Girlfriend is hurting herself

Content warning - mention of someone self harming

Spoiler

First of all, good on you for being a clearly supportive partner.

I would personally try and encourage her to speak to her GP though, these aren't always issues that can be tackled alone and can sometimes manifest into further issues. Just remind her that it's okay and perfectly acceptable to ask for help and that you'd continue to support her through it.

Reply 2

azjvip

I always thought this would be the best option too so i will speak to her and try and encourage her for us to take that step. Thank you!

Reply 3

azjvip

Update: Spoke to her, she’s not ready to tell anyone. Any other ideas?

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

An addiction that keeps being done will be hard to get rid of. as long as she is hoping to get past this that is a great first step. She will need your support and understanding at this time so be strong and encouraging towards her. day by day she needs to take it. when she feels the urge get her to call you, or do something else, get amongst her family, put her self in a situation where she is less likely to do it or distract her mind from it (find other ways of relieving stress through hobbies perhaps?). every day will be a hurdle but the more distance she gets the better it will be, if you fall down there is always a way back up even if she gets past it this time and falls again there will always be a better time ahead so never give up. if she finds herself unconsciously cutting, pause stop breath and count backwards 5 4 3 2 1 trick the mind out of the cycle, picture something different, when she grasps this distraction use the moment of mild clarity to move physically get away from the situation. Try a soft toy to hold or chewing gum to chew something to be a sensory distraction from any physical impulsion that arises. If things get bad though she should see a GP they can not tell your family your personal information after a certain age i think so it will be private, they can help refer her to a physiologist. but at the end of the day the only one who can help her is herself. I wish you both the best :smile:

Reply 5

azjvip

You are absolutely amazing thank you! Actually majority of what you listed I have already been doing! I.e distracting her, pushing her towards hobbies, getting her to notice her sensory (what she can see around her etc) getting to her open the window for fresh air and move around to keep active. It’s good to know i’m doing the right thing :smile:

Thank you for all of your advice, i will take it all into consideration. Have a good day

Reply 6

Pigster

Original post by azjvip

Content warning - mention of someone self harming

I can recommend reading the book "A bright red scream" - it is rather old, but the content is extremely well researched and helpful to start to understand what is happening in the minds of self-mutilators.

Reply 7

fallen_acorns

In my experiance, self-harm does diferent things for different people. For some its a release of emotions, for others its a cry for help, for others (this is a small group, but its sadly true) its a way to fit in, for others its a coping mechanism instead of doing something worse, etc. And you can make that list 100 long and still not get to all of the examples.

The key to solving it, speaking as someone who hasn't selfharmed in years and years but did badly in the past, is finding out exactly what function its playing and then replacing it. That's not easy though, because it means there isn't a one-size fits all answer. For those who are doing it because they are trying to reach out for help, therapy and better connections with others can help.. for those who are doing it as a coping method to distract them from something dark, then hobbies/goals can work etc. For those who use it as a raw release of emotions, punching bags, physical sport, any advenue for slgihtly-self distructive outbursts can help etc.

If you want to help her, you need to listen to her and work together to really understand the place that self-harm is filling in her mind, and then from there you can look at how it can be replaced and removed.

For me, what it took in the end was a combination of living with someone else, removing the lonely/isolated times when I would be tempted, and finding other avenues to Chanel and control any bad emotions I had.