Toxic mother - Muslim

Your Mother is abusive don't be hard on yourself you are just acting like anyone else would in your situation. I would try and avoid your mother who sounds like a narcissistic person to me and get away as soon as possible

My father knows but literally nothing he can do it about it since he is at work most of the time. And if she does shout at me for no reason my dad does back me. Which leads to even more shouting between them 😭

I don’t hate my mother at all. I know I can be annoying/misbehaved/ not do chores etc but what gets to me is that even when I’m not provoking her or completely ignoring her, she still finds something to shout about or say something indirectly which gets me so pissed.

See I thought these things too, and I still do believe she likes to get her own way, seek attention from other family memebers which will obviously make her look like we all do things to upset her???


But at the same time I also do blame myself for swearing, or telling her to shutup rather than just staying quiet. But it is hard to when she digs at everything and over nothing sometimes. I also do misbehave sometimes but that is something to deal with now rather than pick at something from the past. We have had our great times of course but just past these few months it has been terrible

True! Currently I’m back to just staying quiet and ignoring her. She hasn’t said anything yet which is good but next time I will just put on some kind of distraction to listen to

You’re right that’s the thing I try not to swear or say anything but while I am ignoring she’ll say something that will really push my buttons but yes that is no excuse for my actions. Alhamdullilah for the past few days it has been quiet

Update: my mum is still as vile as the OP and nothing has changed considering it’s been months. I KNOW me swearing is soooo terrible and a horrible habit but i literally feel as if I have 0 respect left for her at all. Absolutely vile that she continues to play victim to relatives, says horrible things about my dads side family yet so lovely to their face?!, talks to “herself” for hours in front of us cussing my dad and me and when I shout she goes who was talking to you in the first place when she’s saying all these nasty things in front of my face!!!! Every-time we fight says how none of my relatives want me? LOL like I give a damn. She does weird **** like when she knows we are going to go to the bathroom...she runs in! And when we are like hurryyy she screams saying she was gona go anyways? Also instead of asking if someone did this or not, she automatically blames whoever without trying to listen to any context etc I don’t get why I would be dammed to hell just for not being able to respect so called “Mum”. Yes I’ve read the Islamic rulings on loving your mother, but I cannot stand mine at all. How can I love her when she is so manipulative, shouts about things that she does exactly herself, plays victim to relatives. I cry almost everyday because I can’t take it, she does it most and goes crazier when my dad goes off to work as it gives her more freedom to say whatever about him whenever and scream at home. I don’t see anywhere online (islamic) of how bad mothers effect our mental health and how to help it. But instead they all day respect and love your mother no matter what. This isn’t just normal shouting about something trivial, it’s CONSTANT and manipulative lies that come out of her mouth. Biggest hypocrite I’ve met. I have never come across a toxic person like her in school even!

I am no good of a daughter I understand. But I don’t even talk to her at all nor go out of my way to talk to her. But she’s continuously saying so much crap and pushing me further that I do flip. I cry nearly every day sometimes want to smash my head in because I know me being horrible back is a grave sin but I cannot respect and love her as I “have” to?! I don’t know what to do at this rate. Advice about just talk to this relative n that it won’t work. I wish I could go to my dads side and blurt out everything about her but I’m not the same person as her to go out and humiliate others, I feel like going to a therapist or something because I’m sick of it and her

We have the same situation , I’m not even joking I didn’t remember the op. I just read a tiny part of the recent post you’ve written. And I’m pretty sure I remember the gist of it

Honestly. Some women, men as well. They aren’t worth time , not by any means. It doesn’t matter what religion or principle you have, they are not worth time

Here's my advice. Just because they are your parents doesn't give them some magical right to make your life hell. Be


Honestly just sever ties with them. Thats what im planning on doing with my parents when i go uni.

I hope you all find ease too with your families

I always think that too, To just break ties. But at the same time I could never😫 it would be too difficult firstly I live with her and don’t have anywhere else to go, getting my own place is not easy and secondly despite the bad crap that happens, we don’t talk basically, it’s just her bickering and I’m trying to teach myself to just ignore it or play something so loud that I don’t hear it and get angry. I feel like she will never change and my swearing needs to stop, because I’ve realised the more I argue back, the argument just lasts longer when I could if just carried on ignoring her. It’s soo difficult tho. I do wish a better relationship with her but god only knows how. Talking to her is no help coz I’m not talking to her and it will only end up in another argument, even tho while not speaking with her we still get into arguments

Sister i feel your pain. However dont drive yourself to madness. Some people are wired like this. Also there is alot of repetitive advice given to people like us. I dont agree with the cutting of ties as it goes against Allah s.w. command however I myself have done this and it has given me peace. The better tactic is :1ont get upset as your anger fuels them. (Think of the creatures from Pitch Black :the more light they see the hungrier they become.2:Preserve yourself:meaning love and appreciate the way you expect your mother to do. Remember yiu are not your mother.3xplore all the spaces your mother doesn't occupy. Meaning live your life.My mother was absent since I was 8 years old ,I'm now 38 . She behaves as if she was raised and was present the whole time. She was telephone mother.My mom is also very uneducated,she lacks discipline,no culture,my mom is very ignorant. If you truly care about Allah. Ask yourself this.Who pleases the creator out of you too.Also there is so many lesson to learn from this experience however YOU TOO have discipline. I'm not going to tell what you need to be grateful for or not however BE the adult and the mature one in your relationship. Also im very sorry to and anyone going to through this including myself. However if this the test I've been prescribed,OK bring it on AlhamdulilALLAH. Take care of yourselves

You have to see it as nature, it is just the way it is,

I’m not going to say be positive, I can see you are doing that because you are looking for a solution, nothing will solve it aside from her changing her ways

You don’t necessarily have to move out at all, it is possible to deal with it as a resident of the same home

It just means you are a bit reserved as a result, it maybe that extroversion is threatening to her because it means that you are more likely to gain independence faster (some parents genuinely fear a child gaining complete independence)

Keep going, do your part for your life so that when situations are favourable, you are the one to win longer term

Thank you guys! It’s true I’ve come to believe that my mother is just wired like this and there is nothing anyone of us can do. It’s up to us to us tolerate it for the time being instead of cutting her off. This is impossible to do in my family/culture. I need to learn to keep my mouth shut when she is shouting because me swearing and arguing back on adds more fuel to the fire. It’s going to be tough but I can only trust in god and just pray for patience. I wish you all the best of health and strength to deal with issues especially with your parents