I think my dad supports honour killings....

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Anonymous #1
#41
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#41
(Original post by fake_abs)
I've been in a similar situation. My auntie married a white man and there was a group of people in my family that wanted to kill her. There has been honour killings around my family too, my mum told me a story about how a friend of her's was killed by her brother and mother.

I mentioned arranged and forced marriage concerns to my school, (in secondary school idk about college or uni) and they arranged someone to meet with me in school who was with an organization specialized in helping people with this issue and similar issues. They didn't tell my family and my family don't know to this day.

There is Karma Nirvana which is an award winning charity against honour-based abuse.
Also call Freephone 24-Hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247. They have people specialized in honour-based abuse.

There is also the government's Forced Marriage Unit.
[email protected]
Telephone: 020 7008 0151
From overseas: +44 (0)20 7008 0151
Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm
Out of hours: 020 7008 1500 (ask for the Global Response Centre)
Thank you so much.
Im sorry you have been in a similar situation
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Anonymous #1
#42
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#42
(Original post by Gundabad(good))
As long as you have a good relationship with your parents, then I think you shouldn't worry too much. However, supporting honor killings is a sign of religious extremism which is never good.
I try to have a good relationship with them but they are so strict and have extreme views on pretty much everything so I just have to hold it back so I dont upset them I guess
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mgi
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#43
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#43
(Original post by fake_abs)
I've been in a similar situation. My auntie married a white man and there was a group of people in my family that wanted to kill her. There has been honour killings around my family too, my mum told me a story about how a friend of her's was killed by her brother and mother.

I mentioned arranged and forced marriage concerns to my school, (in secondary school idk about college or uni) and they arranged someone to meet with me in school who was with an organization specialized in helping people with this issue and similar issues. They didn't tell my family and my family don't know to this day.

There is Karma Nirvana which is an award winning charity against honour-based abuse.
Also call Freephone 24-Hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247. They have people specialized in honour-based abuse.

There is also the government's Forced Marriage Unit.
[email protected]
Telephone: 020 7008 0151
From overseas: +44 (0)20 7008 0151
Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm
Out of hours: 020 7008 1500 (ask for the Global Response Centre)
(Original post by Anonymous)
Im 16 and I called them "honour killings" because thats just what they're called by most people and yes I agree they should just be called murder but if I called it murder people would probably be a bit confused as to why I think my dad wants to murder me. But yh there's nothing honourable about them and its just murder.

Arranged marriage is just one of the many things they have planned for me but there is no way I'm going to listen to them
and yes i'm definitey leaving home as soon as possible
Good. You sound like a nice brave determined soul. Take whatever steps you need to take in order to be safe!
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mgi
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#44
(Original post by londonmyst)
I volunteer helping to support the survivors of honour abuse, forced marriage and sexual violence to rebuild their lives.
All different religions, nationalities, castes and tribes.
So many men & women still agree with aggression, izzat and the violent punishment of their own descendants & relatives who disobey them or refuse to continue with their favourite traditions.
My mother was almost beaten to death by her father and his horrendous mother.
Eleven of my parent's friends survived violent honour abuse attacks that has left permanent injuries, visible scars and agonising pain.

Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your feelings are telling you.
Keep your wits about you and quietly make plans to escape before uni.
Choose your career ambitions, study to obtain the best possible a levels that you can and offers from as many uni's far away from where your parents live.
Try to save as much money and make as many friends with a spare room or sofa as you possibly can.
There are several charities that can offer you free specialised advice and support.
Good luck!
A fantastic post if i may say so.
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mgi
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#45
(Original post by Anonymous)
I do get what you mean, but at the same time I'm speaking about a small minority of south asians parents who may not feel 100% comfortable with their children moving out for university, regardless of how old they are. I have some friends who are in the same situation (not about honour killings, but about being given permission to move out by themselves). It's really difficult to understand, but all I can say is that it's part of a culture - I agree with you in that we should be independent and not have to rely on our parents, but at the same time I'm just bringing up the fact that culture (especially south asian culture) would play a huge part in if she would even be able to move out, certain parents from this culture really don't agree with the whole "moving out by yourself" even if you're of age, and I just don't want her to be reliant on this idea and it not falling through.
It would not fall through if she plans ot really carefully and discretely. One hopes that this type of archaic parenting will die out one day!
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mgi
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#46
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I try to have a good relationship with them but they are so strict and have extreme views on pretty much everything so I just have to hold it back so I dont upset them I guess
You cannot trust parents who have those sort of views.
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fake_abs
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#47
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#47
(Original post by Anonymous)
Im 16 and I called them "honour killings" because thats just what they're called by most people and yes I agree they should just be called murder but if I called it murder people would probably be a bit confused as to why I think my dad wants to murder me. But yh there's nothing honourable about them and its just murder.

