Anonymous #1
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I am really worried about my son going off to Oxford Uni soon and I'll explain why - he is clever but lazy and does well with little effort for example, his Oxford application was relaxed and casual (not bothered if he got in or not) so I was surprised when he got a place at but obviously I am proud and happy for him. My concern about him going is he has a small but very close group of friends and he seems extremely sad to be leaving them and he's not looking forward to meeting new people or making new friends at all. He says he can't be bothered and doesn't need to. He's taken little to no interest in finding out about the uni or the city and hasn't wanted to follow the college on social media etc. He has no hobbies at all and spends his free time drinking/socialising with friends, playing on his PS4 and watching Netflix. I'm worried that he won't try anything new at Uni and will just hibernate in his room the whole time. I feel like his chance is almost wasted. I worry because he insecure in himself so finds making new friends difficult. I just want him to be happy but I'm sick with worry.
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JustOneMoreThing
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Well, you can't really do anything about that, he'll find his way whether it's accepted by you or not.

Not everyone wants to be a social butterfly.
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Chopinnocturne31
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Oxford Mum
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Hellohsjakodsmka
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(Original post by Chopinnocturne31)
Oxford Mum
You beat me to it :lol:
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Kerzen
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I am really worried about my son going off to Oxford Uni soon and I'll explain why - he is clever but lazy and does well with little effort for example, his Oxford application was relaxed and casual (not bothered if he got in or not) so I was surprised when he got a place at but obviously I am proud and happy for him. My concern about him going is he has a small but very close group of friends and he seems extremely sad to be leaving them and he's not looking forward to meeting new people or making new friends at all. He says he can't be bothered and doesn't need to. He's taken little to no interest in finding out about the uni or the city and hasn't wanted to follow the college on social media etc. He has no hobbies at all and spends his free time drinking/socialising with friends, playing on his PS4 and watching Netflix. I'm worried that he won't try anything new at Uni and will just hibernate in his room the whole time. I feel like his chance is almost wasted. I worry because he insecure in himself so finds making new friends difficult. I just want him to be happy but I'm sick with worry.
How old is he?
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Phideaux
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He must have something going for him. You don't get offered a place at Oxford by accident.
Every university/course always has a wide variety of characters. Some will be the out going gregarious type, others will be shy and reserved. He will meet plenty of new people with whom he will become friends and will also develop more interests.
Don't worry, he will be fine.
Last edited by Phideaux; 4 weeks ago
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RogerOxon
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I am really worried about my son going off to Oxford Uni soon and I'll explain why - he is clever but lazy and does well with little effort for example, his Oxford application was relaxed and casual (not bothered if he got in or not) so I was surprised when he got a place at but obviously I am proud and happy for him. My concern about him going is he has a small but very close group of friends and he seems extremely sad to be leaving them and he's not looking forward to meeting new people or making new friends at all. He says he can't be bothered and doesn't need to. He's taken little to no interest in finding out about the uni or the city and hasn't wanted to follow the college on social media etc. He has no hobbies at all and spends his free time drinking/socialising with friends, playing on his PS4 and watching Netflix. I'm worried that he won't try anything new at Uni and will just hibernate in his room the whole time. I feel like his chance is almost wasted. I worry because he insecure in himself so finds making new friends difficult. I just want him to be happy but I'm sick with worry.
There's only so much you can do for your kids. Going away to university is a big step in their transition to adulthood. IMO, an Oxford college will be a big plus for them - seeing the same, small group of people every day will help them make new friends. They'll be back home between terms in not that long.
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Anonymous #1
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Thank you everyone who replied constructively. It is so difficult, as I am a highly anxious person anyway and worrying about him has become even worse. I privately wish he was going to a different uni with more people (the college he is going to is quite small) and less pressure but that's probably me projecting my fears onto him. Obviously I don't let him know my worries. Thanks again.
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Kerzen
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I think that it's important to bear in mind how much people change at this age. He may well flourish in this new environment and be a totally different young man in a year's time.
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RogerOxon
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you everyone who replied constructively. It is so difficult, as I am a highly anxious person anyway and worrying about him has become even worse. I privately wish he was going to a different uni with more people (the college he is going to is quite small) and less pressure but that's probably me projecting my fears onto him. Obviously I don't let him know my worries. Thanks again.
IMO, a small college environment sounds like a better fit for him. Some people have many friends, and some prefer to have fewer, but closer, ones.

The work pressure claims are overblown - some subjects have a deserved reputation, but the vast majority don't. It sounds like he "just gets it", so should be fine.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by RogerOxon)
IMO, a small college environment sounds like a better fit for him. Some people have many friends, and some prefer to have fewer, but closer, ones.

The work pressure claims are overblown - some subjects have a deserved reputation, but the vast majority don't. It sounds like he "just gets it", so should be fine.
Thank you again. You seem to know what you’re talking about! He is going to read law and going slowly through his summer reading list, he does seem to ‘get it’. I hope the workload is bearable as you suggest. Thanks again.
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RogerOxon
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you again. You seem to know what you’re talking about! He is going to read law and going slowly through his summer reading list, he does seem to ‘get it’. I hope the workload is bearable as you suggest. Thanks again.
I graduated from Oxford almost 30 years ago.

Your son should expect to be pushed, and there will certainly be times when he is very busy. However, most people find time to do other activities, and, with terms at ~8 weeks, there's always a break not too far away. Jurisprudence used to require quite a lot of library time, although I expect that more of that is online now, and somewhat more easily searched. Again, understanding things quickly is a major advantage.

For Law careers (which isn't my area), I understand that Oxford is a massive plus.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I am really worried about my son going off to Oxford Uni soon and I'll explain why - he is clever but lazy and does well with little effort for example, his Oxford application was relaxed and casual (not bothered if he got in or not) so I was surprised when he got a place at but obviously I am proud and happy for him. My concern about him going is he has a small but very close group of friends and he seems extremely sad to be leaving them and he's not looking forward to meeting new people or making new friends at all. He says he can't be bothered and doesn't need to. He's taken little to no interest in finding out about the uni or the city and hasn't wanted to follow the college on social media etc. He has no hobbies at all and spends his free time drinking/socialising with friends, playing on his PS4 and watching Netflix. I'm worried that he won't try anything new at Uni and will just hibernate in his room the whole time. I feel like his chance is almost wasted. I worry because he insecure in himself so finds making new friends difficult. I just want him to be happy but I'm sick with worry.
JustOneMoreThing listen mate it’s Diddy Kong, you give me useless advice and now you’re doing the same to others? If you post on my thread again I will get very angry
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JustOneMoreThing
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(Original post by Anonymous)
JustOneMoreThing listen mate it’s Diddy Kong, you give me useless advice and now you’re doing the same to others? If you post on my thread again I will get very angry
Ok, I understand.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by JustOneMoreThing)
Ok, I understand.
And just one more thing to say, you should give more useful advice
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JustOneMoreThing
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(Original post by Anonymous)
And just one more thing to say, you should give more useful advice
You said that already, at least reference my name properly.
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LovelyMrFox
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Meh, hes going away to uni and growing up. Its his life, he needs to figure out his own problems. Its not your place to worry.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by JustOneMoreThing)
You said that already, at least reference my name properly.
No, I don’t think I will
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JustOneMoreThing
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(Original post by Anonymous)
No, I don’t think I will
Fine by me jack.
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Diddy Kong
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MY NAME IS Diddy Kong NOT JACK YOU STUPID PERSON
Why are you impersonating me?
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