Social life after university

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Anonymous #1
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Hi, I want to ask if people have managed to continue the uni style social life beyond graduation. The reason I am asking is to put things straight due to circumstances out of my control I have been robbed of chances to live the uni life I have dreamed of and forced me to be stuck in my own bubble and COVID is threatening to take away my final chance at uni, and I want to know how I can do the sort of things I always wanted to do post uni if I am unable to this year.

I am going to go into a more detailed description of what I just described just to see if anyone else has been similarly unlucky when it comes to this thing and how they dealt with it/made up for it. If your not interested and only interested into the main reason i am posting this, which is finding out what exists in this sense post uni, then scroll down. Way before arriving at uni, I was eagerly anticipating going to uni, and I spent a lot of time dreaming of being part of a massive circle of friends, going to parties regularly, and was convinced it was going to be the best 3 years of my life, especially as my uni has a really good student union. However things haven't worked out.

In the first year I had a really good bunch of flatmates who I got along with. However most the times they went out as a group were to the student night clubs. Personal experiences I cannot describe here had disillusioned me about what a club night where people got drunk was like, and I wasn't keen on it at the time, and this limited the amount of times I saw them, which was a real shame as I did get along with them...

In the second year I stayed in student halls a second time and had a new bunch of flatmates. For like 2 months it was everything I wanted from uni life. I got along with my flatmates, we were all part of a large circle of friends, there was lots of activity at the flat each week including parties, and I realised I liked clubbing and was starting to get into it (had literally just been to a club for the first time) and then due to a spate of noise complaints from one of the quieter members of the flat, noise restrictions were imposed on our flat, which meant no one went to the kitchen anymore unless they had to and they all had to go to the flat next door to do what they wanted to do. Due to social issues I have that made it impossible to work out when anything was happening (they decided in person rather than online) and it was impossible to continue hanging out with them.

Because of my above experiences I have a lot to make up for this year and want to spend this year socialising, partying and doing everything I have missed out on (other than those 2 months) however obviously with COVID restrictions none of that is possible and the looming threat of it potentially affecting my entire final year, and the possibility of never getting the uni life I've dreamed of, and completely missing out on the uni experiences everyone else has been able to get (pretty much everyone else i know who wanted to do this sort of thing was able to) is terrifying me, and reading news reports such as the 6 person rule possibly being here till March is making me feel very uneasy. Right now I don't know what exists after uni so it does feel like the end of the world if this never happens for me.

So I want to ask people who have left uni but not wanted to leave the uni social life, what is there that is resemblent of a uni student union or at least that enables you to continue meeting people your age once you've left uni? As I said before, for ages I have wanted to be part of an institution where I have a large circle of friends, we are constantly meeting up and going to parties/gatherings/clubs regularly, and there are lots of societies that I can be a part of. I also have been desperate to go to my uni's own club, which appeals to me more as i want the experience of going to a club where everyone there goes to your institution, rather than where everyone there bar who you go with is complete strangers. The only way I can feel at ease with these news reports about potential COVID restrictions being there for a long time if I have the thought that I will have an experience just as good as what I could've had even if it can't be at uni. And also if anyone has been similarly unlucky as me when it comes to social life at uni, then please reply and talk about how you dealt with it...

To finish this off, I want to ask how are people getting to know new groups of people in this COVID environment? Due to what I described above I entered year 3 from close to square one. Thankfully I get along with my flatmates...
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DrawTheLine
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi, I want to ask if people have managed to continue the uni style social life beyond graduation. The reason I am asking is to put things straight due to circumstances out of my control I have been robbed of chances to live the uni life I have dreamed of and forced me to be stuck in my own bubble and COVID is threatening to take away my final chance at uni, and I want to know how I can do the sort of things I always wanted to do post uni if I am unable to this year.

I am going to go into a more detailed description of what I just described just to see if anyone else has been similarly unlucky when it comes to this thing and how they dealt with it/made up for it. If your not interested and only interested into the main reason i am posting this, which is finding out what exists in this sense post uni, then scroll down. Way before arriving at uni, I was eagerly anticipating going to uni, and I spent a lot of time dreaming of being part of a massive circle of friends, going to parties regularly, and was convinced it was going to be the best 3 years of my life, especially as my uni has a really good student union. However things haven't worked out.

