Obsessed over finding love

I have been on dating apps on and off for over a year and I just can’t seem to find anyone. I’ll match with someone and we’ll talk for a little while but either they become disinterested or I do and the very few dates I have been on just don’t seem to go anywhere. It’s really beginning to affect my self esteem in thinking that there must be something wrong with me and to the point where sometimes I obsess over finding a partner. Any advice you could give would be so very much appreciated.

Reply 1

Food...

6

Original post by Anonymous

I have been on dating apps on and off for over a year and I just can’t seem to find anyone. I’ll match with someone and we’ll talk for a little while but either they become disinterested or I do and the very few dates I have been on just don’t seem to go anywhere. It’s really beginning to affect my self esteem in thinking that there must be something wrong with me and to the point where sometimes I obsess over finding a partner. Any advice you could give would be so very much appreciated.

Bless, I understand how you must feel. It is such a punch in the gut when nothing materialises from potential partners. My advice would be to not as such search for a partner, though I understand the appeal in having one and not wanting to wait, but in many cases, you'll meet someone when you least expect it. I would suggest you focus on yourself, I understand that these experiences have caused your confidence to dwindle but know that you're beautiful as you are, people will appreciate you for that. The more you focus and prioritise your search for a relationship, the more invested you become in doing so and it may dominate your lifestyle. Focus on yourself, enjoy yourself and work on that confidence, you're most beautiful when you're doing you and the right one will see that.

Reply 2

becausethenight

19

Original post by Anonymous

I have been on dating apps on and off for over a year and I just can’t seem to find anyone. I’ll match with someone and we’ll talk for a little while but either they become disinterested or I do and the very few dates I have been on just don’t seem to go anywhere. It’s really beginning to affect my self esteem in thinking that there must be something wrong with me and to the point where sometimes I obsess over finding a partner. Any advice you could give would be so very much appreciated.

Dating apps can be an absolute minefield, and what you're saying can be pretty common, it's not just you! There's nothing wrong with you, you're just meeting the wrong people.

If you really want to meet someone, would you consider returning to more analog dating maybe (eg asking friends to introduce you, joining a local book group or something, etc)? At any rate, it sounds like the apps are doing a number on your self-esteem, so a break from them might help?

Reply 3

Foxehh

21

Thats just dating apps, most people have the same experience.

Reply 4

username5326522

21

learn how to be by yourself

Give up

Dating apps are addictive and usually much harsher and judgemental than in person. Also you will get more ‘pseudo’ opportunities there (ie chats that don’t go anywhere from people who are as mildly interested in your pics as they are 20 other girls’) so when they go nowhere it will feel like you are experiencing more failed opportunities.

Feeling lonely turns into an obsession because you get the (usually untrue) impression that there’s something undesirable about you and that’s worrying for different reasons. It’s not just ‘is there the right guy for me’ but also ‘am I the right person for anyone’

Rest assured this is an amplified issue in modern dating and it’s not just you! If you want something serious think about the qualities you want in a guy and try to meet people in contexts where they’re likely to have them. Eg if it’s important that he’s compassionate and selfless try volunteering somewhere. Even if you don’t meet the one there it’s expanding your social circle to have people like that who could lead you to someone special. :smile:

Reply 7

Anonymous #4

Honestly the best relationships are the ones that u don’t expect like me and my bf got together and I wasn’t even expecting a relationship either was he. But he’s been my best and longest relationship so just be patient... enjoy life and dating apps don’t really work tbh for the majority they’re just hookup apps.

Obsessed over finding love

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