19 year old girl never kissed or been attracted

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Anonymous #1
#1
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I'm 19 years old and in my second year at university in a heavy degree.
I am sociable, outgoing and have made friends that are both boys and girls.

I wouldn't say that I am unattractive/ unfit. I play sports and look okay- nothing special, but okay.

I have never kissed anyone, or really ever been super attracted to anyone. I've never really had a celebrity crush either. I can appreciate when someones good looking, but how can anyone fall for someone just from their looks? How do can you be attracted by just their physical appearance? I can never understand how people just hook-up with strangers in a club? How, and why? It just seems so unpleasant.

That said, I do not want to end up alone. The idea of being an asexual is downright frightening.

However, I find it hard to trust people due to my childhood, and I do think my low self-esteem when it comes to the idea of relationships means I probably am unapproachable to guys even if they do like me. I guess they can sense that I am very unsure about the whole thing. I don't know how to change this and warm up to the idea...I don't know what I should do.

The idea of going on dating apps like Tinder is terrifying. My uni friends do not know that I am not on any of the apps or that I haven't had my first kiss/ boyfriend. I mainly just stay silent.

I guess I just want to know that I am normal. And though I am a late bloomer and haven't found anyone that has sparked my interest, I will eventually find someone?

I know this probably isn't the best place to talk about this stuff. But if there are any other people in my position, I'd love to know that I'm not alone.
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Anonymous #2
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I'm in my mid 20s and still haven't been attracted to anyone. I have been in relationships but I never really got anything out of them. I think I am asexual though so probably not a very reassuring example for you, sorry.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm in my mid 20s and still haven't been attracted to anyone. I have been in relationships but I never really got anything out of them. I think I am asexual though so probably not a very reassuring example for you, sorry.
Not totally reassuring. But, I appreciate that there is nothing wrong with being asexual either, and really value your reply. Thank you
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Anonymous #1
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I'd really appreciate any other people in my boat to post on this thread, I just want to know I'm normal.
Sat with my uni friends today and they were all talking about their tinder/ hinge hookups. I feel like an alien! Should I force myself to do all that stuff? Deep down I just feel quite scared.
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ecolier
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You are definitely normal. There is no "abnormal" when it comes to dating and relationship preferences.

Just wait until it happens, it's not a race and hopefully one day you'll meet something who you like and who likes you.

:goodluck:

P.S. Inb4 someone asks OP to be their girlfriend
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Bio 7
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Well you've had 2 people that are asexual replying to you so you're not getting much help but what I can say is that you are normal. You don't have to be attracted to dozens of people, if you haven't really been attracted to anyone based solely on looks then you clearly value personality more so when you do find someone you'll have something built on more than lust. You might be demisexual, which to me seems like something that should be the majority, I don't get why you'd have sex with strangers.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ecolier)
You are definitely normal. There is no "abnormal" when it comes to dating and relationship preferences.

Just wait until it happens, it's not a race and hopefully one day you'll meet something who you like and who likes you.

:goodluck:

P.S. Inb4 someone asks OP to be their girlfriend
You don't know how much I needed this. I'm really trying to believe you. I'm just scared that I will never become "not- scared" of this whole relationship thing. I know tsr is kind of a stupid place to voice these fears... I just don't know where else I can go!
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ecolier
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(Original post by Anonymous)
You don't know how much I needed this. I'm really trying to believe you. I'm just scared that I will never become "not- scared" of this whole relationship thing. I know tsr is kind of a stupid place to voice these fears... I just don't know where else I can go!
It's not a stupid place at all - we have loads of similar threads made by other people in your situation.