In the first year I had a really good bunch of flatmates who I got along with. However most the times they went out as a group were to the student night clubs. Personal experiences I cannot describe here had disillusioned me about what a club night where people got drunk was like, and I wasn't keen on it at the time, and this limited the amount of times I saw them, which was a real shame as I did get along with them...

In the second year I stayed in student halls a second time and had a new bunch of flatmates. For like 2 months it was everything I wanted from uni life. I got along with my flatmates, we were all part of a large circle of friends, there was lots of activity at the flat each week including parties, and I realised I liked clubbing and was starting to get into it (had literally just been to a club for the first time) and then due to a spate of noise complaints from one of the quieter members of the flat, noise restrictions were imposed on our flat, which meant no one went to the kitchen anymore unless they had to and they all had to go to the flat next door to do what they wanted to do. Due to social issues I have that made it impossible to work out when anything was happening (they decided in person rather than online) and it was impossible to continue hanging out with them.

Because of my above experiences I have a lot to make up for this year and want to spend this year socialising, partying and doing everything I have missed out on (other than those 2 months) however obviously with COVID restrictions none of that is possible and the looming threat of it potentially affecting my entire final year, and the possibility of never getting the uni life I've dreamed of, and completely missing out on the uni experiences everyone else has been able to get (pretty much everyone else i know who wanted to do this sort of thing was able to) is terrifying me, and reading news reports such as the 6 person rule possibly being here till March is making me feel very uneasy. Right now I don't know what exists after uni so it does feel like the end of the world if this never happens for me.

So I want to ask people who have left uni but not wanted to leave the uni social life, what is there that is resemblent of a uni student union or at least that enables you to continue meeting people your age once you've left uni? As I said before, for ages I have wanted to be part of an institution where I have a large circle of friends, we are constantly meeting up and going to parties/gatherings/clubs regularly, and there are lots of societies that I can be a part of. I also have been desperate to go to my uni's own club, which appeals to me more as i want the experience of going to a club where everyone there goes to your institution, rather than where everyone there bar who you go with is complete strangers. The only way I can feel at ease with these news reports about potential COVID restrictions being there for a long time if I have the thought that I will have an experience just as good as what I could've had even if it can't be at uni. And also if anyone has been similarly unlucky as me when it comes to social life at uni, then please reply and talk about how you dealt with it...

To finish this off, I want to ask how are people getting to know new groups of people in this COVID environment? Due to what I described above I entered year 3 from close to square one. Thankfully I get along with my flatmates...
I think you're placing too big an emphasis on the social aspect of uni. You're at university to get a degree and that should be your priority. The partying and clubbing is just a bonus. I personally never went to a nightclub at uni or went to parties simply because it isn't in my nature to do so and I still loved my time at university. I've graduated with a great degree and loads of skills that will hopefully have set me up for a good career.

Unfortunately, I think you may struggle to find the uni lifestyle post-university simply because people would realise that they need to mature and become more professional. The partying lifestyle works at university because you have a lot of free time and uni cities have a lot of good locations for clubbing. But after graduation, people are looking for full-time work, doing post-graduate education etc. and simply don't have the time, money or motivation to continue clubbing and partying.

Being a social person doesn't have to involve going to clubs all the time, you could just meet up with friends for a drink at the pub or go out for a meal etc, which I think will be easier after graduation because of the reasons I said above. During the pandemic, you could have video calls with your friends and just chat with them like that, which I know isn't the same as actually seeing them but it's better than nothing at all.

My advice to you is to re-evaluate your priorities a little bit. You're at university to get a degree and that should be your ultimate priority. If you are able to go to parties etc then great, however remember that your final year is crucial and the amount of partying people do massively reduces in year 3 because of this. It sounds like you've already had pretty good partying experiences over your time at uni, so try to remember the good moments from those and maybe try to accept that that wild part of your life may be coming to an end, which is totally natural. Nobody remains a party animal forever because life goes on and people grow up a bit.

