Will my uni experience ever get better?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 2 days ago
#1
Hello, this is a bit of a long one so bear with!

My university experience has been pretty awful. I don’t really have many friends here, or at least close ones. Everyone around me is having the time of their lives and I’m not. Everyone says ‘don’t worry it’ll get better’ or ‘don’t worry you’ll find your people’ but I still haven’t and I’m about to go into third year, I suffer from social anxiety also. I’m a 21 year old guy, fairly normal and into normal stuff, and I wouldn’t say I am ugly either.

Freshers was okay, I got on with my flat mates as well as some other lads in other blocks in my accommodation. It was fun, went out every night etc, but then fast forward to November & I felt so isolated. No one would invite me to anything, and when I asked them they’d make up excuses. They just drifted away from me with no explanation at all, it’s weird because the friends I’d made would always do stuff with me during freshers. I didn’t join any societies and then I felt too anxious to go to any. Add in the fact that I lost my father back in February of the year I went to uni too, that wasn’t easy either. The second semester of first year was the worst time of my life, I literally stayed in my room 24/7. Skipped all my lectures and didn’t ever go anywhere because no one would invite me anywhere.

Second year was more of the same, although I do have a few acquaintances on my course who I’d sit with and now and again go for food with etc. They’re nice people but I feel like it’s forced sometimes. I wanted to join tennis but the social anxiety took over and I was too nervous.

I still haven’t found my people & I doubt I ever will. With the current COVID situation, it’s not even like I can go to societies because they won’t be running normally. I’m living in a studio flat for this year & I worry I’m going to feel so alone. Don’t get me wrong I can enjoy my own company but I just wish I had friends. For years everyone tells you that university is the best 3 years of your life. And literally everyone I know have managed to make friends and have an amazing time, apart from me. I’m so alone. Uni is nothing but fun for me, I’ve been so alone for it. I just wish I could’ve made good friends.

I hate having to lie to my family and friends back home, and make out that I’m having a good time. Because that is far from the truth. I can’t believe I will be leaving uni with no proper friends, it’s just going to be downhill from here really. How can someone make no friends? It makes me feel so bad about myself. I’ve not had a girlfriend either, despite everyone saying you find the love of your life at uni that hasn’t happened either.

I just wish I could start all over. All I want is the normal fun friendship group of uni friends everyone else has, I’m not asking for much am I?! It sucks.
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MikeOksmall
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You said you spent your second semester 24/7 in your room just because people didn’t invite you out. Instead of that try to meet people, join chats and groups online and try to organise things with people you know at uni instead of expecting them to invite you to things.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by MikeOksmall)
You said you spent your second semester 24/7 in your room just because people didn’t invite you out. Instead of that try to meet people, join chats and groups online and try to organise things with people you know at uni instead of expecting them to invite you to things.
The thing is, when I did try and organise stuff they’d shoot me down or just come up with an excuse to not go
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Anonymous #2
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Hey! I’m glad you’re able to speak about it and let out how you feel, even if it’s anonymously. I feel thats a very good first step at least you’ve taken so well done for that. I’m a girl who’s in my last year of sixth form and I’d be going to uni next year. I also am alone, very alone. No girl to gossip with to go out to eat with and have fun, to celebrate my birthdays with, no one. I’m very lonely. And I know how you feel it’s not easy at all, but one thing I’d tell you is to not be discouraged, or feel any different from anyone else around you. You may hear things about finding love at uni, or making life lasting friends at uni, but something I want you to remember is that your destiny is different to the other people around you. They may be having their fun now, leaving you out, or you’re just there by yourself half of the time and with no girlfriend too which probably feels even worse; but your happiness is yet to come, and everyone’s time is different. You will find good close friends and you will find a lovely girlfriend, but you also have to play your part to and not just believe this, but find the courage to be more out there and knock through that social anxiety, if you believe in yourself trust me you can. I’m still waiting for my time and I know you can too. Keep your head up👍🏾💕
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beneficialgirl
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I think you made this mistake of staying in your room, even though it’s hard you could’ve pushed yourself to go out more even by yourself because trust me you would’ve found other people while you were out I i know it’s hard to start the night alone but you wouldn’t have been alone by the end of the night. Basically you just need to try extra hard this year try to go out as much as possible really. Maybe join some societies and go to every social event.
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Ki Yung Na
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What’s done is done.

