Guy I’m dating is a loser/is cringe?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
I’ve been seeing a guy for two months but we are taking it slow as I’m still unsure of whether I want to be with him. I haven’t met him that many times because of covid, but he’s so into and he’s very very caring and loving which is what I like about him, he replies fast and always wants to talk to me, wants to pay for everything, says really nice things to me, never is rude or argues with me.

The problem is he makes me cringe, he constantly sends me videos of him topless mid convo which seems immature and odd to me, these cringe snaps will be of him biting his lip and winking and it really makes me cringe and puts me off I think it’s very cringe. I don’t find him physically “hot” , and the amount of videos and snaps he sends me of these things annoys me. He also made a comment when he was turned on which put me off, he said I was “gagging” for it in terms of wanting him in bed when we haven’t even had sex yet or anything. I may be harsh but I feel like I’m always busy and he always has time for me and it bothers me, it seems he doesn’t have a lot going on in his life he says he’s been looking for jobs and texts me when he thinks he has a new work placement and constantly posts on his story about how he’s getting job interviews and how he’ll have a car in a few months and stuff but in reality not a lot seems to be happening — he never even finished school. Those kind of posts make me cringe and I’m not sure why, maybe because (as hard as it sounds) my perspective of him is that he’s a loser but I feel weirdly attached to him. This might be a harsh judgement because I’m 20 and at uni whereas he’s just about to turn 18. We don’t have a lot in common and sometimes he doesn’t know what I’m talking about and I can’t seem to have a normal conversation with him about any intellectual topic except where we’ll go on our next date, what we’ll do, how he feels about me and stories about his day and my day.

I’m really conflicted because I really love how he treats me and i think he’s a great guy who truly cares about me, he is not an ******* in the slightest and would treat me so well and eventually love me - he’s a family kind of guy and comes from a good family. But I’m struggling with the things that put me off about him, should I give him a chance or are these things too hard to look past? Am I meant to be crazy about this guy? Are we not compatible ? Opinions on how he is?
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Theloniouss
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Tell him it's cringe. He might just be putting it on.
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JustOneMoreThing
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(Original post by Theloniouss)
Tell him it's cringe. He might just be putting it on.
Nah this is rabid overcompensation.
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Theloniouss
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(Original post by JustOneMoreThing)
Nah this is rabid overcompensation.
Maybe. OP should tell him it's cringe anyway for the good of humanity.
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Anonymous #2
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He sounds thirsty

Has he not tried to initiate sex in these 2 months? Could he be thinking you're not attracted to him enough so he's trying harder with this cringey stuff?
He sounds sweet but also maybe the amount of time and energy put in is not equal...

i would also be put off too tbf, despite him being sweet. but i am pretty harsh and wouldn't think twice about ending it tbh. Because i've dated guys before because i liked how they treated me more than i actually liked them... which isn't fair usually
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JustOneMoreThing
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(Original post by Theloniouss)
Maybe. OP should tell him it's cringe anyway for the good of humanity.
I'll spring for a megaphone to warn the nearby region.
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shinypixel
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’ve been seeing a guy for two months but we are taking it slow as I’m still unsure of whether I want to be with him. I haven’t met him that many times because of covid, but he’s so into and he’s very very caring and loving which is what I like about him, he replies fast and always wants to talk to me, wants to pay for everything, says really nice things to me, never is rude or argues with me.

The problem is he makes me cringe, he constantly sends me videos of him topless mid convo which seems immature and odd to me, these cringe snaps will be of him biting his lip and winking and it really makes me cringe and puts me off I think it’s very cringe. I don’t find him physically “hot” , and the amount of videos and snaps he sends me of these things annoys me. He also made a comment when he was turned on which put me off, he said I was “gagging” for it in terms of wanting him in bed when we haven’t even had sex yet or anything. I may be harsh but I feel like I’m always busy and he always has time for me and it bothers me, it seems he doesn’t have a lot going on in his life he says he’s been looking for jobs and texts me when he thinks he has a new work placement and constantly posts on his story about how he’s getting job interviews and how he’ll have a car in a few months and stuff but in reality not a lot seems to be happening — he never even finished school. Those kind of posts make me cringe and I’m not sure why, maybe because (as hard as it sounds) my perspective of him is that he’s a loser but I feel weirdly attached to him. This might be a harsh judgement because I’m 20 and at uni whereas he’s just about to turn 18. We don’t have a lot in common and sometimes he doesn’t know what I’m talking about and I can’t seem to have a normal conversation with him about any intellectual topic except where we’ll go on our next date, what we’ll do, how he feels about me and stories about his day and my day.

