Going back to uni after mental health crisis

I’m going into my second year of a physics degree in September. As I’m starting to think about the new year I’m getting very worried as I don’t get on that well with my tutor and the last time he heard from or of me was when I had a serious mental breakdown and tried to kms then was hospitalised for a couple of months. We emailed once or twice during that period to sort out exam exemptions etc but I’m really worried about my beginning of yr meeting when Ill be sat in his office for half an hr talking about courses. I *want* to act as if nothing ever happened and when he starts of with “how are you” just say “fine thanks how are you can I take these modules please thanks bye” but I just don’t know whether I should even mention the circumstances we last met. I don’t want to be discriminated against and not be allowed to take hard courses in case he thinks it’ll push me over the edge or whatever even though I’m genuinely quite well rn. But obviously it’s a very uncomfortable conversation to have and I feel I owe him an explanation because my crisis happened less then 6 hrs after our meeting that I said I was completely fine during, but then I also feel I don’t owe him anything.
I’m worried the meeting will feel like “the elephant in the room” and I don’t know if anyone else has been in this situation and has advice on how open or not I should be??

I’m going into my second year of a physics degree in September. As I’m starting to think about the new year I’m getting very worried as I don’t get on that well with my tutor and the last time he heard from or of me was when I had a serious mental breakdown and then was hospitalised for a couple of months. We emailed once or twice during that period to sort out exam exemptions etc but I’m really worried about my beginning of yr meeting when Ill be sat in his office for half an hr talking about courses. I *want* to act as if nothing ever happened and when he starts of with “how are you” just say “fine thanks how are you can I take these modules please thanks bye” but I just don’t know whether I should even mention the circumstances we last met. I don’t want to be discriminated against and not be allowed to take hard courses in case he thinks it’ll push me over the edge or whatever even though I’m genuinely quite well rn. But obviously it’s a very uncomfortable conversation to have and I feel I owe him an explanation because my crisis happened less then 6 hrs after our meeting that I said I was completely fine during, but then I also feel I don’t owe him anything.
I’m worried the meeting will feel like “the elephant in the room” and I don’t know if anyone else has been in this situation and has advice on how open or not I should be??

Are you actually better and ready to go back?
Have you dealt with the issues that caused the breakdown?
I suggest you enrol with the unis health services and talk it through with them then they can talk you through it or if needs be support any claim to have a change in supervisor. Its not clear what the supervisor has done wrong?

It would seem a bit in denial for you to pretend nothing has happened, so you should be prepared to discuss it as they may be concerned about your welfare and want to avoid you getting into the same situation. Once they have some reassurance, then go in with a few notes about preferred modules etc and what you wish to do.
Not sure why it would be such a big issue, unless theres a health and safety risk? By dealing with the issue at the beginning you give the impression you have it under control imo.

To add to the above from Tigger, it's important to remember that most academics won't have serious MH training and it's not in their job description or core skill set to get you "better". All they can really do is keep an eye on you, point you at the university support services and help with things like mit circumstances paperwork and exam extensions if required. For this reason it's really important that (1) you are actually ready to come back and (2) you are honest with your tutor about your health - which means you have to be brutally honest with yourself as well. They will be bound by quite specific confidentially rules and can't do their bit in helping to get support for you if you don't ask for it.

do you have another lecturer you can trust/talk to who you can share your concerns with? if you talk to someone you already get on with, perhaps they can ease your mind and direct you in how to arrange for a different personal tutor. it doesn't seem like such an unreasonable request if it's that uncomfortable.

i would bet tho the last thing your personal tutor wants is to have an uncomfortable meeting and will do whatever it takes to ensure it doesn't happen. just whatever you do do, do not avoid their emails or the meeting. i was in a very similar situation to you myself and can say avoiding the meeting did not turn out so well as they start to worry.

Yeah, I'm in a relatively good state of health now. I'm on medication and have treatment and I do feel ready to go back. My supervisor hasn't done anything wrong; it's just we never really 'clicked', i know other people who talk to their supervisors about personal stuff and are comfortable going to them when they're struggling, but that's never been my experience, he's quite awkward and i'm quite awkward so we never really talk about anything other than course enrollments etc.