My online friend is thinking of leaving, and I'm heartbroken

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 2 months ago
#1
We've been talking for almost a year.

At first we were just people casually messaging each other online, I asked him for advice. He was very formal about it and not overly friendly but did his best to give me good advice.

After about two weeks he messaged me asking for an update on what happened, and slowly from there we started talking. We weren't friends straight away, it took about 4 months of talking for him to say we are officially friends.

We got closer, and he asked for my number. I got anxious, and refused. He said he didn't mind and carried on messagibg me regardless.
Once I said something and he misinterpreted it as inpying that he had feelings for me, he got offended and assured me he doesn't fall for people this easily. It was a misunderstanding and we moved on.


A few months later, he has finally become attached, after I opened up to him about childhood trauma. He told me he has confused himself, and can see himself latching onto me. It isn't very practical to fall for one another as we live in different countries. He said be wanted to take some time off to get his head straight.

Two days later he ends up messaging me again, and we carry on as normal with our very deep personal convos. We now know we have a bond, and I see him like a real friend, sometimes more than a friend. We talk for 9 hours sometimes. He's told me how greatful he is to know me just a few weeks ago.

But yesterday he messaged me saying he is thinking of leaving the site we talk on. I asked why, and he gave me a few reasons relating to other members.

He said he might make a new account just to keep in contact with me, but part of him doesnt want to make a new account either. "I like talking to you too much to just say bye". He said he will come tk a decision on Monday and let me know if he is making a new account to keep in touch with me, or leaving me for good.

This has really upset me. the possibility that he is leaving and we may not speak to one another again. I genuinely feel like someone has been taken away from me, as if I've lost someone important, and it hurts. I have cried a little over this, its going to take some getting used to because we got really close.
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999tigger
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#2
Report 2 months ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
We've been talking for almost a year.

At first we were just people casually messaging each other online, I asked him for advice. He was very formal about it and not overly friendly but did his best to give me good advice.

After about two weeks he messaged me asking for an update on what happened, and slowly from there we started talking. We weren't friends straight away, it took about 4 months of talking for him to say we are officially friends.

We got closer, and he asked for my number. I got anxious, and refused. He said he didn't mind and carried on messagibg me regardless.
Once I said something and he misinterpreted it as inpying that he had feelings for me, he got offended and assured me he doesn't fall for people this easily. It was a misunderstanding and we moved on.


A few months later, he has finally become attached, after I opened up to him about childhood trauma. He told me he has confused himself, and can see himself latching onto me. It isn't very practical to fall for one another as we live in different countries. He said be wanted to take some time off to get his head straight.

Two days later he ends up messaging me again, and we carry on as normal with our very deep personal convos. We now know we have a bond, and I see him like a real friend, sometimes more than a friend. We talk for 9 hours sometimes. He's told me how greatful he is to know me just a few weeks ago.

But yesterday he messaged me saying he is thinking of leaving the site we talk on. I asked why, and he gave me a few reasons relating to other members.

He said he might make a new account just to keep in contact with me, but part of him doesnt want to make a new account either. "I like talking to you too much to just say bye". He said he will come tk a decision on Monday and let me know if he is making a new account to keep in touch with me, or leaving me for good.

This has really upset me. the possibility that he is leaving and we may not speak to one another again. I genuinely feel like someone has been taken away from me, as if I've lost someone important, and it hurts. I have cried a little over this, its going to take some getting used to because we got really close.
Why cant you just use some messenger app or email?
If he wants to stay in contact he will.
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Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 2 months ago
#3
(Original post by 999tigger)
Why cant you just use some messenger app or email?
If he wants to stay in contact he will.
He has asked for WhatsApp, but I just feel really weird about it. I do plan on eventually video calling him and chatting on the phone, but it makes me really anxious and feel odd to know I've been speaking and talking to a real man online this whole time. (I mean i know he's real, I know who he is and what he looks like, where he works etc) but to actually communicate with him will be weird for me. I can't do this yet, and I dont want tor use myself.

I rather not have communication anywhere else right now, he knows this. This is why he is considering having another account to keep in touch. Thats the only reason otherwise he would be done with that website by now
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 2 months ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
He has asked for WhatsApp, but I just feel really weird about it. I do plan on eventually video calling him and chatting on the phone, but it makes me really anxious and feel odd to know I've been speaking and talking to a real man online this whole time. (I mean i know he's real, I know who he is and what he looks like, where he works etc) but to actually communicate with him will be weird for me. I can't do this yet, and I dont want tor use myself.

