How do I act at university so people don't walk all over me?

I'm female, 19, going to uni this coming september
At school and sixth form I have always been incredibly shy and I got really bullied- both physically and emotionally. I was a loner most of my school years and a lot of people disliked me. This has of course caused a lot of trauma and I do NOT want this to be repeated at university

I am already part of some GC for my Uni and already I sense people don't like me (by the way they talk to me). Since I don't really have a personality because I never got the chance to socialise with a lot of people and got very bullied, I haven't really discovered a lot about myself in that sense
So how exactly do I act at Uni so people don't take advantage over me?

Reply 1

999tigger

19

Original post by Anonymous

I'm female, 19, going to uni this coming september
At school and sixth form I have always been incredibly shy and I got really bullied- both physically and emotionally. I was a loner most of my school years and a lot of people disliked me. This has of course caused a lot of trauma and I do NOT want this to be repeated at university

I am already part of some GC for my Uni and already I sense people don't like me (by the way they talk to me). Since I don't really have a personality because I never got the chance to socialise with a lot of people and got very bullied, I haven't really discovered a lot about myself in that sense
So how exactly do I act at Uni so people don't take advantage over me?

I wrote quite a long answer and then my pc crashed so it was lost. Not in the mood to rewrite or think about it again, but will do so tomorrow or the day after (most likely tomorrow).

Left some links to helplines and self help guides.
Anxiety UK also has forums for anxious/shy people

Not ideal to be thinking about this now, but you are going to have to throw together a plan/ strategy to make the most of things and to maximise your chances of making friends. I will make suggestions about that tomorrow.

Anxiety
https://depression.org.nz/is-it-depr...ety/self-test/

https://www.nopanic.org.uk/no-panic-youth-hub/
https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/get-help/
https://www.counselling.cam.ac.uk/se...f/anxiety/view
https://www.nhsinform.scot/illnesses...elf-help-guide
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-anxiety/

Self esteem
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-esteem/about-self-esteem/
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/raising-low-self-esteem/
https://www.talkspace.com/blog/category/self-esteem/

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by 999tigger

I wrote quite a long answer and then my pc crashed so it was lost. Not in the mood to rewrite or think about it again, but will do so tomorrow or the day after (most likely tomorrow).

Left some links to helplines and self help guides.
Anxiety UK also has forums for anxious/shy people

Not ideal to be thinking about this now, but you are going to have to throw together a plan/ strategy to make the most of things and to maximise your chances of making friends. I will make suggestions about that tomorrow.

Anxiety
https://depression.org.nz/is-it-depr...ety/self-test/

https://www.nopanic.org.uk/no-panic-youth-hub/
https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/get-help/
https://www.counselling.cam.ac.uk/se...f/anxiety/view
https://www.nhsinform.scot/illnesses...elf-help-guide
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-anxiety/

Self esteem
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-esteem/about-self-esteem/
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/raising-low-self-esteem/
https://www.talkspace.com/blog/category/self-esteem/

I really appreciate that thank you so much
That's a shame your answer was deleted! And ofc take your time :smile:

Reply 3

jasjio

5

Original post by 999tigger

I wrote quite a long answer and then my pc crashed so it was lost. Not in the mood to rewrite or think about it again, but will do so tomorrow or the day after (most likely tomorrow).

Left some links to helplines and self help guides.
Anxiety UK also has forums for anxious/shy people

Not ideal to be thinking about this now, but you are going to have to throw together a plan/ strategy to make the most of things and to maximise your chances of making friends. I will make suggestions about that tomorrow.

Anxiety
https://depression.org.nz/is-it-depr...ety/self-test/

https://www.nopanic.org.uk/no-panic-youth-hub/
https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/get-help/
https://www.counselling.cam.ac.uk/se...f/anxiety/view
https://www.nhsinform.scot/illnesses...elf-help-guide
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-anxiety/

Self esteem
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-esteem/about-self-esteem/
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/raising-low-self-esteem/
https://www.talkspace.com/blog/category/self-esteem/

I really appreciate that, thank you so much
And ofc take your time :smile:

Anymore advice?

thank you!

bump

Original post by Anonymous

I'm female, 19, going to uni this coming september
At school and sixth form I have always been incredibly shy and I got really bullied- both physically and emotionally. I was a loner most of my school years and a lot of people disliked me. This has of course caused a lot of trauma and I do NOT want this to be repeated at university

I am already part of some GC for my Uni and already I sense people don't like me (by the way they talk to me). Since I don't really have a personality because I never got the chance to socialise with a lot of people and got very bullied, I haven't really discovered a lot about myself in that sense
So how exactly do I act at Uni so people don't take advantage over me?

I can relate indeed. I feel like whenever I say something everyone just ignores me on the group chat.

