have any leverage in the matter, whether intended or simply perceived. Nothing to do with being avaricious, the prospect of a huge drop in effective income/lifestyle can't help but be a big factor in the situation.

Of course I didn't ignore how much the OP hates their job (this thread wouldn't exist otherwise, regardless of financial factors) - the issue is why they still haven't addressed this even after 3 years.

It's hard not to conclude that the partnership's income composition has a lot to do with it. If you dismiss that explanation, what's yours?
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Oxford Mum
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#20
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#20
There are many households where one person earns a massive figure and another a small one.

As long as they have enough income to keep the family afloat, that’s the main thing.
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