I rather not have communication anywhere else right now, he knows this. This is why he is considering having another account to keep in touch. Thats the only reason otherwise he would be done with that website by now
dont want to rush* myself
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NurseCarol
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(Original post by Anonymous)
We've been talking for almost a year.

At first we were just people casually messaging each other online, I asked him for advice. He was very formal about it and not overly friendly but did his best to give me good advice.

After about two weeks he messaged me asking for an update on what happened, and slowly from there we started talking. We weren't friends straight away, it took about 4 months of talking for him to say we are officially friends.

We got closer, and he asked for my number. I got anxious, and refused. He said he didn't mind and carried on messagibg me regardless.
Once I said something and he misinterpreted it as inpying that he had feelings for me, he got offended and assured me he doesn't fall for people this easily. It was a misunderstanding and we moved on.


A few months later, he has finally become attached, after I opened up to him about childhood trauma. He told me he has confused himself, and can see himself latching onto me. It isn't very practical to fall for one another as we live in different countries. He said be wanted to take some time off to get his head straight.

Two days later he ends up messaging me again, and we carry on as normal with our very deep personal convos. We now know we have a bond, and I see him like a real friend, sometimes more than a friend. We talk for 9 hours sometimes. He's told me how greatful he is to know me just a few weeks ago.

But yesterday he messaged me saying he is thinking of leaving the site we talk on. I asked why, and he gave me a few reasons relating to other members.

He said he might make a new account just to keep in contact with me, but part of him doesnt want to make a new account either. "I like talking to you too much to just say bye". He said he will come tk a decision on Monday and let me know if he is making a new account to keep in touch with me, or leaving me for good.

This has really upset me. the possibility that he is leaving and we may not speak to one another again. I genuinely feel like someone has been taken away from me, as if I've lost someone important, and it hurts. I have cried a little over this, its going to take some getting used to because we got really close.
If he is leaving due to other members, why cant you swap whatsapp or kik or messenger info and keep in touch another way? If he finds an excuse not to stay in contact then he was obviously looking for a reason to stop texting you... sounds horrible, but you will know if he wants to break contact. Try to not worry until he comes to his decision though, its out of your control, so there's no point stressing about it. Perhaps this can be a good lesson for the future (everything can be, really). What can you learn from this? Perhaps not to get too close to friends, or too attached/reliant? This can even apply to friends in real life honestly. Good luck <3
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RV3112
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#6
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#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
We've been talking for almost a year.

At first we were just people casually messaging each other online, I asked him for advice. He was very formal about it and not overly friendly but did his best to give me good advice.

After about two weeks he messaged me asking for an update on what happened, and slowly from there we started talking. We weren't friends straight away, it took about 4 months of talking for him to say we are officially friends.

We got closer, and he asked for my number. I got anxious, and refused. He said he didn't mind and carried on messagibg me regardless.
Once I said something and he misinterpreted it as inpying that he had feelings for me, he got offended and assured me he doesn't fall for people this easily. It was a misunderstanding and we moved on.


A few months later, he has finally become attached, after I opened up to him about childhood trauma. He told me he has confused himself, and can see himself latching onto me. It isn't very practical to fall for one another as we live in different countries. He said be wanted to take some time off to get his head straight.

Two days later he ends up messaging me again, and we carry on as normal with our very deep personal convos. We now know we have a bond, and I see him like a real friend, sometimes more than a friend. We talk for 9 hours sometimes. He's told me how greatful he is to know me just a few weeks ago.

But yesterday he messaged me saying he is thinking of leaving the site we talk on. I asked why, and he gave me a few reasons relating to other members.

He said he might make a new account just to keep in contact with me, but part of him doesnt want to make a new account either. "I like talking to you too much to just say bye". He said he will come tk a decision on Monday and let me know if he is making a new account to keep in touch with me, or leaving me for good.

This has really upset me. the possibility that he is leaving and we may not speak to one another again. I genuinely feel like someone has been taken away from me, as if I've lost someone important, and it hurts. I have cried a little over this, its going to take some getting used to because we got really close.
I'm not sure i understand the problem. If you have become so close, why can you not communicate some other way with him? Why is this site so important to your communication?

