Feeling Lonely in University

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nctreload
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I arrived in accommodation around a week ago, and I'm supposed to be self isolating. I've been feeling really lonely because my family is in a complete different country and they tend to be quite busy so I've hadn't had the time to call them and have a proper chat with them.

Also, I've been finding it really hard to make friends? i don't know if it's just because I'm in self isolation or because I'm just not good at making friends, but I see a lot of people who have made friends already whilst I don't have anyone because all my high school friends have their own new friends.

DO you guys think this will pass? I hope I'll have friends too, to beat the loneliness.
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zombgum
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It will pass. Are you in quarantine accommodation and will move into the regular accommodation after? If you're self-isolating, it's going to be tough interacting with others, but it'll end eventually!

I've been here for 2 days and I haven't really made any friends either. I'm friendly with people in my flat, but I definitely need to spend more time with them because I've mostly been asleep/too tired to join them when they're in the kitchen drinking. I'm not really a drinker either and have anxiety, so it's been a struggle trying to feel confident enough to join in. :')

I'm sure you'll be fine and will make friends soon, as I bet you're a lovely person. <3
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nctreload
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(Original post by zombgum)
It will pass. Are you in quarantine accommodation and will move into the regular accommodation after? If you're self-isolating, it's going to be tough interacting with others, but it'll end eventually!

I've been here for 2 days and I haven't really made any friends either. I'm friendly with people in my flat, but I definitely need to spend more time with them because I've mostly been asleep/too tired to join them when they're in the kitchen drinking. I'm not really a drinker either and have anxiety, so it's been a struggle trying to feel confident enough to join in. :')

I'm sure you'll be fine and will make friends soon, as I bet you're a lovely person. <3
Thank you! I'm in my regular accommodation but I can't really leave my room so I haven't had the chance to meet my flatmates.

I guess just moving away, eating food that I never got served at home, having no family or friends here has been really tough.

And I agree, sometimes I think it'll be hard to befriend people because I don't drink for health reasons and I feel like people might be judgemental

I hope you also find friends soon! You sound like a lovely person, hopefully we'll be able to assimilate well in our new homes!
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Anonymous #1
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I hope this helps to hear, but you're not alone.

I feel lonely and im in 2nd year, moved out to halls 1 week ago. I dont have any close friends at uni and my course is really small. I feel quite deflated at times

I try to fill my time by studying constantly and exercising.

I want you to know that you are never alone, though. This will pass.

Sending you all the hugs in the world
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Lilli22
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Don't worry. In freshers, a lot of people are just tagging along with everyone because they're desperate to make friends. Chances are, a lot of them won't keep in touch.

Things will be a lot harder to make friends this year since it's mostly online.

Have you tried societies? A lot of them should have (freshers) events online this year. It's a good way to meet people without having to expose yourself or others to corona.
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nctreload
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I hope this helps to hear, but you're not alone.

I feel lonely and im in 2nd year, moved out to halls 1 week ago. I dont have any close friends at uni and my course is really small. I feel quite deflated at times

I try to fill my time by studying constantly and exercising.

I want you to know that you are never alone, though. This will pass.

Sending you all the hugs in the world
thank you so much for your kind words!

I hope that you too know that you're not alone <3 if you want to chat you can send me a message!
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nctreload
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(Original post by Lilli22)
Don't worry. In freshers, a lot of people are just tagging along with everyone because they're desperate to make friends. Chances are, a lot of them won't keep in touch.

Things will be a lot harder to make friends this year since it's mostly online.

Have you tried societies? A lot of them should have (freshers) events online this year. It's a good way to meet people without having to expose yourself or others to corona.
I've applied to societies, some of them are having icebreaker events next week which makes me feel a little left out because I'll still be self isolating then :/

my friend pointed out that people don't only become friends in freshers so hopefully i'll still be able to make friendships after that.. since classes are online the chances of becoming friends with someone i just randomly met on campus is also not going to happen but I'm going to try and stay positive and look for the moments I might be able to find some friends!
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HotaruWalkthr
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I know what you feel. I've been lonely for past 2 years
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Lilli22
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(Original post by nctreload)
I've applied to societies, some of them are having icebreaker events next week which makes me feel a little left out because I'll still be self isolating then :/

my friend pointed out that people don't only become friends in freshers so hopefully i'll still be able to make friendships after that.. since classes are online the chances of becoming friends with someone i just randomly met on campus is also not going to happen but I'm going to try and stay positive and look for the moments I might be able to find some friends!
I met most of my friends in year 2, so your friend is right. Keeping positive is a good attitude
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bunnyrabbit2
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(Original post by HotaruWalkthr)
I know what you feel. I've been lonely for past 2 years
I am sorry this is happening. University students suck to be around.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I hope this helps to hear, but you're not alone.

