Am i in the wrong?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 9 months ago
#1
When my future mother in law phones, I feel so upset and angry because I have no interest in my fiance.
And she always talks about the wedding etc.
I feel hurt becauze I feel bad because.im not attracted to her son.
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G1iybs
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#2
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Once u get married u will be attracted to him. It will just take time.
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Anonymous #2
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Arranged marriage?
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jas149
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#4
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(Original post by Anonymous)
When my future mother in law phones, I feel so upset and angry because I have no interest in my fiance.
And she always talks about the wedding etc.
I feel hurt becauze I feel bad because.im not attracted to her son.
You really need to speak to your fiance about this :/ it won't be fair on both yourself and him if this marriage were to take place. Is this an arranged marriage? and, I don't mean to offend you when I ask this, but do you have a say in this? or is this situation against your control?

(Original post by G1iybs)
Once u get married u will be attracted to him. It will just take time.
^^^ I'm sorry but that's the worst advice
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G1iybs
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(Original post by jas149)
You really need to speak to your fiance about this :/ it won't be fair on both yourself and him if this marriage were to take place. Is this an arranged marriage? and, I don't mean to offend you when I ask this, but do you have a say in this? or is this situation against your control?


^^^ I'm sorry but that's the worst advice
I made the assumption that the marriage is unavoidable and therefore encouraged her to see the positive side.
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JustOneMoreThing
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(Original post by G1iybs)
I made the assumption that the marriage is unavoidable and therefore encouraged her to see the positive side.
Still not a logical thing to say.
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H4ttie03
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#7
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Dont marry him
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G1iybs
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(Original post by JustOneMoreThing)
Still not a logical thing to say.
Sometimes a situation can be completely out of your control. If so, you can only take the positives and keep your head high.
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JustOneMoreThing
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(Original post by G1iybs)
Sometimes a situation can be completely out of your control. If so, you can only take the positives and keep your head high.
You said once she gets married she will be attracted to him, based on your assumption that she was getting into an arranged marriage.

Arranged marriage or not, it is not logical to say you will be attracted to someone you do not like if you create a relationship.
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G1iybs
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(Original post by JustOneMoreThing)
You said once she gets married she will be attracted to him, based on your assumption that she was getting into an arranged marriage.

Arranged marriage or not, it is not logical to say you will be attracted to someone you do not like if you create a relationship.
Actually, it is often (not always) the case with arrange marriages where over time the relationship gets better and they start caring for each other deeply. It is human nature.

I suppose it isnt common in western culture so most people here wouldnt understand.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by G1iybs)
Once u get married u will be attracted to him. It will just take time.
What about if i am gay(i hate myself)
And have never been attracted to men?
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ROTL94
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#12
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Why are you engaged to him then?
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JustOneMoreThing
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(Original post by G1iybs)
Actually, it is often (not always) the case with arrange marriages where over time the relationship gets better and they start caring for each other deeply. It is human nature.

I suppose it isnt common in western culture so most people here wouldnt understand.
You said you will be attracted to him, will be.

That's not the case.
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G1iybs
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#14
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(Original post by Anonymous)
What about if i am gay(i hate myself)
And have never been attracted to men?
Well that does change things. It means it would be difficult, if not impossible to be sexually attracted to him. Have you come out to your parents yet?
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Anonymous #1
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I knew my to be mother in law before all this, but I just don't like her talking about wedding plans. She is a lovely lady and it really hurts me because I won't be able to keep her son happyshe's always said to me how im a nice person and I really don't want her or anyone thinking that I'm selfish and a bad person.
I'm not.
There are things I'm having to do because i cannot see my parents hurt (if i tell them.im gay, which I've tried to but noone understands they still think my feelings will change once I'm married).
Ever since the engagement- I pretend I'm happy.
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G1iybs
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#16
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(Original post by JustOneMoreThing)
You said you will be attracted to him, will be.

That's not the case.
I said that as a form of encouragement.

If your friend has a exam, you tell them they "will do well and pass their exam". Not "oh maybe u will maybe u wont".
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Xarao
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I knew my to be mother in law before all this, but I just don't like her talking about wedding plans. She is a lovely lady and it really hurts me because I won't be able to keep her son happyshe's always said to me how im a nice person and I really don't want her or anyone thinking that I'm selfish and a bad person.
I'm not.
There are things I'm having to do because i cannot see my parents hurt (if i tell them.im gay, which I've tried to but noone understands they still think my feelings will change once I'm married).
Ever since the engagement- I pretend I'm happy.
That's your fault then. You're letting all this happen to you, while you act like a sheep and follow everyone. Either say it more firmly/do something, or live your life in a miserable state forever. Your choice.
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JustOneMoreThing
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(Original post by G1iybs)
I said that as a form of encouragement.

If your friend has a exam, you tell them they "will do well and pass their exam". Not "oh maybe u will maybe u wont".
That's so ridiculous, this is not the same situation at all and the fact that you have to use an analogy speaks volumes.
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G1iybs
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#19
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I knew my to be mother in law before all this, but I just don't like her talking about wedding plans. She is a lovely lady and it really hurts me because I won't be able to keep her son happyshe's always said to me how im a nice person and I really don't want her or anyone thinking that I'm selfish and a bad person.
I'm not.
There are things I'm having to do because i cannot see my parents hurt (if i tell them.im gay, which I've tried to but noone understands they still think my feelings will change once I'm married).
Ever since the engagement- I pretend I'm happy.
It's a very difficult situation. There may not be a solution here. I would suggest simply not giving up hope, u can still have an excellent future and a happy life. One thing I would recommend is talking to ur fiance about it (whenever u are able to).
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Xarao)
That's your fault then. You're letting all this happen to you, while you act like a sheep and follow everyone. Either say it more firmly/do something, or live your life in a miserable state forever. Your choice.
You don't understand
I love my family dearly!!! I have tried telling them and they still told me I need to find someone so I knew my family friend liked me so I let him propose to me.
He is happy but i am not and I cannot tell him.im gay becayze hell end uo telling his parsnts and mine will probably disown me

You don't understand i have always been the 'loving' and caring daughter. I couldnf ever think of hurting my family.
It's so hard for me
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