samic1
Badges: 4
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
hi guys, if anyone does AQA a level history, and is aware of the structure, could you please mark this essay, i believe its a 25 marker, if that helps, i do the tudors, section 1c, thanks!

How secure was Henry VII’s hold on the throne in the first ten years of his reign?

Henry VII’s reign can be seen as successful, as he effectively managed to take claim through the throne, by conquest.

One important reason to support this would be henry VII’s successful ascension to the throne through conquest in battles. From my own knowledge, I know that battles such as the battle of Bosworth (1485), in which henry successfully defeated and slaughtered Richard III, the last Yorkist king, effectively led to him declaring himself as king. This is vital in examining henry’s claim the throne, as it demonstrates henry’s tenacious desire to maintain and heighten his power. However, this argument is limited, in the sense that henry still was not widely accepted to be the true monarch, and was seen as a usurper by many, due to his genealogical background, his line of Lancastrian blood was rejected from ever claiming the monarchy, increasing his chances of being a victim of rebellious groups, who disagree with his claim to the throne. With this in mind, it is important to note that Henry’s hold on the throne at the beginning in his reign was very much secure, because henry had successfully eliminated his main enemy, king Richard III, thus making his place in the throne secure.

However, Henry’s reign was not firmly secure as it progressed onwards. From my own knowledge, I know that henry faced many rebellions his first 10 years as monarch, such as the simnel rebellion of 1486, one of the more serious rebellions, in which lambert simnel acted as a pretender, due to his close similarity noticed by Simon to the sons of Edward IV, who had a stronger claim to the throne, he was ‘coronated’ in 1487, he was crowned as ‘Edward VI’, and later went on to challenge Henry’s army in the battle of stoke field (5th June, 1487). This is important, as it demonstrates that the throne of Henry was not as secure as one may not imagine, furthermore, the fact that these rebellions occurred in the beginning of Henry’s reign, further explain why henry’s reign was not as secure. However, this argument is limited, as the rebellion was evidently put down by Henry, and simnel’s army was defeated in the battle of stoke field, when clashing with henry’s army in 16th June 1487, and Simon was sentenced to life imprisonment, thus removing the threat and restoring henry’s throne to stability. Therefore, henry’s firm faced many challenges from rebellions, questioning and harming the security of the throne.

Finally, another reason why henry’s throne was secure, was due to his strategic relationships. From my own knowledge, I know that henry made many important political relationships, such as his marriage to Elizabeth of York, in January 1485. This was important in securing his throne, as Elizabeth came from the Yorkist line, who were in direct opposition to henry’s Lancastrian line; this marriage firmly sealed henry’s place in the throne, removing the threat of Yorkist claimants to the throne, whilst successfully managing to secure the broken relationship between the two royal houses. However, this is limited, in the sense that many people in England, such as Humphrey and Thomas Stafford (important landowners, who had the power to influence the local people), both being a part of the earliest rebellions henry faced throughout his reign. Therefore, Henry’s strategic marriage to Elizabeth of York, successfully helped in securing his place on the throne, uniting both rival royal houses and restoring stability, both political and social, on his throne.

To conclude, Henry did successfully manage to secure his place on the throne, although he faced many rebellions, these were minor, as henry still managed to strategically secure his place, he effectively made political marriage to eliminate any Yorkist claimants and put down serious rebellions, thus removing the power the local people had, and therefore, securing his place on the throne.
0
reply
Libbyc16
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
need a longer introduction & more explanation in 3 paragraph
0
reply
wastedcuriosity
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#3
Report 1 month ago
#3
You need a much longer introduction, probably about the size of paragraph one
A lot of your essay seems more like a narrative rather than an argument. When you say 'this demonstrates it was secure/wasn't secure' you need to explain why, too

As for structure, it's a bit all over the place. Put the reasons why he was secure all together at the beginning (in separate paragraphs) and then the reasons why it wasn't secure afterward. Also 'from my own knowledge' is repeated a little bit.
I think the essay needs to be a bit longer overall too, I'm not sure how long this would be on paper, but I used to write a page and a half/two pages for essays. Some people even wrote 5 or 6!
0
reply
samic1
Badges: 4
Rep:
?
#4
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#4
(Original post by wastedcuriosity)
You need a much longer introduction, probably about the size of paragraph one
A lot of your essay seems more like a narrative rather than an argument. When you say 'this demonstrates it was secure/wasn't secure' you need to explain why, too

As for structure, it's a bit all over the place. Put the reasons why he was secure all together at the beginning (in separate paragraphs) and then the reasons why it wasn't secure afterward. Also 'from my own knowledge' is repeated a little bit.
I think the essay needs to be a bit longer overall too, I'm not sure how long this would be on paper, but I used to write a page and a half/two pages for essays. Some people even wrote 5 or 6!
Henry VII’s reign can be seen as successful, as he effectively managed to take claim through the throne, by conquest in the battle of Bosworth (1485), in addition to this, he successfully managed to secure his hold on the throne, through his marriage of Elizabeth of York, although facing many rebellions, his throne can still be seen as successful and secure, in regards to his circumstance and ambiguity that came with his place in the throne.