I feel lonely and im in 2nd year, moved out to halls 1 week ago. I dont have any close friends at uni and my course is really small. I feel quite deflated at times

I try to fill my time by studying constantly and exercising.

I want you to know that you are never alone, though. This will pass.

Sending you all the hugs in the world
Me too :console:
Studying and exercise is all I have left...my course has many people in it but I wasn't able to connect with anyone that well so also ended up in halls in 2nd year, probably because of a lack of putting myself out there
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by nctreload)
I've applied to societies, some of them are having icebreaker events next week which makes me feel a little left out because I'll still be self isolating then :/

my friend pointed out that people don't only become friends in freshers so hopefully i'll still be able to make friendships after that.. since classes are online the chances of becoming friends with someone i just randomly met on campus is also not going to happen but I'm going to try and stay positive and look for the moments I might be able to find some friends!
Yes I would recommend taking all the opportunities you can! I definitely regret not doing that last year. The more people you meet the more potential to find friends
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Nicknoot
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Hey. Which Uni are you at? I would come and isolate with you if you want to keep you company
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Me too :console:
Studying and exercise is all I have left...my course has many people in it but I wasn't able to connect with anyone that well so also ended up in halls in 2nd year, probably because of a lack of putting myself out there
To be fair, if we look at the bright side of things, i would much rather prefer halls! We have our own space and its easy to pay our rent installments. As long as we work hard and achieve a strong 2:1/1:1, I'd call that a success!!:console: we got this !!
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naruto69r
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Loneliness is extremely common, I suffered it very badly in my first year, I'm an introvert but I'm definitely not awkward, weird or unsociable. But I made some mistakes which deepened the feeling of loneliness.

1. Comparing myself to others who seem to be making friends. This only made me more self-conscious and desperate. It made me think there was something wrong with me and that I was destined for loneliness going forward. In response to this, you're likely to make an even bigger mistake, this is to try to develop friendships with people, you don't really like, or respect that much, deep down. This has a long term negative effect on you. The friendship doesn't last and you'll have lost a load of emotional time/energy in that pursuit or if it does last its because you're sacrificing yourself throughout to hold the friendship together (e.g. if they always want to party, when you really need to study, then you sacrifice what's good for you (the study) for what's good for them (the partying).

If you see others "making friends", there's a chance of either they are lucky enough to have developed a good friendship with someone they like early on and have the same interests/compatible personality, or they are making the mistake that I have alluded to above. Every time you see "someone else making friends" you should fix your thought process, instead of:

"Oh look, they are making friends, I'm not, this means I'm a loser" you should instead flip this negative feeling in to a positive one and externalise it, believe me you'll feel much better, like think:

"Oh look, they're making friends, if it's a genuine one, that must feel really good to be in" and have a smile on your face thinking about it.

What you're doing here is you're not internalising it. See how there's no "I" or "I'm" in there and you're feeling a positive emotion, not a negative one. If you fix this thought process, then over the day, when the thought cycle repeats many many times, the sum total of that is a big difference to how you were feeling.

Now the truth is, people bunched together in halls of residences, you get a massive massive variation in personalities etc. It's very strange for everyone to suddenly make and be friends. If people do that it's because they feel they have to.

You need to increase your chances of compatibility by taking yourself out of your comfort zone and exploring other areas of the university. There's thousands of people at university. The best chances are:

1. Finding fellow people on your course, you can discuss your shared challenges on the course and through this get to know people - a big one is working alongside other people on the same assignment. For example, in seminars, get the contact info of your seminar mates, then when working on an assignment set for the next week, contact them for any ideas on it.

2. Unions - this is a big one, places which attract people that share the same interests or hobbys as you. These typically attract similar personalities who tend to find the same hobbies interesting. Again you have conversation opener based on the interest you're there for.

3. Sports - same above

Basically my point is, you have to continuously throw yourself outside of your comfort zone, in to these new areas and through them find and develop new friendships etc.

The loneliness won't pass on its own. You can continue to isolate yourself to your room, bury yourself in activities on the computer or in books that will distract you from the feelings of loneliness, but the loneliness won't go away. I promise you that and I'm talking from experience. That was the mistake I made and I'm telling you what would be the antidote to it so that University is by and large a genuinely broadening experience rather than a tortuous one!

Edit: FYI I'm 29 years old now, with a wife and 2 kids, talking about something I went through 10 years ago, but I've got some good perspective on it, sorry if my post is a bit insensitive to the Covid situation, I appreciate there are more barriers being thrown up (although I don't know exactly how its playing out for students in a university currently) I hope though you can take away some of the core principles and that I just want the best for you and fellow posters going through the same thing. Be kind to yourselves folks.
Last edited by naruto69r; 1 month ago
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