I see your answer regarding WhatsApp above, but why can't you simply set up an e-mail address just to communicate with him if your privacy or phone number is an issue?
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LovelyMrFox
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#7
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You have two options. Give him other forms of messaging or move on with your life.
Im confused as to what the issue is?
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 2 months ago
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(Original post by nursingstudentuk)
If he is leaving due to other members, why cant you swap whatsapp or kik or messenger info and keep in touch another way? If he finds an excuse not to stay in contact then he was obviously looking for a reason to stop texting you... sounds horrible, but you will know if he wants to break contact. Try to not worry until he comes to his decision though, its out of your control, so there's no point stressing about it. Perhaps this can be a good lesson for the future (everything can be, really). What can you learn from this? Perhaps not to get too close to friends, or too attached/reliant? This can even apply to friends in real life honestly. Good luck <3
Because I refused to give him my WhatsApp when he asked. Please look at my other response to 999Tigger.

I know it isn't because of me, I know the situation. He is sick of the website and some of the other popular users who were being overly mean towards him. He also has used his real name in his profile, and where he lived etc, so it doesn't take a genius to find where he works or his other social media through his profile. This is why he has become concerned about how he says things on this forum and the backlash due to cancel culture and all.

Yeah I've never been attatched to someone online before. Its never happened. I had no intentions of being friends with him either, I just messabed him for advice because he seemed helpful and intelligent. But we kept in contact since we enjoyed each others company and eventually got closer. I didnt plan this, and I don't see myself ever being close with anyone like this again online. This was literally one in a hundred chance and It happened.

Thanks xx
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NurseCarol
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Because I refused to give him my WhatsApp when he asked. Please look at my other response to 999Tigger.

I know it isn't because of me, I know the situation. He is sick of the website and some of the other popular users who were being overly mean towards him. He also has used his real name in his profile, and where he lived etc, so it doesn't take a genius to find where he works or his other social media through his profile. This is why he has become concerned about how he says things on this forum and the backlash due to cancel culture and all.

Yeah I've never been attatched to someone online before. Its never happened. I had no intentions of being friends with him either, I just messabed him for advice because he seemed helpful and intelligent. But we kept in contact since we enjoyed each others company and eventually got closer. I didnt plan this, and I don't see myself ever being close with anyone like this again online. This was literally one in a hundred chance and It happened.

Thanks xx
I feel this man... the amount of 'alt' accounts i need to hide my views as i would be cancelled too lol. IF you are so close, I doubt he would drop you I'm sure you will continue to be friends, and if you dont want to give him your number, you really should try making an account on kik, as it doesn't require a number xx
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999tigger
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#10
(Original post by Anonymous)
He has asked for WhatsApp, but I just feel really weird about it. I do plan on eventually video calling him and chatting on the phone, but it makes me really anxious and feel odd to know I've been speaking and talking to a real man online this whole time. (I mean i know he's real, I know who he is and what he looks like, where he works etc) but to actually communicate with him will be weird for me. I can't do this yet, and I dont want tor use myself.

I rather not have communication anywhere else right now, he knows this. This is why he is considering having another account to keep in touch. Thats the only reason otherwise he would be done with that website by now
Unfortunately things change in life and you have to adapt. he is moving on but has given you the opportunity to stay in touch. You have to decide how much you wnat to keep that alive or not. You alreayd have several cants and wonts.

I would just add you sound young, but you should see it from his perspective and try to suggest things that will work and also make him feel vallued as a friend rather than an emotional crutch. Make it so he wants to stay in contact rather than feels obliged to.
Last edited by 999tigger; 2 months ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by RV3112)
I'm not sure i understand the problem. If you have become so close, why can you not communicate some other way with him? Why is this site so important to your communication?

I see your answer regarding WhatsApp above, but why can't you simply set up an e-mail address just to communicate with him if your privacy or phone number is an issue?
It allows us to text, like on WhatsApp except no voice messaging (we have heard each others voice though on a seperate public forum where everyone was sharing their voices using Vocaroo.

So its quite personal layout like legitimate texting except its not. I dont think email is very practical, it doesn't allow us to text message like the app, and i feel like that's just desperate measures. Not sure he will like that idea either.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by nursingstudentuk)
I feel this man... the amount of 'alt' accounts i need to hide my views as i would be cancelled too lol. IF you are so close, I doubt he would drop you I'm sure you will continue to be friends, and if you dont want to give him your number, you really should try making an account on kik, as it doesn't require a number xx
(Original post by 999tigger)
Unfortunately things change in life and you have to adapt. he is moving on but has given you the opportunity to stay in touch. You have to decide how much you wnat to keep that alive or not. You alreayd have severla cants and wonts.
You two are real ones. Really helpful advice.