Good luck and I hope what I've said makes sense.
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Trinculo
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^^I would entirely disagree with the post above.

University is only partly about obtaining a degree - otherwise many more people would study part-time or by distance. University is at least as much as anything else a personal development for young people. It is a place where the opportunities to learn other things and socialise are available where you are generally free of responsibility for other things. An enormous part of this is the social aspect. A lot of people make this up from an amalgam of course, accomodation, club/soc friends and just people you meet around campus.

The importance of this cannot be understated. For the most part for most degrees you receive absolutely no preparation for the workplace. A law degree gives you very very little preparation for the actual work of law. A maths or economics or engineering degree do not teach you *how* to work in the most important way - with people. University socialising and living is the place to do that. You learn to live with other people and their nonsense, and you hopefully learn to temper your own.

Socialising is a very important part of this. Imagine if university did not exist - or if it were conducted entirely online. People would go to their first jobs having essentially been homeschooled. How would you interact? This isn't just a matter of going on the lash. Simple things like going to coffee or lunch, and also things like meals or even formal meals. It's not the same thing as going out with parents or when you were at school.

What I do notice is that post-uni, there are some who try and carry it on for a bit - but this depends a lot on the type of job you have, and the type of people you work with. Some have very pressured and busy first jobs, for whom socialising may be Friday night drinks and that's it. I do notice that after a couple of years, when things settle down, a lot of people - especially girls - try to recreate the university experience as they miss the friends and fun. This might take the form of going back to an activity they did before like a sport or soc, and essentially making new friends in the same boat - just not at university. Others try and recreate it by making time for themselves to go out with friends and enjoying the fact that they (hopefully) have more money to do it.

On point - I can't answer the COVID thing. This is a unique time. It's only fortunate that we have the technology we do. I don't know your exact circumstances, I'd just say take full advantage of the socialising you can do. Like the hypothetical girls above, you could just try carrying on with something you used to do. If you played dodgeball at university, try joining a dodgeball club - try something you maybe always wanted to before - or something out of leftfield that you know little about, but looks reasonably sociable. Just be aware that if you join Bridge club, it's unlikely there will be a lot of people your age. The big difference between uni socs/clubs and "normal" ones is that at uni there is a built-in dynamism due to the high turnover of members - people don't stick around more than a few years and the leadership changes over very quickly. Your local birdwatching club may have had the same committee for 30 years and will probably operate under very well-established norms.
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Ramipril
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I also disagree with the first reply in a way. Some people go to university to get a degree and that's it, others go to get a degree and broaden their horizons, and others go to waste their money.

I'm sorry you didn't get the experience you wanted. I did the whole clubbing and partying thing in my first degree and even though I eventually grew out of it, I look back on that time with fond memories and also graduated with a good degree grade. I'm now studying a second degree and whilst clubbing is not my thing anymore, I love haveing house parties and gatherings with my friends still. I had the chance to do this is my graduate life too, but it is different.

University is a bubble of people more or less doing the same thing at the same time without too many extra commitments for most people. It's fun. Graduate life is different. People have jobs to do, usually live in different parts of the country, have families etc. The whole university social life just doesn't happen, but it doesn't mean it's bad. There are other things to do.