If your anxiety is that bad, go to the gym. if that itsnt interesting go to a dr and ask for help.

You haven’t got long left.

Few people have a girlfriend or boyfriend during uni. That’s not what it’s about (quite the opposite if anything)

Get a job? That could help with making friends ( it just means they’re not uni mates ) but it could be the solution to spending time on your own.

Take more ownership of the position you find yourself in. Reflect on how you are as a person? What is it that made others not want you to be involved with them? or what is it about your current “acquaintance mates” that is forced? Is it in your head?

Judge yourself and grow.

Read, read stuff outside of your course.

You are now at the stage that you should or could be wanting to aim for grad schemes. Work on this instead, it’ll serve you better. Grad schemes are like an extension of uni to be honest (young vibes and fun team spirit experiences).

All the best,
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CosimasDelphine
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What uni are you at?
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rosybunny
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hello, this is a bit of a long one so bear with!

My university experience has been pretty awful. I don’t really have many friends here, or at least close ones. Everyone around me is having the time of their lives and I’m not. Everyone says ‘don’t worry it’ll get better’ or ‘don’t worry you’ll find your people’ but I still haven’t and I’m about to go into third year, I suffer from social anxiety also. I’m a 21 year old guy, fairly normal and into normal stuff, and I wouldn’t say I am ugly either.

Freshers was okay, I got on with my flat mates as well as some other lads in other blocks in my accommodation. It was fun, went out every night etc, but then fast forward to November & I felt so isolated. No one would invite me to anything, and when I asked them they’d make up excuses. They just drifted away from me with no explanation at all, it’s weird because the friends I’d made would always do stuff with me during freshers. I didn’t join any societies and then I felt too anxious to go to any. Add in the fact that I lost my father back in February of the year I went to uni too, that wasn’t easy either. The second semester of first year was the worst time of my life, I literally stayed in my room 24/7. Skipped all my lectures and didn’t ever go anywhere because no one would invite me anywhere.

Second year was more of the same, although I do have a few acquaintances on my course who I’d sit with and now and again go for food with etc. They’re nice people but I feel like it’s forced sometimes. I wanted to join tennis but the social anxiety took over and I was too nervous.

I still haven’t found my people & I doubt I ever will. With the current COVID situation, it’s not even like I can go to societies because they won’t be running normally. I’m living in a studio flat for this year & I worry I’m going to feel so alone. Don’t get me wrong I can enjoy my own company but I just wish I had friends. For years everyone tells you that university is the best 3 years of your life. And literally everyone I know have managed to make friends and have an amazing time, apart from me. I’m so alone. Uni is nothing but fun for me, I’ve been so alone for it. I just wish I could’ve made good friends.

I hate having to lie to my family and friends back home, and make out that I’m having a good time. Because that is far from the truth. I can’t believe I will be leaving uni with no proper friends, it’s just going to be downhill from here really. How can someone make no friends? It makes me feel so bad about myself. I’ve not had a girlfriend either, despite everyone saying you find the love of your life at uni that hasn’t happened either.

I just wish I could start all over. All I want is the normal fun friendship group of uni friends everyone else has, I’m not asking for much am I?! It sucks.
honestly i feel the same, i’m going into 2nd year now and my first year was also the same, i didn’t get along or make friends with my flat mates- they’re not my type of people , i only made 1 friend on my course and we didn’t become close like that, i know how you might feel but try to join societies this year or talk to more people on your course, i know it may seem like everyone is super social and having the time of their lives but you’re not alone ! focus on yourself your studies and your hobbies, friends will come along
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Anonymous #3
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Which uni are you at?
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