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I feel emotionally numb

toxic single mum. dysfunctional family of 6.

I'm the youngest of 6 and I was born in London. when I was born I think my parents were going through a divorce and a lot of stuff was happening which *I think* was the reason I was taken to my home country to live with my aunt and grandmother at less than 1 years old. By myself, whilst my mum and siblings lived in London away from me for 8 years. I then came back to London to live with my siblings and mother at like 9 yes old. I'm 19 now.

so for practically my whole childhood, I didn't live with my mother or siblings. so I guess it's inevitable that I don't have a strong relationship with them or that I'm the odd one out.
I would not understand your struggles but I can empathize, you can try talking to the people you consider close to you(your friends etc), you would have an outlet for the things you want to say. You should also try communicating with them, maybe to the one closest to your age and try befriending them, I'm not saying this will work but you could try.
Dam that’s tough.
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OP
12
lool, I didn't know I posted this. I wrote it and went off app and just found out it's posted. oh well.

I didn't end up finishing it off.

so I wrote that when me and my mum had a big argument and I literally felt emotionally numb. I feel like I've changed after that argument, idk if that's positively or negatively. I think because I'm always the one my mum and siblings argue with. over the course of the 10 years I've been here, I can't help but feel like my mother's emotional punching bag. I think having a divorce and singlehandedly raising six children (well she didn't really raise me lol) has mentally affected her.

it's usually because of something small but then we start arguing about bigger things. she REFUSES to give me the benefit of the doubt as she does with my other siblings and always thinks of me negatively. I think I've reached a breaking point that lead to me feeling emotionally numb.

the thing is, she says I don't make myself loveable as my other siblings do. its like she thinks I owe her something. am I wrong to think that it's not my responsibility to show love when she left me in another country for half my life? idek what to think anymore lol.

yes I use 'lol' a lot. probably my way of trying to lighten the mood. I probably need a therapist.
I understand your situation that you are were not rising with your siblings as you were with your grandparents it will take some time to adjust with your siblings...

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