For the time being, try to enjoy what you have. You have your flatmates, enjoy living with them and doing things.
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Anonymous #1
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Thank you all for the replies, in response to the first one, the two months I had were amazing but I was just getting into the lifestyle and it all ended when I had literally just gone to a club for the first time, and there is no way I can look back on the rest seen as after i was separated from the group the rest of the year was not nice. Its also hard to look back on having 2 months when literally everyone else I know who wanted that uni lifestyle got it for 2 years at least which is a lot compared to 2 months, and everyone I know that did not live that uni lifestyle I have been craving never wanted it, and got the uni life they wanted through other means. And in years gone by when people ask me what my life at uni was like, I dont want to look back on my uni years as a quiet 3 years stuck in my own bubble, quiet life isn't for me. I want to ask is there anyone here who wanted this uni life and has been similarly unlucky with this as I described, and if so I want to ask how you dealt with it? As right now I feel like if i never get it I am not gonna grow out of it and its gonna hurt for years afterwards especially considering I was so close and the way I lost it with the noise restrictions that killed that flat. (I mean how can you grow out of something you didnt even have), and did anyone who has left uni find something that appeals to you and was just as enjoyable as the uni social lifestyle after uni? And how can I join a large circle of friends in this COVID era?
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Ramipril
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I mean how can you grow out of something you didnt even have), and did anyone who has left uni find something that appeals to you and was just as enjoyable as the uni social lifestyle after uni? And how can I join a large circle of friends in this COVID era?
Trust me, you'll get over it. You're missing the hype that comes with university partying. It's fun but most of the time not memorable at all. I remember some of the good nights I had but it's more of a memory than anything that brings me pure joy.

I think your goal should be to find a handful of good, lifelong friends, rather than a 'large circle' of 'friends' who are probably no more than glorified acquaintances.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Ramipril)
Trust me, you'll get over it. You're missing the hype that comes with university partying. It's fun but most of the time not memorable at all. I remember some of the good nights I had but it's more of a memory than anything that brings me pure joy.

I think your goal should be to find a handful of good, lifelong friends, rather than a 'large circle' of 'friends' who are probably no more than glorified acquaintances.
That is kind of a goal and all of the tastes I have had of the uni lifestyle I really enjoyed. The thing that will make it harder to get over if it never happens for me is the feeling I am in a minority of people who wanted this lifestyle but did not get it, I literally know no one who wanted this and didn't get it so I feel very alone, I dont want to be in that minority.

The other thing is I was banking a lot on it happening at uni... I am not going to go into details as this would go on for ages but to put it simply, what happened with noise restrictions in my flat was not the only time something out of mine or the group in question's control (such as splitting up classes in college) separated me from a group so I have missed out quite a lot even before uni, and these youth years I am really wanting to make the most of and I don't want to live a quiet youth, thats not my thing. And all the things that do exist post uni that I have found don't appeal to me as much.
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Ramipril
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(Original post by Anonymous)
That is kind of a goal and all of the tastes I have had of the uni lifestyle I really enjoyed. The thing that will make it harder to get over if it never happens for me is the feeling I am in a minority of people who wanted this lifestyle but did not get it, I literally know no one who wanted this and didn't get it so I feel very alone, I dont want to be in that minority.

The other thing is I was banking a lot on it happening at uni... I am not going to go into details as this would go on for ages but to put it simply, what happened with noise restrictions in my flat was not the only time something out of mine or the group in question's control (such as splitting up classes in college) separated me from a group so I have missed out quite a lot even before uni, and these youth years I am really wanting to make the most of and I don't want to live a quiet youth, thats not my thing. And all the things that do exist post uni that I have found don't appeal to me as much.
I'm afraid you just need to deal with it and try to enjoy things as they are. The fun you have in your 'youth' (you will still be young for a very long time) is determined by partying. Also, don't waste your life being melancholic over things which didn't happen. Otherwise in 30 years you'll look back on your life and be sad about wasting your time worrying over this instead of going after the opportunities you do actually have.

The uni lifestyle can be fun, but also very overrated and you're putting a worrying amount of emphasis on it and other things which never were. Trust me, you wouldn't remember much of it anyway.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Ramipril)
I'm afraid you just need to deal with it and try to enjoy things as they are. The fun you have in your 'youth' (you will still be young for a very long time) is determined by partying. Also, don't waste your life being melancholic over things which didn't happen. Otherwise in 30 years you'll look back on your life and be sad about wasting your time worrying over this instead of going after the opportunities you do actually have.

