boyfriend always tells me what he ‘was going to do’ and i can’t stand it anymore

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 months ago
#1
my boyfriend will always just say things like

‘i was going to take you there for your birthday that’s why i didn’t want to go today... nevermind’

or once we had an argument as i felt he didn’t care about my birthday and he said
‘i was going to book a lovely hotel and spa but nevermind the surprise is ruined’

He even purposely ruined my birthday surprise last year by telling me what he was gonna book so that he didn’t have to book that.

Do i have grounds to be upset??? Like why tell me you were gonna book that restaurant for my bday.... we’ve gone now so what’s the point does he just want me to feel bad ? IDK
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Geraldthegoat
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#2
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Yes, was he really gonna do these things, it’s not about it being ruined tho, he should want to spoil u and make u feel happy + loved on your bday. U should say it’s a bit of a coincidence and instead of complaining about u knowing, he should just enjoy the date with u etc, he sounds like an idiot tbh
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 4 months ago
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(Original post by Geraldthegoat)
Yes, was he really gonna do these things, it’s not about it being ruined tho, he should want to spoil u and make u feel happy + loved on your bday. U should say it’s a bit of a coincidence and instead of complaining about u knowing, he should just enjoy the date with u etc, he sounds like an idiot tbh
i think he does wanna spoil me but he just mentions that i’ve sort of ruined his plans by going somewhere set for my bday. It just irritates me sm
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
my boyfriend will always just say things like

‘i was going to take you there for your birthday that’s why i didn’t want to go today... nevermind’

or once we had an argument as i felt he didn’t care about my birthday and he said
‘i was going to book a lovely hotel and spa but nevermind the surprise is ruined’

He even purposely ruined my birthday surprise last year by telling me what he was gonna book so that he didn’t have to book that.

Do i have grounds to be upset??? Like why tell me you were gonna book that restaurant for my bday.... we’ve gone now so what’s the point does he just want me to feel bad ? IDK
break up with himmmmmm
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sinfonietta
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It sounds like he feels you are ungrateful and push him too much. If he thinks you are behaving as if you are entitled to these things, rather than it being seen as an act on generosity on his part, then it likely puts him off taking you altogether. If you regularly get into arguments over things like this then you should consider changing your approach.
Last edited by sinfonietta; 4 months ago
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999tigger
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(Original post by Anonymous)
my boyfriend will always just say things like

‘i was going to take you there for your birthday that’s why i didn’t want to go today... nevermind’

or once we had an argument as i felt he didn’t care about my birthday and he said
‘i was going to book a lovely hotel and spa but nevermind the surprise is ruined’

He even purposely ruined my birthday surprise last year by telling me what he was gonna book so that he didn’t have to book that.

Do i have grounds to be upset??? Like why tell me you were gonna book that restaurant for my bday.... we’ve gone now so what’s the point does he just want me to feel bad ? IDK
Does he take you somewhere else equally as nice?
Have you explained what he does and asked him to stop?
What is his reply?

You seem to have an unhealthy insistence about surprises? Why is it so important to your happiness?
If you feel he dies it on purpose and he doesnt listen then dump him.

I cant see having a restaurant booked is such a big deal. If he does it deliberately then more fool you for staying as its a form of manipulation and bullying.
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OceanCat
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I don't understand, what do you say to him before that makes him say these statements, that make him feel as though the surprise is ruined?
And so what if the surprise is ruined sometimes, doesn't mean you don't pull through in it. The thrill is to se your partner enjoy it as well, not just the thrill in their shock/suprise face, even if the surprise element is ruined
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