My mom keeps pressuring me to date/sleep with someone

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Beccawilx
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It’s doing my head in!!!!!
Ever since I was 18 (now 21) my moms made jokes to others about how I’m a virgin and have never dated anyone. It really pisses me off and honestly it’s just pushing me away more and more, it’s nobody else’s business who I’m sleeping with or if I date! I don’t even want to date anyone right now!
I’ve recently just graduated uni as a teacher so my focus is far from dating or losing my virginity and I don’t get why she’s so ashamed of it. She keeps telling me how I’ll never give her grandchildren at this rate (I also have PCOS so this comment is so insensitive because that could be the reality)

The thing is if I didn’t have my head screwed on or if I kept listening to what she says, I would have slept with someone just bc I felt pressured too and would have put myself in a really dangerous and vulnerable position just because of her. When my friend got her first boyfriend and didn’t sleep with him until 3 months in my mom would tell me how men will never stay if you don’t sleep with them. Like what the ****? What kind of message is that sending to your two daughters.

Everytime we drink together with friends or family, it manages to be brought up every. Single. Time. And she makes me feel ashamed of myself like I’m embarrassing her or I’m not a proper adult because I haven’t done all this stuff. (Granted I’ve done more than she thinks I have but never lost my virginity, but I’ll never tell her that because that just gives her what she wants) I hate this whole attitude that she has and I find myself feeling ashamed of myself or just crying all the time in my room because I feel like this stuff will never happen anyway. I get so so so anxious when I get close to dating or sleeping with someone and I have no idea why.

Currently I’m in my room crying because she said yesterday to her friend (right in front of me) how she would celebrate if I told her I’d finally lost my virginity and then she’s just asked me why don’t I go on first dates.

I knew there’d be peer pressure growing up but I didn’t realise it’d be my own parent! Sorry for the rant I’m just really upset and can’t deal with this anymore, it makes me feel so so down to the point where I’ve brought it up in therapy (where the therapist told me I was overreacting so I gave up on that) I just don’t know what to do I wish I could get out of here.

Also just to add to this, I have body dysmorphia (diagnosed) and just hate myself 99.9% of the time so the idea of sleeping with someone is a hugeee deal for me because it involves a lot of anxiety
Last edited by Beccawilx; 1 month ago
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ThePsychKid
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WTF that's messed up omg. Your mom has no right to force you into something you don't want to do. Your body, your decision when you want to lose your virginity, if at all. Being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of btw. Less chance of getting an std tbh haha. And I understand your situation as I have PCOS too. I say just straight up lie to her, say yes, you lost your virginity to some dude in a one-night stand (that way she won't be asking to be introduced to anyone) and then just live your life. She'll stop bothering you and you'll feel more liberated. But let me repeat, do NOT let yourself be pressured into having sex with someone. Lose your viriginity if you want to or don't. In this day and age, it really doesn't matter
Last edited by ThePsychKid; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Beccawilx)
It’s doing my head in!!!!!
Ever since I was 18 (now 21) my moms made jokes to others about how I’m a virgin and have never dated anyone. It really pisses me off and honestly it’s just pushing me away more and more, it’s nobody else’s business who I’m sleeping with or if I date! I don’t even want to date anyone right now!
I’ve recently just graduated uni as a teacher so my focus is far from dating or losing my virginity and I don’t get why she’s so ashamed of it. She keeps telling me how I’ll never give her grandchildren at this rate (I also have PCOS so this comment is so insensitive because that could be the reality)

The thing is if I didn’t have my head screwed on or if I kept listening to what she says, I would have slept with someone just bc I felt pressured too and would have put myself in a really dangerous and vulnerable position just because of her. When my friend got her first boyfriend and didn’t sleep with him until 3 months in my mom would tell me how men will never stay if you don’t sleep with them. Like what the ****? What kind of message is that sending to your two daughters.

Everytime we drink together with friends or family, it manages to be brought up every. Single. Time. And she makes me feel ashamed of myself like I’m embarrassing her or I’m not a proper adult because I haven’t done all this stuff. (Granted I’ve done more than she thinks I have but never lost my virginity, but I’ll never tell her that because that just gives her what she wants) I hate this whole attitude that she has and I find myself feeling ashamed of myself or just crying all the time in my room because I feel like this stuff will never happen anyway. I get so so so anxious when I get close to dating or sleeping with someone and I have no idea why.