You'll find someone, don't worry. :hugs:
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Bio 7)
Well you've had 2 people that are asexual replying to you so you're not getting much help but what I can say is that you are normal. You don't have to be attracted to dozens of people, if you haven't really been attracted to anyone based solely on looks then you clearly value personality more so when you do find someone you'll have something built on more than lust. You might be demisexual, which to me seems like something that should be the majority, I don't get why you'd have sex with strangers.
Yes, the asexual replies were definitely a bit disconcerting. I've not heard about demisexuals before- in truth I have been too afraid to Google sexualities as I know the sheer volume and type would just make me panic. Having a label for me = anxiety. I will however Google about demisexuals, that does seem to match me... hopefully the way I feel is because i've not someone yet. Thank you for your reply, breathing a little easier now!
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Anonymous #3
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I just turned 20 (I'm a girl) and I've never had sex, never been kissed, never even hugged a guy in a romantic way! Though I do have quite a few guy friends and get along with them. But I've met a lot of girls that are like me at uni, so I definitely do not think it is abnormal. For me, it's not that I'm not attracted to anyone, it's just that I have a lack of confidence and poor self esteem so I don't think having a relationship would be good for me right now, nor am I ready for one.

If you think you have low self-esteem then maybe you are giving off those vibes to guys and they aren't approaching you. There probs have been guys that are attracted to you and would want to date you but you may not pick up on the signs.

All I can say is, I feel you! Nothing is wrong with you. Keep on meeting new people (obviously not right now with the pandemic) so you can be exposed to more and different people. This has helped me somewhat, as a few guys have approached me but I turned them down cos I'm not confident enough to do sexual stuff with anyone right now!! But it gave me hope that someone will find me attractive enough to go out with lol
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ecolier)
It's not a stupid place at all - we have loads of similar threads made by other people in your situation.

You'll find someone, don't worry. :hugs:
I wish I could reach through my laptop screen and give you a hug, you don't know how reassuring reading your message was. Thank you!
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ecolier
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I wish I could reach through my laptop screen and give you a hug, you don't know how reassuring reading your message was. Thank you!
:console:
You're a nice person
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I just turned 20 (I'm a girl) and I've never had sex, never been kissed, never even hugged a guy in a romantic way! Though I do have quite a few guy friends and get along with them. But I've met a lot of girls that are like me at uni, so I definitely do not think it is abnormal. For me, it's not that I'm not attracted to anyone, it's just that I have a lack of confidence and poor self esteem so I don't think having a relationship would be good for me right now, nor am I ready for one.

If you think you have low self-esteem then maybe you are giving off those vibes to guys and they aren't approaching you. There probs have been guys that are attracted to you and would want to date you but you may not pick up on the signs.

All I can say is, I feel you! Nothing is wrong with you. Keep on meeting new people (obviously not right now with the pandemic) so you can be exposed to more and different people. This has helped me somewhat, as a few guys have approached me but I turned them down cos I'm not confident enough to do sexual stuff with anyone right now!! But it gave me hope that someone will find me attractive enough to go out with lol
It seems we are quite similar! Most of my friends party- a lot. I'm in the course where it is very much "work hard play hard". I don't bring up relationships with any of my friends, as I don't have much to talk about! When going out with friends the conversation naturally turns to relationships and hookups.. typical "girl chat" which makes me feel totally abnormal as I cannot relate! After thinking about it now, it seems obvious that there must be others at university in the same boat that I don't know about as they too wouldn't bring up the topic. Of course only those that have would.

I think you are right with the self-esteem thing. I'll take the advice of meeting new people and putting myself out there too. I forced myself a lot last year and am glad I did. I went out 'partying' for the first time last uni year, and had my first alcoholic drink too. I very rarely drink, and mostly avoid it, but I regularly go out at night with friends which I enjoy.

"But it gave me hope that someone will find me attractive enough to go out with lol" Ive only noticed when one boy found me "attractive" / tried to make an advance - drunk, high and stumbling towards me... So i'm not going to count that. But I'll just try to convince myself that some guys probably have, and I was too nervous to notice!

"All I can say is, I feel you! Nothing is wrong with you." I'm going to re-read this sentence every time I get panicked!