Reply 8

historynerd47

20

Massively relate to all of this! I'm going into second year and I know it's cliche but joining societies helped me so much during first year. I joined the committees of my two favourite societies and that sense of community really helped me. Being around a shared common interest made meeting new people and fitting in a lot easier

Reply 9

route255

12

I can relate too, i sense easily if someone is not keen on me. Ive also been quite direct and asking why ' are not talking' , made me look like i blow my top.

In my uni course , the class was strange , there was few friendly faces who would be up for talkin yet some others that didnt like the small talk , made it obvious they didnt want to talk.

Reply 10

jasjio

5

what else did you do during first year that helped you make friends other than societies? did you find it hard or easy to speak to people in your lectures/class?

Original post by historynerd47

Massively relate to all of this! I'm going into second year and I know it's cliche but joining societies helped me so much during first year. I joined the committees of my two favourite societies and that sense of community really helped me. Being around a shared common interest made meeting new people and fitting in a lot easier

Reply 11

jasjio

5

Original post by route255

I can relate too, i sense easily if someone is not keen on me. Ive also been quite direct and asking why ' are not talking' , made me look like i blow my top.

In my uni course , the class was strange , there was few friendly faces who would be up for talkin yet some others that didnt like the small talk , made it obvious they didnt want to talk.

im that type of person too, literally people ignore me on the gc

Reply 12

route255

12

Original post by jasjio

im that type of person too, literally people ignore me on the gc

I have that in real life but not on GC.

Reply 13

username5383500

18

Original post by Anonymous

I'm female, 19, going to uni this coming september
At school and sixth form I have always been incredibly shy and I got really bullied- both physically and emotionally. I was a loner most of my school years and a lot of people disliked me. This has of course caused a lot of trauma and I do NOT want this to be repeated at university

I am already part of some GC for my Uni and already I sense people don't like me (by the way they talk to me). Since I don't really have a personality because I never got the chance to socialise with a lot of people and got very bullied, I haven't really discovered a lot about myself in that sense
So how exactly do I act at Uni so people don't take advantage over me?

Accept that regardless of what you do, there will always be some people that dislike you. The trick is to not care, and not associate with these people. The goal is not to be liked by everyone.

When it comes to group chats, don't assume that people don't like you. People can be very different online vs in person, and it's not worth dwelling on. Some people can seem blunt and cold online but they're actually quite nice in person, while others will seem nice online and be quite two faced in person.

There isn't a hard and fast way to act. The old "be yourself" applies here, even if you don't know what that is yet. A lot of people discover themselves at university, and a big part of that comes down to how diverse universities are.

Of course if you want to take the initiative there's all sorts of things you can do to help yourself. For example if you're shy then work on getting over that. Put yourself out there more, get involved with stuff. It's all about practice really. Your post also focuses on the negative a lot, so it may be beneficial to work on positive thinking, or even get counselling help.

Reply 14

historynerd47

20

Original post by jasjio

what else did you do during first year that helped you make friends other than societies? did you find it hard or easy to speak to people in your lectures/class?

I actually found it quite awkward to chat to people in my seminars/lectures/discussion groups as people tended to come, focus on the work and then head off, but I met my best friend at uni by just chatting as we were waiting to go into a lecture and recognised each other from a seminar. She offered to go for a coffee with me and we became mates from there. I know of other subjects that seemed to make a class group chat and be close immediately, history was more distant. But it's totally doable to make course friends- it just takes a little more effort and putting yourself out there then at school as you have to make a point to meet up- you don't bump into people in the same way as being at school all day every day. Basically just chat to people and be interested and seem open and you'll make friends fine

(edited 3 years ago)

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by historynerd47

I actually found it quite awkward to chat to people in my seminars/lectures/discussion groups as people tended to come, focus on the work and then head off, but I met my best friend at uni by just chatting as we were waiting to go into a lecture and recognised each other from a seminar. She offered to go for a coffee with me and we became mates from there. I know of other subjects that seemed to make a class group chat and be close immediately, history was more distant. But it's totally doable to make course friends- it just takes a little more effort and putting yourself out there then at school as you have to make a point to meet up- you don't bump into people in the same way as being at school all day every day. Basically just chat to people and be interested and seem open and you'll make friends fine

so is it not the social norm to chat to people in seminars/tutorials etc? :frown:

Reply 16

Anonymous #3

At university a lot of people mind their own business. Many want good grades and their degree so they focus on that. they wont walk all over you unless you hang with the wrong immature people. Mature people at uni are respectful and just put study as their priority.

Reply 17

historynerd47

20

Original post by Anonymous

so is it not the social norm to chat to people in seminars/tutorials etc? :frown:

Well in my subject, during the seminars we had debates as a class, listened to the professor and did short activities- we weren't allowed to chat except discussing the work which absolutely made sense when you were there. It sounds bad but in a small group of like 10 students discussing a topic it would be a bit random to chat more casually