Gf breaking up with me coz I am against her smoking shish

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Anonymous #1
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So, my grandparents etc were tobacco farmers during the communist Russian times and I take this stuff very personal.
My grandad died coz of it etc. It very sensitive and personal to me.

She says that it is her body and she will do whatever she wants.
I care about her health and dont want her to be doing these kind of things but she says she doesnt care and wont be addicted to it.

What do you guys think?
She says I am controlling her and not letting her do what she wants. and I should accept her and let her if I love her?
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AzureCeleste
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As she says it is her body and her choice and if it's somethign important to her and she won't give it up then you can't force her
You can explain to her why you don't like it and want her to stop, but she doesn't need to
I think if it is important to you that she doesn't smoke and if it is important to her that she can do it and won't give it up then chances are it won't work unless you can compromise in some way
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by AzureCeleste)
As she says it is her body and her choice and if it's somethign important to her and she won't give it up then you can't force her
You can explain to her why you don't like it and want her to stop, but she doesn't need to
I think if it is important to you that she doesn't smoke and if it is important to her that she can do it and won't give it up then chances are it won't work unless you can compromise in some way
She doesnt realise the health problems, her family has a lot of health problems and she is adding it more.
I showed her aswell how she should take care of herself, but she is being stubborn and not trying to hear me out aswell.
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ItsStarLordMan
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She is right when she says that it's her body because it is ultimately her choice how she affects her life and health.
However, you care about her and because of things that have happened you have a certain view and she should be respectful of that. I think you are right to say that. Plus, it doean't only affect her, but other people too. Passive smoking my friends
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ItsStarLordMan)
She is right when she says that it's her body because it is ultimately her choice how she affects her life and health.
However, you care about her and because of things that have happened you have a certain view and she should be respectful of that. I think you are right to say that. Plus, it doean't only affect her, but other people too. Passive smoking my friends
thats what I am struggle to tell her, I dont know how to get my point across
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ItsStarLordMan
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(Original post by Anonymous)
thats what I am struggle to tell her, I dont know how to get my point across
How have you gone about telling her already?

If it is bothering you that much and you see it as a dealbreaker then... bad news
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StriderHort
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You don't sound compatible. Smoking is bad, projecting is bad, controlling behaviour is bad.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ItsStarLordMan)
How have you gone about telling her already?

If it is bothering you that much and you see it as a dealbreaker then... bad news
I sat her down, tried explaining everything and how she does it behind my back aswell, but she doesnt want to see my point aswell and acts stubborn about it. I told her fine you can go sit with them get the passive smoke aswell but not smoke it directly and she says no idc.

Yeh I think it is better to move on
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by StriderHort)
You don't sound compatible. Smoking is bad, projecting is bad, controlling behaviour is bad.
this started end of last year tbh. Otherwise our 2 year long relationship is really good.
Is that controlling behaviour doe? because I care about her so much?
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ItsStarLordMan
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I sat her down, tried explaining everything and how she does it behind my back aswell, but she doesnt want to see my point aswell and acts stubborn about it. I told her fine you can go sit with them get the passive smoke aswell but not smoke it directly and she says no idc.

Yeh I think it is better to move on
Yeah, I don't see that this relationship is going to go anywhere. You have different views and you hate that habit and it is a detriment to your health.

I'm really sorry
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ItsStarLordMan)
Yeah, I don't see that this relationship is going to go anywhere. You have different views and you hate that habit and it is a detriment to your health.

I'm really sorry
I understand, Thank you for your advice
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StriderHort
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(Original post by Anonymous)
this started end of last year tbh. Otherwise our 2 year long relationship is really good.
Is that controlling behaviour doe? because I care about her so much?
Yes it is, it sounds almost like your talking about your child rather than an independent person and you feel they should automatically listen to you.

EVERY controlling person says it's because they care, NONE of them ever say it's because they are controlling.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by StriderHort)
Yes it is, it sounds almost like your talking about your child rather than an independent person and you feel they should automatically listen to you.

EVERY controlling person says it's because they care, NONE of them ever say it's because they are controlling.
I want her to hear me out aswell so we can find a mid point but she refuses.
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ItsStarLordMan
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I understand, Thank you for your advice
No problem. Always happy to help. Btw, i don't agree that you are being controlling. If it was about her friends, or what she liked to do or something like that then yeah. But smoking is different
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StriderHort
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I want her to hear me out aswell so we can find a mid point but she refuses.
Would this mid point be one where she doesn't smoke perchance? Is there anything for her to gain by compromising with you? what are you going to do different?

Or is this a closed topic as far as she is concerned and you refuse to let is go an feel you have a right to keep bringing it up till you get the situation you want? Just a hypothetical Q.
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StriderHort
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(Original post by ItsStarLordMan)
But smoking is different
I disagree, making choices for other people is controlling, no matter how much better you feel you know than them.
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Bio 7
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(Original post by Anonymous)
this started end of last year tbh. Otherwise our 2 year long relationship is really good.
Is that controlling behaviour doe? because I care about her so much?
Ultimately she gets to control what she does even if it's harmful. There is no point living if you aren't going to enjoy life so let her do what she wants.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by StriderHort)
Would this mid point be one where she doesn't smoke perchance? Is there anything for her to gain by compromising with you? what are you going to do different?

Or is this a closed topic as far as she is concerned and you refuse to let is go an feel you have a right to keep bringing it up till you get the situation you want? Just a hypothetical Q.
I always try to compromise with her and try to make her happy.
I always have put health first plus it is a very big turn off, it makes the person very unattractive I guess.
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DiddyDec
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Everyone knows smoking is harmful, it is on every pack of tobacco you ever buy, nobody needs to be told how harmful it is.

If you don't like her smoking and have made your feelings known then there is nothing more to say on the matter. You can stay with her and get used to it or leave her and move on.
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StriderHort
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I always try to compromise with her and try to make her happy.
I always have put health first plus it is a very big turn off, it makes the person very unattractive I guess.
That wasn't what I asked though, what do you think is a fair mid point or compromise here? Does the 'compromise' mean her not smoking any more? IE you getting your way?

If you personally don't like smoking or find it attractive that it's entirely reasonable, but it isn't really for you tell others what they can or can't do either, you can only decide if you want to go along with it or not.
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