How can I help my depressed boyfriend?

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Anonymous #1
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Hi all,

I've been with my boyfriend for three years nearly, and we're about Nineteen going on to Twenty.

I am at Uni, and he's currently working.

The thing is, my boyfriends been really depressed lately, in terms of his career, he feels that he has no ambition. The reason for this is he wants to become a pilot.

He's from a good background, but of course, having parents with stable income doesn't mean that they would help fund for him to complete his training. I've searched about Aviation, and what he wants to do and the fees are just incredibly expensive, of course he knows this which is why he's been so down lately. And of course, with what is happening with Brexit, his situation has worsened.

He wanted to go abroad within the next few years, Spain to be specific, where he could plan on training and stuff, I think with Aviation they can get you placements all across the world, I know he was wanting to do New Zealand but, didn't want to because he'd miss his family.

The thing is I just don't know how to help, I barely have enough money, I am waiting to graduate and get a stable job so that I can take loans out, and pay for him (particularly the reason why I'm working so hard). But, he doesn't want to wait that long claims he doesn't want to be in his forties when he becomes a pilot ;/ I of course told him, it doesn't matter when he becomes it, because, he's going to have that dream job until he retires, and that's still a long way away.

But he doesn't listen and he's getting so worked up over it, I feel like crying because I just don't know how to help

Can anyone recommend any advice on how to help more so with Aviation and how to overcome the huge fees, that's his only obstacle you see, the money. He has amazing work ethic, good set of GCSE'S (all A's and B's) good A-levels, he's got no health conditions of the sort, and of course he has flying lessons, so it's not like he's gone into this without knowing anything, he's done his research, he's done so much bless him, it's just the money and how to overcome that?

Any help would be much appreciated x
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Vampire slayer
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Keep on studying and stay in school. Keep on supporting him and being there for him. Also there are a lot of creative ways to come up and make money. You can also look up ways online. You could start a fundraiser to go towards the fees for him. Try not to stress over it and do the best you can.
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Stefan P Bargan
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Is he British? The RAF can be also great and a career in the military here can server him well. He will be able to travel as well.

In terms of his depression regarding his career he needs to understand that he will never run out of options. He will always have a choice and he is only 19, he has his whole life still.

I learnt that lesson recently for myself and I'm still struggling but getting better. For me Student Finance messed up my application and I might not be able to go to uni (no funding otherwise) and honestly I broke down after a few phone calls and nothing solved. What got me going again was that I went on LinkedIn to look for jobs and maybe try university next year and I saw a job post from the Army "Cyber Engineer". Now I do not have my British citizenship but if I won't get into university I will do an apprenticeship and then move onto the army once I have the passport.

Life sucks and it's just that everyone needs to find a way to be able to move on. He will find his path soon, be there to support him, it will mean a lot. My girlfriend is extremly supportive with everything and I'm extremely grateful of her.

I hope that this helps a bit maybe.
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Anonymous #2
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It sounds like the money is not the only obstacle... he needs to overcome the hopelessness too, as this is going to make things a lot harder and give him a very bleak outlook on life. Obviously it is a sign of depression, has he tried meds for it?

Regarding the money. All I can say is save save save. Could he move jobs, for a higher paying salary? Don’t eat out, no takeaways, buy things second hand, sell things you don’t need, shop at aldi/Lidl... it all adds up.

Please don’t put too much pressure on yourself.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It sounds like the money is not the only obstacle... he needs to overcome the hopelessness too, as this is going to make things a lot harder and give him a very bleak outlook on life. Obviously it is a sign of depression, has he tried meds for it?

Regarding the money. All I can say is save save save. Could he move jobs, for a higher paying salary? Don’t eat out, no takeaways, buy things second hand, sell things you don’t need, shop at aldi/Lidl... it all adds up.

Please don’t put too much pressure on yourself.
Yeah he's looking into Train driver Apprenticeships and apply, they're competitive too, currently he's getting about 200 a month, he has been going on holidays recently with his family. I don't know how to help.