Thank you for your reply. I'm definitely feeling less alone. I might actually be able to fall asleep tonight after all!
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Anonymous #4
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm 19 years old and in my second year at university in a heavy degree.
I am sociable, outgoing and have made friends that are both boys and girls.

I wouldn't say that I am unattractive/ unfit. I play sports and look okay- nothing special, but okay.

I have never kissed anyone, or really ever been super attracted to anyone. I've never really had a celebrity crush either. I can appreciate when someones good looking, but how can anyone fall for someone just from their looks? How do can you be attracted by just their physical appearance? I can never understand how people just hook-up with strangers in a club? How, and why? It just seems so unpleasant.

That said, I do not want to end up alone. The idea of being an asexual is downright frightening.

However, I find it hard to trust people due to my childhood, and I do think my low self-esteem when it comes to the idea of relationships means I probably am unapproachable to guys even if they do like me. I guess they can sense that I am very unsure about the whole thing. I don't know how to change this and warm up to the idea...I don't know what I should do.

The idea of going on dating apps like Tinder is terrifying. My uni friends do not know that I am not on any of the apps or that I haven't had my first kiss/ boyfriend. I mainly just stay silent.

I guess I just want to know that I am normal. And though I am a late bloomer and haven't found anyone that has sparked my interest, I will eventually find someone?

I know this probably isn't the best place to talk about this stuff. But if there are any other people in my position, I'd love to know that I'm not alone.
Honestly I relate to this a lot. Sounds a lot like me! I'm also a 19 year old girl who has never had a relation of first kiss, but really I'm not in any rush. Things will happen when they do... a lot of my friends arent in relationships and havent ever been either so I dont feel like I'm missing out on anything.
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It seems we are quite similar! Most of my friends party- a lot. I'm in the course where it is very much "work hard play hard". I don't bring up relationships with any of my friends, as I don't have much to talk about! When going out with friends the conversation naturally turns to relationships and hookups.. typical "girl chat" which makes me feel totally abnormal as I cannot relate! After thinking about it now, it seems obvious that there must be others at university in the same boat that I don't know about as they too wouldn't bring up the topic. Of course only those that have would.

I think you are right with the self-esteem thing. I'll take the advice of meeting new people and putting myself out there too. I forced myself a lot last year and am glad I did. I went out 'partying' for the first time last uni year, and had my first alcoholic drink too. I very rarely drink, and mostly avoid it, but I regularly go out at night with friends which I enjoy.

"But it gave me hope that someone will find me attractive enough to go out with lol" Ive only noticed when one boy found me "attractive" / tried to make an advance - drunk, high and stumbling towards me... So i'm not going to count that. But I'll just try to convince myself that some guys probably have, and I was too nervous to notice!

"All I can say is, I feel you! Nothing is wrong with you." I'm going to re-read this sentence every time I get panicked!

Thank you for your reply. I'm definitely feeling less alone. I might actually be able to fall asleep tonight after all!
Ohh yeah I defo get the "work hard, play hard" thing, I'm studying medicine so it's really intense but I do try to find time to do other stuff.
My friends also talk about relationships, but a bunch of us don't have boyfriends / have never had them, whilst some do have boyfriends or have exes. So because we all have different experiences with it we all feel comfortable sharing each others level of experience.
The first time I went out and drank was last year too! We are soo similar. For me I like the way that drinking makes me more sociable but I regret it when I do something silly. I think I just need to find the right balance.
One thing that really helped my self esteem way fixing my posture. I'm not saying you have bad posture, but keeping my back straight and my gaze forward instead of down at the ground has really helped, plus you can make eye contact with guys as you're walking to see if they're starting at you hahaha

