Should I break up?

Watch
Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#1
Me and my gf are in different countries. She has a lot of complaints about me and worries that were apparently present since the beginning of the relationship.
I don't plan on going back to my home country anytime soon since I it's not possible.
GF is yelling a lot and demanding a lot and I cannot meet her expectations even in 5 years.
She keeps telling me she feels cheated and I'm an a-hole and wants me to take full responsibility for her mistakes.
I did everything I could for her and I'm not going to pretend I do not have my share of faults and defects. I could've done some things better and that is not making me feel good about myself and at the same time I do not know if this is going to work out well.
She has a lot of negative influence from her family and I don't think that's going to work out great for us.
I never heard her encouraging me to do better and while I can do it alone I think it would be better instead of nagging or putting me down.
She keeps telling me about how she wanted to do so much for me and was planning to move in with me which I told her it would be a very unwise decision due to our current situation.
I was planning on marrying her after graduation.
I don't know.. what do you say?
0
reply
saturnsring12
Badges: 7
Rep:
?
#2
Report 4 weeks ago
#2
I’m no relationship professor but it seems like it’s getting pretty toxic. I think you should talk to her and let her know hoe you feel and based on her reaction make your next move. If she gets angry and starts another argument maybe you might want to reconsider staying with her but on the other hand you might be able to work something out if the talk goes well. I think you have to imagine life without her and see if you prefer that or not. Idk just my opinion
1
reply
SoulfulTwist
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#3
Report 4 weeks ago
#3
Can you see it working long term? What would need to change for it to work long term? Are you both willing to put that effort in?

It's not about what you would do or wanted to do for each other, it is about what you actually did and how you make each other feel. Chances are if you are feeling unhappy with the relationship, so is she.

You both clearly do not communicate well. You need to communicate how you feel and she needs to do the same. Then assess how you want to go about it, do you both want to make it work or not. Can you see yourselves together or not in the future? The things that need changing for it to work, are they feasible on both ends, are you going to be able to be understanding with each other and support each other until you get there ans beyond or not?

All these questions you both need to answer. Seems to me like you are asking because you do not want it to end, in which case you can maybe make it work. Relationships can be effort at times, but if you pull through maybe you've hit your biggest hurdle.

It may be that you both decide it is not working, in which case at least you'll both go on mutual terms.

Long distance is not easy. When do you meet, how often, when is your next scheduled meet? When do you plan to live in the same place/area? If that is not a possibility and neither of you want to move and neither will move then you should call it quits.
Last edited by SoulfulTwist; 4 weeks ago
1
reply
Anonymous #1
#4
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#4
(Original post by SoulfulTwist)
Can you see it working long term? What would need to change for it to work long term? Are you both willing to put that effort in?

It's not about what you would do or wanted to do for each other, it is about what you actually did and how you make each other feel. Chances are if you are feeling unhappy with the relationship, so is she.

You both clearly do not communicate well. You need to communicate how you feel and she needs to do the same. Then assess how you want to go about it, do you both want to make it work or not. Can you see yourselves together or not in the future? The things that need changing for it to work, are they feasible on both ends, are you going to be able to be understanding with each other and support each other until you get there ans beyond or not?

All these questions you both need to answer. Seems to me like you are asking because you do not want it to end, in which case you can maybe make it work. Relationships can be effort at times, but if you pull through maybe you've hit your biggest hurdle.

It may be that you both decide it is not working, in which case at least you'll both go on mutual terms.

Long distance is not easy. When do you meet, how often, when is your next scheduled meet? When do you plan to live in the same place/area? If that is not a possibility and neither of you want to move and neither will move then you should call it quits.
She was unhappy from the beginning apparently. She keeps saying she gave everything she had to me and now she doesn't want to give up on it. Indeed, I don't didn't want it to end but there are things I cannot get over.
We'll probably move in together after my graduation, which is 4 years in the future.
Also, I don't think it will be possible for me to fly back home too much.
My parents tell me to focus on studies, my girlfriend's family tell me to go working for her.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#5
(Original post by SoulfulTwist)
Can you see it working long term? What would need to change for it to work long term? Are you both willing to put that effort in?

It's not about what you would do or wanted to do for each other, it is about what you actually did and how you make each other feel. Chances are if you are feeling unhappy with the relationship, so is she.