I've spoken about him going to the GP he doesn't want to go, as of yet, he's got Asperger's too, so he gets quite agitated in public spaces, hospitals scare him as do GP practices, I am thinking of telling his sister whose a nurse, (close to a medical profession) but more so she could support him, he doesn't want that, says she won't support him blah blah gets very antsy when I bring it up.

He's been fine today, he's fine in general it's when he gets contemplating about life, or every now and then he'd see a tweet, or something or a advertisement for Aviation and get upset all over again bless him. ;/

I am trying I'm currently doing Biological sciences hoping to transfer into medicine to then work hard (meds my goal anyway) to then get a decent salary I reckon in about ten years time we would be financially stable I'd like to say hopefully in 7-8 years time! We've also looked at Pegasus it's a loan company specialising in aviation loans too.
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Anonymous #3
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Give him that WAP
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Stefan P Bargan)
Is he British? The RAF can be also great and a career in the military here can server him well. He will be able to travel as well.

In terms of his depression regarding his career he needs to understand that he will never run out of options. He will always have a choice and he is only 19, he has his whole life still.

I learnt that lesson recently for myself and I'm still struggling but getting better. For me Student Finance messed up my application and I might not be able to go to uni (no funding otherwise) and honestly I broke down after a few phone calls and nothing solved. What got me going again was that I went on LinkedIn to look for jobs and maybe try university next year and I saw a job post from the Army "Cyber Engineer". Now I do not have my British citizenship but if I won't get into university I will do an apprenticeship and then move onto the army once I have the passport.

Life sucks and it's just that everyone needs to find a way to be able to move on. He will find his path soon, be there to support him, it will mean a lot. My girlfriend is extremly supportive with everything and I'm extremely grateful of her.

I hope that this helps a bit maybe.
Yeah he's british.

I also did also try and suggest University, maybe if he does an engineering degree, and then he can specialise in Aviation, I know a friend of mine wanted to become a pilot via his Uni course, he was doing Engineering and he was given that option, he doesn't want to go to Uni due to student loan, and he'd rather get an apprenticeship I am trying to help him with his CV have it reviewed and stuff, and I know for sure, he'd become a pilot one day, I'm so confident he works so hard bless him.

I'm proud either way.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Give him that WAP
Gotta bring a bucket and a mop for that...
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Gotta bring a bucket and a mop for that...
Lmfao.
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Kerzen
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This is the Pilot role within the Royal Navy:

https://www.royalnavy.mod.uk/careers...RoCMeUQAvD_BwE

The one thing I would say to you is that there is a medical for this role and it's best that you know this in advance. He may have very real difficulties there because of his Asperger's diagnosis.

Something else to bear in mind is how civil aviation has been affected by the pandemic. There have been very real cutbacks and I'm not sure how much recruiting is going to be happening for the next two or three years.

I'm wondering whether your boyfriend would benefit from working on his physical fitness, perhaps join a team which plays football on a Sunday morning.

By the way, what are his A Levels in?
Last edited by Kerzen; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Kerzen)
This is the Pilot role within the Royal Navy:

https://www.royalnavy.mod.uk/careers...RoCMeUQAvD_BwE

The one thing I would say to you is that there is a medical for this role and it's best that you know this in advance. He may have difficulties there.

Something else to bear in mind is how civil aviation has been affected by the pandemic. There have been very real cutbacks and I'm not sure how much recruiting is going to be happening for the next two or three years.

I'm wondering whether your boyfriend would benefit from working on his physical fitness, perhaps join a team which plays football on a Sunday morning.

By the way, what are his A Levels in?
Yeah he told me about cut-backs due to the pandemic, and how airlines are struggling, he's very up to date with everything which makes it more harder to watch him struggle.

Yeah I can talk to him, about it.

His A-levels were in maths and computer science and a BTEC in Science (I think applied I'm not too sure) he did Physics in AS
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah he's looking into Train driver Apprenticeships and apply, they're competitive too, currently he's getting about 200 a month, he has been going on holidays recently with his family. I don't know how to help.

I've spoken about him going to the GP he doesn't want to go, as of yet, he's got Asperger's too, so he gets quite agitated in public spaces, hospitals scare him as do GP practices, I am thinking of telling his sister whose a nurse, (close to a medical profession) but more so she could support him, he doesn't want that, says she won't support him blah blah gets very antsy when I bring it up.