Aww girl try not to think about it too much. It will happen one day. Try to get yourself out there, you could even try out tinder or hinge or the other apps if you want to just so you can get a taste of what they're like, since it seems to me that you are curious, it's just your confidence that is stopping you. You don't have to actually go out with anyone you meet on the apps. But if you don't want to that's cool too!!
Continue being your amazing self <3
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Ohh yeah I defo get the "work hard, play hard" thing, I'm studying medicine so it's really intense but I do try to find time to do other stuff.
My friends also talk about relationships, but a bunch of us don't have boyfriends / have never had them, whilst some do have boyfriends or have exes. So because we all have different experiences with it we all feel comfortable sharing each others level of experience.
The first time I went out and drank was last year too! We are soo similar. For me I like the way that drinking makes me more sociable but I regret it when I do something silly. I think I just need to find the right balance.
One thing that really helped my self esteem way fixing my posture. I'm not saying you have bad posture, but keeping my back straight and my gaze forward instead of down at the ground has really helped, plus you can make eye contact with guys as you're walking to see if they're starting at you hahaha

Aww girl try not to think about it too much. It will happen one day. Try to get yourself out there, you could even try out tinder or hinge or the other apps if you want to just so you can get a taste of what they're like, since it seems to me that you are curious, it's just your confidence that is stopping you. You don't have to actually go out with anyone you meet on the apps. But if you don't want to that's cool too!!
Continue being your amazing self <3
Snap to the course, and snap to the posture comment too! This is actually freakily similar. I'm going to try those tips; they seem so obvious and trivial, but I think youre right- it will make a difference, even if it is small!

I think the apps are still a bit too scary, but I'll try warm up to the idea.

Thanks again!!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Honestly I relate to this a lot. Sounds a lot like me! I'm also a 19 year old girl who has never had a relation of first kiss, but really I'm not in any rush. Things will happen when they do... a lot of my friends arent in relationships and havent ever been either so I dont feel like I'm missing out on anything.
I'm so grateful for your words! I'm definitely feeling less alone and more normal now .
I don't think I'm really in a rush either. I'm anxious I've not reached these milestones yet, but I am not desperate to fling myself at any guy.

Thank you for posting, I really appreciate it!
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Snap to the course, and snap to the posture comment too! This is actually freakily similar. I'm going to try those tips; they seem so obvious and trivial, but I think youre right- it will make a difference, even if it is small!

I think the apps are still a bit too scary, but I'll try warm up to the idea.

Thanks again!!
Omg no wayy, I kind of had an inkling that you're studying med

You seem lovely, I have no doubt that you'll find someone who'll appreciate you.

I'm glad I was able to help!
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RealLifeJoker
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I didn’t have my first kiss until I was 21 you will be fine
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IVLIVSCAESAR
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm 19 years old and in my second year at university in a heavy degree.
I am sociable, outgoing and have made friends that are both boys and girls.

I wouldn't say that I am unattractive/ unfit. I play sports and look okay- nothing special, but okay.

I have never kissed anyone, or really ever been super attracted to anyone. I've never really had a celebrity crush either. I can appreciate when someones good looking, but how can anyone fall for someone just from their looks? How do can you be attracted by just their physical appearance? I can never understand how people just hook-up with strangers in a club? How, and why? It just seems so unpleasant.

That said, I do not want to end up alone. The idea of being an asexual is downright frightening.

However, I find it hard to trust people due to my childhood, and I do think my low self-esteem when it comes to the idea of relationships means I probably am unapproachable to guys even if they do like me. I guess they can sense that I am very unsure about the whole thing. I don't know how to change this and warm up to the idea...I don't know what I should do.

The idea of going on dating apps like Tinder is terrifying. My uni friends do not know that I am not on any of the apps or that I haven't had my first kiss/ boyfriend. I mainly just stay silent.

I guess I just want to know that I am normal. And though I am a late bloomer and haven't found anyone that has sparked my interest, I will eventually find someone?

I know this probably isn't the best place to talk about this stuff. But if there are any other people in my position, I'd love to know that I'm not alone.
You say that you don't understand how you can be attracted just by appearance, but have you ever come across someone who's personality you've found genuinely attractive?
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