therealbeyonceee
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someone please give me advice, my mum won't let me apply to a university because my ex boyfriend goes there now but I'm really into the course and the campus and I don't care if he's there or not. I really want to apply and my school deadline for choices is Monday. should I go to head of keystage and ask her to make sure my choices aren't changed, or would she involve my parents? and do my parents have to pay for the UCAS application after I put in my choices? my mum is non negotiable on this.
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justjas33
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Are u applying just because your ex goes tho?
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therealbeyonceee
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(Original post by justjas33)
Are u applying just because your ex goes tho?
no of course not, but I acc have a really good chance of getting in and its a good uni, I like the campus and the facilities and the course. she thinks my whole choice is influenced by him tho because we broke up recently
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nursingstudentuk
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(Original post by therealbeyonceee)
someone please give me advice, my mum won't let me apply to a university because my ex boyfriend goes there now but I'm really into the course and the campus and I don't care if he's there or not. I really want to apply and my school deadline for choices is Monday. should I go to head of keystage and ask her to make sure my choices aren't changed, or would she involve my parents? and do my parents have to pay for the UCAS application after I put in my choices? my mum is non negotiable on this.
what the hell? this is totally inappropriate. Let your teachers know what your choice is, and to make sure to ignore your mother if she contacts them. As long as you want to go to the uni and you arent going there specifically because of him (and you think it wont affect your mental health on the course or anything), just forget about your mum! Try and calmly explain to her, and if she doesn't accept it... well that's tough on her but not your problem lol. Put your foot down with it! Has your bf already been going for a year or is he joining this year too? Not that it matters lol

Edit: after reading your other replies: you know what your real intentions are. So theres no point in your mother stopping you from going there with the false belief that you have those intentions?? What a waste lol
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therealbeyonceee
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(Original post by nursingstudentuk)
what the hell? this is totally inappropriate. Let your teachers know what your choice is, and to make sure to ignore your mother if she contacts them. As long as you want to go to the uni and you arent going there specifically because of him (and you think it wont affect your mental health on the course or anything), just forget about your mum! Try and calmly explain to her, and if she doesn't accept it... well that's tough on her but not your problem lol. Put your foot down with it! Has your bf already been going for a year or is he joining this year too? Not that it matters lol

Edit: after reading your other replies: you know what your real intentions are. So theres no point in your mother stopping you from going there with the false belief that you have those intentions?? What a waste lol
I know she made me promise not to apply... asian parents haha. thank you for this message its a massive confidence boost, my mum helped me convince the school to get my predicted grades up so she said that she has full authority over my university application from now on which I think is unfair. I don't think theres any way for me to calmly explain it to her without her causing a massive fight. I was thinking of lying and quickly changing my application last minute but i feel like she won't talk to me after. I know shell make me email the teachers to ask them to change my choices, so I was wondering if its a good idea to forewarn the school that she's making me email them
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justjas33
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(Original post by therealbeyonceee)
no of course not, but I acc have a really good chance of getting in and its a good uni, I like the campus and the facilities and the course. she thinks my whole choice is influenced by him tho because we broke up recently
ohhhh, in that case wow - I 100% agree with nursingstudentuk
Ik deep down her intentions are from a good place but damn, it’s your life and you should make a decision about uni - period. After all, you’re the one that’ll be working hard to get into uni and working hard once at uni to get a degree, not her. I wish I could give more advice but nursing student as said pretty much exactly what I would. All I can say is good luck and I hope she relents
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Muttley79
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(Original post by therealbeyonceee)
I know she made me promise not to apply... asian parents haha. thank you for this message its a massive confidence boost, my mum helped me convince the school to get my predicted grades up so she said that she has full authority over my university application from now on which I think is unfair. I don't think theres any way for me to calmly explain it to her without her causing a massive fight. I was thinking of lying and quickly changing my application last minute but i feel like she won't talk to me after. I know shell make me email the teachers to ask them to change my choices, so I was wondering if its a good idea to forewarn the school that she's making me email them
You should not have asked her to get your predictions raised.

