is my Dads behavior justified?

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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 2 weeks ago
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hi ive got a problem here.Basically since i was younger my dads never ever been nice as a child he hit me and my siblings often and quite frankly i was scared of him. As i went through my teenage years he tip stop physically hitting and hurting me but still he cant have a normal father conversation or be a loving figure. When hes with us at dinner etc. all he does is pick on me and my other sisters 24/7 and puts everyone down and if he ever has to care for us foe example when my mums at work its always a misrrable time because he gets so stressed out about it.So as ive grown up he's hit me, sworn at me, constantly belittled and put me down so now im an older teenager i dont have the best ever relatioionship with him. Its just really annoying because sometimes ill really make an effort to start a conversation with him at dinner and so many times hell shut me or my sister down immediately and is really miserable, but then when he talks to his friends hes all happy again. And then this will happen most of the time and then on the odd occasion he is ina good mood he goves over the top and asks us things like hes not mean to us all the other times almost like he has a sudden mood swing. But obviously me and my sister arent used to this so we just give a standard response and then my mum will tell us 'at least try to talk to him' and almost guilt trips us??

Basically my mum really switches sometimes from sticking up for me and my siblings and telling him hes in the wrong and that he needs to try and be a better dad but other times shell tell us 'hes really stressed and you dont make an effort with him' i dont know how my sister takes this but it really does upset me. Like im supposed to be prepared for him when hes mean or when hes suddenly in a good mood.

Can someone please give me an opinion on this because at the end of the day all i remember from my childhood with him was him hitting me and my siblings and being cold and us both crying at weekends when he took care of us. But then my mum sometimes makes me feel as if i need to be equipped to almost accept his wrongs and get on with it?? I just feel like if he treated us better from the beginning conversations would come so much easier but at the end of the day he didnt and he still hurts us emotionally today.

whats your take on this?
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londonmyst
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No, his behaviour is not justified.
Your father sounds toxic.
Is he quite elderly or taking any medication?
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Anonymous #2
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Don’t make an effort anymore - if you get shut down and hit when you make an effort to interact with him, there’s no point in carrying on. Sounds like a toxic relationship, I’d move out ASAP if I was in that situation.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by londonmyst)
No, his behaviour is not justified.
Your father sounds toxic.
Is he quite elderly or taking any medication?
Thank you for your time, hes late 40s so i wouldnt say hes old and no hes not taking any medication but hes currently doing some work on our house which is what my mum currently nuses to excuse his cold attitude but hes always had it and the excuses always change. Thank you for assuring me though it feels better hearing this after what my mum tells us x
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Don’t make an effort anymore - if you get shut down and hit when you make an effort to interact with him, there’s no point in carrying on. Sounds like a toxic relationship, I’d move out ASAP if I was in that situation.
Thank you for this i really appreciate hearing someone elses opinion x sadly im only 16 in a few months so movi ng out isnt an option although if it was id follow your advice asap x
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x_lalalisa_x
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I don't wanna be rude hey but is he mentally well?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by x_lalalisa_x)
I don't wanna be rude hey but is he mentally well?
yep believe it or not if you met him on the outset hed seem like your average person to speak to, in front of extended relatives hell talk about 'how much he loves his kids' etc etc and obviously everyone is like wow your such lucky girls to me and my sister but behind the scenes like he has some sort of switch its a different story its just crazy how he can put on this act but could do this to me and my sister. Literally one time my little sister picked up my toddler sibling at an aunties house once and hes like 'no no be careful youll hurt his arms' and to me and my sister its like a stab in the stomach because it was ok for you to hurt us all these years but he'll say that in front of other people?? And at my sister football match he talks really happy to all the other football parents but hell be whispering to me about how useless i am for not looking after my brother
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Anonymous #3
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Yo you just described my dad too...
are we... siblings?
jk

in all honestly im sorry about your situation... my dad always switches up his mood as well and so I am always tense around him and no one understands because he seems so nice to people outside my family - although I'll admit it sounds like you have it worse

But anyways I know it sucks that that's how you will remember him but you cant change his personality and its not your fault.
Once you move out and start your own life you can make sure to avoid the mistakes he made
its a struggle now but it will get better eventually
good luck with everything
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yo you just described my dad too...
are we... siblings?
jk

in all honestly im sorry about your situation... my dad always switches up his mood as well and so I am always tense around him and no one understands because he seems so nice to people outside my family - although I'll admit it sounds like you have it worse

But anyways I know it sucks that that's how you will remember him but you cant change his personality and its not your fault.
Once you move out and start your own life you can make sure to avoid the mistakes he made
its a struggle now but it will get better eventually
good luck with everything
oh my gosh literally were in the exact same situation i wouldnt be surprised if you were my sister :0 thank you so much for your advice i really appreciate it and of course i really hope it gets better for you too xx
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