The uni lifestyle can be fun, but also very overrated and you're putting a worrying amount of emphasis on it and other things which never were. Trust me, you wouldn't remember much of it anyway.
The issue is I am struggling to see what else there is after uni other than quiet social which can't be all I have, and the opportunities I have at uni may diminish further with the latest governmental restrictions today, how am I supposed to make any lifelong friends online?
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Anonymous #1
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And part of the reason I am so desperate for this is the two taster months I had of this last year before it got brought to a halt the way it did by the noise restrictions I loved and naturally when you come so close but something happens you want it more, especially as the way it all ended after those two months I really did not like...
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Anonymous #1
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The other thing I forgot to say was yesterday I was starting to come to terms with the idea of the uni party life not happening but realising there is more to uni life than just that by joining societies and meeting new people, getting a group of lifelong friends that I could do stuff with after I leave uni and everything, but with today's government announcement how can I even do that? If all teaching goes online people are going to go home and that'll ruin things with my flatmates and my coursemates, and basically end my chances of meeting a group of people that can become lifelong friends...
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Ramipril
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The issue is I am struggling to see what else there is after uni other than quiet social which can't be all I have, and the opportunities I have at uni may diminish further with the latest governmental restrictions today, how am I supposed to make any lifelong friends online?
Ok what exactly is a 'quiet' social life for you? People still party after graduation, they still go clubbing, they still have fun. Many people don't because they grow out of it or have better things to do but it happens. Also, r.e. lifelong friends, who's to say you'll make any if times were normal? I had plenty of friends while I was at university but realistically only two of those people (i.e. the ones I still talk to) are going to be lifelong friends. I have a lifelong friend from school, and I have friends from my old job. The university party life is rarely the foundation for lifelong friendships.

I hate to tell you this but you need to stop living in fantasy land and mourning the life you supposedly missed out on and life in the real world and look forward to the future.
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Ramipril
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The other thing I forgot to say was yesterday I was starting to come to terms with the idea of the uni party life not happening but realising there is more to uni life than just that by joining societies and meeting new people, getting a group of lifelong friends that I could do stuff with after I leave uni and everything, but with today's government announcement how can I even do that? If all teaching goes online people are going to go home and that'll ruin things with my flatmates and my coursemates, and basically end my chances of meeting a group of people that can become lifelong friends...
It probably will be harder to make friends with everything online, but it isn't impossible. Presumably societies will still happen but they will happen via teams. There will be others who will want to make friends and will reach out, and you can reach out to others. Any friends you lose contact with now probably weren't close friends to begin with.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Ramipril)
Ok what exactly is a 'quiet' social life for you? People still party after graduation, they still go clubbing, they still have fun. Many people don't because they grow out of it or have better things to do but it happens. Also, r.e. lifelong friends, who's to say you'll make any if times were normal? I had plenty of friends while I was at university but realistically only two of those people (i.e. the ones I still talk to) are going to be lifelong friends. I have a lifelong friend from school, and I have friends from my old job. The university party life is rarely the foundation for lifelong friendships.

I hate to tell you this but you need to stop living in fantasy land and mourning the life you supposedly missed out on and life in the real world and look forward to the future.
As I said the issue is because of other circumstances I don't have many people at home from school or college due to other circumstances that have separated me from groups (such as classes being split up) so I'd be starting from square one in that sense, and if I have to rely on a job to meet new people, I feel like they will be more likely to have moved on from that... And it is hard not to feel hurt about it and feel jealous of literally everyone else I know considering I may be literally the only one in the uni to miss out, and considering I can't find anything that exists post uni other than quiet social life, unless you have an existing group at home which I don't have...
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Ramipril
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(Original post by Anonymous)
As I said the issue is because of other circumstances I don't have many people at home from school or college due to other circumstances that have separated me from groups (such as classes being split up) so I'd be starting from square one in that sense, and if I have to rely on a job to meet new people, I feel like they will be more likely to have moved on from that... And it is hard not to feel hurt about it and feel jealous of literally everyone else I know considering I may be literally the only one in the uni to miss out, and considering I can't find anything that exists post uni other than quiet social life, unless you have an existing group at home which I don't have...
Moved on from making friends? Most people will be open to making new friends and lifelong friendships tend to just happen regardless of the situation. Unless somebody is the kind of person who refuses to meet new people and be open to progression in the relationship, every person you meet in life will be a square one start. Some will be nothing more than a hello once and you'll never see them again, and others will becomes friends you'll have for life.