He's been fine today, he's fine in general it's when he gets contemplating about life, or every now and then he'd see a tweet, or something or a advertisement for Aviation and get upset all over again bless him. ;/

I am trying I'm currently doing Biological sciences hoping to transfer into medicine to then work hard (meds my goal anyway) to then get a decent salary I reckon in about ten years time we would be financially stable I'd like to say hopefully in 7-8 years time! We've also looked at Pegasus it's a loan company specialising in aviation loans too.
Ah okay. Yeah, that’d be good. £200 a month would be very hard to save on though.

I have aspergers too and I am the same. I signed a form a while ago for someone to speak on my behalf, which is great esp at the minute as it’s telephone appointments. This is how I got my antidepressants. Even if his sister wasn’t a nurse, family support is always great. Could it be he’s somewhat embarrassed by his outlook on life and ashamed to admit there is a problem?

Yeah medicine will lead to a great salary, the loan company is probably the best course of action though as 10 years is a long time to wait. Though I know you want to help fund it, it is a lot of pressure to put on yourself.
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Kerzen
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah he told me about cut-backs due to the pandemic, and how airlines are struggling, he's very up to date with everything which makes it more harder to watch him struggle.

Yeah I can talk to him, about it.

His A-levels were in maths and computer science and a BTEC in Science (I think applied I'm not too sure) he did Physics in AS
I was going to suggest that he consider something like these roles:

https://www.royalnavy.mod.uk/careers...ir-engineering

https://www.royalnavy.mod.uk/careers...gineer-officer

There is funding available for University study.

This might interest you, by the way:

https://www.royalnavy.mod.uk/careers...-officer-cadet

I'm wondering whether what might help your boyfriend would be to see whether he could join initially as a Royal Naval Reservist. Reservists train in the evenings and at weekends. It might help him to gain in confidence. He could then transfer to one of the other roles I have suggested later on.

https://www.royalnavy.mod.uk/careers...l-entry-rating

The one thing I would suggest to him, to be honest, is that he does something to make a change in his life. I know how hard it must feel, but reading about aviation and getting wistful isn't going to open any doors in the long run. If he lets what is affecting him get a real grip, he will find it much harder to get out of it and it may also have some implications for his career choices.
Last edited by Kerzen; 1 month ago
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blackugo
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(Original post by trapking)
Tell him to seek God and to become a Christian. He will never be depressed ever again (I'm serious).
The world shall know pain
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Surnia
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah he's looking into Train driver Apprenticeships and apply, they're competitive too, currently he's getting about 200 a month, he has been going on holidays recently with his family. I don't know how to help.

I've spoken about him going to the GP he doesn't want to go, as of yet, he's got Asperger's too, so he gets quite agitated in public spaces, hospitals scare him as do GP practices, I am thinking of telling his sister whose a nurse, (close to a medical profession) but more so she could support him, he doesn't want that, says she won't support him blah blah gets very antsy when I bring it up.

He's been fine today, he's fine in general it's when he gets contemplating about life, or every now and then he'd see a tweet, or something or a advertisement for Aviation and get upset all over again bless him. ;/
Reality check.

Asperger's isn't always a stop to certain careers, but if this is how your boyfriend's condition manifests, why is he looking at roles that require medicals to get in, not forgetting the requirement for regular checks to ensure fitness to continue in the job? For the Armed Forces Asperger's needs to be mild and 'non-disabling'. It certainly sounds as though he needs to see a doctor about how upset he is getting, but a diagnosis of depression, treatment and/or medication could then delay or stop him following certain careers.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Surnia)
Reality check.

Asperger's isn't always a stop to certain careers, but if this is how your boyfriend's condition manifests, why is he looking at roles that require medicals to get in, not forgetting the requirement for regular checks to ensure fitness to continue in the job? For the Armed Forces Asperger's needs to be mild and 'non-disabling'. It certainly sounds as though he needs to see a doctor about how upset he is getting, but a diagnosis of depression, treatment and/or medication could then delay or stop him following certain careers.
Reality check confirmed.