Currently I’m in my room crying because she said yesterday to her friend (right in front of me) how she would celebrate if I told her I’d finally lost my virginity and then she’s just asked me why don’t I go on first dates.

I knew there’d be peer pressure growing up but I didn’t realise it’d be my own parent! Sorry for the rant I’m just really upset and can’t deal with this anymore, it makes me feel so so down to the point where I’ve brought it up in therapy (where the therapist told me I was overreacting so I gave up on that) I just don’t know what to do I wish I could get out of here.

Also just to add to this, I have body dysmorphia (diagnosed) and just hate myself 99.9% of the time so the idea of sleeping with someone is a hugeee deal for me because it involves a lot of anxiety
Honestly don't know how to properly respond to this but i hope your mom can come to terms with your personal beliefs rather than hers which are being so forcefully implemented to you. You should focus on your education ie get a job, earn money so you get your own place, be independent and then you should focus on dating. I'm 19, i've dated a couple times but havn't lasted a relationship longer than a few months as i put more effort into ensuring i get a good future rather than caring of the feelings of my partner as of now xD. Your mom is a ***** ngl 😂 her wanting you to have kids rn is stupid as you're too young to raise them let alone take care of them. Hope all goes well for you
cheers
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username5358764
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(Original post by Beccawilx)
It’s doing my head in!!!!!
Ever since I was 18 (now 21) my moms made jokes to others about how I’m a virgin and have never dated anyone. It really pisses me off and honestly it’s just pushing me away more and more, it’s nobody else’s business who I’m sleeping with or if I date! I don’t even want to date anyone right now!
I’ve recently just graduated uni as a teacher so my focus is far from dating or losing my virginity and I don’t get why she’s so ashamed of it. She keeps telling me how I’ll never give her grandchildren at this rate (I also have PCOS so this comment is so insensitive because that could be the reality)

The thing is if I didn’t have my head screwed on or if I kept listening to what she says, I would have slept with someone just bc I felt pressured too and would have put myself in a really dangerous and vulnerable position just because of her. When my friend got her first boyfriend and didn’t sleep with him until 3 months in my mom would tell me how men will never stay if you don’t sleep with them. Like what the ****? What kind of message is that sending to your two daughters.

Everytime we drink together with friends or family, it manages to be brought up every. Single. Time. And she makes me feel ashamed of myself like I’m embarrassing her or I’m not a proper adult because I haven’t done all this stuff. (Granted I’ve done more than she thinks I have but never lost my virginity, but I’ll never tell her that because that just gives her what she wants) I hate this whole attitude that she has and I find myself feeling ashamed of myself or just crying all the time in my room because I feel like this stuff will never happen anyway. I get so so so anxious when I get close to dating or sleeping with someone and I have no idea why.

Currently I’m in my room crying because she said yesterday to her friend (right in front of me) how she would celebrate if I told her I’d finally lost my virginity and then she’s just asked me why don’t I go on first dates.

I knew there’d be peer pressure growing up but I didn’t realise it’d be my own parent! Sorry for the rant I’m just really upset and can’t deal with this anymore, it makes me feel so so down to the point where I’ve brought it up in therapy (where the therapist told me I was overreacting so I gave up on that) I just don’t know what to do I wish I could get out of here.

Also just to add to this, I have body dysmorphia (diagnosed) and just hate myself 99.9% of the time so the idea of sleeping with someone is a hugeee deal for me because it involves a lot of anxiety
Just because someone is related to you genetically, does not mean they are automatically of any value to you. If you feel that someone in your life is degrading your phyiscal and psychological well-being, you need to cut them off of your life. It does not matter whether they are "family" or not; do not let this idea of them being related to you form an emotional barrier to finding happiness for yourself. If, after looking over the entire situation and making a critical and rational judgement, decide that she is not right for you to be around, simply stop visiting her. You are a teacher, and more so, you are of legal age to be on your own. I believe everyone should be independent and self-determining, and from what you have stated, your mother is clearly a detriment to your overall well-being, and so I would consider, or even just go forward with, ending all ties with her.
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