Relationship advice

Hi,Please help me. I'm starting to lose my mind over this and I need some outside perspecitive.I've been seeing a guy from work for 6 months. I absolutely love him but recently i've noticed that I'm spending less time (usually meet-up at the weekend) with him. This is a combination of 1. Him being on-call (we work at the hospital) and 2. Him meeting up with his huge family post-lockdown. Ultimately, he has genuine reason to not see me as often at the moment (and we usually see each other every day at work), but I've also noticed a change in the way that he messages me and he never wants to see me mid-week or go out for a walk or meal now that lockdown's lifted. Neither of us have said I love you to each other and no one at work knows were dating so it could be that he doesnt want someone at work to see us together. I'm admittedly insecure and have low self-esteem. So I've naturally started thinking that he's losing interest in me, which is breaking my heart. I don't know what to do. Do I wait and see if he invites me round at the weekend and can mention it then? Do I text him to ask if we're okay - or will that upset him and push him away. For reference he's not expressive and he's a little shy. He doesn't ever comment on my appearence and he's admitted to being 'antisocial' which could be why he doesnt want to go out to date rather than stay in.I don't want to risk losing him - but i don't want him to be unhappy with me. I'm not good with relationships and my self esteem issues are mostly to blame. Please help me.Thank you

Reply 1

H4ttie03

17

Honestly I think you should just express your concerns to him and see what he says. You never know he might be going through something at the moment or idk buti would just talk to him about your concerns :smile:

Reply 2

InferiorVenaCava

OP

3

I typed this on my phone. Sorry for any typos.

Regarding 'I love you' I've been trying the past month to say it. We both like quiz shows so i thought it be cute to get this bracelet that says I love you in morse code. He still hadn't worked it out so I got out a morse code translation sheet and held it up infront of him but he still didn't get it - the guy is definietly smart, I wouldn't have done it this way if I thought he wasn't capable.

I don't think he's still worked it out. Hr hasnt mentioned anything. Either because he wasnt bothered to look at it again or didn't want to acknowledge what it said (really hoping that that isn't the case)

Reply 3

becausethenight

19

I think you guys probably need to talk, face-to-face. I would bet that he does still care about you a lot - he's just stressed/busy at work/has family stuff going on/is really tired/all of the above and hasn't communicated that well!

When you next see him, say that you want to have a serious chat, so he's expecting it, and be clear about how you're feeling. It can help if you have a clear idea of what you want too - rather than 'I want to see you more', 'I'd like to see you every weekend if there isn't a problem' means the goalposts are clear!

Insecurity sucks and we all go through it in relationships. I hope you get this sorted and best of uck to both of you :smile:

Reply 4

InferiorVenaCava

OP

3

Original post by H4ttie03

Honestly I think you should just express your concerns to him and see what he says. You never know he might be going through something at the moment or idk buti would just talk to him about your concerns :smile:

Thank you xx

Reply 5

InferiorVenaCava

OP

3

Original post by becausethenight

I think you guys probably need to talk, face-to-face. I would bet that he does still care about you a lot - he's just stressed/busy at work/has family stuff going on/is really tired/all of the above and hasn't communicated that well!

When you next see him, say that you want to have a serious chat, so he's expecting it, and be clear about how you're feeling. It can help if you have a clear idea of what you want too - rather than 'I want to see you more', 'I'd like to see you every weekend if there isn't a problem' means the goalposts are clear!

Insecurity sucks and we all go through it in relationships. I hope you get this sorted and best of uck to both of you :smile:

Thank you - you're right though, could be he has stuff going on. I know he's not a big communicator and maybe I'm looking at it selfishly. Xx

Reply 6

becausethenight

19

Original post by InferiorVenaCava

Thank you - you're right though, could be he has stuff going on. I know he's not a big communicator and maybe I'm looking at it selfishly. Xx

I don’t think you’re being selfish - it’s a sign of how much you care that you get worried! I have a tendency to get worked up or assume the worst with my partner, so over time I’ve just gone “I’m going to (try to!) be as charitable as possible and assume the best” but it’s easier after a few years of the worst not happening :smile:

Reply 7

InferiorVenaCava

OP

3

Original post by becausethenight

I don’t think you’re being selfish - it’s a sign of how much you care that you get worried! I have a tendency to get worked up or assume the worst with my partner, so over time I’ve just gone “I’m going to (try to!) be as charitable as possible and assume the best” but it’s easier after a few years of the worst not happening :smile:

I hope it's that straight forward. Either way, I happy with where we are. As long as i'm not over reading the situation into something that may not be happening. This is the longest relationship I've been in so I don't want to ruin it and maybe it does get easier with time. We've never fought and have the same hobbies and interests. I don't want him to change; and I don't care if he didn't want to go out for dates as long as it wasn't because he didn't have feelings for me.

Maybe I should be telling him that