However, there is NO way she will know what universities you have applied to - this is between you and the school. If you are concerned then talk to your tutor.
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AI03
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(Original post by therealbeyonceee)
someone please give me advice, my mum won't let me apply to a university because my ex boyfriend goes there now but I'm really into the course and the campus and I don't care if he's there or not. I really want to apply and my school deadline for choices is Monday. should I go to head of keystage and ask her to make sure my choices aren't changed, or would she involve my parents? and do my parents have to pay for the UCAS application after I put in my choices? my mum is non negotiable on this.
UCAS do charge a fee, if it gets to a point where it is extreme then talk to your teachers and school as I am sure they will go through and send the application with you. Try explaining to your parents on why you want to study that course at that university and maybe they will understand. They shouldn't be able to change your choices unless they have nominated access. You can check with your teachers to see what your choices are
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nursingstudentuk
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(Original post by therealbeyonceee)
I know she made me promise not to apply... asian parents haha. thank you for this message its a massive confidence boost, my mum helped me convince the school to get my predicted grades up so she said that she has full authority over my university application from now on which I think is unfair. I don't think theres any way for me to calmly explain it to her without her causing a massive fight. I was thinking of lying and quickly changing my application last minute but i feel like she won't talk to me after. I know shell make me email the teachers to ask them to change my choices, so I was wondering if its a good idea to forewarn the school that she's making me email them
definitely forewarn your school! Ask them and they will tell you the same as me - its not her life, its not her uni degree, its not her student debt, its not her future career. Its about you. Its lovely that she helped you with your predicted grades, but in no way whatsoever does that equate to full control over your uni placement. Its not like she went in and sat the exams for you lol! (although I guess no one sat exams this year but regardless). Very sad, I saw this before when I went to a private school for sixth form. A lot of the girls felt they had no control over their uni application (some wanted to do apprentiships but their parents were pressuring them to go to uni instead - one girl had a great opportunity with an aerobus apprenticeship). I wouldnt recommend trying to change it "last minute" though, as they may not see it in time and you may end up with a solidified choice that you didn't want. Its best to be upfront with your teachers and tell them now. I'm sure they would agree with us that your mother cannot just control your uni application like this. She can give you her input and opinion, but then its up to you what you decide to do with it ultimately, and if you think shes wrong about your intentions (which she obviously is), then you arent obliged to follow the path that someone else tries to make for you. It is totally unfair!!

Edit: before you do this, you may want to get a hold of your GCSE/ A level certificates if you havent sent them to the unis already, because your mother may to try to keep these from you or destroy them to prevent you from successfully enrolling. Not saying she definitely will, but its a chance, and I know most students have their grades kept with their parents for safety. Just get them in a file and hide them somewhere safe and dry in your room
Last edited by nursingstudentuk; 1 month ago
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therealbeyonceee
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(Original post by Muttley79)
You should not have asked her to get your predictions raised.

However, there is NO way she will know what universities you have applied to - this is between you and the school. If you are concerned then talk to your tutor.
my school has made a form for parents to check all the UCAS information (aside from choices) and sign. I know when I ask my mum to review it shell ask to put in choices so ill have to tell her its the schools job...then will follow an argument about why the school hasn't changed my choices
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therealbeyonceee
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(Original post by AI03)
UCAS do charge a fee, if it gets to a point where it is extreme then talk to your teachers and school as I am sure they will go through and send the application with you. Try explaining to your parents on why you want to study that course at that university and maybe they will understand. They shouldn't be able to change your choices unless they have nominated access. You can check with your teachers to see what your choices are
what is the fee actually ? is it £25 per option or £25 altogether? I've put my dad down for nominated access,, I should probably change that now
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Muttley79
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(Original post by therealbeyonceee)
my school has made a form for parents to check all the UCAS information (aside from choices) and sign. I know when I ask my mum to review it shell ask to put in choices so ill have to tell her its the schools job...then will follow an argument about why the school hasn't changed my choices
I'm a teacher and I've never heard of such a system. Talk to someone at school urgently - it's your life not hers!
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therealbeyonceee
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(Original post by nursingstudentuk)
definitely forewarn your school! Ask them and they will tell you the same as me - its not her life, its not her uni degree, its not her student debt, its not her future career. Its about you. Its lovely that she helped you with your predicted grades, but in no way whatsoever does that equate to full control over your uni placement. Its not like she went in and sat the exams for you lol! (although I guess no one sat exams this year but regardless). Very sad, I saw this before when I went to a private school for sixth form. A lot of the girls felt they had no control over their uni application (some wanted to do apprentiships but their parents were pressuring them to go to uni instead - one girl had a great opportunity with an aerobus apprenticeship). I wouldnt recommend trying to change it "last minute" though, as they may not see it in time and you may end up with a solidified choice that you didn't want. Its best to be upfront with your teachers and tell them now. I'm sure they would agree with us that your mother cannot just control your uni application like this. She can give you her input and opinion, but then its up to you what you decide to do with it ultimately, and if you think shes wrong about your intentions (which she obviously is), then you arent obliged to follow the path that someone else tries to make for you. It is totally unfair!!