You both clearly do not communicate well. You need to communicate how you feel and she needs to do the same. Then assess how you want to go about it, do you both want to make it work or not. Can you see yourselves together or not in the future? The things that need changing for it to work, are they feasible on both ends, are you going to be able to be understanding with each other and support each other until you get there ans beyond or not?

All these questions you both need to answer. Seems to me like you are asking because you do not want it to end, in which case you can maybe make it work. Relationships can be effort at times, but if you pull through maybe you've hit your biggest hurdle.

It may be that you both decide it is not working, in which case at least you'll both go on mutual terms.

Long distance is not easy. When do you meet, how often, when is your next scheduled meet? When do you plan to live in the same place/area? If that is not a possibility and neither of you want to move and neither will move then you should call it quits.
I didn't move to earth for her. We're 6 months into the relationship and I'm getting bombarded about marriage and children when I barely have a place to stay. I tried to explain this to her but it's not working. It's always yelling back and feeling attacked. I encouraged her to get a degree here, tried talking to people to get her well paid jobs so that she saves up money and the reply is always negatie. She doesn't accept anything and that's why I'm asking if it's even worth trying?
I'm not giving up on relationships easily but I need at least something to work with and I'm just not happy about the fact that she felt the way she felt and I failed to see it and failed to make her happy.
0
reply
SoulfulTwist
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#6
Report 4 weeks ago
#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
She was unhappy from the beginning apparently. She keeps saying she gave everything she had to me and now she doesn't want to give up on it. Indeed, I don't didn't want it to end but there are things I cannot get over.
We'll probably move in together after my graduation, which is 4 years in the future.
Also, I don't think it will be possible for me to fly back home too much.
My parents tell me to focus on studies, my girlfriend's family tell me to go working for her.
(Original post by Anonymous)
I didn't move to earth for her. We're 6 months into the relationship and I'm getting bombarded about marriage and children when I barely have a place to stay. I tried to explain this to her but it's not working. It's always yelling back and feeling attacked. I encouraged her to get a degree here, tried talking to people to get her well paid jobs so that she saves up money and the reply is always negatie. She doesn't accept anything and that's why I'm asking if it's even worth trying?
I'm not giving up on relationships easily but I need at least something to work with and I'm just not happy about the fact that she felt the way she felt and I failed to see it and failed to make her happy.
Well it seems like you two need to have a serious convo, and get this all out in the open.
1
reply
Pearlpear24
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#7
Report 4 weeks ago
#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
She was unhappy from the beginning apparently. She keeps saying she gave everything she had to me and now she doesn't want to give up on it. Indeed, I don't didn't want it to end but there are things I cannot get over.
We'll probably move in together after my graduation, which is 4 years in the future.
Also, I don't think it will be possible for me to fly back home too much.
My parents tell me to focus on studies, my girlfriend's family tell me to go working for her.
Walk out while you can. Everything you do for her will never be good enough and she will find every reason to put the blame on you even if she is at fault. If she was unhappy from the beginning then she is not going to be in the future no matter what you do. I'd listen to your parents and focus on your studies. If she loves you, I'm sure she will understand that it is really not possible to fly back and forth at the moment and that you will only be able to move in and live together after you graduate
0
reply
LovelyMrFox
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#8
Report 4 weeks ago
#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
She was unhappy from the beginning apparently. She keeps saying she gave everything she had to me and now she doesn't want to give up on it. Indeed, I don't didn't want it to end but there are things I cannot get over.
We'll probably move in together after my graduation, which is 4 years in the future.
Also, I don't think it will be possible for me to fly back home too much.
My parents tell me to focus on studies, my girlfriend's family tell me to go working for her.
Are you really going to be able to put up with this for four more years? She should be communicating issues to you respectfully, not calling you names. Its also quite immature that she expects you to make all her issues better or to take responsibility for her mistakes.
Neither person should be unhappy in a relationship the whole of the time. Like soulfultwist said, you both need to have a serious discussion about this, the relationship seems to be holding on out of desperation at this point.
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Current uni students - are you thinking of dropping out of university?

Yes, I'm seriously considering dropping out (63)
15%
I'm not sure (14)
3.33%
No, I'm going to stick it out for now (142)
33.81%
I have already dropped out (6)
1.43%
I'm not a current university student (195)
46.43%

Watched Threads

View All