My Sibling isn't socially active, what todo?

Watch
Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 2 weeks ago
#1
My sister and I have both been through a traumatic childhood growing up, unfortunately my sister has had it harder and been institutionalised for many many years, however, she's out of that system and is still getting the help she needs and lives on her own. My sister and I have had different growing up experiences, whilst I was at school/college and now uni, going to places, made friends etc my sister has been living a different life. She's been in different institutions, no education, no social life etc.
I feel she's lost sense of reality, and all her old friends that she had whilst growing up have left her. No one really talks to her unless they're required (asking family to contact her bc she lives on her own and stuff) and only being with family for social gatherings. I've noticed for many years now, that she doesn't engage in conversations with her other relatives, and if so, it's for a very little while. I try to include her, but i don't think she's even trying. I give up, I let her do her. But i don't know what todo? This is the age (early 20's) where people go out with their friends to places and have fun etc and she isn't going out anywhere, and if so it's with family. Also, I don't think she has any interest in getting a job or something cause her income isn't going to be long term, she's needs a stepping stone to succeed. And the way I look at it, my other relatives are really trying to be great in what they are doing, everyone has something and it's embarrassing for me that my sister is basically doing nothing with her life. I don't know what todo? I'm aware I can't force her todo anything but I feel sorry for her that her she is this way. Any advice?
0
reply
Thisismyunitsr
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#2
Report 2 weeks ago
#2
Get her to sign on (universal credit) if she hasn’t already and get her to see a careers advisor.
1
reply
londonmyst
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#3
Report 2 weeks ago
#3
Is your sister a survivor of a serious crime or taking daily medication?
0
reply
ROTL94
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#4
Report 2 weeks ago
#4
In regards to the socialisation thing I'd just leave her to that honestly, people cannot be forced to socialise and if they avoid it they generally have a good reason for doing so and that's probably not something you can tackle, a professional i.e. a therapist may be able to, but again she can't be forced to see one and if she's been in the system for years she likely has a low opinion of those kinds of people anyway. In regard to the unemployment, perhaps encourage her to sign on for Universal Credit and they'll make a judgement about whether or not she is even fit to work, based on the facts and any diagnosed mental health issues she has. Something about the sentence ' it's embarrassing for me that my sister is basically doing nothing with her life' really rubs me the wrong way. I can't exactly put my finger on why. You know your sister has problems that were borne of things that were out of her control. All you can do is support her as best you can, saying things like she embarrasses you is just really unhelpful.
0
reply
Anonymous #2
#5
Report 2 weeks ago
#5
(Original post by Anonymous)
My sister and I have both been through a traumatic childhood growing up, unfortunately my sister has had it harder and been institutionalised for many many years, however, she's out of that system and is still getting the help she needs and lives on her own. My sister and I have had different growing up experiences, whilst I was at school/college and now uni, going to places, made friends etc my sister has been living a different life. She's been in different institutions, no education, no social life etc.
I feel she's lost sense of reality, and all her old friends that she had whilst growing up have left her. No one really talks to her unless they're required (asking family to contact her bc she lives on her own and stuff) and only being with family for social gatherings. I've noticed for many years now, that she doesn't engage in conversations with her other relatives, and if so, it's for a very little while. I try to include her, but i don't think she's even trying. I give up, I let her do her. But i don't know what todo? This is the age (early 20's) where people go out with their friends to places and have fun etc and she isn't going out anywhere, and if so it's with family. Also, I don't think she has any interest in getting a job or something cause her income isn't going to be long term, she's needs a stepping stone to succeed. And the way I look at it, my other relatives are really trying to be great in what they are doing, everyone has something and it's embarrassing for me that my sister is basically doing nothing with her life. I don't know what todo? I'm aware I can't force her todo anything but I feel sorry for her that her she is this way. Any advice?
I spent alot of time as a teenager in institutions (secure mental hospital, from what I understand it's not that different from juvie/ secure childrens homes).
She is probably terrified of the outside world- within an institutionalised setting everything is so predictable, X always equals Y, however on the outside X could equal Y but it could also equal P OR H OR T.

Your guilt is misplaced. Some people find it harder to adapt to horrific situations, that's just the result of biology and psychology.

Change/ beginning to recover has to be driven by her and it has to be meaningful to her.

There are organisations out there that can help in terms of work, there are charities that provide supported work placements to people that suffer from SMI. The Prince's Trust also provides vocational training to unemployed young people.
I will reiterate what I said earlier, if work isn't her priority, accept that, as she recovers more that will hopefully change.

Does she have any interests? I only mention that because you said that she seems to have lost all reality. Institutionalisation often involves loosing your identity as an individual. Building up interests may give her a better sense of herself.

Have you considered joining any real life OR online support groups for relatives of people with problems like your sisters?
0
reply
threeportdrift
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#6
Report 2 weeks ago
#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
My sister and I have both been through a traumatic childhood growing up, unfortunately my sister has had it harder and been institutionalised for many many years, however, she's out of that system and is still getting the help she needs and lives on her own. My sister and I have had different growing up experiences, whilst I was at school/college and now uni, going to places, made friends etc my sister has been living a different life. She's been in different institutions, no education, no social life etc.
I feel she's lost sense of reality, and all her old friends that she had whilst growing up have left her. No one really talks to her unless they're required (asking family to contact her bc she lives on her own and stuff) and only being with family for social gatherings. I've noticed for many years now, that she doesn't engage in conversations with her other relatives, and if so, it's for a very little while. I try to include her, but i don't think she's even trying. I give up, I let her do her. But i don't know what todo? This is the age (early 20's) where people go out with their friends to places and have fun etc and she isn't going out anywhere, and if so it's with family. Also, I don't think she has any interest in getting a job or something cause her income isn't going to be long term, she's needs a stepping stone to succeed. And the way I look at it, my other relatives are really trying to be great in what they are doing, everyone has something and it's embarrassing for me that my sister is basically doing nothing with her life. I don't know what todo? I'm aware I can't force her todo anything but I feel sorry for her that her she is this way. Any advice?
Lots of people loathe socialising in the classic 'out to the bar' or 'getting the mates round for a party' style, without having any socialisation problems. Some people are blissfully happy being left alone to read books, watch birds, collect stamps etc. So be aware she might be perfectly happy with her interaction with people.

But if you want to build her confidence with mixing with other people, how about looking up an evening class she might enjoy and you can endure and go and learn pottery or sketching or acrylics or something one night a week for a term. It's a limited commitment, a fixed group to mingle with, conversation isn't the focus etc.
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Are you confident you could find support for your mental health if you needed it in COVID-19?

Yes (77)
21.51%
No (281)
78.49%

Watched Threads

View All
Latest
My Feed