Arranged marriage is just one of the many things they have planned for me but there is no way I'm going to listen to them
and yes i'm definitey leaving home as soon as possible
If you are planning to have further education or doing your further education, research student finance for students estranged from parents. Contacting your local council once you've become estranged is also important to make sure people around you who can help are aware of your situation. If you need to hide money from parents while you save it up (my money used to be monitored so I'd have to save cash) you can buy or make diversion objects. I also used to tape envelopes to the bottom of my drawers. I used to have to hide clothes too so I have learned methods of compactly folding clothes so I could fit like 15 shirts and 4 pair of trousers and 2 dresses in a 19" backpack.
Burner phones for contacting services and friends is key and depending on your neighbourhood, they will be some phone shop with a pay as you go phone plan. Make sure you are able to get a job swiftly. Collect anything that can identify you, because family may and probably will try and hunt you down.
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Cryoraptor
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#48
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#48
(Original post by Scottishlad888)
Walk into your local police station they will get you all the help you need to get away and you will get a nice new place to stay
Police sadly don't do anything about this kind of thing because it's apparently islamophobic to say that killing someone for not marrying who you want them to marry is barbaric and absolutely disgusting.
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Cryoraptor
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#49
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It's absolutely baffling how toxic religion and culture can make normal people believe in and execute such horrific acts. What honour is there to be had in killing your child, sibling or other relative because of their sexuality or who they want to marry?
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Scottishlad888
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(Original post by Cryoraptor)
Police sadly don't do anything about this kind of thing because it's apparently islamophobic to say that killing someone for not marrying who you want them to marry is barbaric and absolutely disgusting.
The Police do deal with this kind of thing in Scotland
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mgi
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(Original post by Cryoraptor)
Police sadly don't do anything about this kind of thing because it's apparently islamophobic to say that killing someone for not marrying who you want them to marry is barbaric and absolutely disgusting.
No, this is not true. One would have to follow up and make the police accountable! It is a threat of serious physical harm. The police cannot ignore such threats of harm- otherwise known as a threat to murder!
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mgi
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(Original post by Cryoraptor)
It's absolutely baffling how toxic religion and culture can make normal people believe in and execute such horrific acts. What honour is there to be had in killing your child, sibling or other relative because of their sexuality or who they want to marry?
It is murder ir a threat to murder. One should call it by its right name. There is nothing honourable aboutsuch appalling acts. Don't allow toxic people to redefine the law regarding murder!
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Cryoraptor
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#53
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(Original post by mgi)
No, this is not true. One would have to follow up and make the police accountable! It is a threat of serious physical harm. The police cannot ignore such threats of harm- otherwise known as a threat to murder!
Right but the police can't take action because someone heard their parents saying they support honour killings. As barbaric and reprehensible that belief is, it's a belief and there's no direct, hard evidence that they are planning anyone's murder. I'm not saying OP isn't in danger, quite the opposite in fact but the police would need some conclusive evidence that there's a threat. If they had said to her 'if you do x we'll do y', then yes, that's a direct threat, but they haven't.
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mgi
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#54
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(Original post by Cryoraptor)
Right but the police can't take action because someone heard their parents saying they support honour killings. As barbaric and reprehensible that belief is, it's a belief and there's no direct, hard evidence that they are planning anyone's murder. I'm not saying OP isn't in danger, quite the opposite in fact but the police would need some conclusive evidence that there's a threat. If they had said to her 'if you do x we'll do y', then yes, that's a direct threat, but they haven't.
ok. but the parents are very close to saying exactly that! The Op should ask the police to keep her concern on the records just in case something happens to her. Then the police would at least have some prime suspects to follow up!
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Cryoraptor
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(Original post by mgi)
ok. but the parents are very close to saying exactly that! The Op should ask the police to keep her concern on the records just in case something happens to her. Then the police would at least have some prime suspects to follow up!
Maybe, I just don't have a lot of faith in our police force, especially when it comes to stuff like this. The Rotherham grooming gangs come to mind.
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mgi
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(Original post by Cryoraptor)
Maybe, I just don't have a lot of faith in our police force, especially when it comes to stuff like this. The Rotherham grooming gangs come to mind.
But that was utterly incompetent policing in that case. Hopefully have got slightly smarter- who knows.
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Gundabad(good)
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#57
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I try to have a good relationship with them but they are so strict and have extreme views on pretty much everything so I just have to hold it back so I dont upset them I guess
What religion do your parents follow? Just curious.
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mgi
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(Original post by Gundabad(good))
What religion do your parents follow? Just curious.
Islam. The religion of compassion and peace.
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Cryoraptor
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(Original post by mgi)
Islam. The religion of compassion and peace.
Yes, the religion of peace where you kill your daughter because she doesn't want to marry who you want her to
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mgi
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(Original post by Cryoraptor)
Yes, the religion of peace where you kill your daughter because she doesn't want to marry who you want her to
Yes, indeed. But he is a "cultural muslim" though. They just follow rules that they have difficulty understanding but insist that the kids must follow them.
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