P.s: he doesn't want to participate in the Armed Forces.
He wants to commercial aviation being a pilot for airlines such as BA airlines
Although I never said that his Asperger's would stop him, just like my dyslexia hasn't stopped me from getting into University, I said he has Asperger's and that's partly the reason he always freaks out, says no, when I mention the word GP, he doesn't like hospitals, I gathered that from when he said "I hate hospitals" therefore from basic inference I can infer, that he doesn't like hospitals. I am alluding to the fact that that has to do with his Asperger's which has been confirmed by himself. Therefore, when I have the time, I will come with him, he has said he would like to go with me, when it's safe to of course, right now, we're both self isolating at our own homes, so it's a bit difficult, but I am on to that.

I spent last night, trying to review his CV and added a few changes.

He's been diagnosed since he was six years old that much I know, I know how to deal with it as I have been with him for two years and more before that, but I don't know if the severity of it all gets worse over the years.

He has passed a few of the stages, he has declared that he's got Asperger's, he hasn't got any other health conditions, he is well aware of the vigorousity of the health fitness tests and he's more than prepared.
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Kerzen
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(Original post by Anonymous)
R

He has passed a few of the stages, he has declared that he's got Asperger's, he hasn't got any other health conditions, he is well aware of the vigorousity of the health fitness tests and he's more than prepared.
A few of the stages of an application to fly for BA? I've just read through your other posts to make sure that I haven't missed anything.

Would he find it helpful to talk to the National Autistic Association?

https://www.autism.org.uk/?gclid=Cjw...RoCqAEQAvD_BwE

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and...e/the-spectrum
Last edited by Kerzen; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Kerzen)
A few of the stages of an application to fly for BA?
No...

Aw I sound so stupid

But, he's passed a fitness stage once I think when sending an application to NZ it got approved, but he didn't want to go..

I never asked what he passed it for.

He hasn't applied to BA.

We discussed this again yesterday and I think he got a bit sarky and said that he'd go to Germany and fly for Lufthansa. I'll ask him rn and I'll clarify it!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Kerzen)
I was going to suggest that he consider something like these roles:

https://www.royalnavy.mod.uk/careers...ir-engineering

https://www.royalnavy.mod.uk/careers...gineer-officer

There is funding available for University study.

This might interest you, by the way:

https://www.royalnavy.mod.uk/careers...-officer-cadet

I'm wondering whether what might help your boyfriend would be to see whether he could join initially as a Royal Naval Reservist. Reservists train in the evenings and at weekends. It might help him to gain in confidence. He could then transfer to one of the other roles I have suggested later on.

https://www.royalnavy.mod.uk/careers...l-entry-rating

The one thing I would suggest to him, to be honest, is that he does something to make a change in his life. I know how hard it must feel, but reading about aviation and getting wistful isn't going to open any doors in the long run. If he lets what is affecting him get a real grip, he will find it much harder to get out of it and it may also have some implications for his career choices.
Thank you so much!

Yes right now, we're just looking at regular apprenticeships.

He doesn't want to work for the RAF.

However, he is interested in working for trains, he's going to apply when he turns 20 in December.

I feel like that's amazing, his dad is a self employed railway engineer, he's got a good salary, or so I've been told (Obvs weird if I asked what it was) as a result, he wants to work in a similar field.

He's thinking of being a train driver, that's a good starting pay, it sounds shallow, but I'm not being a gold digger lmfaooo I just think it'd be amazing if he got to do an apprenticeship and its a good pay and easy save I should hope! besides he likes trains ahaaa it's a good thing either way.

Once October is out of the way and stuff, and I'm more settled in at Uni, I'd help him with his CV I might also try and find any train drivers on TSR to help him for CV tips!

Thank you though!
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Kerzen
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(Original post by Anonymous)

We discussed this again yesterday and I think he got a bit sarky and said that he'd go to Germany and fly for Lufthansa. I'll ask him rn and I'll clarify it!
I think that he would find complying with the requirements for pilot training with Lufthansa very difficult.

https://apply.lufthansagroup.careers...jobad&id=74653

This is a really difficult situation for you.
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