Edit: before you do this, you may want to get a hold of your GCSE/ A level certificates if you havent sent them to the unis already, because your mother may to try to keep these from you or destroy them to prevent you from successfully enrolling. Not saying she definitely will, but its a chance, and I know most students have their grades kept with their parents for safety. Just get them in a file and hide them somewhere safe and dry in your room
okay thank you, I am basically trying to avoid confrontation with her at all costs, and I need to figure out a way of making it the schools fault that I can't change my choices. I was thinking of booking an appointment before the deadline so I can tell her that I did talk to the school about changing my choices,,, meanwhile I can actually tell the teachers not to change my choices. I feel like its a solid plan coz after the school deadline its hard to change your choices anyway
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therealbeyonceee
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(Original post by nursingstudentuk)
definitely forewarn your school! Ask them and they will tell you the same as me - its not her life, its not her uni degree, its not her student debt, its not her future career. Its about you. Its lovely that she helped you with your predicted grades, but in no way whatsoever does that equate to full control over your uni placement. Its not like she went in and sat the exams for you lol! (although I guess no one sat exams this year but regardless). Very sad, I saw this before when I went to a private school for sixth form. A lot of the girls felt they had no control over their uni application (some wanted to do apprentiships but their parents were pressuring them to go to uni instead - one girl had a great opportunity with an aerobus apprenticeship). I wouldnt recommend trying to change it "last minute" though, as they may not see it in time and you may end up with a solidified choice that you didn't want. Its best to be upfront with your teachers and tell them now. I'm sure they would agree with us that your mother cannot just control your uni application like this. She can give you her input and opinion, but then its up to you what you decide to do with it ultimately, and if you think shes wrong about your intentions (which she obviously is), then you arent obliged to follow the path that someone else tries to make for you. It is totally unfair!!

Edit: before you do this, you may want to get a hold of your GCSE/ A level certificates if you havent sent them to the unis already, because your mother may to try to keep these from you or destroy them to prevent you from successfully enrolling. Not saying she definitely will, but its a chance, and I know most students have their grades kept with their parents for safety. Just get them in a file and hide them somewhere safe and dry in your room
im kind of worried the school might turn against me and question my choices or call my mum in unneccessarily to discuss my choices and this would be sooo bad.
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nursingstudentuk
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(Original post by therealbeyonceee)
im kind of worried the school might turn against me and question my choices or call my mum in unneccessarily to discuss my choices and this would be sooo bad.
You could always be upfront with your school. Just be like "my mum literally thinks I only want to go there because my ex is going there also, and this couldnt be farther from the truth! I love this uni and its where i want to study" etc. I think you'd be surprised. I'm sure they see controlling parents like this all the time, and probably know exactly how to deal with it. They can probably either convince your mum its actually good for you to go there, or just help you go regardless of what she thinks. That would be my instinct, just to trust the school, but hey lol.
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Lemur14
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You don't have to apply to all your choices at once, could you leave it off and then add it once you've got access to track (and don't give her your ID or password for track so she can't do anything about it)?
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therealbeyonceee
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(Original post by Lemur14)
You don't have to apply to all your choices at once, could you leave it off and then add it once you've got access to track (and don't give her your ID or password for track so she can't do anything about it)?
thats good yeah I could change my unifrog applications so it looks like im applying elsewhere. But I think she has to pay for the application after I've submitted all my choices on UCAS
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nursingstudentuk
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(Original post by Lemur14)
You don't have to apply to all your choices at once, could you leave it off and then add it once you've got access to track (and don't give her your ID or password for track so she can't do anything about it)?
Indeed, and therealbeyonceee if she has your login or password, you should log on and and try to change it to one that only you know now imo
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therealbeyonceee
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(Original post by nursingstudentuk)
You could always be upfront with your school. Just be like "my mum literally thinks I only want to go there because my ex is going there also, and this couldnt be farther from the truth! I love this uni and its where i want to study" etc. I think you'd be surprised. I'm sure they see controlling parents like this all the time, and probably know exactly how to deal with it. They can probably either convince your mum its actually good for you to go there, or just help you go regardless of what she thinks. That would be my instinct, just to trust the school, but hey lol.
ohh really, thats so good ill try that then. I really hope they don't turn on me though and I wonder if they'll allow me to pay for my form by myself if I have to. also I just don't want them to be in contact with her because I know shed tell them so many things to make it seem like im making decisions carelessly
Last edited by therealbeyonceee; 1 month ago
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nursingstudentuk
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(Original post by therealbeyonceee)
ohh really, thats so good ill try that then. I really hope they don't turn on me though and I wonder if they'll allow me to pay for my form by myself if I have to
I'm sure they would! I think I paid for my own UCAS application. I dont think UCAS minds where the money comes from, as long as they get it lol
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