I’m really conflicted because I really love how he treats me and i think he’s a great guy who truly cares about me, he is not an ******* in the slightest and would treat me so well and eventually love me - he’s a family kind of guy and comes from a good family. But I’m struggling with the things that put me off about him, should I give him a chance or are these things too hard to look past? Am I meant to be crazy about this guy? Are we not compatible ? Opinions on how he is?
given the fact that he’s only 17 turning 18 shows that he’s straight up a kid who’s about to be a young adult, whereas you are clearly more mature, perhaps you are both looking for different things - especially looking at the fact that he keeps sending you unsolicited unnecessary thirst traps. you are also in different life stages and places, so perhaps you haven’t even got much in common. maturity also takes a while to gain, which it sounds like he hasn’t got, which is what you need.

the fact that he makes you cringe (reading it makes me cringe) I’d suggest you probably cut him off, perhaps be friends. Sexual attraction isn’t necessary for a good relationship, but having mutual attraction would be a good idea otherwise it will feel likes he’s overstepping boundaries which spells disaster for a relationship.

I think the reason you feel so attached is because he is there whenever you have time for him, and gives you all the attention and in general good feelings. I was also in a similar relationship where the person liked me a lot, and then I realised I didn’t like him back, I liked the fact that he liked me.

Overall, I’d say let things fizzle out slowly, don’t hurt his feelings or anything because he’ll probably understand it and feel similar to the way you are (unless you’re misleading him and giving him the wrong idea). Just let him know that you’re not looking for anything serious, but you enjoy talking for example.
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Gatts
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Does he have one of these?
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’ve been seeing a guy for two months but we are taking it slow as I’m still unsure of whether I want to be with him. I haven’t met him that many times because of covid, but he’s so into and he’s very very caring and loving which is what I like about him, he replies fast and always wants to talk to me, wants to pay for everything, says really nice things to me, never is rude or argues with me.

The problem is he makes me cringe, he constantly sends me videos of him topless mid convo which seems immature and odd to me, these cringe snaps will be of him biting his lip and winking and it really makes me cringe and puts me off I think it’s very cringe. I don’t find him physically “hot” , and the amount of videos and snaps he sends me of these things annoys me. He also made a comment when he was turned on which put me off, he said I was “gagging” for it in terms of wanting him in bed when we haven’t even had sex yet or anything. I may be harsh but I feel like I’m always busy and he always has time for me and it bothers me, it seems he doesn’t have a lot going on in his life he says he’s been looking for jobs and texts me when he thinks he has a new work placement and constantly posts on his story about how he’s getting job interviews and how he’ll have a car in a few months and stuff but in reality not a lot seems to be happening — he never even finished school. Those kind of posts make me cringe and I’m not sure why, maybe because (as hard as it sounds) my perspective of him is that he’s a loser but I feel weirdly attached to him. This might be a harsh judgement because I’m 20 and at uni whereas he’s just about to turn 18. We don’t have a lot in common and sometimes he doesn’t know what I’m talking about and I can’t seem to have a normal conversation with him about any intellectual topic except where we’ll go on our next date, what we’ll do, how he feels about me and stories about his day and my day.

I’m really conflicted because I really love how he treats me and i think he’s a great guy who truly cares about me, he is not an ******* in the slightest and would treat me so well and eventually love me - he’s a family kind of guy and comes from a good family. But I’m struggling with the things that put me off about him, should I give him a chance or are these things too hard to look past? Am I meant to be crazy about this guy? Are we not compatible ? Opinions on how he is?
It sounds like you value success and ambition, this guy clearly isn't that.

You said he's turning 18 and never even finished school. I'm sorry but that's not going to cut it these days as things are super competitive.

You could settle for him tbh or search for a real man
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Morebalanation
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If you’re willing to call him a “loser” you subconsciously think you can do better
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beneficialgirl
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(Original post by Anonymous)
He sounds thirsty

Has he not tried to initiate sex in these 2 months? Could he be thinking you're not attracted to him enough so he's trying harder with this cringey stuff?
He sounds sweet but also maybe the amount of time and energy put in is not equal...

i would also be put off too tbf, despite him being sweet. but i am pretty harsh and wouldn't think twice about ending it tbh. Because i've dated guys before because i liked how they treated me more than i actually liked them... which isn't fair usually
He hasn’t had a chance to as we’ve only met a couple of times in public places due to covid. I don’t think he thinks I’m not attracted to him as I always compliment him and he always jokes about how much I fancy him, like the gagging comment. Yeah, it’s just you feel bad and don’t want to hurt the person.
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FRS500
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You're 20 and dating someone who's "just turning 18".

I think we've found the problem here don't you?

Date people your own age.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by beneficialgirl)
He hasn’t had a chance to as we’ve only met a couple of times in public places due to covid. I don’t think he thinks I’m not attracted to him as I always compliment him and he always jokes about how much I fancy him, like the gagging comment. Yeah, it’s just you feel bad and don’t want to hurt the person.
He must realise if you don’t reciprocate that you’re not into all the photos and videos. Maybe you could be more blunt in your responses to drop some hints.

And compliment him less. He might just be over excited! Then if you decide to keep seeing him or not it won’t be a big shock for him
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Bagarigak
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Well, you already have your answer.

Pretty sure that the guy is not on the same mental spectrum as you are. You are 20 and he is 18. That answers it.
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