I'm pretty sure you won't have been the only student in a university of thousands of students to have missed out on the university lifestyle hype. You still haven't told me what a 'quiet social life' is.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Ramipril)
Moved on from making friends? Most people will be open to making new friends and lifelong friendships tend to just happen regardless of the situation. Unless somebody is the kind of person who refuses to meet new people and be open to progression in the relationship, every person you meet in life will be a square one start. Some will be nothing more than a hello once and you'll never see them again, and others will becomes friends you'll have for life.

I'm pretty sure you won't have been the only student in a university of thousands of students to have missed out on the university lifestyle hype. You still haven't told me what a 'quiet social life' is.
Quiet social life is spending most time at home and only meeting one or two people every now and then... And when I said that i did not mean moved on from making friends, i meant moved on from partying and clubbing.
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Ramipril
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Quiet social life is spending most time at home and only meeting one or two people every now and then... And when I said that i did not mean moved on from making friends, i meant moved on from partying and clubbing.
I mean most of them will probably have moved on from partying and clubbing every night of the week because they have have lives to lead and better things to do and you know, it can just be awkward the older you get. But that doesn't mean people won't be up for it if you suggest it. There will also be people who want to live like 18 year old students even though they should know better. Your social life is what you make of it. You can still join sports clubs or other groups which capture your interests. They usually have social events to go to. Also, assuming that you do intend to work you'll probably not be up for living that university party lifestyle for very long.
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(Original post by Ramipril)
I mean most of them will probably have moved on from partying and clubbing every night of the week because they have have lives to lead and better things to do and you know, it can just be awkward the older you get. But that doesn't mean people won't be up for it if you suggest it. There will also be people who want to live like 18 year old students even though they should know better. Your social life is what you make of it. You can still join sports clubs or other groups which capture your interests. They usually have social events to go to. Also, assuming that you do intend to work you'll probably not be up for living that university party lifestyle for very long.
I wasn't expecting to be partying and clubbing every night of the week, that doesn't even really happen at uni, i just mean regularly. what I was hoping for was to have a large group I can see pretty much every day thats still in this stage of their life, and cut down on the nights where I am at home alone etc... During those two months I had with my flatmates last year, I was part of a huge network of friends who i saw pretty much every day, and I want to go back to that.
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Ramipril
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I wasn't expecting to be partying and clubbing every night of the week, that doesn't even really happen at uni, i just mean regularly. what I was hoping for was to have a large group I can see pretty much every day thats still in this stage of their life, and cut down on the nights where I am at home alone etc... During those two months I had with my flatmates last year, I was part of a huge network of friends who i saw pretty much every day, and I want to go back to that.
Ok but you realise covid-19 is probably going to cause a problem with meeting up in person for at least the next few months? If you're no longer speaking to this huge network of friends then chances are at least one party isn't making and effort, or they were just friendships of convenience, and likely would have ended when you graduated anyway.

Again, your work, the things you do in your free time, there's no reason why you'll be at home alone every night, but people will have other things to do with their lives and seeing each other regularly and socialising by clubbing and partying, may not happen. This however doesn't mean that you aren't good friends with them. The best friends can be the ones you rarely see but when you do it's like you've never been apart.
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Joleee
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if you’re looking for a group of friends your age to drink with and club and stuff i highly recommend working even part time as a server in a bar or restaurant. you will find the most sociable people there (cuz you have to be; it’s your job) and most front of staff are aged 18-30 who work late shifts then do drinks after. personally spent many years doing this so can speak from experience.

another great way to meet people is through a young, hip church although they may be less into clubbing.

you’ve come up with some unrealistic romantic idea about social life at uni tho. you’re literally going to be the only one who missed out on partying? even if that were true in the grande scheme of things why does that even matter? it can’t pay your bills, give you love or purpose. it can’t even give you happiness for very long because it’s in the past and done with and over. i’m not trying to sound deep here but life is all about the present and not years ago.
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