I might suggest Kik. I've heard about it plenty of times but never signed up to see what its about.
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NurseCarol
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(Original post by Anonymous)
You two are real ones. Really helpful advice.

I might suggest Kik. I've heard about it plenty of times but never signed up to see what its about.
You are welcome! I hope it works out for you (I didnt mean "if to be in caps, sorry lol"
Good luck xx
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RV3112
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It allows us to text, like on WhatsApp except no voice messaging (we have heard each others voice though on a seperate public forum where everyone was sharing their voices using Vocaroo.

So its quite personal layout like legitimate texting except its not. I dont think email is very practical, it doesn't allow us to text message like the app, and i feel like that's just desperate measures. Not sure he will like that idea either.
It's not that practical, but you can use the e-mail address to register for other apps that don't require a phone number like Skype (and others) etc. If you want to protect your privacy etc, your options are going to be more limited. I'm being a little more careful with advice here, because i'm not sure of your respective ages. If he is so important to you, isn't an impractical way of communicating better than nothing at all - at least until you are ready to exchange WhatsApp?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by RV3112)
It's not that practical, but you can use the e-mail address to register for other apps that don't require a phone number like Skype (and others) etc. If you want to protect your privacy etc, your options are going to be more limited. I'm being a little more careful with advice here, because i'm not sure of your respective ages. If he is so important to you, isn't an impractical way of communicating better than nothing at all - at least until you are ready to exchange WhatsApp?
I'm thinking of Kik, as another user mentioned.

We are both in our 20s btw
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by nursingstudentuk)
You are welcome! I hope it works out for you (I didnt mean "if to be in caps, sorry lol"
Good luck xx
Thanks for your help xx
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RV3112
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm thinking of Kik, as another user mentioned.

We are both in our 20s btw
Kik could work if he is willing. I'm not sure what else to suggest, other than the more extreme measure of buying a cheap second phone just for the purposes of being able to use WhatsApp without compromising your privacy/giving out your phone number.

It is understandable to be a bit anxious when an online friendship starts to seep into your 'real' life, but it's a necessary step if you want to develop a life-long friendship. People's online habits tend to change over time.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by RV3112)
Kik could work if he is willing. I'm not sure what else to suggest, other than the more extreme measure of buying a cheap second phone just for the purposes of being able to use WhatsApp without compromising your privacy/giving out your phone number.

It is understandable to be a bit anxious when an online friendship starts to seep into your 'real' life, but it's a necessary step if you want to develop a life-long friendship. People's online habits tend to change over time.
I dont want to introduce this new Kik thing straight away. I want to see if he will actually choose to make another account for me first, like if he is planning to say goodbye to me I rather not. As much as it hurts, if he has accepted that we will part ways, then thats what we will do. I dont want to go the extra mile to stay in touch if he was going to decide to leave me in the end.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I dont want to introduce this new Kik thing straight away. I want to see if he will actually choose to make another account for me first, like if he is planning to say goodbye to me I rather not. As much as it hurts, if he has accepted that we will part ways, then thats what we will do. I dont want to go the extra mile to stay in touch if he was going to decide to leave me in the end.
It would really hurt if he does say bye though, like I said somehow I'm.actually heart broken from.all this.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by 999tigger)
Unfortunately things change in life and you have to adapt. he is moving on but has given you the opportunity to stay in touch. You have to decide how much you wnat to keep that alive or not. You alreayd have several cants and wonts.

I would just add you sound young, but you should see it from his perspective and try to suggest things that will work and also make him feel vallued as a friend rather than an emotional crutch. Make it so he wants to stay in contact rather than feels obliged to.
Didnt see this response until now.

He isn't the kind of person to do something mist because he feels obliged too. I remember around the time where we met he spoke to this lady online that he was really attracted to (on the same website), after finally speaking to her in person he lied to her, that he has met someone else so they can't stay in contact anymore.

Basically, he didnt want to talk to her anymore because something about her put him off. And did find a way to cut contact with her. I believe they were following each other on the website we met on for a while after but he eventually unfollowed her, and she did the same soon after.

What I'm saying is he would have left me by now if he didn't feel like he wanted to. He isn't an emotional crutch either, we naturally get a long very well. I'm sure we would have been best friends or something more if we met in person, and lived close.
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