Where do people get the motivation to go forward?

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Zappluger
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Seriously. Where. I'm doing Bio Chem Maths for Alevels, Year 13. I don't even like Science. I was always the smart kid, only because those grades made my father stop being abusive for a while. I'm autistic, so I've never been able to communicate with people.

What do people even do? What do people live for? I don't know. Apparently the randomness of life is one of its beauties, but its bought me nothing but pain. I have no motivations, no friends. It's excruciating going through breaks alone, knowing that no matter what, people will look at me with those dead fish eyes, and I don't know what to say - socialising, isn't that one of the big enjoyments of life? I can't access that. I don't like my subjects, and it is seriously affecting my ability to complete them.

We had diagnostic tests today. I've been told they are used to calculate predicted grades. I moved to this place in February, a week before lockdowns, due to financial reasons. I asked, rang, wrote to the school to try and get in, or at least get online lessons. They said I couldn't join until COVID was over, online or not. COVID still isn't over, but I'm here, and the tests are on stuff that the class was supposed to go over on the online lessons. Screw me, right?

I tried teaching myself, but Maths makes my head spin, and so I wasn't able to teach myself multiple chapters in the two weeks I was back. Ultimately they gave me a U. What am I supposed to do with that. Biology was fine, an A. Maths - U. ****.

What do I do? I've always been a more creative soul. Maybe I should wing it and try art. Goddamnit.

I don't even know what I want now. I've not felt any enjoyment in anything for years.
Last edited by Zappluger; 4 weeks ago
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JenisDestroyer
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(Original post by Zappluger)
Seriously. Where. I'm doing Bio Chem Maths for Alevels, Year 13. I don't even like Science. I was always the smart kid, only because those grades made my father stop being abusive for a while. I'm autistic, so I've never been able to communicate with people.

What do people even do? What do people live for? I don't know. Apparently the randomness of life is one of its beauties, but its bought me nothing but pain. I have no motivations, no friends. It's excruciating going through breaks alone, knowing that no matter what, people will look at me with those dead fish eyes, and I don't know what to say - socialising, isn't that one of the big enjoyments of life? I can't access that. I don't like my subjects, and it is seriously affecting my ability to complete them.

We had diagnostic tests today. I've been told they are used to calculate predicted grades. I moved to this place in February, a week before lockdowns, due to financial reasons. I asked, rang, wrote to the school to try and get in, or at least get online lessons. They said I couldn't join until COVID was over, online or not. COVID still isn't over, but I'm here, and the tests are on stuff that the class was supposed to go over on the online lessons. Screw me, right?

I tried teaching myself, but Maths makes my head spin, and so I wasn't able to teach myself multiple chapters in the two weeks I was back. Ultimately they gave me a U. What am I supposed to do with that. Biology was fine, an A. Maths - U. ****.

What do I do? I've always been a more creative soul. Maybe I should wing it and try art. Goddamnit.

I don't even know what I want now. I've not felt any enjoyment in anything for years.
Take passion in what you want. Money isn't everything even if what you want to do usually does not make lots of money still do it. I'm not saying if you only have 1 or 2 years left just stop im saying if you have any extra time and everything is such a breeze for you try and do the things you want in your free time post your art to a community on reddit in your free time. who knows you could find a job as an animator. all im saying is do what you want and not what you dread every day. (edit) If you get low on money don't take a loan unless you have to or you are 99% certain that you can pay it back
Last edited by JenisDestroyer; 4 weeks ago
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Ki Yung Na
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Be level headed. Right now you have things you need to solve. Figure out how to solve them to meet your needs.
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JenisDestroyer
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(Original post by JenisDestroyer)
Take passion in what you want. Money isn't everything even if what you want to do usually does not make lots of money still do it. I'm not saying if you only have 1 or 2 years left just stop im saying if you have any extra time and everything is such a breeze for you try and do the things you want in your free time post your art to a community on reddit in your free time. who knows you could find a job as an animator. all im saying is do what you want and not what you dread every day. (edit) If you get low on money don't take a loan unless you have to or you are 99% certain that you can pay it back
And if life is giving you problems them try and contact a psychologist.
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indialily
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Lockdown has been tough for everyone, especially when it comes to motivation and productivity. Give this a read: https://www.indialilyblogs.com/post/...on-and-routine
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