One important reason to support this would be henry VII’s successful ascension to the throne through conquest in battles. it is known that battles such as the Battle of Bosworth (1485), in which henry successfully defeated and slaughtered Richard III, the last Yorkist king, effectively led to him declaring himself as the king of England. This is vital in examining henry’s claim to the throne, as it demonstrates henry’s tenacious desire to maintain and heighten his power, this power is what effectively led to henry having a secure throne, because he would not let anyone undermine his authority, as can be seen in his declaration of himself as king, the day before he won the Battle of Bosworth, a symbolic mark of his power and transition of exiled refugee to the monarch, cementing the foundation, that secured his place on the new Tudor throne. However, this argument is limited, in the sense that henry still was not widely accepted to be the true monarch, and was seen as a usurper by many, due to his genealogical background, his line of Lancastrian blood was rejected from ever claiming the monarchy, increasing his chances of being a victim of rebellious groups, who disagree with his claim to the throne. With this in mind, it is important to note that Henry’s hold on the throne at the beginning in his reign was very much secure, because henry had successfully eliminated his main enemy, king Richard III, thus making his place in the throne secure.

However, Henry’s reign was not firmly secure as it progressed onwards, this can be seen in the many rebellions henry faced in his first 10 years as monarch, such as the simnel rebellion of 1486, one of the more serious rebellions, in which lambert simnel acted as a pretender, due to his close similarity noticed by Simon to the sons of Edward IV, who had a stronger claim to the throne, he was ‘coronated’ in 1487, he was crowned as ‘Edward VI’, and later went on to challenge Henry’s army in the battle of stoke field (5th June, 1487). This is important, as it demonstrates that the throne of Henry was not as secure as one may not imagine, beacuse many were willing to rebel against him, despite his strong hold on the throne from his prior conquest, thus posing as a great threat to the security of the throne. Furthermore, the fact that these rebellions occurred at the beginning of Henry’s reign, further explain why henry’s reign was not as secure. However, this argument is limited, as the rebellion was evidently put down by Henry, and simnel’s army was defeated in the battle of stoke field, when clashing with henry’s army in 16th June 1487, and Simon was sentenced to life imprisonment, this effectively removed the threat to the throne and restored henry’s throne to stability. Therefore, henry’s firm faced many challenges from rebellions, questioning and harming the security of the throne.

Finally, another reason why henry’s throne was secure, was due to his strategic relationships. this can be seen in henrys elaborate relationships, such as his marriage to Elizabeth of York, in January 1485. This was important in securing his throne, as Elizabeth came from the Yorkist line, who were in direct opposition to henry’s Lancastrian line; this marriage firmly sealed henry’s place in the throne, removing the threat of Yorkist claimants to the throne, whilst successfully managing to secure the broken relationship between the two royal houses, thus making sure his claim to the throne was seen as legitimate, by the people, therefore, preventing any further rebellion from yorkist sympathisers. However, this is limited, in the sense that many people in England, such as Humphrey and Thomas Stafford (important landowners, who had the power to influence the local people), both being a part of the earliest rebellions henry faced throughout his reign posed as great threats, as they could use their influence to persuade the people into joining a rebellion, this is detrimental to the security of his throne, as he would have to find a way to please the people, in order to gain favour, and thus prevent rebellion. Therefore, Henry’s strategic marriage to Elizabeth of York, successfully helped in securing his place on the throne, uniting both rival royal houses and restoring stability, both political and social, on his throne.

To conclude, Henry did successfully manage to secure his place on the throne, although he faced many rebellions, these were minor, as henry still managed to strategically secure his place, he effectively made political marriage to eliminate any Yorkist claimants and put down serious rebellions, thus removing the power the local people had, and therefore, securing his place on the throne.

i fixed a couple of things, i hope this is sufficient enough, do you know what mark this could potentially be looking at, out of 25?
thank you!
0
reply
ageshallnot
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#5
Report 1 month ago
#5
Your sentences are far too long.
0
reply
Libbyc16
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#6
Report 1 month ago
#6
12/25
0
reply
samic1
Badges: 4
Rep:
?
#7
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#7
(Original post by Libbyc16)
12/25
is this the mark you would give for the edited essay above, or the original one posted? and if so, what could I add to get it to at least 17/25? or will it be impossible to reach that level?
Last edited by samic1; 1 month ago
0
reply
samic1
Badges: 4
Rep:
?
#8
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#8
(Original post by ageshallnot)
Your sentences are far too long.
really? i thought you have to write as much analysis as possible? what could i do to make it better?
0
reply
ageshallnot
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#9
Report 1 month ago
#9
(Original post by samic1)
really? i thought you have to write as much analysis as possible? what could i do to make it better?
I am not referring to "analysis". Your sentences are simply too long and need splitting up.
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Current uni students - are you thinking of dropping out of university?

Yes, I'm seriously considering dropping out (173)
14.48%
I'm not sure (56)
4.69%
No, I'm going to stick it out for now (349)
29.21%
I have already dropped out (35)
2.93%
I'm not a current university student (582)
48.7%

Watched Threads

View All
Latest
My Feed